Brandon didn't call.

Disappointed, I didn't know whether I would even go to Birmingham. He had let me down, so why would I make the effort to go and meet him?

And Sadie couldn't come, so I felt like it was the universe trying to stop me from being anywhere near Brandon. Yet, I still felt like I needed to be. In the end, another friend came with me. She drove, excited to be a part of my Brandon Buchanan adventure.

When we had arrived at the NEC, we parked beside two tour buses that I had recognised from Brighton. We couldn't see in the windows, but I knew that people could see out, so maybe, someone would recognise me.

For almost an hour, we sang songs in my friends car. We ate crisps, then had carried on singing some more, until eventually, one of the tour bus doors had opened. "You girls having fun in there?" A friendly guy asked us, smiling as he did. "Who are you waiting around for?"

Getting out of the car, I decided to be a little nosey. "Do you know Brandon, Beau's brother?"

The British bloke nodded. "Sure! Is that who you're supposed to be meeting?"

Halfheartedly, I admitted to how unsure I actually was. "Well, he was supposed to have called me from Germany, but didn't. And he wanted me to come here, but now I'm not so sure?"

I think the guy who I had poured my pathetic little heart out to, took an instant pity on me. "Why don't you girls come on the bus? We have music, drinks, and air conditioning?"

It was a hot day, so the air conditioning was a definite lure. When my friend Sian had eagerly smiled her keen approval to me, I gladly accepted. "Okay, that would be great."

And it was great.

Really great fun.

On the tour bus, we danced with some of the crew and the drivers. We drank black label vodka that had been mixed with cans of orange Tango, in flimsy and cheap plastic cups. Gosh, it was fun. Fun, until the vodka went straight to my head. I had been fine, until the tour bus door had opened because someone else had decided to come on—that is when the fresh air had hit me like a shovel to my face.

I never could handle drink, and never will.

On that tour bus, I wasn't just drunk....I was ridiculously drunk.

So drunk, I couldn't stand properly.

"Maybe you should take her for a walk around? Try to sober her up? Or Brandon is gonna kill us." One of the crew had worriedly said to Sian.

With some help, Sian walked me around for quite a while. I was a mess. A drunken mess. The tour bus drivers kept coming over to check on me. "She needs some food in her. We will pick you both up in a couple of hours, as we're all going out for a curry." One had so thoughtfully said.

The very idea of eating, just made me vomit more than I already had. I really was a wreck, and the crew wanted to take me out for a curry—I honestly needed more than a couple of hours to sober up.

My sensible friend, decided to take me around the back of the hotel, so we could sneak in and freshen up once inside. By this point, I could at least walk straight, but not without Sian closely by my side, and not without wearing sunglasses due to my pounding headache.

Once inside the rather posh toilets, we realised we had been followed by three girls. "Do you work with the band? Are you stylists? Are you their hairdressers?" They had flung their excited questions at us.

Sian was the one who had to do most of the talking, because I just really couldn't. "God no! My friend here is seeing Brandon Buchanan. She's meeting him here later on." She so confidently had told them, which wasn't entirely true.

I had not yet seen Brandon, and didn't know whether I actually ever would. All that I did need to do...was to properly sober up.

The excited trio of girls, were Brum girls. Actually—two were from Birmingham and the other was from Nuneaton. Okay, they had only followed us into the loos because they thought that we were somehow connected to the band, but they were actually a really nice group of girls. They lent me some of their toiletries and make-up, so that I didn't look like a junkie when I would eventually go for something to eat with the crew. The toothpaste, was something that I was particularly very grateful for. They were so very sweet, so kind; that we all swapped numbers, in the hope that we could all meet up in London when the band would be performing there.

As sober as I possibly could be, the crew eventually came and picked myself and Sian up in the large cab that they were all in. During the drive to the curry house, all I had to focus on; was not chucking up in the cab.

Once we were there, I honestly couldn't eat a single thing. With my sunglasses on, all I could stomach was iced lemonade. I was sporting the hangover from the deepest and darkest depths of hell. To this day, I couldn't really tell you what conversations were had. I just know that they took place, that a lot of curry had been eaten by everyone else, and that I had felt like I wouldn't make it to my eighteenth birthday.

By the time we got back to the hotel, it was late. It was late, but there was a buzzing atmosphere, because the band had not long finished their show, and hoards of wild fans were gathering outside so they could capture a quick glimpse of their American idols.

I hadn't been sat in the bar for very long, when Brandon had come strolling in. When he saw that I was with some crew members and the tour bus drivers, his face said it all—he wasn't impressed.

And although my head had felt like it was about to explode, I wasn't impressed with him either. He hadn't called from Germany, so yeah, I wasn't altogether happy with him either. "Hey." He quietly had said, trying to invade my personal space with his possessive presence. "What's in there?" He warily eyed the drink in front of me.

"Orange juice." Was my abrupt reply to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, it's been a crazy time." Was his excuse, a very weak one at that.

"Don't worry about it, I wasn't." Came my seething reply. Already, the numbness in my soul, knew to try and numb Brandon from my offended heart.

Taking my hands into his, Brandon was looking at all of the crew members who were also looking at him. "Why are you with them?" There was an hushed possessiveness to his voice, one that I oddly liked.

With my chin held high, my eyes looked confidently right into his. "Because I wasn't with you."

That's when I heard screams and squeals of crazy delight, all coming from the outside of the hotel. Some of the frenzied fans, were even banging on the large windows. Their idols, had finally entered the bar. They looked tired, yet satisfied with themselves.

When Beau Buchanan had spotted me, his smile was one that was wide and genuine. As he seated himself into a quiet corner of the bar, he was watching me and his brother the whole time. Even when Brandon was trying to win me over again, Beau had quietly watched the entire thing.

"Listen, let me go and get my room ready, then I'll come and get you so we can spend some time together...without everyone watching us." Brandon wasn't just referring to his brother, he was also referring to the crew, the tour bus drivers and the loud fans outside.

Unsure, my reply had been small and so quiet. "I don't know, Brandon?"

Gently, he rubbed the front of my jeans, using all of his Buchanan charm that he could muster at such a late hour. "I just want to have some time alone with you, Mary Rose. Nothing needs to happen that you don't want to happen." He was being sweet. Being affectionate. The numbness was evaporating. And without my numbness, I was left so utterly vulnerable.

"Okay." Hesitatingly had slipped out of my mouth.

Kissing my cheek and my neck, Brandon stood from the stool he had been sat on. "I'll be back to get you soon, okay?" Then he left me with one of his smiles, before having a quick word with his brother.

Once I was all alone, Beau motioned for me to come over. He looked so sternly serious as I had nervously approached him. "Come here?" He said, motioning more with his one hand. I had leaned in close, so close, that I know I had breathed in the smell of his freshly showered neck. "Closer?" His voice had deeply and quietly then asked of me. I leaned in so close, I honestly couldn't have gotten any more closer without actually sitting on his face. "Um, I want to talk to you about something, okay?"

"Okay." I said, still so very close to him.

Beau was hesitant. Quiet and hesitant. "Uh, look, if you don't want to go up to the hotel room with Brandon, you don't have to, okay?"

Embarrassed. Maybe ashamed, too? My own voice became just as quiet and hesitant. "Uh...okay." Was all I could feebly reply with. The truth was, I didn't know what I was doing. I had crushed over Beau Buchanan for so long, yet I was being charmed by his brother....it was overwhelmingly so surreal. It was like someone had literally just plonked me into the middle of one of my very wonderful dreams. The insecure girl who was always never far from my reality, just didn't know what to do with herself.

Then Beau Buchanan did something so sweet, so sweet yet heart-flutteringly so intense, that I remember my knees nearly gave way on me. "You're a lovely girl, Mary Rose. I like you. Just remember what I said, okay?" Then he slowly placed a kiss on my cheek, and he wasn't in no hurry to remove his lips from that cheek of mine. But once he did, he got up and just left the bar. He left me. Left me to wonder what the hell had just passed between us.

While Sian was having fun chatting to another one of the band members, I had sat alone at the bar, just trying to piece together all of my many scrambled thoughts. "He likes you." A knowing voice soon came from the side of me. It was one of Beau Buchanan's friends, who often accompanied him everywhere. I had briefly met him in Brighton. "Beau is a nice guy, Brandon isn't."

I know I had shot a surprised look his way. "What are you saying?" I had asked, almost disbelieving the conversation that I seemed to have now found myself to be involved in.

"Beau likes you. He's the famous one, and yet he's the good guy. Brandon, just acts as though he is the famous one, and isn't very nice with it." That was when our eyes fully engaged. "You're a sweet girl. Just don't do anything you'll regret with Brandon, okay?"

Confused.

Mind-blowingly confused.

I didn't know how to make sense of the situation that I was in.

I was being told that Beau liked me. He himself, had told me that. But if I chosen to pursue anything with him, that would have made it look like I had only gotten close with Brandon, in order to pursue his very famous brother. I would have looked like a cheap and shameless groupie. And that deeply bothered me. "I can't do that to Brandon." Was my nervy confession.

With a warm smile, Beau's friend placed his hand on my arm. "Just don't go with Brandon." Then he left me with those words. Those departing words, had a subtle warning woven within them all.

As he was walking out of the bar, Brandon was so confidently walking back in.

"You ready?" He had asked, looking freshly showered and charismatic.

"I'm ready."

But I wasn't.

God, I really wasn't.

With every step that I made beside Brandon, the more I became less ready. In the lift, I wasn't ready. In the corridor, I wasn't ready. Stood just outside of Brandon's hotel room, I wasn't ready.

"Do you want anything to drink?" He had asked me, just wanting me to relax in the darkened room that was only lit up from the lights outside that were illuminating the hotel gardens.

"I'm okay, thanks." Came my scared reply.

I was scared.

I was scared of what was just about to possibly happen.

"Come and stand with me?" Brandon held out his hand, and wanted me to take hold of it. When I nervously did, he gently pulled me in front of him, sweeping his arms around my stomach, then swayed both of our bodies. "Just relax, Mary Rose." Together, we stared out of the large patio windows that had cream net curtains dancing softly in the wind that was being blown in from the balcony. Right then, it felt romantic...nicely romantic. "I'm glad you're here." Brandon had whispered against my skin, before beginning to kiss my neck in the most sensuous of ways.

I was relaxing, beginning to enjoy the heated intimacy between myself and Brandon...then the hotel phone started ringing. "Sorry, I'd better get that." With the receiver held to his ear, Brandon began talking to someone. At first, he seemed happy to be speaking to whoever was on the phone, then he quickly became exasperated. All of Brandon's answers were simple yes's or no's. At times, his eyes would flick to mine, and he would weakly then offer up a smile to me. Eventually, he hung up. "Sorry, it was my brother."

Knowing that Beau had just called, undid all of my relaxation. I was right back to feeling tense and full to the brim with doubt. "Maybe we should go back downstairs?" Was what I soon suggested.

Reaching for me, Brandon kept his voice sexily low and his movements assuringly slow. "I'd rather be here, with you." Again, he began to kiss me, lulling me into wanting to stay with him....then, the phone rang again.

Annoyed, Brandon sighed loudly as he picked up the receiver. "What now?" Was his snippy answer. "No, I can't...no...why don't you go to someone else's room?"

It became obvious, that he and his brother were arguing over the room. An unease, quickly blanketed me. "Maybe I should just go?"

"No! Wait, Mary Rose!" Without care, Brandon had hung up on Beau. "It's sorted. Please stay?" Even when he held me tightly, I felt so confused. That confusion wasn't helped, by a further three phone calls that were all from the bemused Beau.

Brandon was angry, I could tell.

But I sensed that Beau was just as angry, too.

For reasons, that I guess I shall never know.

I just know that he tried to stop what was happening. He wanted me out of that room. "I think I should go and find Sian?" I eventually told Brandon.

Holding my chin on his fingertips, he just smiled. "She's okay. She's with the boys." He smiled again, before kissing me with such tender desire. "Just relax, Mary Rose." His hands ran themselves up and down my confused body. I was scared, yet felt aroused at the same time. Part of me wanted to completely lose myself to Brandon, while the other part just wanted to run. My desire and my thoughts, were having one hell of an almighty war.

From out of his pocket, he pulled out a condom. It was a brand that I wasn't familiar with, but then, being as I was a virgin, I wasn't familiar with any brands. "I haven't done this before, Brandon...so you need to find another sort of condom."

Stroking my cheek, Brandon's voice was thrumming with an excited softness. "You're a virgin?"

Shy. Embarrassed. Yet honest. I slowly had nodded to his gently asked question. "Yes, which is why I need to be comfortable about this...starting with a British condom."

In mature hindsight, it was an completely and utterly ridiculous request, but you know what? Brandon did exactly as I had asked...he went to search for another brand of condom.

It would have been almost laughable, if I hadn't have been so afraid at the time. While Brandon was out of the hotel room, on the hunt for another condom, the almighty war raged on within me.

I had gone into the bathroom, and stared at my afraid reflection, wondering whether I really could go through with this?

Did Brandon deserve my virginity?

Should he be the one to have it?

I had asked that of my reflection, and she gave me my answer. With my heart thumping in my chest and the thumps echoing around in my ears, I had rushed from out of the bathroom, rushed to the hotel door, intending to have been gone by the time that Brandon got back.

Yet life is all about timing.

We all can be too slow...or too late.

I, was too late.

"Where are you going?" Brandon had asked, all out of breath and flustered.

"I can't do this. I'm not ready. I'm scared. We probably won't even see each other again after tonight." My afraid excuses, poured from out of my throat. "I'm sorry, I need to go."

All the time that I had been losing my composure, Brandon had been gathering all of his. "I know you're scared, I know you are, Mary Rose. Your first time is a big thing. It should be special." He began getting closer, closer and closer with his calm and smooth American words. "This won't be the last time we see one another, I want you to meet me in London?" His fingers had already began to work their relaxing magic; caressing my face and neck. "You, are special, Mary Rose. Let me make tonight special for you. I promise I won't hurt you."

And Brandon Buchanan, didn't hurt me that night.

We eventually had careful but very quick sex.

I was no longer a virgin.

I vividly still remember how that had left me feeling...empty.

I don't really know what I had expected, but it really hadn't been that. As soon as Brandon had rolled himself from off of my body, I know that the voice inside of my head had said, was that it?

The lead up to actually having sex, was far more enjoyable than having penetrative sex with Brandon. To be crudely honest, I'd had much more fun when I had played with myself.

So yeah, losing my virginity was truly an anticlimax for me.

And yet, I still wanted more of Brandon.

His words before I had given my virginity to him, were what kept me wanting more.....

.....a more that he couldn't ever give.