Chapter 27

Harry's POV

I told myself to stop, but I lost track of time...soon one cut became two, then two became three...

I wish Louis was here, well I know he is here, but I wish he was with me...ugh I just can't get over him, a day doesn't go by without me thinking of him, the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs, his smile, his adorable smirk, he's just...perfect.

I sucked in my breath as I brought the blade to my skin for like the twentieth time, actually I'm not sure, I lost count. I sighed and picked up my phone, 2:30 are you kidding me?! How is it that time goes by so quickly? I mean, I thought it was only a few minutes...I guess I was wrong.

I had taken my sweatshirt off, and my jeans (don't ask why) so I was sitting there in my boxers, I ran my fingers over my leg, one of the only places my skin was still perfect. I hadn't ever cut my hips/thighs before, but who's stopping me? I can do whatever I want it's my body, I can make my own decisions.

I held the blade in my hand, I practically had to force myself to drag it across my skin, I wanted at least some part of me not to be covered in scars or cuts, but yet it was so tempting I couldn't help it. I scraped the blade along my thigh again, watching the blood come out in a perfect little line of dots, then, slowly sliding down my leg, I did it a third time, I liked watching the blood (I know that's just weird) and second of all, I really do enjoy the pain, it's the only time I feel something.

I've been sitting here, emotionless for who knows how long, just me and my blade, the only "friend" I can count on to make me feel better about myself, which is weird because I'm basically destroying my body, but I feel oddly insecure without cuts on my arms....I know I'm messed up.

I decided just to sleep on the bathroom floor, I'd clean everything up in the morning, my eyelids were begging to close, and I couldn't keep them open much longer. I set my blade on the floor next to me and then folded my hands together and laid my head on top of them, I yawned and closed my eyes. I hummed to myself a bit, hoping it would help me sleep, when I was on the XFactor, Louis would sing me to sleep sometimes, I loved it...we'd lay in bed and he'd hold me close while singing sweetly in my ear. It's a shame those days are gone... I just wish he still loved me...come to think of it, maybe just maybe, he never loved me at all..

I let out a cry, before looking at arm, I'm such idiot. I never pay attention to what I'm doing, I get lost deep in thought, why am I so stupid? I'd cut deeper again, not intending to, I just wasn't paying attention...I sighed as I reached over and unraveled some toilet paper, I grabbed it and then gently pressed it over the cut. I picked up my phone and turned it on, the time was 2:15 so at least I know what time it is.

"Harry?"

I shot up and glanced around, "w-what?" I answered, swallowing hard and clutching my blade in my hand. I didn't know anyone else was awake...I'll just...pretend I'm not in here...? I don't know if that'll work. No wait, I just talked to them, ahh I'm so stupid.

"Harry...it's Louis" he was now outside the bathroom door knocking on it.

"L-Lou?....but y-you were sleeping" I bit my lip, if he sees me doing this again, what will happen? I don't want to see a psychiatrist, everyone will find out... Yeah they kinda already know, but I haven't confirmed the rumors yet so, maybe, hopefully, no one really thinks I'm cutting myself..

"Harry you can't fool me, I know you're in there" Louis knocked on the door again, he twisted the knob and it opened.....I THOUGHT I LOCKED IT...

"Hey hazz, I'm sorry I wasnt-" he stopped in his tracks and just stared at me. "H-Harry...how could you..you promised.." He walked over and knelt beside me, "let me see" he said, taking my arm and removing the toilet paper. "Oh...ugh...Harry why?!" He dropped my arm, looking slightly annoyed. Now he's upset with me..why do I always mess up?! I hate myself for this...

"I-I....they..." I stuttered, I grabbed my phone and handed it Louis, he snatched it up and turned it on.

"read the messages" I sniffed, why people hate me so much..I'll never know...

Louis's face hardened as he slammed the phone down.

"See?! I told you they'd make fun of me!" I sobbed, I brought my knees up to my chest and laid my head down on them. I knew it..I just it...they hated me already and now it's worse than ever...

Louis scooted closer, he look out his phone and mumbled "give me your arm" I did as I was told, only because his voice frightened me at the moment. He grabbed my arm, causing me to flinch a little, "sorry" he grumbled. He switched his phone on and snapped a picture. "What are you doing?" I whispered, peeking over his shoulder as he turned his back on me. He didn't answer and logged into his Twitter account. What the heck is he doing? He then went into his photos and clicked on the picture of my arm and wrote "Look what you guys did, do you think this funny?! Damn you, I hope you're all ashamed of yourselves you make me sick."

"Louis..please no..don't-"

And he ignored me, as always. He hit "post" so now that picture is out...everyone will know I selfharm...