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What the fuck is my life right now?

No, seriously.

Mr Sin just walks in right in the middle of my indignant spit match speech--

It's his office, I can't really be mad but before me is Vivid and his people and this is honestly a part of my life that I definitely don't want to parade infront of him.

Not only am I a big advocate for not bringing personal issues to the work place, it's unprofessional and sloppy but... this is Mr fucking Sin. As in..you know.

Besides, I've made it a point that the only people that know my current work address are Mam'Noni for obvious reasons and she'd never in a million years give these people any information about me, the other people are from Nebula's daycare and for them its illegal.

So turns out despite my best efforts, what Vivid did was somehow get directions to my new job through Nandi who got them from Rea because Zayn -- yeah, I checked. How the Vivid got in contact with Nandi in the first place is beyond me but that's a question for another day.

Today the devil is testing me yet again.

And my brain checked out at the mere sight of him, making the already tense atmosphere even chillier. Never have ever I thought that these two worlds would collide.

Not only is office right in the middle of the raging storm outside but wide windows exposed to the direct source of fucking lightning and thunder.

I've been on edge all morning.

Tensed up when they walked looking like they are a bag of sour dicks, obviously expecting to find me at dome club or an equally gritty place-- Jozi has no shortage of such and I saw their faces drop when Megan walked them in and offered them refreshments.

They don't need to know that the office is not mine, they just need to know that the Lord will keep elevating me way past whatever bullshit they lay on my path.

I can't even focus on them with Mr Sin all tall and magnificent by the door, "Mr Sin--"

"Ms Olifant..." He is obviously frowning and keeping direct eye contact with me.

Everything pales in comparison when he's around-- for a second I forget that I'm sitting in front of my baby's father and his family. I've forgotten the lightning and thunder I went to great lengths to to turn back and not see at all--

I've forgotten what I was even talking about before he walked in.

He's still tall by the door, back to his black suit and white shirt-- simple and classic on him.

"Do you mind giving us a minute?" I don't want him walking in here asking questions I don't want to answer.

But I'm also asking him to leave his space of which I'm merely a guest without the courtesy of an explanation.

He glances at Vivid's family then back at me and I'm almost scared that he wouldn't leave, that he'd remind me of my place in front of these people who loathe me and have them leave here satisfied with the reality that I'm still a slumbitch grasping at straws to keep afloat.

But he doesn't.

He just nods, excuses himself, and closes the door on his way out.

Now I know him well enough to know that that's not the end of it but I have far bigger fish to fry right now.

"Who was that?" Vivid's mom breaks my trance.

"Mr Sin," I respond dryly.

"What kind of a name is that?" Tshego decides to ask.

"One you don't need to worry about," I can't make it any clearer that I can't stand them and I don't like that they even laid eyes on Mr Sin.

I don't know why but this office and Mr Sin have somehow become so sacred to me that I don't even want to share them with my friends...and these assholes being here somehow seems to dirty that.

"So you work for a white man?" Tsholo sneers a little, she's the one who looks just like her mother and the two of them in this very big room is still not enough space between us.

"At least I work, do you really wanna go there?" She's the last person to speak

She scowls now, "I'm saying if you're going to work for a man, at least work for a black man."

I just shrug and shake my head., "Money is money, ask your sister..."

Masego seethes at that. So much so that I almost think she'll just out of the couch to choke the shit out of me.

"Of course you would--"

I turn to Vivid, "I actually have a lot of work to do," And that's not a lie, "I think I have made it clear that there's no way my child is going back to live with you especially after your mother said she wishes she had never been born..."

And that I say right in front of her face.

Lebone looks like he's the one about explode but he doesn't even turn to acknowledge his mother as his face turns red. Turns out he finally grew a pair.

He takes an audible breath and looks at me, "I told you I'm not here to fight, I'm only here to work things out and settle this fight between the four of you for the sake of our daughter."

The nerve.

"And this had to happen at my work place, why again?" It's a valid question.

He sighs impatiently, "Because we can never get you at home--"

"Because after I leave work, I have more things to do at home," I can't be wasting time with their bullshit.

"And you told us to stop pitching up at your house," He goes on.

"Perfectly reasonable, I don't want my mother bothered with all this anymore," I'm not wrong, "Why this nonsense all of a sudden? You've always taken their sides over ours, I don't understand..."

Lebone presses the narrow space between his bushy eyebrows, "Because in a couple of months the uncles are coming down for the ceremonies that we all agreed to--"

"I'm not changing her surname--" I feel like it needs to said again.

"That was never a priority for me despite what you might have been led to believe," He side eyes Mam'Pinky.

Finally willing to go against his mother? Am I the only one wondering what the fuck happened? Because it's not even like Mam'Pinky to sit here and keep her mouth shut like she is right now.

"Everything is already in place for the ceremonies Imani, everything's been set and paid for, and you know it can only be in the best interest of Nebula to see this through."

He is calm, he is sensible and he's definitely got me there.

Me going on with this was just a charade to give myself time to get a proper job to begin with and get Nebula away from them before they changed her name and caused more damage than I could ever afford to undo-- I know Mam'Pinky wants me out of their lives and wants to take Nebula away from me, she's more than made that clear. Vivid was with me on this, until recently... but now he's switching back? Why?

Not that it matters because he's right about one thing, sometimes depending on the culture and depending on the family it does a lot of harm to not have such ceremonies for the children -- they grow up weak, sickly, sometimes with mental problems or just plain problems, some even die.

I already agreed to this with this elders, half to buy me time to get the fuck away from them with my child and half because as an African mother I completely understand the importance of these ceremonies.

The question here is would that happen to mine if I don't let them do this? There are chances of Nebula growing up fine and healthy but is that a chance I'm willing to take with her life?

Another problem-- once I let them do those, she has to be present for every other ritual and ceremony that involves them, she's going to have to see them at least twice a year to live a functioning life.

It's a big gamble either way.

My plan was to never see them again, except Vivid. My immediate plan has been to get away and give Nebula a better life, and Vivid always knew that.

These whole rituals and ceremonies shit was just his mom's schemes and agenda to fuck with me, and it has spiralled up to here and the gravity of the situation is more than either of us can bear.

I had a fucking plan man.

I take a deep breath and settle back in the couch-- the single with the back to the windows because.. you know...

I have them sitting in the lounge area because my table is overflowing with papers, and there was nowhere for Megan to put the refreshments that she so graciously offered to get for them.

I sigh and say, "Has the date already been set?"

"We're still waiting for them to give us the date but probably in the next couple of months," He responds.

Another deep breath.

Two months to make my choice. I don't owe them shit, I don't care what's been prepared and paid for, this is only about what's best for my child.

Two months. Will I still be in that shack? In that slum?

I nod now and relax my shoulders, "Very well, I'll wait to hear from you."

That should conclude this little meeting right?

"You really mean that?" He knows me too well to not be skeptical.

I nod again.

"One more thing," One of his dumb ugly sisters speaks again, "You didn't answer whether Lebone can see his child again or not..."

And that's what I was ranting about. That's what pissed me off before Mr Sin walked in and I immediately lost my train of thought.

I feel my blood boil once again and I promised myself to not make a scene, to not raise my voice and give them any course to raise theirs as they're prone to do.

But the fact that they can sit here and ask me to let Lebone see his child, after everything he's done and that's happened and that he hasn't even apologized for is enough to bug.

"You were serious? After what he did?" I'm confused because they must have lost heir minds.

I turn my full glare on him, "Oh he's gotten plenty of second chances, more than his fair share trust me," I feel myself getting angry all over again, "I never intended on raising a fatherless child, as someone who grew up without a one. I know how it feels but I know the damage that dumb ass men inflict on their little girls and Lebone has more than proved to be a dumb ass man."

"Lebone loves that little girl," Tshego defends her little brother,"He would die for her, you never lived with them so you have no idea what kind of a father he is."

"That may be so but I know a genuinely good man, a father at that would never take the conscious decision to put their child in danger just to appease some people."

I have forgiven a lot when it comes to Vivid, all out of fear of raising a fatherless child--

The story my mom told about Nebula's birth? How he was busy with his own mother's friend while I was breaking my body in half to get his baby out? All true.

And it's not like he didn't know she was being born, he knew. He was informed. He just chose not to be there. He chose that old flappy pussy over the birth of his first child.

I forgave that.

The 3 day post birth check up at the clinic? It was so cold and rainy, ice was basically falling from the sky and I had to bundle a newborn up in some blankets and walk all the way across the tracks to catch a taxi to the clinic. By myself. Mam'Pinky, this Mam'Pinky in front of me passed me in her brand new car while I was standing in the middle of the road with nothing for cover but a flimsy umbrella to at least stop the rain from getting on the baby.

And where was he? Where was the Lebone who would die for her little girl? Once again warm and safe between some geriatric thighs.

And I forgave that and I have forgiven so much more and so much worse. None of which I'm going to tell them because I don't trust my emotions to not get the better of me, I can't have that in front of them and I certainly can't have that at my place of work.

I keep a steady eye on the him, and watch his face fall flat--- he knows exactly where my thoughts are, he knows exactly what he's done, his sins are eating him up now.

And I'm not mad ghat he was with other people, we never dating, we were never together, we were just fiends but I am mad that he kept on constantly putting those other people before his own child including his dumbass mother.

He really disappointed me.

I shift my gaze to my entwined fingers on my lap-- another tough decision is on my shoulders and this one is imminent.

For all his faults, he did eventually do right by her. He dropped everything to take care of her full time and made her a priority in his life. I know that for fact. He has turned into a great dad if we ignore that last he did...

But I can't ignore it even though this is not about me.

I look back up at him and this time he's staring at the floor, he must really be worried.

"You can see her--"

His wide, shocked eyes snap back to me.

I know I'm shocked too.

"You can pick her up from daycare and I'll pick her up from your house," The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, I can't believe I'm being this dumb to put my child and trust in this guy once again.

He smiles a little, a smile that reminds me of the tough little mischievous boy I grew up with and once loved so much.

I lean forward to hold his eye contact once again, "But if I show up even once and I have to fight by the gate to get her, that is it. You won't even catch a glimpse of her at her daycare's gate, and look where I am now in case you don't think I can make that happen."

He needs to understand that he dud nothing to deserve this kindness from me and this is solely because I think his continued presence in our daughter's, life is a good thing and not a necessary one.

Meaning I know the pain of growing up without a father but I still grew up, I have my head on right and I'm living my life without him. I didn't die just because he wasn't there and neither would Nebula without Lebone.

I stand up as an indication that I'm done with the discussion just in case they think of going on rehashing the same shit over and over again.

But of course someone always has to have the last word--

Mam'Pinky sneers with pure disdain, "I see you now. Up in this place, that's what's been making you feel so powerful lately neh? Having you forget the filth you come from?"

I actually really laugh. It's dry and humourless. And it's aimed at a very small woman's attempt at an upper hand.

And she carries on, "Being in this fancy office high up in the sky has made you forget all about who was there for you when you hit rock bottom? Who had your back? Who helped you when you had nothing and no one?"

I lean with one hand on the couch and one of my waist, "Not really no, but standing up here and looking down at four of you I'm reminded of what a superwoman I must be..."

She looks me up and down.

"See, you had my mother under your heel in the guise of friendship. Making her clean your messes and giving her scrapes when you knew she had no other options. Because it made you feel better about yourself, I mean at least you weren't her right? You were better than her," I unleash, fuck it, "You had a good man, a good house and an education, much much better than Mam'Ntombi. And of course a person like you can only appreciate what you have when you're surrounded by other people who don't have--"

"Don't talk to my mother--"

"Awume wena," I immediately cut Tsholo off with scowl, "Unless you want me to tell her the full extent of your own shit, since she wants all of you to be better than me so bad..."

She shuts it.

Back to Mam'Pinky, "I knew you were happy when my dad left and my mother got sick, I didn't miss the little comments and remarks you made," I'm not dumb, I was just young and desperate, "I know you tried to do to me what you did to her, make me clean up after you and your kids, and do things I'd never do under the guise of looking out for me. I know. I know exactly who you are, that's why nothing you do ever fazed me--"

Except that social workers and lawyers thing, that actually had me worried but I'd never show her that.

"That's why I never fought you back and here you are once again, cleaning up a mess you made all on your own. People like you never win, and you for sure will never beat. And I know you think you beat my mother but that woman sick, in her zinc shack and no husband moreboeace that you'll ever have and that's where she wins..."

I have lost all respect for this woman.

I'm not done with her, "Now look at you and your dumb kids following me around this city when I really and truly want nothing to do with the lot of you. I mean, you do realize every interaction with you lately is the one you initiated right and I'm staying the hell away from you lot? And you're hurting your child, your precious son to what end makhulu? This is clearly not protect him like you claim. I mean..." I sigh and straighten up, "They really need to get you into therapy, clearly there's something going on in your head that only a trained professional can deal with."

This woman is draining.

I sigh again to breathe life back into my body, "Anyway, I think we're done here. Done for good. I'm never going to discuss this ever again. Lebone..." I look at Vivid, "Never again."

He nods.

"Me, these people and a bridge ain't gon never motherfucking happen," I hope he gets that now, that I'm not the one starting these fights with them but I will be the one to finish them.

Fuck I look like letting people spit on me and doing nothing about it. I don't care what they or anyone else thinks about me but keep that shit to yourself or I will fight. That he knows. And now so does she.... thinking I'd roll over and play dead. I'm an Olifant, we don't roll over.

"I get it," Vivid says standing from the couch, "And I don't care anymore really, you're all adults."

Someone grew a pair.

Look at him turning into the man I always knew he could be if he hadn't been his mother's skirts all this time.

I lead them to the door which I open graciously for them, "And the next time you show up at my place of work, I'm having security throw you out on the spot. Got it?"

Vivid nods. The rest ignore me.

I let them all exit and stop just her by the door, I'm not even surprised by the hatred swimming in their dark brown eyes.

Kinda hurts them that I look delectable too-- it's Friday so I'm in a lilac bandage dress with some matching cute heels that have thin bows around the ankles looking all chic and perfect. Wasn't gonna let the weather stop me from stunting today.

I stop Vivid by the door and we are eeslly close, close enough for me to whisper in his ear, "If you ever let your mother dictate what happens with our child again, I'd really know that you're a fool and we both know that you're smarter than that. Please start acting like it."

"I fucked up, but never again," He whispers back, "Trust me."

"Prove it," I let him go with that and shut the door behind him but not before catching a peak at Mr Sin who's busy with the assistants probably annoyed as fuck that I took so long.

If only he knew how exhausting these people were and how taxing having to deal with them is, and how much I fucking that we have DNA in common.

I walk back into the office and expect the door to open behind me any second now with him ready to bombard me with questions.

It doesn't.

I stop and wait a couple more seconds...

Nothing.