I'm fucking sorry I've literally lost all motivation to do anything but this gives me something to do I guess. Also! I got a new phone which is g r e a t and yeah here's part 4

I was slightly confused and slightly worried as he said that as I haven't even been here for 2 hours and I've already gotten into trouble.

"so, I saw your bag and was about to bring it to you, so I picked it up and, well" he looked worried. "These fell out"

No, oh god no.

"I-I can explain-"

"your fourteen. Kai, you shouldn't be smoking.", "and look I know I'm a hypocrite for telling you off, but I don't want you to do the same things I did when I was younger"

He looked generally upset, as if id lied to him personally.

"I'm sorry, it's just, I didn't know how else to cope with things, and when I started, I didn't exactly want to live."

"I'm sorry you felt that way, I went through something similar too, but when did this start?"

Did I tell him the truth? Of course, I had to, he decided to adopt me and be a part of my life.

"since I was eleven. My eleventh birthday to be exact. Some of the older kids were talking about how it was relaxing, and they offered me one, so I took it." I didn't know what else to say. "I just wanted to see if what they were saying was true."

+*+*+*+*

FRANKS POV

I just didn't want her going down that road. After our talk about the long-term effects she went back to her room. She's been in there for about half an hour so I decide to go up and see how she's doing.

I knocked on the door and entered once I heard a somewhat of an approval.

"Hey."

"Hey." She replied. I couldn't see her face but she sounded as if she'd been crying.

"Look, I didn't mean to lecture you downstairs it's just I'm worried, you know?"

"it's fine. I understand"

I thought about what I was about to say. Should I let her continue, I mean gradually. I know it was hard to give up, I didn't even end of quitting.

"this might sound really bad as a parent, but I'm not gonna stop you.

"wait what? You're not gonna take them away?"

"I can't really, I'd rather let you decide for yourself and help you gradually. It's not an easy task"

I nodded and walked to the door frame.

"just no smoking in the house"

"got it."

+*+*+*+*

(t/w mentions of self-harm) (don't do that to yourself Hun x)

Later, Kai came downstairs. She sat down next to me, so I decided to take this chance to clear a few things up, for her wellbeing.

"So I noticed on your record at the home, Your name is put down as Kaitlin?" I didn't want to come across as rude, so I thought about what I was saying before I said it.

"Yeah, I just preferred a more neutral name"

"Okay so, pronouns?"

"She/They but people mainly use she and I'm fine with that"

I guess that made sense, they had a very adrogenous style, shortish dyed black hair and a few facial piercings, and they rocked it. Almost reminded me of me as a teen. their record said they had a history of mental health issues, nothing too serious.

except the fact she'd been caught by her former roommate successfully attempting to cut herself when she was 11 and once tried again at 12 but was stopped by an older kid called Alex.

Ah.

"Um, your record mentioned some incidents that happened regarding mental health"

"it was one time. Then I saw what it had done to Alex after the second incident, and it changed something."

"Alex? The older kid, right?" I didn't get the impression they really talked at all, she didn't say goodbye to anyone when we left the home.

"well for your safety I need to know if you've recently thought about self-harm, suicide, such as" I really hoped they said no. Either way I wouldn't let them suffer any more.

"before you came to the care home, sure, I think every kid there wasn't in favour of living. Now, feel like I actually have a chance."

She sounded sentimental when she said that last part.

(End of t/w)

+*+*+*+*

I went outside checking for Kai, wondering what she wanted for dinner, and I eventually found her at the end of the garden by the fountain, smoking.

As I approached her, without looking at me, she simply said

"I was stressed."

"understandable I guess."

As I pulled a cigarette out of the packet, she threw me a lighter.

"thanks" I responded

I noticed the metal lighter had the initials K.S AND L.C, and wondered what they could stand for.

"hey, what's the initials mean?"

KAI'S POV

Léna gave me that lighter. We had to gone to the shop on the main road and nicked a lighter. After, we went down to the river bank, she found a rusty blade washed up on the shore and she carved our initials.

"a close friend gave it to me, sentimentality and all that shit' I said, keeping it short. I wasn't about to spill out all my emotions at once.

"how'd you two get your hands on a lighter? I hardly believe they just passed it over to a minor"

"I'd rather not answer that" I said quite sheepishly.

I put the cigarette out and made my way up to my room. It was quite big, I had a specific part of it for my instruments, which included a guitar, a bass guitar and an acoustic.