By

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In my first year of middle school, I noticed a lot of the other girls were becoming interested in dating guys (and for some of them; girls, but it wasn't really talked about or anything) and I wasn't. I figured maybe I just hadn't found the right guy yet, or maybe I was just a "late bloomer". Later on that year, I got a tiny crush on this one guy, and I kept it to myself for a while.

A few weeks later, I told my best friend that I had a crush on him. She got excited and asked me if that meant I wanted to make out with him. I then got really confused and -slightly- grossed out. Why would I want to do that?

Little did I know that it was supposed to be "normal" for people to want to do that with someone they had a crush on.

After that, I just thought maybe it wasn't a real crush, though I actually did still have feelings for them. A few days later, I didn't really have a crush on him anymore, so I just kind of moved on and forgot about it.

I didn't get any new crushes until two years later. When I did though, I tried to dismiss it because I didn't want to make out with him (or anything else people were suggesting that I should be wanting to do if I had a crush).

I started feeling really down; Why wasn't I experiencing any of the feelings I was "supposed to"? I wanted it have a boyfriend; but not in the way everyone else I knew did.

That same year I found out about the term 'asexual', and that's when things started to change for me.

I did a lot of research online about what it was and wasn't. I finally came to the conclusion that I was in that spectrum.

I now identify as a heteroromantic asexual, and I'm comfortable with saying it. So far I've only came out to that one best friend (I talked about earlier) and I was super lucky because she was so understanding and I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

If you're reading this, and feel like you don't belong in whatever situation you're in, just know you're not alone at that things will get better! :)

Peace out.