I stared hard at the phone on the desk.

Bennett had grabbed my hand at the breakfast table and had hastily written something on my palm before he was off with the others to do his tests. It was a phone number and I bit my lip slightly as I looked at the machine. Bailey was currently napping in my chair in the living room and I had snuck off to phone who ever it was that Bennett wanted me to call. I hesitantly picked up the handset and dialed the numbers with a shaky hand.

It rang twice before I heard someone pick up the other end. "Hello?" It was a deep voice that tugged on my memory slightly but I pushed it away quickly out of habit.

"Hi?" It came out in a rather startled squeak that I wanted to groan at. My face flared red with slight embarrassment as a silence fell from the other end of the line.

"Who is this?" There was a faint hint of suspension to the tone and I swallowed hard. "This line is a private line-"

"Emerson! Ge the fuck out of my office and stop answering my phone!" The booming voice in the background was more than familiar and I felt a large smile spread across my face. I could hear the phone being exchanged and I couldn't help but feel happiness radiating out of my chest at the gift Bennett had given me. "This is Alpha Lawrence." His voice was gruff in my ear and I pressed the phone closer to me as if it would bring me closer to him.

"Hi, daddy." I knew I was too old to call him that but I couldn't help it, I had missed so much with him that I felt like I was reverting back to my childhood when i heard him speak.

I could almost hear his shock through the phone but it didn't last long. "Maricella?" There was a sudden softness to his voice and happiness threaded through the words.

"It's me. How are you?" I swallowed quickly before sitting down in Uncle Jace's chair. I settled myself into the well worn chair as i clutched the phone in my hand tightly.

"Hey, little one. I'm hanging in there." His voice immediately softened to the tone I remembered as a child and I felt tears prick at my eyes. We had so many years stolen from us. "All of my favourite people are gone, so I'm not having too much fun." He sounded sad and I winced, thinking of Amber and him. She didn't reject him but she had walked away and that must have hurt just as badly. "I don't want to sound like I don't want to talk to you but how did you get my number?" He sounded genuinely curious and I smiled brightly

"Bennett gave it to me." Pleasure spread through my chest and limbs at the gift he had given me. A way to reach out to my father, a way to talk to him. His gift couldn't be repaid and I swallowed against the sudden lump in my throat. I honestly didn't deserve him or his warmth. He was a male without equal in my eyes.

"Is he treating you alright?" His voice went back to being gruff for a moment, letting his stern, fatherly side show that he still cared about my wellbeing.

Even in those moments when I had been an Omega I could still remember that tone, still remember the faint pleading as he secretly begged me to tell him the truth, to tell him something, anything, he could use to save me. The voice in my head had always drowned him out. He had made some poor decisions but he had been so young and he had trusted the wrong people.

"Yes, he's a gentleman." Nothing but that, he was perfect in every way when it came to his treatment of me. I could sense that it eased his mind and he paused slightly.

"And the Omega, Bailey I think her name was. How is she?" He asked it softly and I could tell he was genuinely curious to know about her and how she was doing and I truly appreciated that he cared enough to ask.

"She's going to get better. She's actually Davin's mate so there is that." A silence fell and I waited for him to speak. I could sense he needed too.

"And how is Amber?" There was a hitch in his voice and I wanted to be there to give him the comfort I knew he needed. I knew how hard it was to be separated from a mate, being away from Bennett for those achingly long minutes had been almost more than I could bear. I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have him all but reject me before he left me of his own volition.

I swallowed hard, trying to shove those thoughts from my head. "To be honest she is moping in her office. She's not happy." I wanted him to know that he wasn't the only one affected. That her decision hurt her as well. She didn't state it but I could see it in her behaviour, in how she held herself and picked at her food. This was a decision that cut her just as deeply as it must have cut him.

"Oh." There was a pause. "Could... could you tell me about her?" There was a hurt longing in his voice and I felt my heart ache for him. I knew what it felt like to know nothing about a mate, I knew that feeling intimately and I didn't want him to suffer that.

"I can." I nodded even though i knew he couldn't see me. "Her name is Amber June Blanche. She is, I think, forty some years old. She has been a pack doctor for over twenty years." I frowned slightly, quickly thinking it over in my head, trying to get the details right. "Her favourite colour is mint green, like the ice cream colour and not the plant." My frown deepened as I tried to remember more details for him. "She is very work orientated and very opinionated. Her and Uncle Jace get into a lot of arguments that she usually wins. She is very passionate about everything she puts her heart into." I paused again, the rest of the knowledge escaping me for the moment. It was slightly aggravating to have happen. I wanted to help him more.

"Has..." He paused as well, his voice pained. "Has she said anything about me?" His voice was wary and I hated how I had to tell him the truth.

"Not really. She's hurting but I think she's scared too. She's not a fan of Alphas." I knew she wasn't. She had alluded to that fact numerous times but I had never pried before. I wanted to know why but he sometimes had a haunted look in her eyes that made me never want to ask and I wasn't about to tell her. I knew that sometimes someone else's burdens could negatively affect your own and I knew that she would never tell me based on that in particular.

"Why?" He said it like a defeated sigh.

"I'm not sure. She barely tolerates Uncle Jace but that is only because he lets her speak her mind and doesn't give her trouble for it. I would ask her for you but... I... I-" I wanted to make him happy, I wanted him to be happy. He was my father. The young male who raised me, who cleaned my chocolate covered face and kissed my injuries no matter how minor they were but I couldn't find it in me to say I would pry into Amber's life like that. I didn't want to drudge up any of those memories for her.

"Don't worry about it, little one." He said it quickly as if he could sense my internal dilemma and I felt a wave of relief as it made my shoulder slump. "Can you tell me anything else?" He was making his tone lighter, trying to shake the heaviness that had settled over our conversation.

"Well, she hates onions and cannot cook at all. Last time she tried she literally set the stove on fire. Angie banned her from the kitchen." I listened as he laughed loudly at my words. "She loves reading tedious medical books. The newer the version the better and she has this habit of twirling a chunk of hair around her finger and yanking on it when she is thinking." I tilted my head slightly. "She's a very kind female, she loves helping people. She has been with me since I came here. She would make a great mother one day." I thought about them having kids and I smiled wider. I wanted siblings. Shifters aged differently than humans, our lifespans were much longer so they have children well into their seventies if they wanted.

"She cares about you a lot." He sounded pleased at the thought but a bit hurt as well. I could only imagine him wondering why she couldn't care for him like that.

"She's my therapist. She knows everything that I went through." I could almost hear his wince on the other end of the line and I wanted to hit myself for bringing it up.

There was a tense pause before I heard him let out a heavy sigh. "I am so sorry I wasn't there for you, Maricella. I wanted to bring you with me. I wanted to bring you so badly that it hurt but I listened to John." His voice shoke with his anger and I felt my breath catch in my throat. John had done so many terrible things to so many people. "I listened to him and you paid the price." Shame and regret coated his voice thickly and I felt my heart twist harshly in my chest. "I was so stupid. I knew something was wrong the moment I came back but I let myself be deceived. I should have been there for you. Should have done something, anything, to make sure you were okay."

His voice trembled slightly and I felt a returning burn in my own. "Don't, dad. Don't beat yourself up about it." I made my tone firm so he wouldn't continue. I didn't need to have him listen to me cry into the phone. I didn't want the moment tainted by that. I wanted it to be happy.

"Someone has to, Maricella. I failed you as a father and I failed as an Alpha. I let those things happen." His tone was sharp with anger towards himself and I could practically feel his self-loathing and it hurt my heart. "I didn't question anything and I blindly trusted others. I need to be held accountable for that." His tone was sharp, the same tone I had heard him use before when he signaled the end of a conversation but despite how my stomach twisted at the thought of defying him in his words, I knew my feelings needed to be said.

"You were young." I darted my eyes back and forth despite the nerves in my stomach as he gave a low sound in his throat.

"Enou-"

"Dad... let me say this." I winced as I cut him off but as the silence continued I cleared my throat. "You were young. Only twenty when Jace threw the pack at you. You weren't trained for the position, you didn't have any knowledge about what you needed to do to keep it or to keep the pack running." I took a deep breath. "You relied on who you thought you could trust. John was Jace's Beta, why wouldn't you trust him?" He had no one and nothing to help him. He would have relied on anyone. He was so young. "And then when I came along you were only twenty one, not nearly ready enough to take care of a child but you did your best anyway and the memories I have of you show the kindest and most loving father who just wanted me to be happy." I paused and there was nothing from his end so I pushed on. "You made a mistake, you relied on someone you thought you could trust and I got hurt."

"You deserve to hate me for that. I let them do those things to you, let them hurt you." His voice hitched slightly. "My little girl."

The truth burned me but I knew that the feeling shad to be released or they would fester. "I did resent you. When I was getting the memories back I resented you a lot for letting me stay there." I didn't need to hear him to feel his shame and self-loathing and I hated that I put it there. "But I also remembered that on some level what you were doing was trying to protect me. Not showing me open affection, silently begging me to tell you what was going on. You threw me as many life lines as you could but my mind prohibited me from taking them. You were young and you made a mistake." It was what I held onto. I had made mistakes too. I had done things or said things I regretted. It was part of having humanity.

"I could have done more." His voice was clipped and hard and I bit back a sigh. "I could have taken you from that position."

"No you couldn't have...My mind... it was broken." I knew that now. I had learned so much over the years and where I had been when first came to Oblitus. There had definitely been an aspect of my mental state that had been fractured. "You would have caused me more harm if you did that and didn't have the appropriate tools to fix me." I couldn't even imagine how I would have turned out if I hadn't had the resources I had access too.

"Does Jace know you called me?" His voice was back to being slightly gruff as she changed the subject.

"No." I pinched my lips together as my wolf growled, barring her teeth in anger as the fear churned my stomach.

"Alright, little one. I won't tell if you won't." There was a conspiratorial edge to his tone as he said it that had me smiling but after a moment he let out a sigh. "I am trying my hardest to be able to come there. I am. In a few months hopefully. You can't tell anyone though. I can't risk it getting out." His tone was serious and I tried to hide the hope that soared through me at his words. A few months and he would be with me again. I hated how badly our relationship had been twisted and torn. I just wanted my father. My real father. Victor was my biological father but he was never my dad. It was always apparent when I caught his gaze, his face a blank emotionless slate before he looked away.

"Okay." I nodded, I wanted him to trust me. I wanted that trust back so badly that I hurt with it.

"I can trust you, right? You aren't going to run to Jace and tell on me are you?" His serious tone had faded to lightly teasing. I remembered that tone from when we used to make a mess in the kitchen. Him asking me if I would tell the cook on him and my childish giggles as I vehemently refused turning him over.

"We currently aren't on speaking terms. I can barely stomach being in the same room as him right now. Your secrets are safe with me." The words felt sour on my tongue but they were the truth. I was just too scared. My mind was a strange place and sometimes it showed.

"You put my big, bad brother in the dog house. I wish I could be there to see that." There was a small silence on the other end of the line before he sighed heavily once more. "I have to go, little one. I have some things to do. I am always here if you want someone to talk to. Just pick up the phone and give me a call. I love you and stay safe, okay?" I could hear the hurt in his voice. He didn't want to say goodbye and neither did I. I missed my father. I missed him so much it hurt.

"Okay. I love you too." I felt my heart lurch in my chest. "Can you say it for me? Please?" I was pleading but I needed to hear the stupid nursery rhyme from him. I needed to refresh the comfort the words had always brought me. There was a silence that made my heart jump into my throat but he chuckled faintly.

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary." His comforting voice brought tears to my eyes and I held the phone tightly, pressing it harder to my ear. "How does your garden grow? With silver bells, and cockle shells, and pretty ladies all in a row." I sniffled against the feeling the words brought. It had been too long since I had heard my father say the rhyme to me. I felt like a small child again back when everything was right in my world.

"Thank you, daddy." I whispered the words and willed the tears not to fall.

"You are welcome, Mary Mary. I love you." The line went dead and I set the phone back in its cradle. I felt a bit lighter but saddened that the call couldn't last longer. I let out a heavy sigh and wiped at my eyes. I had hated how little I had been allowed to speak to him on Tacita pack territory. I looked at the number on the palm and I felt panic rise in me as I saw the numbers had smudged slightly. I frantically searched for a pen and a chunk of paper on Uncle Jace's desk.

Are you okay? I can feel your panic. It was Uncle Jace and I winced at the threatening growl my wolf sent through my head even as the fear bloomed in my stomach. I focused on shutting down his connection, barricading it strongly. I didn't like how it made me feel and Amber always told me to avoid what scared me until I was ready to safely deal with it.. I found a pen and paper and quickly jotted down the number and clasped it in my hand tightly before I left the study.

Maricella, dad is freaking out right now. Are you okay? Davin sounded exasperated and I rolled my eyes.

I'm fine. I just... I just can't have him in my head right now. I made my way to the living room and felt relieved to see Bailey sleeping. She needed the sleep and would for the next few weeks. I smiled slightly when I remembered finding Davin sleeping in front of my door after Bennett couldn't keep his mind quiet. I could still feel his whispered murmurings in my head but it was currently comforting rather than irritating.

I can't blame you but the next time he asks you something just send it to one of us so he doesn't blow a gasket. He doesn't like how he doesn't have a way to communicate with you. He sounded amused and I shrugged slightly. I could deal with that even though the entire situation made my feelings go into complete and utter turmoil.

Okay. My wolf doesn't want anything to do with him. I leaned against the door jamb and watched as Bailey snuggled deeper into the chair and the blanket.

What about you? He sounded genuinely curious about how I felt about the situation but I also knew he wouldn't like the answer.

To be honest? I'm terrified of him. I rubbed at my face, I felt guilty for it but I knew I didn't have control over that. I don't know if he's going to flip out again. I don't want to be around him and be focused on every move he makes because I don't trust him not to hurt me again. Its that or have my wolf attack him. I can't do either so its better to avoid him. I could feel a stillness from Davin and I sighed. I didn't want to strain his relationship with his father.

How is Bailey? His change of subject was much appreciated as I looked at his mate.

She's currently sleeping in my chair. She's doing okay though. She can only get better from here. She has you after all. I said it lightly and could feel his sudden relief at my words. He was worried and I wondered for a moment about Bennett.

As if sensing my sudden change of thought Davin let out a sigh along the mind link. He's not saying anything but he keeps glancing towards the house. He's probably worried about you. Especially since dad let it slip Luka was coming down today. At Davin's words I let out a small excited squeal. Alpha Sterling, or Luka as we liked to call him, was a close family friend. Jace and his father had been close friends before everything had gone down with Uncle Jace's mate. He was like a brother to Davin more than anything else. Especially since he had come out every month or so to train with Uncle Jace since he had been forced into the Alpha position five year ago.

He was family to me as well. I loved Luka dearly. He was a soft spoken man and his calm and soothing energy had helped me quite a bit through my transition from being an Omega. I had felt comfortable around him more than the others. He was non-threatening but in a very good way. We were good friends and he was more like a brother to me than anything. It had been a long time since I had seen him. I felt a happy smile cross my face. I needed to see some normality, something normal in the chaos that was now my life.