Elizabeth II

It’s the day before the school’s dance. Emily convinced everyone to ditch school and head to Pike’s Place since it would be Grace’s first time there. This is the first time everyone has managed to be in the same spot at the same time. It makes Emily happy.

As it’s Grace’s first time, they first take her to all the tourist spots. Grace finds out she doesn’t enjoy the smell of fish so she starts to hate lingering around all the open shops. She particularly finds the gum wall the most fascinating.

“Ew, what’s with all the gum on the wall?”

Emily gives her a piece of gum, “Now that you’re here, it’s your turn to add to it.”

“Ew no, that’s gross.”

“Don’t be a wimp,” Cody says as he searches for the one he placed last year. He made sure to put it in a place he would remember but there’s so much dried gum everywhere that it all looks the same to him.

Grace takes the gum and starts to chew, “So what? I just put it anywhere?”

“That’s the idea,” Emily giggles.

Sara places hers behind a pipe with a folded paper sticking to it. Chris doesn’t care for such things but finds all the colors soothing so he just stares. Andrew paces around restlessly as he tries to chew ten pieces of gum all at once.

“Why is there so much?” Grace asks.

“It’s a tourist attraction, freshfuck,” Andrew says as he slaps his gigantic piece on top of many old pieces. “Shit’s dumb.”

“I wonder how much gum is here.”

“Probably over one hundred thousand,” Cody answers.

Grace gets up close to a wall to examine it further and to even smell it. She doesn’t smell anything particularly weird. At the same time, Sara pulls out a baggie and picks up some white powder with her nail.

“Not in public,” Emily scolds her.

Sara snorts the coke and ignores her.

Emily watches her only girlfriend and starts to worry. Sara hasn’t said much all day nor have they texted since the day at the skatepark. She thinks that Sara just needs time to calm her nerves, that night was pretty scary after all. Emily assures herself that Sara will be fine. She’s strong after all.

The group walks down the pier as Andrew curses the air and expresses his hatred towards hills. They end up on the pier closest to the new open Ferris wheel. Emily leans over the railing with Grace as both watch the calmness of the sea.

“It’s so beautiful, I never knew it would be this pretty.”

“Yeah I know, I don’t come here often enough.”

“How much does the Ferris wheel cost?”

“Don’t know, never been,” Emily shrugs.

“Want me to check?” Cody leans on the railing next to her.

“Yes, please.”

“What is Sara doing?” Grace asks.

Emily looks over to Sara who is sharing some coke with Andrew. “Don’t worry about it, Grace.”

“Is she okay? She hasn’t said anything to me.”

“She’s fine.”

She’s not. All Sara wants to keep the high going as long as she can, but she’s almost out. She asks Andrew if he has any more on him but it comes out as a negative. All Sara can hope for is that she can hang onto her high until she gets more.

As the sun starts to set, they find themselves in front of the fountain by the aquarium. Grace asks Cody, “So what type of girls do you like?”

“Why do you want to know that?” he chuckles.

“What? I can’t ask?”

“Yo, yo, yo, I know what type of girls you like,” Andrew interrupts.

“And what’s that?” Cody laughs. He’s actually enjoying himself despite how he feels at the current moment. The past doesn’t matter right now and he feels that’s all he needs.

“Remember that girl I was talking to, er, at the club that one time.”

“The brunette?”

“Yeah, yeah, with the big titties.”

“Wait, how did you get into a club?” Emily asks.

“Baby, baby you know I have some pull,” Andrew laughs. “Shit, Cody-kin, you were mad pissed that she was into me, remember? Man, she was thick.”

“You like thick girls?” Grace laughs.”

Cody’s eyes widen in shock. Emily notices how loose he is and finds herself laughing. He’s back to his regular self. “He’s lying! Don’t be putting word’s in my mouth!”

Emily’s and Cody’s eyes meet and the spark she’s been longing for all this time is there. Cody’s eyes have always been beautiful and such Emily has trained herself to never be entranced by them. Today is the one time that fails.

Later, they walk back to Waterfront Park, specifically to the Ferris Wheel.

Grace hangs over the rails and looks down at the water. “How many people do you think jump into the water? I was googling it and not much comes up.”

“Nobody’s that crazy,” Emily answers.

“They’ll probably die if they tried,” Cody adds.

Sara grabs onto the railing and looks downs at the water. She can’t see the bottom. It’s perfect, she thinks, but too public. She watches the water move around so calmly and smiles.

“Jump, Cody-kin!” Andrew yells.

“Jump yourself,”

“Fuck it,” Andrew laughs.

Before anyone can figure out what’s happening, Andrew is already running towards the railing. He leaps upwards before falling. The girls scream as Chris runs up to check on his friends. Nobody sees Andrew anywhere. All that’s left is the leftover ripples from the plash and curious bystanders gathering around to see what happened.

After Andrew doesn’t emerge, Cody gets himself ready to jump over. He’s only stopped when Andrew suddenly jumps out onto a ladder that’s connected to the pier. His laughter stuns everywhere.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Emily berates him once he’s on solid ground.

Andrew shakes himself like a wet dog, “Sounded like a good time. It was.”

Even though it got Emily wet, she finds herself laughing.

--

“I was like, make up your fucking mind.”

“Ugh, I know, I just wanted to punch the bitch.”

“It’s whatever. Um, hey, you okay? You’ve been doing a lot of coke today. Maybe slow down?”

“I’m fine.”

“Is this about the other day? I know it was scary but the boys can protect-”

“It’s not, drop it, Ems.”

“Uhm, okay.”

“Has Gracie been dealing with it okay?”

“Not sure, she doesn’t talk about it either.”

--

“You looked like you pissed your fucking pants the other night, lil’ Grace. What, the sight of a gun scares you that much? I mean what doesn’t?”

“Leave her alone, man.”

“You can’t let people defend you forever, speak your mind.”

“Yeah, of course, it was scary! You practically begged him to shoot you! You’re fricking crazy!”

“Do you ever curse?”

“Were you not scared.”

“I’m Andrew fuckin’ Mera, bitch. Aint a thing in the world to be scared of.”

---

“I mean, it’s only a theory, but it works that way, yeah. Say you do travel back in time and decide to change something. Say for example you decide to go back and kill your grampa, it creates a paradox, right? This is used a lot because it’s the easiest to explain. On one hand, you kill your grandpa so you cease to exist, but because you don’t exist, your grandpa doesn’t ever get killed in the past, therefore you exist and are able to do such, and on and on. A paradox. But it doesn’t really work that way, only if you’re looking at it from an outside perspective. You yourself would just move through space and time, and that’s your eternal set point. The concept of the past and future don’t actually ever exist. So by traveling to the past, all your doing is moving towards another set present. You kill your grandpa, and nothing happens. That’s the correct answer. All you’re doing is changing a different present with potential future outcomes, they don’t affect yours since you are currently already present.”

“Yo, like I understand you and all, but what the fuck are you talking about?”

---

“Do you want to get on the Ferris Wheel?” Emily asks Cody.

She half expects him to say no, but he nods and starts to walk over there. Emily tells her friends that she’ll be back but only Grace and Andrew pay attention. Andrew pouts but he knows he can’t win this battle right away.

The sun has set a bit so the line has dwindled down. “Are you mad?” she asks him as they move along the line.

“The Andrew thing? No.” he chuckles.

Emily knows all of Cody’s tells and knows he’s lying. “You know, if you really have an issue with me, just tell me. I was just mad last week.”

“No, you were right. I have to sort myself out a bit. You should be allowed to have fun.”

Emily laughs, “that’s the second time you’ve lied to me in the past ten seconds.”

“Is it really lying if I’m trying my best to make it true?”

They take their seats across from each other and slowly rise up in the air one car at a time. Emily stares at his hazel blue eyes, eyes that seem impossible to exist. Everyone always tells her that his eyes make them feel like they’re always watching, observing, and protecting. They’re always so intense for anyone to handle so people start to become obsessed. Yet to Emily, the way they look at her, they’re so calm, so tranquil and so warm.

Emily thinks about the promise they made as young kids. The one where they’ll marry each other when they turn 21. She wonders if she’s ever made him feel as jealous as he’s made her. She wonders if their decision to be single until that time has been a mistake. She’ll be turning 18 this coming February, with him joining a month later. After that, they’ll graduate high school and finally start to date. Three years later, they’ll marry and live out their lives that were destined since the moment they met when they were four.

This is what made her believe in fate.

“I heard you’re going to see your mom during Winter Break.”

“You know about that?”

Cody nods, “Your mom told me.”

“Oh, well I’m not even sure if I’m going. I haven’t even told my dad yet. I don’t want him to be alone.”

Cody gets up from his seat to sit next to the girl he loves, all just to hold her hand. “You shouldn’t treat your dad like he’s an emotional wreck. I’m sure he can handle being alone for a week.”

“I know!”

“You’re scared you’ll like it over there, huh?”

“Please,” Emily scoffs it off but knows it’s true.

“It’s okay if you do. I already thought it over. I’ll just head over to New York as soon as I graduate. I’ll get a job and start selling my songs. It’ll work out.”

Emily burst out in a burst of short laughter, “I hope it’s that simple.”

“No, it really is.”

Emily thinks of her very first memory of Cody. Jerrica and Ems were playing on their front lawn when a little boy falls down from his bike in front of them. Cody’s brother was teaching him how to ride a bike and had let go when Cody didn’t know how to stabilize himself yet. This is both of their first memory of each other, how they looked at each other in the eyes at that moment. Cody didn’t cry, he just got himself up as his brother frantically tried to see if he was okay. Cody and Emily have been with each other since they were born, but this was the first time they remember their very first words to each other.

“You have a cool shirt,” he said.

“Thanks! It’s my favorite.”

Emily thinks of the night Cody gave her the red and black bandana she used to wear all the time. Emily’s parents used to fight all the time four years ago. That night that she received the bandana just so happened to be Christmas. The two spent it with each other on top of the treehouse. Emily can still see the night sky from above the trees. She can still feel the burning sensation she felt that night, one that she calls the purest form of love. Emily remembers everything from that night. It was perfect.

She looks over to the sea. The sunset is reflected by the water making a complex of colors that glimmer the world. The heavy clouds in the sky hinder the potential beauty of it all. Lately, everything has been more cloudy than usual.

Cody looks over to the same sky. He says, “Sad is honest.”

“Hmm?”

“Sad is honest, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Emily whispers.

“It’s gonna rain, we should head home soon.”

“Okay.”

Cody stares are her small red lips curled into a slight frown. To him, all this was a confirmation that he’s losing her. It’s a bitter feeling, a stabbing one in his heart. All week he’s been lamenting the fact that he’s been treating everyone in his life like a game. He enjoys it even if he sometimes doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

Tonight is the night he’ll lose Emily.

Andrew is taking her to a rave somewhere after this. He’ll lose her then, but knows she’ll always be there so he’s letting it happen. After all, Cody doesn’t own her. He thinks expressing his disapproval will only make Emily distance herself more. At the same time, he wants to show her how much he truly does care, so he doesn’t know what to do.

At the same time, if he lets it happen and manages to win her back, that’ll be the ultimate high.

--

“You guys kiss and make up?”

“Mind your business, Andrew.”

“You ready then, love? Rave starts an hour and I don’t want to be late.”

“Aren’t you still wet?”

“Which is why we gotta stop by mine’s, grab a change of clothes, and then party, sound good?

“I guess, where’s Sara?”

“Went to buy a drink. Cody-kin, wait for her and drive everyone back, yeah?”

“Sure.”

-

“You’re gonna wet my seat!” Emily yells when Andrew snatches her keys out of her hands right before they get to her car.

“I’m not that wet, it’s been about an hour.”

“You wet dog!” Emily sighs.

The first raindrop falls as soon as they enter the car.

Emily doesn’t actually mind Andrew driving, she isn’t comfortable driving downtown like he is. Traffic tonight is bad and somehow manage to catch every red light back to the freeway.

“I’m surprised you haven’t said anything about Cody.”

Andrew shrugs, “Don’t need to, I have you all to myself tonight, after all,” he winks.

Emily giggles, “nothing ever does get to you, huh?”

“It’s what I do, love.”

Emily catches herself smiling. There’s something in Andrew’s confidence in everything that makes him so attractive. Whenever they’re together, Andrew is calmer and more collected than in public. As if Andrew is himself towards her. “You really like me, don’t you?”

“What gave that away? When we kissed? When we spent the past two weeks together?”

“You get one kiss tonight, you better make it special.

Andrew grins.

--

The rain starts to fall down heavily. The remaining group finds cover as they wait for Sara to come back, but she never does.

Cody gets worried and calls her but she never answers. Grace then tries and gets the same response. “What store did she go to?” he asks.

“The 7-Eleven,” Grace answers.

“Gracie, stay with Chris, I’ll go look for her.”

“Don’t bother,” Chris stops him. “She’s gone. Sara isn’t coming back.”

“Don’t be crazy, we’re not leaving her.”

“You’ll be wasting your time,” he says but Cody doesn’t listen.

Gracie watches as her crush runs into the heavy rain.

--

The roads are heavy with puddles on the bridge that leads to Mercer Island. Emily’s phone vibrates with a few texts. She reads the ones from Cody first then immediately switches to the one Sara just sent.

Emily drops her phone.

“What’s wrong?”

Her brain doesn’t register it at first. It takes a second but when it does, the panic hits. Emily’s lungs shrink down and it becomes impossible to breathe. It worsens when Emily realizes Andrew has no idea how to calm her down. Cody isn’t here to calm her down.

Emily’s panic attack freaks Andrew out. “Emily, calm down!”

Emily gasps for air as she remembers what the text said. She was too late, and Emily wasn’t paying attention. The tight grip around her chest is squeezing every ounce of her lungs. Her mind starts a negative feedback loop of feeling worthless.

That everything is her fault.

She is selfish, careless, and a horrible human being.

She realizes how alone she’s truly meant to be before her mind blanks out.

Emily stops breathing.

The roads are wet, They both can feel them. Andrew remember something that his mother said. They were her last words: “Death is always closer than your friends and things.” At that moment, he can feel time slow down as the car becomes out of his control. The car goes into a full-on spin. His heart stops and finally experiences terror for the first time in a long while. Emily starts to scream. The car flips when it crashes into the concrete wall and Andrew’s head clashes against the window. It almost causes him to black out. His vision starts to darken but Andrew looks at Emily one more time. Time goes to a complete standstill for a brief second as the car does its final flip in midair. Everything becomes silent to him. Emily’s scream mutes and it feels like she’s laughing instead. Andrew can only think of one thing. Damn, I really want to kiss her.

The rain reflects off the window and it looks as if it’s dancing off of Emily’s freckled skin.

The world stops.

Emily somehow manages to crawl out of the car and get out. She’s quickly losing consciousness so she doesn’t realize that car is laying on this side so she falls flat to the ground when she gets out through the broken window. Her lungs are able to breathe right before the car tilts down and falls on top of her, crushing her.

The news sends shockwaves across Darkwood the moment someone from school spots Andrew being put on a stretcher. It’s the school's news reporter, Bo and he gets out of his standstill car to confirm. This is where he spots Emily and the news immediately posts the news on Facebook. Cody sees this news first. But Sara is nowhere to be found and he can’t leave without taking her home.

So he sits in his car with Grace and Chris waiting for Sara to text back. Cody can’t even feel his own heartbeat and isn’t even sure he has one right now.

“Sara hasn’t texted me back either, what’s going on, Cody?” Grace asks..

Chris grows suspicious of his friend’s erratic breathing and calm panic. He checks his Facebook as well and learns of the news as well. “Cody, we should go. Sara will be fine.”

Against his better judgment, Cody obliges. Grace protests but Cody doesn’t listen as he speeds off toward Mercer Island. The group soon encounters the slowdown caused by the accident and gets to the scene twenty minutes later. By the time they arrive, the bodies have been taken away already. Cody panics and doesn’t know what to do. He drops Grace home and speeds off to Emily’s house. Her dad has already been informed and is on his way to the hospital.

“Relax, call her dad and figure out where she’s at,” Chris informs Cody. In the panic, Cody hasn’t really been thinking. It’s good that Chris is here. He’s the logical one right now.

--

Emily wakes up a week later with her hand held by Cody. She tries to remember what happened and recalls the crash. She remembers she caused it because she panic and she panicked because of Sara’s text. “Where’s Sara?” She starts hyperventilating again. “Where’s Sara?!”

Cody is here this time and Emily calms down. “Emily, you’re okay.”

Emily nods and calms down. “What happened? Where’s Sara? Is she safe?”

Cody doesn’t understand. How can she know about Sara? He quickly pieces it all together. Ems is the only person Sara would have told. It’s the reason they crashed in the first place. He should have just talked to Andrew but he was just so fucking pissed that he was driving Cody doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. Cody is too pissed off on the fact that he only escaped with minor injuries while Emily almost died.

“Ems, Sara is missing. Nobody has seen her since she disappeared on us at the pier. Andrew’s been out looking for her the entire week.”

Emily thinks to the last text Sara sent her. “Thank you for being my friends these past three years. I just can’t handle it anymore. I hate everything about myself. I hate everything about living. Please don’t hate me, I love you.”

She begins to break down. Emily was too late.

Andrew lies down on the side of a skyscraper in the middle of Seattle. He hasn’t stopped looking for her. He’s scraped every single corner and there hasn’t been any sign of her. He’s losing hope. He’s losing the only family he has. Andrew thinks of why Sara would disappear. Did he just misjudge how strong she was? Did something happen between her and their dad? He’s always been a piece of shit since Mom’s death but there isn’t a thing he could have done without going to some shitty foster parents. He thought they could tough it out for one more year.

It was nearly two weeks ago when they nearly spent the whole day together. All the signs were there. Why didn’t he just fucking pay attention? She was so quiet and lost in thought. She was depressed and he just ignored it. He’s such a fucking idiot. Andrew wants to cry but his ghosts don’t allow him to. Why did he make her so scared of him for no reason at all? She should’ve come out to him a long time ago.

Andrew texts the only person he knows with enough connections to help him look, Lyle. He stares at the sky while he waits for Lyle to give him anything. Anything.

He knows his sister is dead and Andrew closes his eyes wishing it isn’t true.

Everything he has ever done; all the fucked up shit he causes and took part in, this is his punishment.

--

Grace hears the news that Emily has woken up and gets her mother to drive her to the hospital. She’s just glad her friend is alive and well. She heard rumors that Emily was crushed by her own car and was thinking she was going to die. Her first friend was going to die, Grace didn’t know how to handle that.

She finds Cody sitting alone in the lobby. “Is she going to be okay? Have you talked to her?” she asks him.

Cody looks up to Grace. His eyes pierce her soul. It doesn't matter how much she gets used to his eyes, they’re just too **** captivating. “Yeah she’s fine. She’s talking to her mom and dad now.”

“What did she say to you?”

“She asked about Sara. That’s the only thing that she cared about really. Emily, she uh,” Cody pauses unsure how to tell Grace. “Got a text from Sara right before the accident”

“A text?”

Cody can’t believe it either. “Sara’s dead.”

“What?” Grace’s heart shatters.

--

Chris jiggles one of the last vials of Winter to ever exist. Everything is just a predestined path of iron and nails we all follow. There is no free will, not really. There won’t even be true freedom. That’s all Chris wants; freedom of consequence. Yet it doesn’t matter how free he becomes, he’ll always be a prisoner of his own mind. Chris chugs down the vials and unlocks his mind.

His friends are all in this state of despair while he stands outside of it, looking in. He knows all of the issues they face yet cannot interfere. Chris believes he's a being outside time trapped in a perpetual state of infinity. The pull of the universe tells him it’s too late for him to act. He ignored it when it told him to not let Sara wander off by herself. This is the consequence of that action. He’s now in a perpetual state of infinity where the invisible pull is stretching him in all directions and he cannot pick.

Chris knows he’s insane but perhaps he never needed his sanity, to begin with.

--

Cody is with Emily’s father in her hospital room. He’s grateful to Cody for staying with Emily since kindergarten and how he values his as a son. It’s meaningful, but it makes Cody feel like shit inside for ignoring Emily for the past few weeks. Absolutely utter shit. It’s just how when they were ten and Emily almost died from her disease. She’s always had a weak and frail body. The car crash should have killed her. CFS has always been a thorn in their side.

Cody holds her hand, hoping for her to wake up for ten split seconds like last time just so I know she’s okay. It’s been hours.

“You know, Cody,” Ems’ father says behind him. “I know how much she loves you; I know you love her back. I’ve watched you two grow up together and become like brother and sister.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that if you ever decide to marry my daughter, you have my permission. I know how talented you are so I know you can live successfully for the both of you.”

Cody is lost for words. Ems’ father is the last person he expected to say that. He usually doesn’t talk about their relationship and hell, even talks to Cody that much. Cody always found him to be distant. “Thank you, Mr. Crowe,” is all he can say.

“I convinced Emily to go with her mom to New York. She’ll be leaving as soon as they release her from the hospital. I’m just tired of this town Cody. It’s not a good place for her. I don’t want to split you guys up but there isn’t any other choice.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“She’ll be discharged sometime tomorrow.”

Cody clenches his free fist. This is how things end.

And I’m still dead; slowly forgotten by the sands of time. My friends are breaking down and there’s nothing I can do to help them. There are a lot of things I regret and one of those things is never truly getting to say goodbye. In death, there is only awe.