"My family and I would like to request some privacy at this time. What we are dealing with is not for the public consumption. Thank you all for your concern... " Jalonni steps back inside the house from speaking to the swarm of reporters outside.

The house was quiet and full of thoughts. Jalonni, Faizon, and I sit in wait of Dad to come home. No words are spoken between all of us. There was a complete silence for a while until Faizon speaks...

"I don't get it..." He says.

"Get what?" I sigh.

"Why would he do this?" Faizon cried out, and wipes his tears on his shirt.

"He was dealing with a lot." Jalonni says, placing his face in his hands.

I can't help but think I had something to do with this. The way I spoke to Mahyden at the hospital was absurd and uncalled for. I feel so stupid. I never meant to say that. I know they say when you're angry you say things you don't mean. Well, I didn't mean any of it.

"I know but..." He cries.

I pull him over to me and rub his back.

"Man it's my fault." I say placing my chin on his head.

"What do you mean?" Faizon asks, sniffling.

"He came to see me at the hospital and I was on shock. He started explaining to me why he left and..."

"And what?" Jalonni asks.

"And I told him I hated him." I say, painfully.

Jalonni stands up and walks over to the window. I stare at him just peering out. In one swift motion he turns and slaps me in the face. I fall off of the sofa onto the ground. I hold my face as he pulls me up by my shirt and pushed me to the wall.

"WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE?" He yells, choking me.

"Jalonni STOP!" Faizon yells, yanking at his arm. Jalonni pushes him back and drops me on the ground. He raises up his gist to hit me and I curl up. He lowers his hand and let's my shirt go.

I cough and gasp for air as Faizon runs by my side.

"I don't know who the fuck gave you the right to talk to him like that. He gave y'all everything I didn't. Love, Happiness, and he cared for y'all. I'm not capable of love. He is. For you to blatantly disrespect somebody who has been there for you more than anyone is fucked up!" He shouts.

"But you do it all the time Jalonni. You cursed him out, belittled him, and made him feel worthless each chance you could." I say, scooting myself up on the wall.

"We have our own problems!" He shouts again. "Don't aspire to follow behind me. I don't slow y'all yo do shit because I want y'all to see it's some cruel people in this world. I wanted to show y'all tough love. That's all I ever got."

"You can't make any excuses Jalonni. Take some responsibility. " I argue back.

"STOP IT! JUST STOP!" Faizon yells out. "can we just have one day in this house where everyone can say I love you with it being a but at the end. I just want us to be tight knit. Why can't we have a happy home?" Faizon runs up the stairs crying. I look at Jalonni and run up after him.

"Faizon wait!" I say as I jog up the stairs.

I rush up the stairs and find him in Mahyden's room. I didn't even want to step inside after what happened. No idy has entered this room since that day. It brings up so many emotions. I walked in slowly and looked at the dried up blood stain on the carpet. The horrible part is he did it right in front of us. I look up from the blood that's burning a hole in the back of my head. I see Faizon with a paper in his hand. He reading over it with tear silently scrolling down his face.

"Fai?" I say as I approach him.

Faizon gasps and burst out crying loudly. I walk over and sit next to him.

"Read this..." He says, still bawling.

I look at the paper he was holding in his hand. I take it from him.

"What's this?" I ask, glancing at the paper.

"Read La'rey." He says sighing.

I slowly look from him to the letter. It was in Mahyden's hand writing. I place my hands over my mouth as I read this very detailing letter. Once I got to the ending of the last two and beginning of the paragraph or so my heart shattered. I said some foul shit to Mahyden but this was sinking my heart like the titanic. I thought I was the only one taking the grunt from Jalonni but seeing this letter made it worse. Jalonni raped and beat Mahyden on a regular and we never even knew. He kept it hidden from us to shield us from the real problems in this house. I sat the paper down on the nightstand and sat forward.

"Did you know all of that was going on?" Faizon asks.

I shake my head. "I was in the dark."

"It all makes since now. That's why he left. That's why he was so desperate to get away." Faizon says.

"I'm mad because I couldn't tell. When he saw me at the hospital and I was questioning him I was crushing his heart with a hammer. I didn't know." I stand up and rub my eyes. I want to be the strong one for Faizon and I. "Are you just now finding this?"

"Yeah..." He says, nodding.

I walk over to Mahyden's desk and see a letter addressed to Jalonni and Theo. I snatch up Jalonni's letter. I needed to know what Mahyden would have had to say to him. I sit on the bed and read the letter. This letter was much more heartbreaking than the first. Faizon was over my shoulder reading right along with me. I read on and on until I got to the last part of the letter which blew me.

*I don't hate you Lonni. You are still my brother. You are the reason behind my hurt and anguish. I'm sorry for what ever I did to make you hate me. you're the reason I'm choosing to end my life...*

My jaw clenched up and anger swept through me. Here I was thinking it was me who caused this to happen when all along it was Jalonni. I stood up and punched the wall.

"Calm down Rey." Faizon said standing up.

"Did you not read this." I say holding the paper up to his face. It wasn't our faults. None of this was!" I say, overjoyed to know he didn't do what he did because of what I said.

I hear the front door open and many voices downstairs. I guess the family was all here.

"I have to show them." I say and Faizon jumps up.

"You gonna show them the letters and cause even more havoc in this house?" He says.

"If I don't then everyone won't know what motivated Mahyden to do it. Dad and Jalonni knew." I say and he looks away.

I stare at him as he is in thought.

"Faizon I need to know if you got my back." I say and there is silence for a few seconds.

"I got your back Rey." He says, and I nod. We both walk down the stairs. The whole family was here talking, hugging, and crying. I looked over to Jalonni and Dad who were hugging putting on this front for everyone. It made me sick to my stomach. All of our aunts, uncles, and both of our grandparents were here. I walk right past them straight over to Dad and Jalonni.

I tap Jalonni's shoulder and he turns around. I pull back my wrist and punch him straight in the face. He stumbles back to the wall and fall down. The whole family turns their head in shock.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Jalonni shouts and lunges as I back up. Our uncles grab him and him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Dad shouts to me.

"Y'all want to tell the family or should I?" I yell back.

"Tell them what?" Dad asks.

I nod and snatch my hands away from my uncles grips. "Mahyden left some letters for us to read about why he pulled the gun on himself."

"Are you serious?" My grandma Lily asks.

"As a heart attack." Faizon says.

"What did it say?" Uncle Harvey asks.

"He gave, in good detail, why he felt the need to go that route." I glance over at Jalonni and Dad who were staring at me.

"Well..." Grandma Rita says. "You gonna keep us in the dark?"

"Before I do it..." It turn to Jalonni and Dad. "Is there anything you two wish to confess."

They both look at each other. Then Dad speaks. "Anything that needs to be discussed will be discussed in our own pri--"

"Thought so..." I scoff. I pull out the letters from Mahyden. I open them up and begin reading them through and through.

At the end of both letters I fold them back up. Everyone is sitting around with their eyes wide and their mouths open.

"Let me see that..." Grandma Rita says. I hand her the letter and Everyone crowds around her. They read it over once more then everyone's head snaps to Dad and Jalonni.

"Bro..." Uncle Daniel, my dad's younger brother says. "Say this ain't true."

Dad remains silent.

"Yusef..." Grandpa Greg, My mom's Dad says. "This is a joke right. Many den was born a boy. You both had a boy."

"Jalonni..." Aunt Jewel, my mom's sister says. "Say something..."

"I-I" Jalonni stutters.

The doorbell rings and Uncle Tray, my Father's older brother, goes to open answer it. I look over in that direction as everyone else except Faizon and I are still in shock.

"I'm sorry we are dealing with family issues right now you'll have to come back." Uncle Tray says.

"I'm sorry but I am family." The voice on the other side of the door says, and pushes her way in with someone else behind her

I look at the woman as she makes her way into the living room. Everyone's head snaps to her and she smiles. I stare down Theo who looks heartbroken.

"No warm welcome..." She laughs.

"What are you doing here?" Aunt Jewel says.

"Jewel..." The woman says. "Nice to see you too. Hey Ma and Daddy!" The woman waves to Grandma Gloria and Grandpa Greg.

They both stare her down.

"What are you doing here Isis?" Aunt Jewel says.

"I came to check up on the family. I know about everything and... I wanted to bring someone back home for you all to meet." She steps and aside and pushes Theo to the front.

He waves at everyone and Grandma Gloria speaks up. "You had a son?" She asked, looking Theo up and down.

"Gosh no..." She laughs. "This is Theo... Mahyden's boyfriend."

Everyone looks at Theo. I guess it was all too much to process. Theo looks at Jalonni and attempts to run up. Jalonni swings and misses and Theo catches him in the eye one good time. Uncle Tray grabs Theo back. Everyone catching Jabs on him today.

"I could have your bitch ass arrested for assaulting an officer!" He groans.

"Please do..." Theo says. "Fuck you and that badge. That's for all that shit you pulled on Mahyden and with me."

"Calm down Theo..." The woman Isis says.

"Isis you come here after all these years. With more drama. I told you to stay away..." Grandpa Greg says.

"I'm not a little girl anymore Daddy. I'm a grown woman. Last I checked I had enough money to do whatever I pleased. I didn't come here for you. I came for Mahyden." She explains.

"You don't even know him." Uncle Daniel says.

"Excuse me..." She places her hand up. "Do I even know you? No! Thought so!"

I snicker a little that was funny. This situation is serious though.

"Do they know what he did?" Theo asks Faizon and I.

I nod. "Just told em."

"Jalonni I still need an answer. Did you do this sick shit? Did you get him, her, whatever pregnant?" Grandma Rita asks.

"Yeah..." He says.

The room fell silent. You could hear a pen drop or a roach being crushed.

"Jalonni what--- What type of sick shit is that? What is wrong with you?" Aunt Jewel says, her voice cracking.

"You don't understand." He says. From the looks of it. I would say the mighty and high Jalonni is backed into a corner.

"Understand?" Uncle Tray says. "Jalonni you beat, raped, and impregnated your brother. There is nothing to understand about that. You're disgusting."

"Yusef You knew didn't you?" Grandma Gloria says. "You knew all along."

"Of course he did..." Isis says. His head shoots over to her. "Why don't you go ahead and tell them and your kids where you been going all this time."

"Wait huh?" Faizon says.

"Ohhh you don't know?" She smiles. "Your Dad here was discharged from the army awhile ago. All of those little trips he's been taking has been to North Carolina to see his other two children with one of the whores where I work."

"HA! Work." Aunt Jewel says.

"Dad really?" I say.

"Yes." He finally speaks up. "I knew what was going on in this house. I didn't know what to do. Once their mom died I was depressed and lost. I was kicked out of the army for abandonment. It started off as me being fined and having to serve a couple of weekends in jail then It changed into me being depressed and going off. I tried to figure out a way to stop it but I'm to blame for how Jalonni turned out."

"Dad..." Jalonni says but is cut off.

"No Jalonni. I need to say it." He sighs. "When Jalonni was younger he was such a problem child. Gina and I didn't know what to do with him. She loved him very much but I had it. I sent him off for a while and he ended up with the wrong people. He was being molested by the counselors and people whom I trusted. It messed him up mentally. When he finally came back home it was so hard to get him back to the way he way. He started thinking he needed to be tough at all these times. One of the things that the person of many who molested him used to say was. "This is what grown men do. You're a man now." I never knew that when I told him he was the man of the house that is what triggered his behavior. There is no excuse for what he did but I understood my faults for it."

Dad finishes and everyone was silent. I really didn't have any words either because I didn't know all of that. Even still Many den did say he firga e him. That's mainly who he is. I tried to process this new information.

"All of this and not once single apology." Faizon says.

"I can't apologize to someone who isn't here." Jalonni says.

"He isn't dead..." Isis says.

We all look at her. "What?" Grandma Gloria says.

"I pulled some strings and requested that none of you be made aware of his current state. The bullet just grazed his head."

This we knew but Doctors told us he was in surgery and that we should go home and they would let us know when we could see him. That call never came. So we thought the worst but then again they would have called and told us if he was gone. I should have known.

"So he's awake?" I ask.

"No..." She shakes her head. "Just alive."

"That's wonderful we can go see him..." Dad says.

"Uh Uh..." She says shaking her head. "They can go see him." She points to us and the family. "But you two cannot." She says to Jalonni and Dad.

"I'm his father." He argues.

"Were.. Until you started letting your son fuck him and beat him." She says.

My heart starts to flutter. I can't believe he's okay.

"Now if there are no more interruptions..." She turns to Faizon and I. "Would you like to go see him?" she asks.

"Yes..." Faizon and I day together. We begin walking towards the door. The family follows shortly behind us.

"This fucking conversation isn't over..." Grandma Rita says to Dad....

We all head outside and the reporters swarm around us. They were throwing questions back to back with microphones in our faces. Isis said to just push through them. I decided to turn and make a statement.

"After much turmoil and pain. We can now rest. I will not make a statement about my family but I will leave you all with these this letter addressed to someone on why the shooting occurred." I handed a random reporter the letter and the all swarmed around it. That should give Jalonni a taste of his own...

I look around this dark space. My body felt like it was floating but I couldn't move. My mind was telling me eyes to open but they wouldn't. I wasn't in pain or a state of pain. I for once felt free. I felt like all of life's burdens were finally off of me. Then I thought back to what happened. I couldn't bring myself to shoot myself. I was honestly thinking of all the lives I would ruin instead of help. I took the gun away from my head. Faizon and La'rey burst through my room , and I panicked thinking it was Jalonni. I dropped the gun and it sounded off. I didn't purposely try to shoot of half of my skull.

I then see a bright light. Out of all this darkness this is the only light I see. My body slowly gravitates toward the light until I fully surrounded by white. My body was laid down, and I had my motor functions again. I looked around amazed at my surroundings. I was in some type of Eden. There was white everything. Flowers, benches, grass, except water but it was nice. I see a flash of light and see something forming out of it. I cover my eyes from the bright glow.

Once it subsides. I remove my hands to see my beautiful mother standing there.

"Ma!" I shout and run over to her.

She opens her arms and embraces me into her warm bosoms. I felt complete. She rocked us side to side as our hug prolonged. I pulled away and looked at her.

"You still look the same Ma." I smile.

"As do you baby." She grabs ahold of my hand. "Sit down."

We both sit on the nearby bench. I just couldn't stop staring at her beauty. Even though she's dead she's still radiant.

"Oh my god mom I'm so happy I'm here with you!" I exclaim, and wipe my tears.

"Baby you're going back." She says, frowning.

"Ma wha- No! I don't wanna..." I whine but she cuts me off.

"Baby stop that..." She wipes my tears. "I've been watching over you and your brothers. I don't know why things spiraled how they did. I hated watching you go through all of that pain and suffering and to still be so young. Each time I would send something good your way, God would stop me because that wasn't his plan for you."

"But what did I do to deserve any of that? I never had the chance to live a normal life because of Jalonni and Dad. They took my innocence." I explain.

She turns my head towards her. "You're right. Jalonni is my son. I know his problems stem from things that I did and stuff that happened so long ago. I tried and tried to transform him into something other than what I knew he'd become. He stopped taking his meds and stopped going to therapy so I was lost with him."

"He hates me so much Ma. How can I go back to a life of pain?"

"Because you're a fighter. The worst is over baby. Trust me. Yes you'll have to face your demons about this but you also have to understand that in all those instances you could've told someone."

"I was scared Mama. I'm pretty sure you've seen how powerful he is over me."

"Nobody has power over you unless you let them..." She says then a flash of light appears in front of us. She looks to it and sighs. "Well it's time for you to go back. When you open your eyes you're gonna be surrounded by people who love you. Your suffering is over Mahyden. Your guardian angel has came." She stands up and walks towards the light.

"Ma I don't wanna go back." I screamed after her. "Ma! Ma!" the light faded and I was engulfed in darkness again. I could feel my body again, and I slowly started rotating my eyes around. Eventually, I opened them slowly. When I did my vision was blurry. I kept blinking to clear the fog. I looked at all the smiling, satisfied, and excited faces staring back at me.

"Mahyden you're awake!" Faizon ran up and hugs me.