"I must be dreaming..." La'rey says, sitting back on his bed and laying down. "I have to be. I'll just go back to sleep and wake up out of this."

I walk in the room a little further. "You're not dreaming Rey. It's really me." I say, easing forward.

"Wha- How?" He says, awestruck.

"It's a lot to explain..." I start.

"No it's not..." He interrupts. "You left me... You left us... How was I supposed to look after Faizon with you gone? Now you just pop up out of hiding and think it's okay not to explain."

"You didn't let me finish Rey..." I stop him before he goes any further. I go over to the bed and sit by him but he moves away.

"I can't be near you right now..." He harshly says.

I don't think he knows he's breaking my heart right now. With each venom laced word that exits his mouth the crack is getting larger.

"I deserve that..." I nod. "Ask what you want and I'll.."

"Why?" He cuts me off again. "Why would you leave and not take us with you?"

"You don't understand La'rey. You were too young to even understand the bulk of what I went through. I had to protect your eyes and ears from all the shit that was going on in our household. I ran because I was a coward, but you have to look at it from my point of view. I knew Jalonni wouldn't hurt you two. I had planned on coming back and taking you two with me, but I took on more than I bargained for. I thought about you two all the time."

"You don't know what we went through with him either. The constant verbal abuse, the whoopings, Daddy hasn't been home in over 2 years. Jalonni has been evil to us Hyden. He's the reason I'm in here all because you left us."

"What did he do to put you in here?" I ask, remorsefully.

"He threw me down some stairs. I forget why he did it." He starts to shake his head.

"I'm sorry La'rey. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I knew it could've only got worse. I recently found out some stuff and..."

"I know about it..." He says. "You used to be a girl."

"How did you know that?" I ask, shocked.

"Jalonni told us at your candle light. When he said it I couldn't believe it. That's why you always gave off that motherly vibe. You were our keeper. What happened?"

"It was too much for me to handle." I respond.

The room falls silent for a minute or so. Soon La'rey speaks out of the blue.

"I hate you..." He says, out of the blue.

I look up at him in disbelief..

"Wha-"

"I hate you Mahyden. I battled with it for so long but I do. You have to make sacrifices. You left us. You allow him to do what he did. The blow would have been cushioned by a simple call to us to let us know you were safe. You didn't care about us because you would've did everything you could to contact us if not anybody. You suck as a protector and you suck even worse as a brother."

My heart completely shattered. He was absolutely right. I hadn't fulfilled any promised I kept. I caused more heartbreak by coming back than when I left. I wanted so badly to come back and make things right. Everyone has all these negative things to say about my absence. Nobody understands me in this world. I figured it was time for me to handle this once and for all.

I start walking closer to him. "La'rey I..."

"Leave...." He says, peering out of the window.

"Larey please lis--"

"LEAVE!" He turns around and shouts. If it wasn't obvious I was tip toeing over the shattered remains of my heart. He just pulled and yanked with no emotion. I will never say I don't love La'rey. He's going through a rough patch and so am I.

The nurses rush in the room after his loud outburst.

"Sir I think it's time for you to go." The male doctor says.

I have a stare down with La'rey. The tears start to drop from my eyes slowly. I could only see the rage in his. I nod my head in understanding of his request.

"I'll sign your discharge papers and you can make it home however you want I guess. I love you La'rey. I really do." I wipe my tears and exit out his room.

I walk back to the receptionist desk and ask can I sign off on his discharge papers. The nurse hands me his papers and watches me while I sign them.

"You okay?" She worriedly asks.

I nod. "No I'm not but I'll be okay."

I hand the paper back to her and begin to exit the hospital.

"You're not gonna wait for your brother to come down?" She yells after me.

I turn around still walking backwards. "No ma'am. He'll be fine from this point on without me." I say to her.

I take the elevator back down to the first level. I exit the hospital and manage to catch the bus before it left. I pay my fare and ride the bus back to the house. It was a sullen and quiet ride. My mind kept replaying La'rey's voice in my head.

"I hate you..."

How could he fix his lips to say that. I did the best I could. I practically raised them up. I hate that La'rey and Faizon had to endure what I couldn't. I put up with the abuse for years and I'm at my wits end. I slouch back in my seat at await the twenty minute bus ride back to my house. I see everybody get on and get off smiling as if everything is normal. All these teens living the life I was never allowed to have.

I was so engulfed in my thoughts I didn't notice we were almost near my house. I pulled the bell as the bus arrived to my post. The bus came to a halt and I got off of the bus. I walked with my head down back to the house. I didn't have a key yet so I walked around back to see was the door unlocked. I twisted the knob and it surely was. I know that was risky, but at least I'm not locked out until Jalonni gets home. It's only been a while since I got back and I'm already thinking about running away again.

I go inside the house and kick off my shoes. I drag my feet across the floor bypassing the living room to get to the stairs. I grab ahold of the rail and begin to walk up the stairs to my room. I push my door open and I'm met with the cool breeze of the air escaping from my door. I walk inside and collapse on my bed. It seemed like it was all this drama going on because I left and because I came back. I don't want to be burden on anyone. I've dealt with so much abuse and I'm at my wits end. I've made my decision.

I go over to my desk by the wall and take a seat. I open drawer and pull out some paper and a pen. I stare down at the paper trying to think of the words I want to imprint on them. I decided I'll write each if them their own person letter. I pick up the pen and begin to write.

*Dear La'rey and Faizon

I love you so much. You're my little brothers, confidants, rock, heart, and soul. I can't explain how sorry I am for all the pain I caused you. My disappearance had to take a toll on you and I am sorry. I'm sorry for abandoning you. I'm sorry for not taking both of you with me, and I'm especially sorry for the emotional torment Jalonni put you through. I can't even begin to explain what went wrong.

This is the best way I can describe life in this house to you two. So here goes... It started when Jalonni and I were younger. The very first time he raped me was after his friend had been under me wrestling one night. I was scared because Jalonni would always threaten me. In his sick mind he believes that he and I are in some sort of relationship. Jalonni raped and beat me constantly.

When he would come for either of you I would take the beating for you because Mommy and Daddy would tell him he's the man of the house and he took it to the head. I recently found that I was pregnant and the baby was Jalonni's. Dad knew the whole time and he's been known.when I ran away I was raped again and again. the last time I was gang raped. I became a drug addict, prostitute, and out of my mind. I made a friend up there his name was Vontez. Rest his soul. He tried to help me escape but he was caught along with me and killed. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and our short lived friendship. I went through some gruesome some things that I won't traumatize you with.

I want y'all to forgive me for everything. La'rey I know you hate me but you've grown up to be a strong, fine, young man. Fai I know you'll make me proud throughout life. Never show fear to anyone. Remember remember me for who I was not who I wasn't.*

I fold up their letter and seal it with tape in the middle. I write their name on it and push it off to the side. Next letter was to Theo.

*Dear Theo

I don't know how, if, and when you will ever see this but I have so much to say.You made my last days up there so magical. I never would've thought you and I would've been where we were. You sheltered me. Protected me. You also loved me in a way that others besides my brothers refused to.. I am grateful to you for so many things. When we first met it was because Jalonni and your older brother used to smoke together.

I never understood why Jalonni didn't like you so much. I think it was because you could put a smile on my face just by being in the room.You make me blush even though you're not here with me physically. I never got to compliment you on the sex. You were the best by far even though you were the only person that willingly waited for me to oblige.

Thank you for being there for me. I just hope you understand why I had to leave you. I left because I wanted you be safe. I wanted you to be able to live in normalcy. I can only cause many complications for you. I want to be with you so bad. I love you Theo. You make me the happiest boy in the world. Our potential life together could've been so great. I just come with so much extra baggage. I'm not someone who you would want in your life if this is what it takes to be with me. I only ask for your forgiveness. I know you probably resent me for anything that is going on with you right now. The last thing I want is to burden you with any more complications. I'm sorry Theo. I love you so so much.*

I look down at the letter to Theo and notice two tears fell onto the paper. I wiped my tears and folded the letter up, placing it to the side under the twins letter. This next letter would be the hardest I would write.

*To Jalonni

I don't know where to start. We used to be best friends when we were younger. I remember when you would always let me sleep in your bed when the monsters would come. I remember when we used to be hungry and you would go over your friends house just to steal us some food. Do you remember that time you said I would always look out for you and never let anyone hurt you? Then, you turned around and became the same person you tried to protect me from. I wanted so badly through all of that hurt to just be the little brother that could walk down the street and say hey that's my big bro.

What did I ever do to deserve that Jalonni? I still respected you, I still would come home daily knowing what I was walking into hoping you would change. Jalonni believe it or not you are all we have. You took my innocence and trust and crushed it. You crushed my spirit, you crushed my childhood, and worst of all you crushed our family.

What seems like a happy home to others is a house of horrors for me. When you first started hurting me I thought it was because I did something wrong. As a child I would constantly try to think of any reason to make you seem like a good person.You resent me that much that you would tear down every bit of happiness I came into. Through all that Jalonni................ I forgive you. I cannot and will not bring myself to say I hate you because I don't. I know somewhere deep in you is the brother I used to look up to.

I don't hate you Lonni. You are still my brother. You are the reason behind my hurt and anguish. I'm sorry for what ever I did to make you hate me. you're the reason I'm choosing to end my life...*

I finish writing the last letter and I am in full blown tears. I start to have flashbacks of every single event that drove me to this. In order for there to be peace for me in this world of sin is to depart from it. I fold his letter and place it at the very bottom of the other two letters. It was time. I stand up from the desk and walk over to the door. I open it and go down the hallway to Jalonni's room. I turn his door knob and push his door open. His room was very clean, and I knew exactly where would find his gun. He's had it for a long time since Dad was always gone and he showed me where it was for safety.

I went into his closet and removed the air condition vent. I pulled the black box out and placed the vent back on. I went came out of his room, closing the door behind me. I walked back into my room and closed my door. I sat on the floor in front of my door with my back turned. I stared down at the box for awhile before I opened it. I pulled the gun out, and held it in my hands. The tears were screaming down my face heavy. This was it....

"Carter you're so stupid at times..." I laugh.

"I'm super serious. I don't find the Got'Em man funny. Like what is the joke there? You all are laughing at a special needs person." He shrugs.

"I know but it's because of how he said it." I explain.

"Still don't see it. " He shakes his head.

"You're no fun." I pout.

"Anyways, have you spoken to Mahyden lately?" He asked and I instantly get sad.

"No. He said he would call that's why I haven't went home. I don't want to miss his or my twins phone call." I tell him trying not to start crying.

I haven't gotten any word on my twin. I feel he is okay because we feel the same things but Lonni won't allow me to go see him. I would go against his word but I don't know where to start.

"Maybe Mahyden just gave up..."

"No...He wouldn't do that. You don't know my brothers like I do. So shut up." I snap.

He holds his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to anger you."

I sigh. "Nah. It's cool just don't bad mouth my brothers' okay."

He nods. "I won't. "

Suddenly his phone starts to ring. We both look over at it then back at each other.

"Get it." I rush him.

"Okay..." He reaches over and grab it. He looks at the caller I.D and it was an unknown number.

"Hello..." He answers and puts the phone on speaker.

"Hey Carter this Theo."

Carter's face lights up and so does mines.

"Hey Bro. How are you? Why haven't you been calling?" He asks. I'm just waiting to hear Mahyden.

"I'm alright. Listen have you seen Mahyden recently?" Theo asks and my face drops. Carter looks at me and frowns.

"No. He's back?" He asks as a question.

"Yeah. I really need to talk to him about some shit that happened but I am good. Listen I need you to tell Faizon to go home and check cause I know he's probably still there." Theo says to him.

I nod and stand up to gather my stuff.

"He leaving now..." Carter Says.

"Please hurry." Theo pleads. I get even more nervous by his tone but I'm happy he is back. I can't wait to see my big brother.

I jog down the steps and leave from Carter's house. Once I get outside I walk.... No! Run! Home. I was amped to see him. My heart was pumping with excitement. After about 10 Mins of constant running I start to walk when I see the house in the distance. I spot Jalonni's car pulling into the driveway. Then, another car pulls up. The car door opens and out steps La'rey with his bags. I run over to him and hug him almost knocking you down.

"Bro I'm so happy to see you." I start to cry.

He wraps his arms around me back. "I missed you too Twin."

He pulls away and looks at Jalonni who is staring at us. La'rey nods to him. "Wassup Jalonni."

"Sup boy. You good?" Jalonni asks.

"Yeah..." He answers and turns back to me. "Hey have you seen Hyden yet? I saw him at the hospital and said some things I didn't mean. I think I really hurt him. I owe him the biggest apology ever."

"No I haven't but I think he in the house come on." I motion and we both enter the house. I look around the house as Jalonni enters in behind us.

"Hyden..." I call out.

La'rey looks in the living room. "He ain't in there."

"He not down here probably. Check upstairs." Jalonni says.

"Come on Rey..." I wave for him to follow me.

We both begin to walk up the stairs. Once we reach the top of the stairs. I turn back to La'rey before I open the door. "I'm so excited to see him!" I twist Mahyden's door knob and push his door open.