I open my eyes, and I notice I slipped fully under the water. I sit up from the now cold water, coughing heavily. The taste of bath water escaped from my mouth with each burst of wind out of it.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep in this tub. I must have passed out at some point which won't be uncommon. I slowly ease myself out of the water, and notice my hands, and feet are soggy like prunes. The wrinks were so deep you would think pieces of my skin were missing. I grab my towel to wrap it around me, and I stand up slowly. Because of the severity of my wrinkled skin it stung to walk, so I treaded lightly to my room..

The house was quiet, so I figured Faizon and La'rey was sleeping. I can admit I was scared to walk towards their room in fear of running into Jalonni. I looked at my clock and it was 7:53p.m how long was I out?

It was dark outside because of daylight savings time. I went towards the window, and peeked out of the blinds. I didn't see dad's car in the driveway which worried me. I walk back towards my closet, and grabbed my pajama shirt and bottoms. After I put my clothes on I finally decided to walk into the hallway. Jalonni's door was closed, so that means he was done for the night. I walk to Faizon and La'rey's room and they were both sleeping. I cut the TV off, and turn on the night light for them. I walk over to the bed, and give them both kisses on their foreheads.

I walk downstairs, and everything is cleaned back up. I can't believe he does this to me. Every time I think he's done hurting me, and he will stop. He hurts me again. I walk to the hall closet, and grab a blanket. The house is peacefully quiet. I take the blanket back towards the living room, so I could wait up for dad to get home.

*********

I am awoken to the sounds of rustling in the kitchen. Looking around I see the bright morning sun shining through the blinds. I look over towards the kitchen, and I see Jalonni fixing him some cereal. I freeze up as he looks back at me. He doesn't make a face or say anything unusual to me which was odd for him. He walks out of the kitchen with his cereal in hand. He goes up the stairs to his room, and doesn't even look my direction.

After I hear that he's completely up the stairs. I jump up and run towards the window. I look out of the curtains, and Dad's car still isn't in the driveway.

"Where the hell is he?" I mumble to myself.

Jalonni coughs from the top of the stairs causing me to jump and turn around.

"Who you looking for?" He asks walking down more stairs.

"Dad.. has he been here?" I ask nervously.

He walks past me and into the kitchen, placing his bowl in the sink.

"He was but he's not coming back." He says not facing me and washing out his bowl. He eats fast as hell.

"What do you mean?" I ask once more for clarification.

"Yesterday he was called to a meeting on base. They need him to fly to Missouri for a while and hold down the fort. Long story short he's gonna be home for a while again." He shrugs.

I back up slowly, and run up the stairs to my room. I lock the door, and the burst of tears comes. I get under my cover to mask my weeping. Every time dad leaves like this we never see him for a good while.

I was so into my feelings that I forgot today was Monday, so I had to go get Faizon and La'rey up for school. I jumped back out of bed, and walk to their rooms. I looked in and they were both gone.

"I already got them up." Jalonni says walking past the room and back into his.

I nod my head in response, and I walk back into my room. I can't keep avoiding school, so I lock my door to get dressed. I go into the bathroom to brush my teeth and pee. After I do this I come back into my room to pull out an outfit. I didn't feel like dressing up, so I settled for some dark blue joggers, my high top all white Nike air forces, and my white Sophomore hoodie.

I picked out my hair into a afro, and I put on some deodorant. I grab my work from when I was out, and my phone then head to school. It was clear that I was late but I didn't care. Asking Jalonni for a ride wasn't an option for me. So I'll walk.

The streets are always so busy in the mornings. Everyone is leading their normal lives, and they don't have to worry about being abused or hurt by a family member. Oh who am I kidding it's several people in the same position I am. Somewhere in the world. I cross the street after all the cars leave for the next light, and I am 5 minutes away from the school. I look down at my phone to see a text from Theo. I read it and didn't respond since I'm about to be in school soon.

Once I reach the school I couldn't help but have a sense of nervousness come over me. What has been said about me? What if everyone knows about my situation, but turns a deaf ear to me because they're scared. I start playing with my nails as I walk through the front door of the building. The rush of cool air hit me, and I shivered. I walk to the front office to get my late pass but nobody was in there.

I looked around but saw no one. "Hello!" I yelled out but heard nothing.

I walk out of the office and walked into the cafeteria. It was dead silence in there as well. I started to hear yelling from a faint distance, so I followed my ears. As I reach the other end of the long hallway. I figure out that everyone is inside the gym. I finally spot the Teachers and Administrators inside of the gym along with all the students.

I walk over to the gym door and knock on the door. One of the teachers opened the doors, and let me in. He knew me and knew I was out so I didn't need a pass. I walked over to my Period 2 teacher who told me to just find a seat in the bleachers. This was obviously a pep rally. I walk down the bleachers and I spot Theo in the crowd of students. It was weird being back. I felt like everyone was staring at me, but I shook it off. I pardoned my way through the people standing in the bleachers, and I tapped Theo. He turned around and smiled brightly when he saw me.

"Move over bruh." He said to a girl beside him to make room for me. "Come down here." He said to me.

I move down and sat by him. He couldn't stop smiling at me which was cute.

-----

The pep rally was fun. I was enjoying just being a normal teen and living care free for once. Now we are in 5th period on the way to lunch.

Synthia, Theo, and I are walking beside each other slowly just catching up.

"So what did I miss?" I asked wanting to be in the know again.

"A lot. You know Koran and Jada got caught fucking in old Lit classroom." She says and I am shocked.

"I thought she was a virgin." I say

"Thought?" Theo says more a question.

"She's a Ho. She fucked some of everybody low key." Syn says laughing.

"Wow." I say as we get our trays and sit down.

"So you feeling better?" Syn asks noticing my flushed look.

"I'm great. It's just..... My dad left again so now it's just me and my brothers again." I say sadly.

"Aww cheer up. Now that Jalonni has a girlfriend he may be at home less. So you can have a little fun." She says nudging me.

"Wait... He has a girlfriend?" I ask shocked.

"Yeah... She's really pretty. She light skinned, nice curly hair, not long but curly, and she's a baddie to me." Synthia shrugs.

"You didn't know?" Theo asks me.

"I honestly didn't. My brother and I don't talk much these days." I look down at my food and start to eat.

Nothing is said between us. We all started to eat and had occasional chatter. The bell rings for lunch to dismiss, and we head back to class. All I could think about was just going home and going to sleep. Jalonni has a girlfriend good for him maybe just maybe he will back off of me. I want to tell someone, but I know that can only end badly. What if no one believes me. I'm going insane. I want to be that strong dude who fights, and stands up for himself but it's just not in me.

The end of the day approaches finally, and I couldn't be more excited. The bell rings and I walk out of 6th period quickly. I place my things in my locker to make the bus. I run outside and catch my bus just as the doors are about to close.

"I was telling that hoe to wait for you." Syn says as I sit down.

"It's okay." I say in between my breathing heavily.

"What you doing when you get home?"

"I'm going right to sleep." I tell her.

"Oh okay." She places her headphones in her ears and I do the same.

We reach my stop after several others, and I am relieved to get off of the bus. I say my goodbyes to Syn and exit the bus. I walk down the street to my house, and pull out my keys to unlock the door. I couldn't help but hear moaning from the other side. I place my ear on the door, and it confirms what I hear. I immediately think about Faizon and La'rey. I quickly put my keys in, and open the door.

The smell of weed hits my face quickly, and I cover my nose and mouth. I am shocked to see Jalonni on the sofa fucking a girl, and his friend in front her getting his dick sucked. Two other dudes are sitting on the sofa across from them recording and watching. Jalonni looks back at me and smirks. I roll my eyes, and I look over into the kitchen to see Faizon and La'rey sitting down at the table eating while he is doing what he is doing.

I walk past through them. They still didn't stop what they were doing to the girl, and I went in the kitchen.

"Y'all cover y'all eyes and mouth. We going upstairs. I got y'all food." They both get up and I guide them upstairs. I look back and Jalonni's friend is staring hard at me. I roll my eyes and I take my brothers to their room.

"Are y'all okay?" I ask as I close the door.

They both nod. "What was the matter!" Faizon asks me.

"Nothing but I want both of you to stay in this room okay?" I say to them and they nod.

"I'll be right back." I say as I turn on the TV for them and hand them the remote.

I open their door and I am faced with the same dude that was staring at me downstairs.

"Can I help you?" I ask as I close the boy's door.

"Yeah. Can you show me where the restroom up here is?" He asks and I look at him skeptically.

"There is one downstairs." I say and he cuts me off.

"I know but it's a little occupied." he chuckles.

I raise my eyebrow and I stare at him. Something was telling me to get him away from me but I wanted to give others the benefit of the doubt.

"Last door on your right." I say pointing towards the direction.

He smiles at me and thanks me.

"No problem." I say plainly as I walk into my room closing the door just a bit so I could change. My room is naturally dark in the daytime because I have black curtains and blinds. I changed the color after the first few times Jalonni abused me. I hate to see light in the morning and he was still in my bed.

I take off my shirt and jogging pants, and I walk around in my under where to find some pajamas or shorts. I see my door push open, and I cover myself up with my hands. "Downstairs is that way." I say to Jalonni's friend and he smirks.

"I can't come in?" He says walking all they way in my room.

"This ain't that type of party. Your friends is downstairs." I say to him.

"But I want to be in here with you." He says and turns my light off even though it was barely dark outside I had dark curtains over my window.

"What are you doing!?" I yell to him as he grabs me and throws me onto the wall.

"Be quiet man." He grunts, grabbing me aggressively.

"Please. I don't even know you dude!" I yell again at him and he punches me in the eye. I fall back onto the bed, and he climbs on top of me.

"I bet you tight as fuck." He groans in my ear, and I start kicking and scratching him.

"I guess I got him good because he screamed. "BITCH!" He picked me up, and threw me onto my dresser, smashing me into the lamp. He comes over and kicks me in the stomach, and picks me up again. He pushes me on the bed, and buries my face into the mattress. He slides my underwear down and licks his finger, and stuffs two inside of me. I yell at the pain, and he holds my head down. He spits on his free hand and messages himself to hardness. I feel him line himself up on me, and before he thrusts in he whispers to me. "Let's see if you're as good as your brother says."

He pushes inside me and I clench my eyes tightly. He was definitely bigger in size. My insides felt like they were being ripped and shredded, there was no pleasure in this. I bit my bottom lip with each painful thrust as he moaned.

"Damn, Lil nigga you clenching up." He moans in my ear as he laid his head on my shoulder, and slows his pace down.

"Ahhhh shit, ahhh." he starts to jerk and I know he's just nutted inside of me. The tears continue to fall as he laid on top of me for a while.

After what seemed like forever he slowly pulled out of me, and stood up. "That shit was bomb" he says breathing heavily as he exits my room.

I lay in the same position on the bed. I didn't move a muscle for fear that if I did he would come back. I'm broken now. All the hopes and dreams I had for salvation has disappeared. The only love I have is for my brothers. I have to accept that this is my life now. I'm useless, worthless, and I'm a whore. Obviously if everyone takes advantage of me, and my body. Everyone goes against my wishes. I'm not on this earth to be respected. I'm a punching bag. That's my role I play. In a way, it all makes sense now.