Grief is messy. It's traumatic. Devastating. Confusing. Exhausting. Grief is a natural process of our human experience.

But both amber and Jonathan hated this feeling.

They both were overcome with grief that they didn't have any energy. Didn't have the motive to try living as they felt they didn't deserve it at all.

It's been a week since their grandmother was gone.

Jonathan, exhausted. Too exhausted to even try to go to his soccer practices. To the point, he even stayed at ambers place and shut everyone but amber and jungkook.

Amber, numb. Too numb that she didn't have any tears and went back to her old habits, overworking herself. She couldn't even look or play her own guitar because first her mother and father were taken away from her.

And now so was her grandmother, taken away from her as well.

Jungkook had even noticed that they both haven't eaten but amber would still make food for him and Jonathan which Jonathan only ate a little but it was better than nothing.

Last night he had to make amber eat which she finally ate but a little bit as well.

But today was the day of their grandmothers funeral. The day they were dreading.

Jungkook knocks on Jonathan bedroom door before turning the knob and walks in. He sees Jonathan sitting on his bed with his faces in his hands. "You okay?" Jungkook ask. Jonathan sighs before nodding.

"I know it's hard...but if you think about it, she's finally at peace, where she's at now, she's healthy. She will be able to be happy and free without worrying that her health will be in the way." Jungkook says softly. Jonathan looks up at him, his hands on his lap.

"Yea...and I guess I came to think that the sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is the price we pay to have had them in our lives." Jonathan sadly says. "She did come in our life's at a rough time. And I think we owe her for giving us a roof and food. She deserves to finally rest at peace. But it won't happen if we continue to not let her go and make her uneasy and worried." Jonathan says while his vision begins to blur.

Jungkook rubs his back, comforting him without saying anything. "You and amber are strong from what happened years ago, I know you guys will be able to get through this as well." Jungkook genuinely says. Jonathan nods.

"Thank you." Jungkook gives him a small smile.

While amber on the other side of the door, heard it all, she felt guilty. As maybe they were right. Her grandmother deserves to be at rest. That she shouldn't be selfish after all she has done, let them come into her life with open arms.

So it was okay.

I'll get through today, I promise grandma. Amber thinks to herself before knocking on Jonathan's door. She hesitantly begins to speak. "Um...y-you guys are ready?" Jungkooks sees she was trying. Both Jonathan and jungkook nod their heads.

The car ride was silent...suffocating amber. She wasn't ready but she was trying. After hearing Jonathan and jungkook talk, she thought she shouldn't be selfish.

She needed to be selfless.

For Jonathan on the other hand, felt somewhat better as he repeated the conversation with jungkook over and over again like a film.

She's lucky to have jungkook in her life. Jonathan thought as well. He sees jungkook as a brother now and he couldn't help but be happy that his sister now has someone in her life.

She deserved happiness as well.

The three of them had arrive to the funeral. They get off the car as jungkook locks the car. Jungkook looks up at amber and sees her slightly shaking, due to her hands. He grabs her hand, making her look up at him.

"Your okay baby." Ambers lips form into a thin line, wanting to cry right there and then but she didn't let them fall.

During the week, after her breakdown in the hospital, she felt as she didn't deserve jungkook. He stayed with her while hugging her. He stayed with her while crying with her. He stayed there while she was a mess. But she remembered her grandmothers words.

Those were some of the words that she said to amber before she was taken away.

She promised that she will be happy.

She promised that she will be happy for her, for her grandmother.

So she plans on keeping her promise.

Jonathan, jungkook and amber walk where they were to bury but amber each step, she felt weak.

Each step, the guilty feeling rises.

Each step, the pain worsens.

Blaming herself but she needed to say goodbye. She had to.

Because her grandmother deserves that.

Jonathan goes up to the casket, where his grandmothers body was inside, blurring his surroundings. He glides his hand over the brown casket.

"annyeonghaseyo halmeoni." ( hi grandma. ) He says weakly. "eum .. yeogi alaeeseoboda deo jalhaess-eumyeon johgess-eoyo." ( i um... I hope your doing a lot more better than from down here. ) He says before a tear falls from his amber eyes and falls onto the brown casket.

"o halmeoni .. dol-a o syeoss-eumyeon johgess-eoyo. geuleona dangsin-eun pyeonghwaloul jagyeog-i issseubnida." ( oh grandma... I wish you were coming back. But you deserve to be at peace. ) As more tears falls, he begins to shake but he sadly chuckles, trying to laugh.

Even though it hurts.

"al-a jusyeoss-eumyeon haeyo .. nan hangsang halmeoniboda dangsin-eul deo manh-i bwass-eoyo. dangsin-eun na-ege eomma gat-ass-eoyo. geuligo jeoneun ttaettaelo geu mal-eulhago sip-eossseubnida. geuleona naneun hal su eobs-eossda." ( i want you to know that... I always saw you more than my grandma, you were like a mother to me. And I sometimes wanted to say those words. But I couldn't. ) His voice cracks but still shows a forced broken smile.

"geulaeseo .. halmeoni salang haeyo. eomma salanghae." ( so... i love you grandma. I love you mom. ) He says with a smile. A genuine one. "modeun geos-e gamsahabnida. jeowa hobag-i geogjeonghaji anhdolog jal swiseyo." ( and thank you for everything. Please rest well so me and amber can not worry. ) He inhaled and exhales a breath before bowing.

"halmeoniga geuliul geoyeyo." ( I'll miss you grandma. ) He lastly says before he cries. Amber is quickly to go up to him and hug him, patting and rubbing his back. "Your okay Johnny. She'll be okay Johnny..." She gently says.

"We'll be okay." She mumbles. He nods in her embrace before he pulls away and motions amber for her turn.

Amber gulps. Wanting to get rid of the lump in her throat.

"halmeoni..." ( grandma... ) She softly says. "meonjeo dangsin-ui ttal-eul daesinhaeseoi il-eulhago sipseubnida." ( first, I want to say this on behalf of your daughter. ) She says before hesitantly placing her right hand onto the brown casket. "eomma salang haeyo. geuligo naneun hangsang hal geos-ibnida." ( I love you mom. And I always will. ) She says before her vision blurs.

"dangsin-eun hangsang naega dangsin-ui ttalcheoleom boindago mal haess-eoyo. geuleoni uliga hyeol-yeon gwangyega anieodo geunyeoleul wihae ileoneun iyuneun geunyeoga hangsang deudgo sip-eossdeon geu mal-eul deudgo sip-eoss gi ttaemun-ibnida. halmeonileul gieoghasibsio. geunyeoga jasin-ege malhalyeogo yeogie eobsdeolado geunyeoga yeojeonhi dangsin-eul salanghandaneun geos-eul abnida." ( You always told me that I look like your daughter. So even if we are not blood related, I'm doing this for her because I know you wished to hear her say those words that you always longed to hear. Remember grandma, even if shes not here to tell you herself, I know she still loves you. ) Amber says sincerely.

Ambers grandmother didn't know where her daughter went. It has been sixteen years since her daughter left, without able to call or anything.

So she's doing this for both her grandmother and her grandmothers daughter.

Because she wasn't going to be selfish.

"eum .. halmeoni gamsahabnida. modeun geos-e daehae .." ( I um... I want to say thank you grandma...for everything. ) She whispers while looking down at the casket where her hands were placed.

"jeowa jonadan-eul du pal beollyeoseo delyeoganeun sungan saeng-gagboda hwolssin manh-eun uimiga issseubnida. naneun dangsin-eul salanghabnida." ( it means a lot more than you think the minute you took me and Jonathan in with open arms. I love you for that. ) She says before her vision blurs, her tears beginning to appear after she's hold in her emotions for a week.

"naneun uliui yagsog-eul jikil geos-ibnida. naneun dangsingwa uli eommaleul wihae gyesog haengbog hal geos-ibnida." ( I will keep our promise. I will continue to be happy for you and my mom. ) She says, not wanting to break down but a tear falls from her amber eyes.

She misses her mom. She wants to see her mom. She wants to hear her mom.

But she couldn't. Because she doesn't know where she is.

So she'll try to do better, for her mom and for her grandmother.

"gyesoghaeseo joh-eun salm-eul salgeyo yagsoghabnida." ( I'll continue to live a good life, I promise. ) Amber whispers before she sighs with a small sad smile. "dangsin-eun hangsang naui halmeoniga doel geos-im-eul al-ajuseyo. geugeos-eun na-ege jung-yohaji anhseubnida." ( please know that you will always be my grandma, being blood related, that doesn't matter to me. ) She says with a sad smile. Amber lowers her upper body more, before hugging the casket before she breaks down, she finally lets it all out.

"halmeonileul tteonago sipjineun anhjiman ... dangsin-eul bonae jugessdago yagsoghabnida. jilsighaji anhgo machimnae sum-eul swil su issdolog." ( I don't want to leave you grandma... but I promise to let you go, to let you live in peace. To finally let you finally breathe without suffocating. ) She cries before she feels two hands, softly bringing her back up, amber whimpers before her arms are not hugging the brown casket anymore. "It's okay amber." Jungkook whispers, amber nods, still crying but is slowly calming down.

They stand while her grandmothers elderly friends say a few things while crying as well.

They all watch, their hearts shattering and bleeding as they watch older man put the casket in the ground that they have dig up.

Everyone puts dirt down onto the casket before the older man shovel up the dirt and placing it onto the casket, they all stay still while tears have released before the ground the was dig up was now fully covered, the brown casket now hidden underground.

They all leave one by one, before amber, Jonathan, and Jungkook are the last ones. They begin to walk away, amber looks behind her and looks at her grandmother fresher grave before one last tear falls from her eyes before she turns away.

Rest well grandma. Amber says to herself before they leave, without looking back.

I'll visit you soon. Amber thinks to herself before losing herself while looking out the window up at the sky, the car filled with silence.

____________________

Same Jungkook...same. 🤧^

So thoughts on this chapter, let me know in the comments and sorry for taking long, didn't have any motivation to finish it earlier but finally updated. :)

Well anywho, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and look forward to more. :))

Stay safe and healthy and please rest well loves. <3