[Roman]

*~*~*

Letting go is not loosing,

Loosing is not forgetting,

Forgetting is not erasing.

Reality exists to be real,

To reconnect with the reality;

Is to reconnect with the truth.

And in reconnecting with the truth,

One may regain something they have

Let go, lost or forgotten.

*~*~*

"Thank you so much for doing that Owen, you too Skylar, your voice is amazing." Aaron compliments, given each of them a smile and a quick hug. Skylar clings on for a little longer, whispering into Aaron's ear, who smiles wide and pulls away. "Thanks Sebastien, Felix." They get hugs too.

Being able to stand without the fear of my own emotions is rejuvenating, like turning over a new leaf. Except it's more like rekindling something I've forgotten. "Don't fuck too hard. Save that for Valentine's." Sebastien winks, making Aaron push his shoulder. "Little ole' Sebastien isn't getting any this Valentine's." He pouts.

"Can we not talk about doing the thing in the middle of the street." Skylar waves his hands, Owen looks deep in thought, he catches me looking and flashes a smile. Skylar jumps up and wraps his arms around my neck, dangling in front of me like a monkey. "I'm proud of you Roman." I hug him back, then set him down to go his way.

I have to say, if I wasn't 10 feet deep in love right now, I'd tap Skylar's ass any day of the week. He looks hot in a suit. But then again, I have my own little luxury that's in a suit all the time. "Let's go dipshit." Aaron takes my tie in his hand and pulls me to walk. I'm not annoyed, at least I don't think so. All I can do is smile and I feel as if I've already pulled 7 different groups of muscles because I'm so not used to smiling.

"How'd you like the little cheese."

"Boy, if that's little I'm going to need the whole Walmart's worth of cheese dip to compensate." He lets go of my tie, looping his arm around mine and taking my hand. He seems to be freezing so I shove both hands into my pocket and hope that the terribly cold air doesn't get to us. "But what you said. That's very admirable and impressive. I loved it."

"At least my innately sarcastic nature has a use other than pissing everyone and their mothers off." I sigh contently, glad that it's over. There were a lot of nerves involved, Skylar said it doesn't matter if I didn't do something big like that, Aaron wouldn't mind. But I need him to know I really am sorry and willing to change. And the only way I knew how, masochistically, is to humiliate myself and share my story to everyone.

Aaron shows me to his car, his driver is waiting patiently at the side like a soldier. "Mark, you really don't have to stand in the cold." He smiles sadly, he's never told me much about Mark, but I know that they come from some sort of friendship.

"Professionalism, sir." He smiles, "Congratulations on the event, I heard it was a big success. And I am glad you have found someone." He looks at me with the same smile. I nod, not returning it, being in touch with my emotions in my case doesn't translate to having everything intact. I'm still learning, so it doesn't mean I have to betray my cynicism and smile at everyone. Cynicism has been with me for too long, I'm not going to abandon an old friend.

"You're talking about professionalism to a person that just walked out of his own event with his boyfriend. And it only goes down hill Mark." He laughs a little and opens the passenger door.

"Where to sir?" He looks at me, and I wiggle my eyebrows. He elbows me with a frown then tells Mark to head to his penthouse. I've never been there, nor has he been to my place. We really don't know much about each other but I'm going to change that. I will definitely change it.

~

"Welcome, to my humble abode, where I barely ever enter because I'm a slave for my company." He steps aside and gestures me in, I raise a brow and look around. It's spacious but not to a point where it's excessive. It is a penthouse though and I know these things are serious business.

"Slave or not, I need sleep. I've been fidgety for the past 48 hours and I need to relax before I reduce into a pile of ash. I want to be buried, not being blown away like a fart in the wind."

"Don't joke like that Roman!" He slaps my arm. I grab him around his waist and swing him from side to side, places a kiss here and there on his neck.

"It's in my blood to make jokes like that." Aaron turns around and kisses me. His hand on my beast pocket. Then he feels around for a bit.

"What's that?" He frowns, poking at the item inside said pocket. "If you have a diamond ring in there I will slap you. After I take the ring and try it on."

"I'm just that muscular and buff Aaron. Trust me, Solomon." I reach into the pocket and pull out the dog tag, the one where he threw at me that day at the hospital and the one I gave him as an apology with his name on it. Only now, it has new words on it.

"Sorry"

- Roman Perry

He looks at it for a moment, flipping it back and forth then chains it around his neck. I stop him. "Don't put it on now, I don't want to choke you tonight." Wiggling my eyebrows again. He flips me off and puts it on anyway.

"I don't have condoms or lube laying around so we won't be doing anything either way." He shrugs, at least he's not denying my advancement. I haven't tried to flirt with someone since... ever. So this is going to be interesting. "And no matter how monster or micro your penis is, I'm not taking it dry or without a condom. Sorry not sorry."

So he's implying that he'd bottom for me? This is going according to plan. "If I say I brought condoms and lube, will you judge?" I raise my voice towards the end. Bracing myself for a hit. Aaron walks back over, taking off his coat sensually and unbuttoning the top three buttons of his dress shirt after loosening his tie.

Oh shit, oh shit.

He stands right in front of me, hand on my left chest as he begins to undo my tie with the other. He drags his other hand down my chest, brushing over my sensitive bits and down to my abdomen where I'm currently flexing so it'll hopefully create some sort of appeal. What? I already said I'm not good at flirting. "Humm... I don't know Roman? Would I?" He kisses my jaw slowly, all the way down my neck on his tip toes. Brushing his nose against my beard. "You tell me..."

Fuck I'm getting a boner quicker than a the Flash's skeleton.

His fingers slide inside my half undone shirt, brushing his fingertips against my nipples without my shirt in the way, making me shiver from head to toe. His other hand goes behind my neck and trials up to my done-up hair, barely reaching the hair tie and releasing my hair, my scalp feels a lot better without every single strand of hair tugging on it. But that's not the point, it's the obvious problem I have going on down there.

He smiles then chuckles, and then laughs. He leans up close to me again, his lips next to my ear. "You can't handle this." Turning around and walk a step away before he wiggles his ass at me.

This piece of shit.

I'm going to fire back 200% and I'm not going to live tonight with blue balls, a cocky boyfriend and probably a wet dream since I've been abstaining for a good 2 months.

I don't let him get satisfaction out of his little stunt, and instead proposed, calmly, that we both go shower and head to bed early. I take a shower first, a quick one. I make sure to clean myself inside and out, I'm usually the top because of the people I hook up with or used to date (i.e. Owen) but I understand Aaron comes from a different background. If he wants to top, I'm not going to stop him.

Lord knows that if he wanted me to wake up at 6:00 am to get him breakfast from the café down the street I'd do it in a heartbeat. Being in love is hard, I've done it once before. Never thought I'd do it again to be honest.

Aaron is on his phone when I get out, fully clothed. He walks past me and pecks me on the lips before getting to his own shower. He took longer than usual, so I took my time in preparation. I strip naked, making sure that my guy downstairs is soft and climbing into Aaron's bed. He is the one to suggest we sleep together, so I'm not objecting.

I lay down on the bed, one of the softest and most comfortable I've had. Then I pretend to be sleeping, the heating hasn't come on full blast yet, so it is still a little chilly but I lay ass naked on the bed with the blankets only covering my privates. I close my eyes and wait.

If someone were to ask me what love feels like, I'd say... it's a bit like Tetris. Each building block to your relationship is slightly different, and depending on the situation you might have to change the angle, rotate how you think to fit together whatever it is an equilibrium would be. The process can be quick and thoughtless, leading to a lost game, but if you take it slow, and think carefully the bits and pieces fit together more perfectly. And when they do, you last longer.

The satisfaction of clearing a whole line is like reaching a milestone. Meeting each other, first date, first kiss, all that. They are what makes the process worth it, that and the fact that being in love makes you feel good for no apparent reason. But clearing those lines, reaching those milestones, they mean a lot.

Aaron and I kind of skipped that bit. We started off quick, brash, thoughtless, and without proper communication or communication at all. It started at the top, then it slid down slowly, and it reached a threshold where it was a stalemate, then a catalyst broke the threshold, bringing the relationship down with it.

But now, now is a different story. It's quick to have known each other for 2 months and already saying 'I love you' but I can't help it. In quick succession, my life flipped up and down constantly time and time again. Now that I can feel the optimism building, I'm happy with where I am at. And I've been taught by a wise young man to not rush, there is no point. Sounds hypocritical but I swear I will take this slowly and cherish it.

I won't break what I have with Aaron foolishly like I did with Owen. I broke a perfectly good heart and I'm still grieving for my own gullible self.

"Stupid caveman..." Aaron whispers, I feel the bed dipping then a hand comes in contact with my arm, he heats up my skin my friction and pulls the blankets further up. "Blankets are here for a reason, dumbass."

I almost wanted to laugh, but at the same time, I'm frustrated that he's not falling for my trick. But all that goes out the window the moment he pressed his lips to my forehead.

The plan doesn't matter. This isn't revenge sex I'm about to suggest. I want to be in love, physically, and make that extend mentally. "I love you Roman." He kisses my chest, and tucks himself under my chin. I really want to cry, I don't know why, I just want to feel more of that love and care. I told you before, I'm an attention whore.

I wrap my arms around him, he's wearing a shirt and boxers but I don't really care. "I love you too." He sniffles, I kiss him on the cheek.

"You're awake? You fucking moron, you could catch a cold." I look into his eyes, in true fairy tale fashion, they do look like they are shining with love. Maybe I'm a cheesy person under all that bullshit. "And if you sleep naked, at least give me a heads up. Now I feel awkward and overdressed..."

His hand comes around my waist, there is nothing sexual about it. Just loving. TLC they call it. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." He says, kissing my collar bone slowly, then moving on to my chest, shoving his face in my neck and nipping at the skin there. I'm getting hard for sure. This is so sensual and it's so damn sexy. He lays a kiss on the corner of my jaw and I sigh in relief. It feels so good when I massage that spot, now with his kisses, it feels better.

I lay on my back, and he continues to do his job while sprawled on top of me. I slide my one hand up his shirt and the other down his boxers. He has the roundest and firmest ass in all of man and woman. He doesn't work out for nothing, that's for sure. His right thigh slides between my legs, brushing up gently against my naked parts. I gasp, I should've at least jerked off 2 days before this, because from that one instance of contact, I feel like I can nut a river.

He flinches all of a sudden. "Holy fuck Roman. That is not a penis." He sits up, sporting his own boner. He isn't small either. Mine is bigger though. I laugh at his reaction, not because of how ridiculous he sounds, but the way his hair looks without gel and him not in a suit or expensive clothes. Just a plain black T shirt and navy blue boxers, sitting on top of me. He looks gorgeous. "Don't fucking laugh Roman. That is not going up any orifices."

I pout, taking him in my hand and stroking inside his boxers. He moans. "No one said I have to be the top." I shrug, lifting my legs so I can support his back a little. I retrieve the lube and lather two fingers, then gently push it against my backside. "Oh shit, that feels really fucking good. Why have I never done this before?"

Aaron gasps from my stroking, then he lays on top of me again and starts grinding. "Wait no, no..." He blushes, it's rare to see, but when I do, it's probably because he feel confronted. "I... I like being... on the bottom..." He whispers, taking me in his hand, switching our rolls while I feel my finger inside of myself.

It really does feel good, I try for a little deeper then I hit something that every person I've done wants me to hit. And shit does it feel intense. It's like a pleasure button that sends tremors from the inside of me. I moan out loud and close my eyes. I am fully ready to blow up when Aaron kisses my tip. It feels overwhelming. So before I get ahead of myself, I take my fingers out and just enjoy Aaron's superior job at pleasuring me.

He varies his tempo just right, making sure he doesn't push me over the edge just yet. He even experiments a little, laying the opposite way so I can stretch him out simultaneously. It's a compromising position but it's pleasurable to a T. "Ah fuck, Aaron!" He takes a brave dive for it, taking 3 quarters of me in his mouth, no doubt down his throat as well. I am right about to release when he pulls away. Making me jerk in frustration, he's really good at this.

Aaron flips over with me on top and him on the bottom, face to face. I reinsert my fingers, wanting to prepare him well so it doesn't hurt as much. His hand goes down to my guy, but I stop him. I chuckle, "If you touch it once more, I think I'll be done for the night." I have to admit, I don't have the best stamina, but no one is perfect. Aaron nods, his hair is flopping over his forehead, giving him a childlike quality that is quite frankly, welcomed. I'm not paedophilic, I really am not.

"R-Roman... I think I'm good." He starts stroking himself while bringing his legs up further. I nod and put on a condom that I quickly took out of the package. Lathering myself with lube as well as his backside. "That shit is taken straight from Alaska..." He gasps, wiggling his tempting ass slightly.

"How do you want to do this?" I ask him, massaging his legs and back while kissing his neck.

"Um... doggy? I think it hurts less." He gasps when my hair falls over onto his shoulder and I kiss his temple. With little effort I slide in half way. He is tighter than a vice. I can't tell if he is relaxing his muscles or not. "You can move now..."

I chuckle, nuzzling him and looking for a way not to scare him. "Baby, I'm only half in..." He blushes again, probably from hormones and lust. I rock my hips, slowly going in more and more until he moans out aloud all of a sudden.

"That is so deep Roman, what the fuck." His hands grip mine and we lock fingers, my palm against the back of his hand.

The rest is a blur, I always thought I had bad stamina but for a long time I just moved, slow then fast, rough then gentle. Aaron threatened his release several times while my balls are slowly feeling like they are going to unload a gallon's worth every time I push in.

I really love Aaron.

We were built to fall apart and fall back together.

I don't know if other people feel this way, but when I'm doing this to someone I love, I feel like I can cry from how painfully in love I am. But that'd be embarrassing.

So like the tide, I push and he pulls, matching a rhythm that only the two of us can decipher, one that requires not bars, not sheet music. Just hearts that beat, synchronized. I show him how much I love him, without words save for gasps and moans. They are sensual, sexual but also emotional.

With my front flush against his back, I pick up the pace exponentially. He yells out since I am aiming for that one spot that I've grown to know well now. My hands grip him as close to my body as possible from around his chest and hips. He holds my hands like his life depends on it.

Little did he know, my life depends on him.

My thoughts get muddled, I aim down the best I can, nailing the spot and he screams out. Sweat making his floppy hair stick to his forehead. He releases all into my hand. I don't want him soiling our sheets. Our sheets.

That's what love is to me.

It's not the 'him', or the 'I'.

It is the 'us'.

My imagination takes me to a place I've never been before. Sitting at a beach with a sun umbrella overhead, casting a shadow on Aaron and I. We sit idly on the towels. Cracking jokes, looking at the shoreline, and what is beyond. I look at the people around me, my friends, my family. Not the family that chose to leave me be, but the family I appointed in place of them. Not even a replacement, they are a different story altogether.

Then of course, is my love. And further into my head, I see another family.

A family of 3, where my husband and I raise a child in a house down by the shores. The same shore that my friends were at moments ago. But this time, with an extra miracle.

"Fuck..." I whisper, a tear falls onto Aaron's cheek as I, too, come to a close. Everything I have emptied into the latex barrier. I have to admit, it is an inhuman amount almost. It didn't look like I only came once. But I guess that's what I get for abstaining for 2 months without even my right hand.

We lay in soft pants after cleaning up. Him holding me instead of the opposite. He seems to know that I need it, and indeed he is correct. I do need it.

"Have you thought about families?"

"We've been dating for 2 months, and not even the whole time Roman."

"No I'm just asking. I had this... thing pop up in my head."

"Well. If you put it like that... 1 kid maybe 2, house by the sea and definitely marrying a man even if we don't work out. Not saying anything negative but from all our parents, I am traumatised."

"That sounds perfect." Like my image. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Says the one that pointed out we've been dating for 2 months."