[Skylar]

*~*~*

I was a shadow.

Fear out of a figment of imagination;

Space that lacks light.

That lacks substance.

On the 14th of the second month,

I made a promise,

To look to the cloudy sky,

And Love the Overcast.

To love the shadow.

*~*~*

Discount chocolate! I better get some before they go back to normal price again. Felix would like some too, I hope at least. But I usually eat them all in the end, which is not very nice of me. But I'll still get them, they are cheaper than usual and still taste just as good. Nothing to lose.

There is a good range of chocolate to choose from, anything pumpkin I will avoid because dad is allergic, plus, who even thought that pumpkin chocolate is a good choice. I know that Felix doesn't like weird flavours, Roman likes milk chocolate, Ryland prefers dark chocolate and Aaron seems to like everything, Owen, just like his last name enjoys white chocolate. So in reality, I have to buy every generic flavour there is on the shelves and pay for them.

I know Aaron, Roman, Ryland and Felix won't need the chocolate. They have their own Valentine. And to be honest, I don't have a reason to buy them apart from the fact that I want to pretend like I have a Valentine. It's in two days and I'm going to live with Dad for a while, Felix and Ryland deserve their own space.

With me there... It kind of disrupts their special day.

I try my best not to think much of it, but it only makes my life hardr. I really want that special someone. While I was in hospital, all I could think about was the way Felix held Ryland, even the fact that Roman and Aaron cared enough about each other to argue. Arguments only happen when you care deeply about the other person, if not, they become fights. Very bad and violent fights.

I shouldn't be envious. It's not their fault that I'm loveless, I only have myself to blame. Aaron was once interested, but I didn't give him a chance. It wasn't just because I didn't feel the connection, I'm sure it can be built. But it's also because I am scared. I am so terrified that, like some people I love, I won't be enough for them.

Truth be told, this Canadian Cookie isn't the smartest, I'm not the fanciest, and I'm fake. I used to only act like I'm happy all the time because it's the only way to avoid questions. Now, I'm truly happy, very happy. But that doesn't mean the fear goes away. I am the one to push people away, so I can only blame myself.

For being weak, gullible and stupid.

"Happy Valentines Day!" I hear from in front of me, I shrug my backpack up higher, looking into Alexander's eyes. I haven't seen him since the accident, even at school I just never see him. "How are you Skylar?"

I force a smile, if this were Felix, he would be upset with me forcing it. He'd be angry with me for not telling him. But this isn't Felix, he has something better to do. "I'm good! Happy Valentines Day to you too."

"I'm sorry that I never got time to visit or even have lunch with you. You're always quite busy and I didn't want to be a nuisance." He scratches the back of his head, breathing out a white cloud. "I assume you have recovered? You seem to be in good spirits." Good spirits, I suppose. I am meeting with dad, and I'm sure he will make me happy.

My thumbs raise and I smile, "All good! Don't worry about it, and I'm already fully recovered. The cookies do the trick just fine." I giggle.

He smiles fondly, then nods approvingly to himself. "Why isn't your boyfriend here? You know, the tall guy." He motions his hand to imitate Felix's height, I assume it is Felix. I have a lot of tall friends, but Felix is the only one that people has ever accused me of dating. I don't blame them, we do act kind of couple-esque but now is a different story.

"Oh we are just friends." I wave my hand, dismissing the conversation. It hurts, it really does. But I promise myself not to dig too deep, if I go around looking for that 1 person, I'd be spending my life in misery and frustration. I'm not looking for that person not only for my sake, but for everyone else's sake, I am doing my best to keep my head up high, being depressed is like stepping into quicksand. And I've already had that phase, this is a new leaf for me.

"I'm so sorry..." He frowns. He got the wrong idea completely. "I thought I saw you and him together on the streets the other day... Never mind, I'm sorry about that."

"Oh no, we never dated. I've always been friends with him. He's dating my twin brother, not me." I shrug, this is no big deal. To me at least.

"Oh thank God. I'd be damned if anyone broke up with you. You are too nice to go through that pain." He pats my shoulder and I smile up at him. "Have a nice day, alright? My fiancé is in the café."

For a moment, I thought he was interested.

But obviously, he's not.

I'm just Skylar Cook. There's nothing to be 'interested' in.

"See you Alexander." I wave, seeing a man slightly shorter than him wave at me as well, they hug and kiss briefly. I'm glad they are happy, and so are all these couples on the street.

If there is one thing I have learnt in the past 2 months, it would be to stay happy. Not saying that being upset is bad, but being happy should always be a priority. Doesn't matter with who or why. There has got to be something that will make you smile.

And that is the drive for me to become who I am today;

To be the person that puts that smile on their face,

Reminding them that there is more to life;

Than an Overcasting cloud.

~

I walk into Owen's workplace, a nice pet shelter with simple décor and posters on corkboards around the waiting room. There isn't anyone here today, so at least I know that no pets are injured so far. Though, there is one person standing in front of the receptionist desk. A Felix looking person, only that he seems to be an actual body builder.

He sneaks glances at a corner of the hallway while speaking to the receptionist. That is strange.

Owen walks up to the front, his lab coat has a green paw mark right over the breast pocket. I helped him embroider his name on the lapel of his coat too. He smiles when he spots me, running over for a hug. Owen is a very big hugger, just like me. And seeing him smile makes my day better.

I really want to be in a relationship with him, but that feeling isn't there. I know he deserves love, more than anyone, but I can't give that to him. He needs to find someone on his own, and it breaks my heart to know that I can't just find someone. I have to wait, for a long time.

"Happy Valentines!" He says, dusting his coat off, animal hair float around him and onto the ground.

"Happy Valentines!" I smile back, handing him the chocolate from my backpack, "It's white chocolate, it came with a little key ring too, which is kind of strange." I dangling the little teddy bear accessory in front of his face as well. He takes it with a wide grin and says his thanks.

Owen is such a nice person, I'm trying to get him to open up. I know he's been doing himself in with his brain, and even though he is a very smart guy, it's not hard to notice that, when he is uncomfortable, he goes into self pity, and I know how it feels. I've been there before. I would've taken him out for fun at the ice rink today, but he has work. So I'd rather not.

His eyes drift over to the receptionist's desk, the guy's eyes meet his and Owen blushes to the tip of his ears, and then looks away quickly. He pulls me down the hall and into the staff lounge, it's very small, but cosy. "He's the guy. The really creepy, scary guy." I shiver too, knowing that the death stare is clearly meant for Owen. "He used to just come around and get appointments to apply for adopting a pet, now he's been hired to do volunteer work every so often."

Though, it is kind of terrifying to know that someone is looking over your head, quite literally, like a hawk. I still think the guy doesn't mean any harm. Maybe he's just a little grumpy to begin with, like Felix. "I'll go speak to him. You wait here." Owen grabs my hand, telling me not to do it, he's afraid I might piss the guy off. If I do, he's got to be a stupid person even think about hurting me. This is a public place and he could easily be caught with all the cameras. "You like him right? You said it's a crush." Owen nods shyly, I can use his name for the stunt then.

I'm sorry to say, but if he is as nasty a person as Owen says, then I'd be glad to take a couple hits to get him out of this place from accusation of assault. But before that, I'm going to give him a chance. Everyone deserves a second chance.

From my bag, I produce a box of chocolate. Perhaps, the gift would soften the blow on him when I confront his 'treasons'. Staring isn't a crime per se, but it does make people uncomfortable. It's not the most conventional thing to gift a stranger a box of chocolate either, so I can use Owen's little crush as a way out.

"Morning sir!" I tap the man's shoulder, it seems like everyone is super tall these days, or maybe I'm just short. But I don't think his height is what's considered average. He's just as tall as Felix. "My friend, Owen, he said he wanted to give you these." I shove the box in his face. "He's too scared to do it. Said that you look like you don't like him." I rock on my heels waiting for a response.

The man pulls me away from the desk, and around the corner into a short hallway next to the bathrooms. "He said he wanted to give these to me?" I nod, smiling at him. He doesn't look like he is making an effort to look upset or agitated, it's just how he looks I guess. "What do you mean by that? Is he interested in me?" His brows furrow.

I shrug. "I'm only told to give it to you. And apologise on his behalf if he has done something to upset you." I look down, I'm genuinely upset for what I'm thinking right now, "Owen's been hurt in the past, that's why he gets scared easily." I pat the box in his hands, "If you want to be friends with him... Maybe go talk to him, I can recommend a bookstore that is quite close. It's got a nice atmosphere and Owen is familiar with the place. You know, ease the nerves or whatever."

Digging into my pocket, I pull out a business card of Ryland's. Pointing to the address of the newest bookstore. "That one?" He asks and I smile, "I really didn't know I was scaring him... Anyway," He gives me a small smile, "Thanks for that, I'll... be sure to do something about it."

And he takes off into the staff lounge. Leaving me to smile, at least I've done one good thing today. I hope they become friends, Owen deserves it. And I trust him to be able to find his own happiness with little help. Owen is a grown man, and he is more than capable, just needs a little push in the right direction.

Doing good things make me feel happy myself, it's like I live part of their delight when I help.

Part of the delight that I don't get to feel, not normally anyway...

Onwards to the next mission.

~

"Is that the last one papa bears?" My tiny arms can't move much, but I can help open doors and carry the smaller boxes scattered around. Dad decides that he wants to build his own desk and shelves. He's been very focused on photography lately, and the photos look amazing.

"Should be." Dad replies from the bathroom, washing his hands. He comes into the office of splayed pieces of wood and metal, sits on the bean bag that I got him for late Christmas, since I didn't know he was coming at the time, and then he sighs loudly. "Come here Skylar."

I run over and sit next to him on the big bean bag. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I just want to hug my son a little." His arm comes around my shoulder and pulls me into him. Dad's got a very nicely kept body, I'm so glad that he keeps up with his health. Especially with everything going on, he has a high chance of slipping into an emotional trough, but he didn't and I'm thankful for his strong mind. "I'm sorry Skylar..."

"Sorry? For what?" His response is to hold me tighter, the scent of his cologne, it's the old man type, musky and manly. "Dad..." I push off, sitting on his left leg like I used to when I was just little baby Skylar. "It's been ages. I never blamed you." I always say that dad looks youthful, that he is preppy and cheerful.

But really, he's just another father. Minus the attitude and the language, his age definitely shows. He has wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, his hair is scattered with strands of silver, so is his beard, salt and pepper. The last time I saw him was before I left after the graduation. That's the first day that I have ever heard my dad say anything more than words that sound like commands.

He cried, he sounded very proud and loving.

Like a father should be.

"I know Skylar... I know..." He sniffles, pulling me into him again.

Even before that? He's been authoritative, reserved. He was a strong man, is a strong man, both in and out. He doesn't take tardiness and that's where I fall. I tried my hardest to impress him, but he only ever gave me small smiles, pats on the back once in a blue moon. I admit, it does do a blow to my pride. I was a stupid kid, I was so slow with everything I do. It's pathetic.

You could say that I used it as a drive to work harder. And I did, I graduated, became a teacher, found happiness. Albeit, regretfully with out him in my life. I was too quick to judge that he was the same as my mother. I've always believed in second chances, but the one time that I didn't, it meant the end of my childhood and adolescence. It was upsetting if I put it into words. But to me at the time, I was excited beyond words to finally live as I want.

"At least we have some father and son time now. Right?" I inhale my father's cologne, it never fails to give me a sense of love and hope. It's as if I'm feeding off of his aura, the hopeful aura that he exerts. He trusts that one day, he will find a second love.

I savour the warm feeling of his arms around me in a fatherly manner,

Giving me gentle pats on the back.

He's one of the few people that cuddle me nowadays.

"Yeah. You're right." He chuckles, running his hands up and down my back. "I just want to hold you like you are 6 again... God, you were so tiny, it scared the shit out of me when you ran around the house speaking gibberish." I don't remember it, but sounds like something I would have done. "Tell me more about yourself, I want to know about what you did when you left home."

Dad already knows everything I did after I left. He asked me, he asked Ryland, he asked Felix. But those 8 years mean the world to me. It was a time of persistent change, something I wasn't quite ready for, but I took it on anyway. I had one job as a person at the time, and that is to look after Felix.

It might seem like Felix is looking after me more so than the opposite. But I'd like to think I helped him too.

As did my leave help Dad and Ryland.

Everybody makes mistakes. If we don't, it detracts from how human we all are. And the best thing about being human, is choice. If we made a wrong choice, as long as we make a right one to start fixing the problem. No matter how big or detrimental, there will be a way out. Or at least a compromise.

And to help people realise that,

I decided a long time ago that second chances are worth it;

Because the person who makes the right choice in the end.

They, too, are worth it.

~

"... We camped out that night at the park. You know the dog park next to the McDonalds? Yeah, we slept in a tent and everything it was pretty awesome. And every single day after that, Felix would come up to me at school, hurt or recovering from being hurt... I didn't know what happened to him, but I kept treating his wounds. He always said thank you." I smile remembering little high school Skylar, only 16 at the time. How he met Felix, and how he always thought that the world is a place only fit for joy.

I kept forcing happiness, it was unhealthy. And much like love, happiness cannot be forced, if you don't look for it, the feeling comes naturally as a mid spring breeze. It took me years to learn it but I did. And I try to teach everyone that too.

"That's amazing Skylar." Dad looks at me fondly, I smile at him, knowing that he means it. In the past, I'd hear similar phrases, but they would only serve as a means to dismiss my incessant chatter. I know I am annoying sometimes, but it used to be the only way that I can pull myself away from the terrible thoughts. To distract myself. "Looks like it's going to snow again..." Dad sighs, he pulls out his camera from the case next to his seat though, taking photos of the sky.

He just takes them for the sake of taking them. No real purpose. I guess he just likes having them around.

Then he stands and takes one of me, sitting cross-legged on a sun bench, looking out at the not very sunny sky from my father's small town house.

I've looked through my father's folder of photos on his laptop, some edited, some are just candid shots.

There was the photo he gave me as a Christmas gift.