[Ryland]

*~*~*

I came here with a broken heart that no one else could see

I drew a smile on my face to paper over me

The wounds heal and tears dry and cracks they don't show

So don't be so hard on yourself, no

-- Don't be so hard on yourself, Jess Glynne

*~*~*

"I'm going to go get some water for Bambi, want to come with me?" I ask quietly, careful not to wake sleeping beauty number one in the hospital bed and snow white number two sprawled out on the chair. Aka father dearest.

"Yeah, sure baby." Felix answers. If dad is Aurora then I can be Belle. Felix would be my beast. That's the perfect description of him. A gentle, humorous beast that doesn't have a grasp over his feelings. It's going to bite him in the ass one day and I'm sure of it too.

Felix has fallen into a soft state, nothing agitates him unless it has something to do with Skylar and I, not even when a nurse is making annoying tapping noises with their pen and clipboard, he just wants her to quickly get shit over with so he can hear about how Skylar is doing. He's gone to lengths such as asking Owen to read what the machines say, but of course it's different for puppies and kittens than it is for humans.

The two of us fall into step next to each other, his hand gently takes mine and brings it up to his lips for a gentle kiss. "What's got my boyfriend's violence under check?" I chuckle, "I'm not used to this kind of royal treatment." It's about 8:30 pm, we will be told to leave in less than 15 minutes and I'm sure that I will fight the head nurse if she boots us out before the doctor comes.

"I know I'm no fun for the whole day, sorry..." He sighs, making my brows furrow, he's usually much more firm and curt than this. "At least you get a little more gentle Felix before I blow up on you again." He stops walking, slips his warm hand from mine and takes my face in his palms, "I'm sorry Ryland."

His voice is so fragile you can almost see him falling apart in real time. It's heartbreaking, really. It's only been 2 months, and he's been pissing me off constantly, never to the point where a conversation cannot get us past it, but it seems like he's been withdrawing from his usual self since we arrived at the hospital.

Looking at Roman and Aaron, although, from what I understand, nothing concrete is set for those two, I still wonder if one day I'll fall apart with Felix like that. In such an explosive and detrimental way. Probably not for the same reasons, Felix and I have decent communication, though admittedly I give him the silent treatment a lot when I'm upset. But I'd like to think it's for our own good that I keep my mouth shut for a couple hours.

"Are you kidding Felix? There's nothing to be sorry about. That's your best friend in there, sicker than I've ever seen him." I take his hands away from my cheeks, and hold them in both of my own. "I'm just as scared as you are. He's always been strong on the inside, but his physical strength is not up to par and we both know that. You've done your best to keep him fit and healthy. And I am forever thankful."

We continue walking, his arm around my shoulder as we walk slowly towards retrieving water. I know we should be moving quicker so the doctor can speak to us, but an extra minute or two won't be a big deal. I just want to be a boyfriend for 2 more minutes, not a sulking mess.

"Sorry I'm quiet." Felix whispers, taking the water that's been dispensed and holding it with one arm while he takes my hand with his other arm. He might not look it, but Felix is a gentleman and a half when he wants to be. "As stupid as it sounds, remember the night when we first kissed?"

"Between the waffles and the won game of twister, I'd say it's a yes." I unlatch our fingers, since Felix is so much taller, it's strange having to bend my arm to hold his hand, so I usually opt for linking arms. Not that we have any major PDA moments, he's not a romantic person and I respect that. But it's him who initiated so I won't say no to a bit of TLC.

"I just thought... you know... it's kind of hard to put up a smile at times like these." This time he undoes our arms, and he slips it around my waist, drawing me into his side like a bundle of bamboo sticks. "I don't want to be strong sometimes." And from his demeanor, to the way his voice softens, he's telling no lie.

"Don't be so hard on yourself Felix. You don't have to be strong, not in front of me, or Skylar." I lay my head on his shoulder, it's more awkward than it is comforting but I want to show him that I really care. "If you want to cry and talk about feelings we can do that in bed tonight. And then we can go out for an early morning jog around the track before coming over here."

We reach the room right when I finish speaking. He places the bottles of water on the table shadowing over my brother's sleeping figure. Even with the tubes and wires he refuses to let go of his whale. He says it brings him sweet dreams, whatever suits Skylar, goes.

"Would it be really weird if I kissed you like right here?"

"Right here?" I imitate his Australian accent, I have a niche ability for accents, namely Australian, French and Spanish. I think those three are hot. So I took time learning them, the languages themselves too. They are such beautiful and nice sounding languages, minus Australian, obviously.

Felix hugs me to him tightly. It's really thought provoking when he is weak on the inside, he compensates by being strong on the outside, as evident from the tight hug versus the borderline tearing emotional talk. "What did I do to deserve you?"

Nothing really. He didn't need to do anything, it sounds cliché but I am sure I have more cons than pros. Like he said, he's looking past the metaphysical, but beyond that, there really isn't much to me. I'm pretty boring. "Stealing my lines since Christmas Eve." I chuckle, nuzzling his collarbone, something I have learnt that he loves me doing for whatever reason.

"I call dibs on front row at the wedding." Dad yawns and says. This man needs a date or something, I doubt it's hard for him to find someone since I have to admit, dad's genetics are strong as fuck.

"You are my father. You intrinsically have dibs on front row." I roll my eyes, tip toeing to kiss Felix and he squeezes me tighter to him. I'm about to suffocate any second here, he doesn't realize it but his brute force is probably enough to bend titanium.

The doctor came shortly after, telling us Skylar needs to be in hospital for another day before he can move off to bed rest. His diagnosis was acute pneumonia and overexertion without taking breaks, not to mention he is practically frost bitten and inhaling harsh freezing air. Skylar explained to us the whole situation and how it went down, he knew parts of what happened but not all of it, he couldn't remember because of the concussion. All in all, Skylar is doing fine and he will be good as new soon.

"We have to leave now Cookie." Felix bends over the side of the bed and kisses Skylar's forehead. He just falls backwards and lets out a labored breath.

"Who's going to wake me up in the morning to watch Pokemon? And what about school, I have a fun activity planned, now I can't do any of it..." Clearly discontented, he just takes his whale and turns away from us. "Go peasants, your king needs rest."

"I'll bring your 3DS tomorrow if you stop sulking." I say in a sing song voice, hoping to make a 'compromise'. Felix has ruined that word for me, whenever I say compromise I either get uncomfortable or shiver from déjà vu. "Felix promised we will come here early in the morning."

"Fine..." He mumbles, reaches over and flicks off the lights. We quietly walk out the curtains and approach the door. "Love you guys..." He adds.

We reply the same, my dad slings his arm over Felix's shoulders, while I walk beside them, hoping that nothing bad happens to Skylar oervnight.

"Sebastien." 3 syllables leave a certain mouth. Same mouth that has spilled billions of words, each capable of ripping a man's dreams apart. My head whips around, looking at the very woman that birthed me, the woman that drove her own family apart because of selfish desires.

Felix looks at me questioningly, but he's definitely on guard. He doesn't know who this is, nor does he know why she stands right outside the hospital that her other son is laying in. To be honest, neither do I. "Why are you here?"

"I was informed that my son is in hospital. I only came to visit, is that wrong?" She looks over to me, "But clearly there must be a misunderstanding, he's standing right there." Who the fuck would have called my mom to come visit?

Felix has caught on by now, he tucks me under his arm and steels himself, flexing his jaw in hopes of calming his anger.

I don't know what to do, she walks dangerously close to me and smiles, chillingly. "Seeing as we are face to face, have you thought about that engagement? Aaron Solomon is an asset for sure." She places a hand on her hip, "Instead of wasting your time on useless meatheads. Get yourself someone real, why don't you?" Mom gives Felix a once over, "someone respectable, and looks less... street junkie."

A deep growl vibrates through my side, dad hasn't spoken a word, Felix hasn't moved an inch. This is a battle that I have to fight myself, I've been putting off seeing her for months now, she has to fuck off. I tell Felix it's okay and he takes the slightest step forward.

"Remember when Skylar went to live with someone else?" I say quietly, many arguments have happened in this short span of time and I'm not about to start another uncivil one. Though, if push comes to shove, I won't hesitate to escalate this into something... less pleasant. My boyfriend may be involved. "This is that someone else." I pat Felix's thigh.

She doesn't move, "He's the one that picked up all our shit and built a person that you could never have. The least you can do is respect him." Felix gets held back by dad, not that he is going to hit my mother but he's fuming. "As for dad, there is a difference between a mistake made and a mistake corrected. Do yourself a favor and grow half a conscience, not everything is about yourself."

"Like I said before, the worst mistake in my life is to marry you, Yvonne. I don't need anymore negativity around me." Dad says calmly.

"And you think pondering around a bunch of queers is a great idea? I'm already taking a step back and suggesting someone that Ryland would actually consider marrying. You grow a conscience and see how detrimental this divorce is to the name of our family."

"There is no our family, you lost the right to say that years ago." I say, trying to fight back the urge to rip open the ground and have it swallow her whole.

"That's not what you said last time you came home. You were saying how handsome and amazing the Solomon's are." That is a low blow. A very low blow.

"Out of fear did I say those things. I have a boyfriend now, one I actually want to marry. Take you and your reputation away from this place, and don't ever turn tail and beg for our fortune. This conversation alone is enough to tell a stranger how venomous you are." I spit out, eyeing the car that she came here in. In the car is a nice looking man, probably some rich man that she hooked off the street.

I'm going to hell for making my mother sound like a hooker.

"In the end you're just like your deadbeat brother and good for nothing father."

I look at her with tears of fury, this woman who I have always wanted to please is now turning around and blaming her own family for reasons unknown. I'm doing all this because I loved her, but clearly she doesn't love us back, we are merely obligatory to bring up and then it is our job to provide for her for the rest of eternity.

I'm not going to let her have the satisfaction of winning, nor will I let her get away with this unscathed.

"Do yourself another favor and reevaluate your life. Not once when I said 'I love you' am I lying, but over my dead body will you hear me say the same words again. There's a reason why all of your immediate family left you one after the other. I thought even after dad made his decision I would still be by your side if you need me." I look behind me to see dad struggling with a tense Felix, barely holding on from beating my mother to a pulp. I know Felix, he wouldn't hurt anyone, not anymore. And he's doing it for his family.

He is more of a family member than my biological mother. "But clearly, you don't need me." I whisper, taking a step back without moving my eyes from her. Even after all this emotional talk, on my part, she still stays firm on her point, just comes to show she is no good for me, never has. "Don't visit my brother, you don't deserve his forgiveness."

Neither do I.

~

"Baby, can I come in? I need to take a piss." Felix asks from the other side of the bathroom door, dad has gone back to his own place, which I have yet to visit, he said a house warming party is going to be in place as soon as the furniture gets arranged. It's a small town house, enough for one man and guests if need be.

Even being retired at a ridiculously young age, my father still makes money from other means, so in another sense, he really isn't retired. He's just a very free father with a knack for stalking hot men on Instagram. Owen was the one to condone that facet of social media to him, it's done him some good I suppose, dad is a great photographer himself.

"It's not locked." I yell over the sound of running water. We've been dating for a couple months now, we have been very intimate but never sexually. I know he does things to himself to relieve the frustration but I'm glad he hasn't pushed me, not that I think he would ever do that. It's just comforting to know that he's a man of integrity.

The door creeks open, Felix steps in and quickly does his thing, then washes his hands. Let me tell you, this apartment is one of those where, when one tap is running and you turn any other tap on, it takes the warm water away. A couple minutes into Felix brushing his teeth, I yelp, Felix has a terrible habit of leaving the tap on when he's brushing or shaving. "Holy fuck this water is taken straight from Alaska!"

Without hesitation I shut the water and shiver while curled up in a ball. Felix swings open the shower door and wraps a towel around me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I forgot about that." Usual Felix would be laughing his ass off, but miserable worried Felix just fusses over any little incident and reduces himself to nothing but a pile of guilt. "Fuck, I'm such an idiot. Sorry Ryland."

He runs his hand over my body with the towel, nothing sexual about this at all, my mind however, takes a different route. "I'm a-alright. Don't worry." his hand runs over a sensitive spot and I shiver. He doesn't answer, and just keeps drying me off while hanging his head low. "What's wrong Felix?" I place a hand on his bare bicep. He's tense, probably needs a massage.

"I don't want to look at you naked when you're not ready." I nearly snort at that, he's really a man of integrity.

"Felix, we sleep in the same bed. I really cannot give a rats ass if you see me naked. You're not wearing much yourself." And indeed, he's only in his boxers, as he always is. From the first day I reconciled to this day, whenever he is home, he is wearing the bare minimum. No matter the weather or temperature.

I go to stand, figuring that the shower I just had is the best I can do now. I may have developed temporary hydrophobia, but there are more important people to worry about. "I know... it's just... I don't want to offend you." I slip my arms around his neck after tugging on a pair of clean boxers myself. Felix has a ridiculous body, clean and lean muscles that could have anyone mistake him for a bodybuilder. Though he's not at the threshold of being freakishly muscular. Not saying that I complain when I look at body builders at the gym.

Laying a kiss on his chest, I look up at him. He looks like he's going to cry, he's on a vulnerable streak and I hate to say it but I'm glad he trusts me enough to be like this. It takes more than just courage to let yourself be emotional, especially for someone like Felix.

My eyes go over his facial features, he honestly does have that boy next door vibe, he never understands how good looking he is, and people get blinded by his height and build, that permanent scowl that is no where to be seen now. He's different when people get to know him. A very scary looking man but with a heart of god and loyalty comparable to a golden retriever. He's one person on the outside, but he's another on the inside. He has his own shadows to be afraid of.

"You look so hot." I whisper, and a shy blush faintly dusts his cheeks. "Come on Felix... you know you can tell me anything."

"I-I don't want to lose you." With that, I lead him out of the bathroom, flicking off the lights as I hang onto his hand, laying the two of us on the bed. This is a serious conversation and I know there won't be many chances like this to hear his thoughts upfront. Whatever insecurities this man has, will not be disregarded. I know what being insecure feels like, everyone does, I just want him to be heard. It always makes me feel better when I say something, not that anyone's willing to listen in the past.

"Tell me more. Is it because of the accident? I can promise you not to drive in the snow, if that makes you feel better." He leans his back and head against the headboard of the bed while I crawl up next to him. I'm afraid to touch him because moments like these require very cautious movements, if I do anything to make him uncomfortable I'd be damned.