[Skylar]

*~*~*

"Sorry,"

Is a powerful word,

Capable of twisting the odds against a failing fate;

Or repair the damage to a past mistake.

Sadly, without intent,

"Sorry" is just like any other word. Void of meaning.

But the least you can do to fight for forgiveness,

Is to say "Sorry."

Because words don't make a difference if they aren't spoken.

*~*~*

Something is fishy with Felix, he's been a lot grumpier but not in the bad way, he's just much more irritable when he is home. I thought leaving them alone last week was a good idea but they just seem to be on worse terms now. At least they aren't being aggressive, more just ignoring each other and trying not to be alone for long periods of time. It's strange.

"Is it this way?" Felix pulls me along on his skateboard with a nod, Ryland walking next to him, something that is customary to my travelling with them. We are currently headed to Roman's shop since it's Melissa's birthday and it's a perfect day for skating. We were originally going to ride bikes but it's too cold and I don't have all day because I have to hang out with Aaron later tonight.

"Afternoon Roman." Felix greets as he walks into the store, I hop off and greet everyone, which is really just two people since greeting a random customer would be strange. But I did it anyway, he was a nice man. We skip the formalities quickly after my presentation of a box of cupcakes for Melissa and go straight to slipping on skates.

"When's your date with Aaron?" Ryland asks as Roman brings over a size smaller since I have tiny feet. I can see the amusement in Roman's eyes. Though, I can't say Roman is making a huge effort to making new friends, at least he doesn't hate them, I'd hate to be angry with him. He's such a kind person, giving me free stuff and letting me sit in here when I'm cold on the way home.

"He's picking me up at 7 tonight," I take the skates from Roman, thank him and smile brightly, "he promised that we were going to go bowling and stuff so that's pretty cool." Skates are a pain to put on. The whole thing is harder than my skull, then there are 17 million holes for the laces to go through and then you have to remember how to tie the laces. It's such a long process.

The rest of trying our skates on is silent, save for the curses that Ryland and Felix think I don't hear. Oh well, I'm not that mean, I'll just make Ryland buy me ice cream on the way home. It's cold, but ice cream is timeless. Just like SpongeBob. "H-hey, Skylar. You have a moment?"

I turn around to see a nervous Roman, taller than ever before but I have 2 inches' advantage with my skates on so that's something I can be proud of, even though is isn't my doing. "Sure, what's up? You need a hug? I can give you plenty of hugs!"

My arms go around his mid section, barely wrapping around. I nuzzle his ribs and pull away. "Thanks... But I heard you have a... umm... a date with Aaron." His body language tells me he's uncomfortable. It's strange seeing him like this, the slightly jumpy fingers, twitching eyebrows and tapping foot. If I didn't know better I would call him an angry bull, but he's just a nervous Roman. At least I hope he is, I can't run away with my skates on, I'm barely even standing.

"Do you want a date too? I'm free after work next week." My brows furrow as I start mentally rearranging my schedule to make it fit, it's Christmas soon so school is slightly busier than before, but I can make it work if Roman wants it. However, seeing Roman's stunned expression I can tell that's not what he wants.

"Thanks for the offer, but I... I said some... not so nice things to Aaron the other day." He holds out a small box. "Can you take it to him and you know... send him a quick apology for me?"

"Give me a moment." I take out my phone and dial Aaron's number. "Here, apologize yourself, I can take the gift to him. It wouldn't be proper if you didn't say it." Roman brushes stray strands of hair that didn't get held back by the bun and clears his voice before taking the phone to his ear, conflicted as ever. He keeps mouthing 'no' to me but I just pretend like I don't see it.

"Um... Aaron? Yeah, Roman... Just wanted to s-say..." he looks at me panicked, pulling me to his office as I struggle to walk with my skates on. He gives up and pulls me up around the waist, effectively carrying me all the way into his workspace. I mouth 'sorry' extra exaggerated while looking up, hopefully prompting the word to leave his mouth. I know it's hard to apologize sometimes so I don't blame him. Felix used to stutter when he is apologizing, "I'm here to say... s-s-s-sorry." Just like that.

The line goes dead for a couple seconds, but when Aaron finally speaks Roman smiles. A very nice looking smile. "Thanks. Hope we are on good terms." It's funny how a big bad man like Roman can be so affected by someone. People are strange. I'm strange. I'm a person. I hope...

I take my phone back from Roman, seeing that the call is over and he is all smiles. I give him a big thumbs up and another hug that he doesn't return. He looks good with a smile too; everyone should smile more.

But sometimes, it's okay not to smile.

After I a, escorted out by Roman, more so carrying me out so I don't fall over and knock all the shelves over. Felix, Ryland and I all skated for a couple hours, getting bruises everywhere in the process, it isn't graceful per se, but it is a fun time and I'm glad after an hour or so I can stand and skate forward properly, giving Ryland and Felix some time to themselves. Because all of a sudden they just want to glue to each other like peas in a pod.

I'm excited for Christmas, though. It's in a couple weeks' time and the apartment is getting decorated bit by bit every day, but since we all have jobs now, it gets harder, although, I will be on Winter break soon so that's not too bad. Sometimes when I am home I'm too tired to make dinner so I just pass out, Felix has to wake early so he sleeps early too. Ryland is more flexible with his boss stuff (whatever they do), and makes sure to wake us up for food and showers. It's just overall not the best schedule.

At least it's better than when Felix and I are alone. We used to force ourselves to work out then have early dinner straight after work, and then we walk home together, and instantly fall asleep by 9 pm. I've woken up on the floor of the living room for more than once. And it starts all over again the next day.

The best thing about this year is that I get to spend time with Ryland too, maybe visit my parents as he always does. Though, I doubt they want to see me again. I ran away from home, I was selfish and it was out of my own interest. But in all honesty, I have not once regretted my decision, maybe leaving Ryland alone was unfair. In actuality, it's the first time I've done anything for myself. And I won't say I am resentful of that choice.

The cold air whipping against my face isn't enough to distract me from the more important affairs right now. In a moment of tranquility I got from stopping mid skate to sit on a bench, I started observing, thinking and interpreting.

A weird shift has occurred since the night I moved in with Ryland. I still remember the argument between him and Felix before the move, it bloomed into something bigger and... bloodier but that's not the point. I see that the two are closer, even though it is in a very strange dynamic, and it baffles me that they have grown to develop a dynamic this quickly.

"Put your damn hand on my forearm before I push you over." Felix scolds while skating backward in the slowest turtle speed I have ever seen. I'm not any better though. "I'm not in the mood to deal with a bruised tailbone Ryland!"

Ryland notices that he has slowly slid closer and closer to Felix without even moving and they are now chest against chest. Ryland almost loses his footing but gets caught by Felix. On any other occasion, it would be considered romantic or gentlemanly of Felix. But that's just not their 'dynamic'.

What even is their dynamic? What even is a dynamic? Dynamic, dynamic, dynamic, dynamic. D-Y-N-A-M-I-C, is that even how you spell it? I'm pretty sure there are two 'm's, right? Is it even a word? It sounds weird.

"Oh my God! Felix! Holy shit!" That's a dollar... But I guess he can go on this one, since falling on ice is technically fatal. Ryland's hands fist Felix's jacket while Felix readjusts Ryland's stance with his own feet. "I feel like I just had one of those REM sleep falling dreams that I get as a kid. That was really scary."

"Bitch I just caught your fall! A thank you would suffice." Felix retorts in the most displeased tone there is, but now holding onto Ryland's hands gently as they resume their skating lesson.

Yup, their dyna- interactive ways are definitely... special.

"When you're all done there is hot chocolate up in the rentals." Roman skates and stops expertly in front of me, holding out a gloved hand while maintaining his stoic expression. "Join me for this dance?" He teases me.

I thank him for the kind offer of something warm, I definitely need it after this. I feel like my ears are going to freeze over and fall off. I've always wanted elf ears but that requires me to actually have ears, so I am going to do my best to protect these suckers.

My hand meets Roman's, carefully guiding me to stand on the ice and slowly move forward, assuming the same arrangement as Felix and Ryland. Albeit, extremely shaky and slow but progress is progress and I won't discredit it. Plus, this is the best I can do, I'm no Olympic figure skater, though, that would be so cool. Going at the speed of Sonic and jumping everywhere.

"Try pushing with your blades off to the side. Slightly slanted." Demonstrating it while I stand and watch carefully. He comes back and takes my hands again, "Try it." With the amount of ice I had scraped up from all those awkward attempts I can probably open up a ice cone store and sell it to buy myself a new car.

Except I'm terrified of driving. I have a license but it's not a good feeling to be anxious while maneuvering a giant, probably combustible, hunk of metal. Not the most convenient phobia but it's there and I have to live with it. Felix and Ryland both drive though, so that's cool.

"Did Aaron accept your apology?" I ask out of the blue, I have the balancing down pat, I just need to not trip when I push forward. Or just not trip because gravity can be a real meanie sometimes.

Roman all of a sudden gains emotion, fluster, I'm guessing. "He... yeah. He's... he's a nicer person than I had thought."

I've always thought Aaron is nice, he's just a little lonely like Roman. "So are you friends now?"

"You can call it that." His tone slightly softer than his usual harsh self.

Maybe apologies are kaleidoscopes,

And forgiveness is an endless maze of mirrors.

Because sometimes that short, 5 letter word –

"I think Aaron deserves more than just a sorry." He says.

Doesn't mean you change your worldview.

"That's why you bought him the gift?"

It just means –

"Maybe."

It just means you rise above your differences,

"I think it's just my way of... saying thank you at the same time."

And look for a broader solution.

~

"Sorry I can't drive you Cookie. I... have this thing I... promised our old landlord that we will pick up a couple things before Christmas. We still have your old things from high school there." He eyes Ryland every now and again pleadingly. I know he's lying, but there's nothing I can say about that, if he wishes to keep a secret, then a secret it shall be.

"Sorry Bambi, I have to order some things for the stores, but it shouldn't take long. I'll bring back that new book that you wanted though." Ryland hugs me after he jabs Felix in the ribs. I feel like it is all a staged performance but I'm not going to probe.

"Doesn't matter," I grab Roman's arm and shake it a little. It's really heavy. "Unlike you two, I actually have someone that would drive me." I press my lips to Felix's cheek, "Don't worry, I'll be fine. My heart can't be broken." My shrug added a little relief to Felix.

But in reality, it hurts that I can't love anyone, it's not fair for someone to do all this for me and not be able to return the favor. Unrequited love, people call it. And I'm the bad guy here.

We say our final goodbyes, of course not without a few not-so-empty threats from Felix, saying if Aaron did anything remotely dangerous with me he would mess up his expensive car with drain cleaner and his car keys.

Felix really isn't a bad person; he just needs someone to love him. And I honestly am guilty that I can't do that for him either. Not in the way my brother seems to be working towards. I hope they work something out, I know they have been closer than ever and that's relieving.

Apparently the 'date' is set at some fancy underwater restaurant for fancy people. I can't really say no to that, because it's not everyday that a friend brings you to rich people places. I feel bad for making Roman drive me though, it would be awkward for the two of them to meet at such a time. I know for a fact that a conversation is due between them but with me there, they would have to postpone it for another day since I'm sure I'll only be an inconvenience to their conversation.

Oh well, what can I do. Once born an inconvenience, I'll have to live the life of an inconvenience.

The car comes to a stop and I see Aaron waiting nervously next to the shoreline, of course, in an expensive suit. I, for one, can't afford expensive clothing, therefore, I can only do my best in smart casual. Plus, we are going bowling anyway, comfort is the way to go.

"You look amazing tonight." Aaron greets, giving me a friendly hug and smile. I mean he's attractive... right? That's what I'm supposed to think... This inability is just like my core existence: inconvenient.

"Thank you. And you too!" Roman locks his car and jogs over with the gift in his hands. He had decided to hand it over personally in the car, telling me it is what's right. And I agree... up until the point where they start to drill holes in each other's retinas.

The tension is more than just conflict between two acquaintances, though they have only met once, so they might not even be acquaintances I don't doubt from what I understand of the situation, they have gained some sort of title. Friends? Or dare I say enemies.

It would be ironic how I'm currently due to go on a 'date' with Aaron and the two of my new friends are exchanging a silent conversation. When one of them finally speaks, it still compares to silence. Not because Roman is speaking softly, it's just the tension cutting into my senses. "Here's my apology." Holding out the box.

"Here's my forgiveness." Aaron says in a deep voice, almost mockingly.

That's when I realized. I'm not here because I am someone Aaron likes, or someone Roman cares about.

I'm here as a catalyst. A very convenient one at that, introducing two people that have a clear connection.

I stand as their... moderator.

One took me out to apologize.

The other took me out for an emotional stitch-up.

But honestly, it doesn't matter.

I help them be fulfilled, regretless... dare I say, happy.

And that's what I'm here for.

I might not know what's happening or happened that day at the carnival, but I know for a fact that –

I'm a convenience to them.

But now, maybe convenience isn't what I want.