Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to ! Guess you did something good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!

[The cherubs begin singing the C.H.E.R.U.B Jingle .]

[Scene cuts to a man jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. He splats onto a rock while a censoring cloud bubble reads "Owie!"]

♫ Does it make you want to cry? ♫

[Another person gets run over by a speeding train as "Oh No!" appears in a thought bubble.]

♫ When your loved one has to die? ♫

[Scene goes to another man who accidentally shoots himself in the face with a gun. "Oopsie!" is seen in another thought bubble.]

♫ Does it hurt you through and through? ♫

[Clip shows a struggling man's face turning blue in a hangman's noose.]

♫ When your face is turnin' blue? ♫

♫ Well, luckily for you... ♫

♫ There's somethin' we can do! ♫

♫ We can help keep them alive, ♫

♫ So you can watch them thrive! ♫

[All three pose together.]

[The orange C.H.E.R.U.B logo appears with a registered trademark symbol.]

♫ 'Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.! ♫

[Cletus rescues a woman from a pack of wild animals. Keenie pushes a scared Collin in front of them, as he holds a plank of wood with a nail in it.]

♫ We'll save your honeybun from dying violently! ♫

[The C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears again.]

♫ 'Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.! ♫

[Cletus is shown waving a dismissive hand at a person handing him dollar bills.]

♫ No, we never even ask a fee! ♫

[Collin and Keenie give each other a hug in a yellow heart background.]

♫ Because good people spread the love! ♫

[Small hearts of light spread out around a spinning Earth in space.]

♫ And we're here for all above! ♫

[A stressed Collin rapidly writes on piles of paper in an office.]

♫ We do the paperwork for you! ♫

[Keenie lifts a boulder from a flattened woman, who gives her a thumbs up.]

♫ And the heavy liftin', too! ♫

[The three Cherubs comfort a battered bleeding man in a car crash.]

♫ So sit right back! ♫

[The three Cherubs appear back on the screen and sing in harmony. They pose some more.]

♫ And let us bless a sooooooul for you! ♫

♫ Oh, we... are the C.H.E.R.U.B.! ♫

[The Cherubs appear on a small old fashioned TV. Blitzo blasts the TV with his flintlock pistol, and it explodes.]

Well that fucking sucked.

Nice one, B!

Gimme another, Mox!

[Moxxie nervously sweeps away the flaming debris and puts another old fashioned TV onto the stand. He turns it on with a scared look on his face. The logo appears. Blitzo pours gunpowder into his flintlock.]

Eh, nah. Not feelin' it. Next!

[Moxxie switches the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent breasts, holding a pitchfork. Blitzo and Millie look bored.]

Uh-huh. Keep going, keep going, keep goin'...

[Moxxie switches the channel again. appears on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.]

I say, I say! Are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets? WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory!

[The title appears against a similar circular background of classic old cartoons.]

Where you make the things and I make the money!

[Wally appears close to the screen with a pleading face.]

Please! I'm very desperate!

Bingo!

[Blitzo shoots and explodes the TV again.]

WOO! You're on a roll, sir!

How many TVs do we even have?

Don't ask.

[Loona snores while sleeping in a chair. She has her foot up on the table and twitches it in her sleep. A shaking wakes her up and causes her cup to spill.]

Guys... Do you feel that?

Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?

That's possible?

[Millie holds onto Moxxie as his tail shoots up in fear.]

Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!

I'm not "panicking," because hellquakes don't happen.

MOX STOP PANICKING, WE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!

[Loona roughly grabs hold of Moxxie and shakes him.]

STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!

[Loona hits Moxxie against the wall before he is knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubes. Part of the wall crumbles on top of Moxxie. The smoke clears and a supervillain demon enters the room through the hole. Loona growls on all fours.]

Do not be afraid!

Damn, Mox you ok?

[The man grins and extends his metal contraptions in loops.]

Please tell me you got that insurance thing.

[Millie takes out a sharp black axe.]

Who are you, and what do you want?!

[Loopty Goopty slides along the black loops before he does a villainous pose between the imps.]

I am Loopty Goopty! [singsong voice] Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!

Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesn't need to be this whole thing.

I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!

[Loopty Goopty does a wavy dance. Blitzo sniffs him and flinches.]

Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?

YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!

[Loona taps on her phone.]

Just sayin'... the front door would've gotten you here fine.

Shut up, dear furry!

[Loona growls in anger, you rub her back trying to calm her down.]

[Loopty Goopty turns to Blitzo.]

[singsong voice] This is the man I'm gonna need you to kiiiill!

[He holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed. Blitzo takes the photo from him.]

Not even a shit's length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! I'm Blitzo, the "O" is silent.

[Loona walks away as Blitzo walks over to Loopty and shakes his hand.]

What "O"?

Aww, thank you. Now what's the tea, sis?

The TEAAAA?!

[Moxxie's arm appears as he struggles under the weight of the debris.]

[pained] Guys, help!

Nah, You're fine.

Yeah, why are we killing this guy? [elbows Loopty] I mean, what did he do to you?

[Moxxie's arm inches back and he squeals in pain.]

[under his breath] Losing... ox-!

He was... my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man! My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire! Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process! It could've saved all three trillionaires! Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set FORWARD! By the time we managed to get out, it was too late! At least, for me! Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire WE BUILT TOGETHER! Without me to share it with, he'll make all the god damn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire, and get all the credit!

Ehhh, that's not really evil.

It's evil towards me!

[Moxxie is still stuck under the rubble.]

[strained] Everything... is going... dark...

Should I help him?

I'm sure he'll be fine...can you help him?

On it!

[You head over to moxxie starting to move the rubble out of the way.]

Now, get your crimson and grey asses up above and send that heartless no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!

Eh, y- y- y- You do know, Poopty--

[seethes] Looooptyyyy!

[holds hands up defensively] Of course! Of course... If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here, y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever.

Oh, trust me...

[Loopty summons an array of weapons with his metal tentacles: several guns, a launcher, and a circular saw blade.]

I'm counting on it!

[strained, gives a thumbs up] That's kinda hot!

[Everyone glances at Moxxie.]

I'll be leaving now, Tell me when you finish the job!

[Loopty Goopty then leaves through the hole he came through, Blitzo is already preparing the portal.]

So you're gonna stay here today Loona?

Yeah, I'm just really fucking tired.

Unfortunate...

What? Gonna miss me?

A little.

[smiling] You're hopeless.

[Blitzo opens the portal. Millie and Moxxie already hopping through]

C'mon Y/N, lets get to work.[Blitzo jumps through the portal]

[You kissed Loona goodbye for now before falling backwards through the portal. Set on a mission to kill one of the worlds richest people.]