《Helluva Harem》Spring Broken Pt. 2
Advertisement
Later at I.M.P headquarters, Blitzo stands in front of the whiteboard. Behind him is an easel with drawings on papers. You and the other I.M.P members sit at a table and listen.
Blitzo: Alright, shut your assholes! Here's how we're gonna do this shit! First, we find a fuck ton of clients.
Animated drawings on the paper show Blitzo, You, Loona, Millie and Moxxie standing together. A bunch of Imps and clients surround them with bags of money.
Blitzo: We portal up.
Blitzo drawing snaps his fingers. The I.M.P figures fall down.
Blitzo: We have our fun murder time as per usual.
The I.M.P drawings kill off human drawings with guns
Blitzo: We pile all the bodies into a big fuckin' canoe.
The human bodies are tossed into a canoe that reads S.S. Cum Gutter.
Blitzo: We push said canoe into some water.
Blitzo drawing kicks the canoe full of bodies away from the dock.
Blitzo: We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles 'n shit. Maybe a goose, too! Fuck it!
Animated drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and creatures eat the bodies set on fire in the canoe. A large octopus chomps the entire ship and the animals.
Blitzo: They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet...
The I.M.P drawings cheer and the Loona figure wears a party hat.
Blitzo: We rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken whore-ass face...
The I.M.P. members give a Verosika drawing several middle fingers. The Verosika drawing bursts into tears.
Blitzo: Do you have... any questions?
Moxxie: Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?
Blitzo: [walks over to Moxxie] That wasn't a question.
Moxxie: That wasn't a plan.
Blitzo: [puts a hand around Moxxie] I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs.
Moxxie: A what now?
Blitzo: I'm callin' ya slow, Moxxie. God, why don't you learn to take criticism, you [begins poking Moxxie in the chest] talentless baby dicked troll?!
Moxxie: [climbs onto table in anger] Well, why don't you [points at Blitzo and points at him] take an art class?
Blitzo: [grabs Moxxie and throws him back in his chair] Why don't you see how EXPENSIVE THEY ARE?!?!
Loona: Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?
Y/n: Yeah Blitz, Let Loonie here join us for once.
Loona: I told you stop calling me that asshole.
Y/n: [Whispering to yourself] In public...
Blitzo: Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!
Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Loona simultaneously glare disapprovingly at the reader.
Loona: Well, I- I can blend in with humans easy enough. Just let me tag along.
Blitzo: Wait, say that again.
Loona: I can... blend in...?
[Loona shrugs as she inquisitively tells Blitzo that she can disguise herself.]
Millie: Do you have a human disguise?
Loona: Yeah. Don't you?
Y/n: I do, I just think its too much effort to put on.
The imps nervously look at each other, eyes side to side.
Loona: You four have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time... without human disguises?!
Y/n: Hey our clients never specify that we have to blend in.
Blitzo: Okay, new plan!
Blitzo quickly scribbles on a piece of paper and hangs it on the easel. It shows You and Loona surrounded by humans with hearts around them.
Advertisement
Blitzo: Loonie and Y/n can help lure the humans to us, and we'll take care of the rest. Okay, how about that?
Millie: Flawless logic.
Moxxie: I think you're missing the biggest issue, sir. Isn't it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren't just going up to massacre!
Blitzo: I got that covered, Mox.
Later, Blitzo puts up a ratty flyer reading "Spring Break Victim, 50% Off!" with drawings of Blitzo, a dead victim and horses. Blitzo walks to Moxxie.
Blitzo: Now... we wait.
Moxxie: Sir... there is no way we are going to get enough clients by the end of the day with one poorly spelled, bad grammar flyer!
Moxxie and Blitzo look to see demons lining up, looking at the flyer. Blitzo grins smugly and elbows Moxxie. Blitzo strolls toward the other demons.
Blitzo: Now, who's first?
Cut to a beach in the human world. People happily walk around, relax and talk. Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie. You, and Loona hide behind coral-covered rocks under a dock.
Blitzo: Now, remember, we can't be seen, alright? And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona can help with leading targets to a better spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie?
Loona skims a long list in her hands and gives it a sniff. You took the list from Loona and took a glance at it, the putting it in your pocket.
Loona: Got it.
Y/n: Ready.
You and Loona stood up and in a swirling flash of blue light, you both transforms into a human version of yourselves. The imps stare in shock.
Blitzo: Ohhhhh, Loonie, look at you. You look downright awful!
Loona glares at Blitzo.
Blitzo: I am so proud. Now, fetch!
Loona peers in front of her, her target humans outlined in red in her vision. Loona smirks and strolls over to a tall man wearing sunglasses. She moves a finger toward his chest and gives him a flirtatious grin. She motions behind her and to a private alleyway. Loona leads him into the alleyway and leans against the wall. The man reaches out to grab her in lust but is shot in the head by Blitzo spying on the roof. He gives Loona a thumbs up.
As you walked through the crowd of people your head starts hurting. Suddenly your vision turns orange.
Y/n: Ugh. What the fuck was that. Am I seeing things now.
After a couple of seconds your vision turns back to normal, then it flashes again.
Y/n Gah! This ain't funny. Why is everything flashing?
As you went deeper into the flashing intensifying you notice something, Your body emits a pulse that scans the crowd. You manage to send out a pulse and notice that your target sends a pulse back, His nervous system glowing from the crowd of people.
Y/n: Son of a bitch. That's the guy I'm looking for! I've got... Viral Sonar.
You managed to control the pulses sending them out at will. You then made your way over to your first target, you grabbed his attention then asked him to follow, you took him to an alley way. The man ask you what do you want from him, then you punch him right through the gut. You don't know what the hell is going on, it usually takes you a couple of swings to knock out a target but this time you just punched clean through him. He then merges with your body. Some sort of Biomass goop takes him in. No trace of the body was left behind and you suddenly felt refreshed.
Advertisement
Moxxie: Holy shit Y/n! What the fuck was that! You just... You just..... YOU JUST ATE A MAN!
Y/n: I don't know what's happening Mox but ill worry about it later. Lets get back to work.
Cut to a montage of you testing out your new found strength. You did everything you could imagine. From ripping a man clean down the middle, to kneeing them in the face. The targets are your own personal playground and your taking that to advantage. After every kill you absorb there bodies and every time you do it you feel invigorated.
Blitzo and the gang put the bodies in bloodstained dark trash bags, closing them. In the background, Millie jumps on another body.
Blitzo: That's nine kills in the bag! Y/n, How many kills did you get? And where are the bodies
Y/n: Six Kills, and don't worry Blitz, the bodies are taken care of. No ones gonna find them.
Blitzo: That's great! I like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many--
Verosika: Alright, spring breakers! Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some BITCHIN' BAD CHOICES?!
The audience cheers. A fan boy rips his shirt that has her name written on his chest.
Fan boy: Verosika!
Verosika: This is your final boarding call. All aboard~
Verosika launches into "Vacay to Bonetown". "Fuck you Blitzo" appears on the screens. Blitzo growls like a rabid animal, literally foaming at the mouth.
Verosika: ♫ Pack your bags. Sun's out. Take a vacay, babe. Take it straight to bone town. ♫
The humans make out with others around them. kiss, hug, grind on each other. A disguised Milky shows a human a popsicle with semen-like saliva on it as several other succubi and incubi grin and sneak up on the humans as Verosika continues singing.
Verosika: ♫ V-time, free time, baby relax. Self-care, no hair, Brazilian wax. Hornt up succu-bus to the beach. Catch some rays while catching some D. ♫
Blitzo: God DAMMIT! That bitch started her goadish mating call! Now she's gonna win all these sex maniacs! We gotta pick things up, guys!
Y/n: You gotta admit Blitz, the song is pretty good. I mean if you manage to look past all the sexual innuendos . It has a really nice beat.
Blitzo: NOWS NO THE TIME TO LISTEN TO MUSIC Y/N!
A distracted Loona looks at You.
Loona: Hey Y/n. Did you get taller? And Beefier?
Y/n: What?
Loona was right. You noticed that you stood way taller than Loona before, and you realize that your clothes are hugging tightly to your skin. It shows the outline of your robust muscles.
Y/n: I guess, Hey lets blow this pop stand and have some fun. We have a famous pop star preforming and were stupid if we dont go enjoy it.
Loona: Good idea.
You give Loona a quick kiss on the lips before Blitzo sees anything.
A vomiting blonde man is seen next to Blitzo.
Blitzo: [points to vomiting man] He on the list, Loonie?
Loona: Huh? Yeah... I- I think so.
Blitzo: Good!
Blitzo takes out a red and black axe.
Blonde man: Oh, whoa! What are you? A leprechaun? [Laughs]
Blitzo: Yeah... Pretty cool, huh?
Blitzo cleaves his head in half with the axe.
Blitzo: But you sure as shit ain't gonna tell nobody! Alright, next one, Loonie, c'mon! Loonie? Y/n? Wait, where--...?
Blitzo glances around to find Loona nowhere in sight. He panics.
Blitzo: Wha-- Wha-- Wh-- [distraught, tears in his eyes] WHERE'S MY BABYYYYYY?!?!
Millie: [Points to the stage] Look!
Loona is seen walking with you towards Vortex. Blitzo notices, and his fatherly dread quickly turns to seething anger. Loona checks her makeup as two men French kissing fall to the ground at her feet, and someone offscreen throws their bikini top which lands on Loona's head.
The fanboy runs toward Verosika on stage as she sings the next chorus in "Vacay to Bonetown" but Vortex notices and punches him into the ground, head first. He drags the man away in the distance. You walk over towards Vortex, avoiding a French-kissing couple and tossing aside a bra, but is stopped by Josh, who smirks at You, eyebrows raised. You punch him hard enough to leave you alone.
Verosika: Now, who wants a piece of this?!
Verosika tosses her Beelzejuice bottle into the ocean, creating a golden portal. A fish appears, which rapidly grows into a monster.
You walk over to Vortex.
Y/n: Hey man what's up
Vortex: Oh, hey. You're the dude workin' for my boss's freaky ex.
Y/n: Yeah, he can be a bit of an asshat. Sorry 'bout that.
Vortex: It's cool. Her beef ain't mine. I'm not paid enough to care.
Y/n: Yeah. Im Y/n,[Pointing to Loona.] and this special lady is Loona.
Vortex: Im Vortex, But my friends call me Tex.
Blitzo arrives and stands between You and Vortex
Blitzo: Am I... interrupting something?
Vortex: Nah, man. Just having a conversation.
Blitzo: "Conversation" leads to HPV!
Moxxie and Millie hide behind metal cans.
Moxxie: And... we've lost him. [sighs] It's looking like it's up to us handle this list.
Millie: Hell yeah! Team M and M, gettin' shit done, makin' the moneys!
Moxxie and Millie run off in the sunset and kill more people starting with the ice cream shop before jumping over the rooftop to kill some more.
Loona: Blitzo, get the fuck out of here! You're gonna get us all into shit.
Blitzo: I just wanted to see what was so important that you'd be distracted from your job.
Loona: What, we can't have a break?
Blitzo: WE HAVE A PARKING SPOT ON THE LINE!
Vortex: Hey, dude. Why don't you chill out?
Blitzo: Why don't you stay out of it?! Okay, this is our business!
Blitzo holds up a drawing with his tail that shows a diagram of himself killing a human equaling money and earning money equals what looks like a horse.
Blitzo: Literally.
Loona: [groans in frustration] Fuck, Blitzo! Why can't you stay out of my face for, like, five minutes?!
Blitzo: Because I adopted you! And that should mean something!
Loona: Oh, what does it matter?! You're not my real dad! I was almost eighteen!
Blitzo: It still counts!
Loona: Well, it shouldn't! I didn't need you then, asshole! I don't now!
Y/n: Ouch! That was harsh Loona, even for you.
Millie and Moxxie hides behind a table with steel barrels of beer. Millie loads a crossbow for Moxxie to take it. He peeks over and prepares to shoot when a human man comes over and throws the beer can down.
Human: WOOOO! Yeah! Party! Let's do thiiiiis!
The man knocks the cans aside, sending Moxxie and Millie into the air. Moxxie lands in front of dozens of people. A woman points at Moxxie in disgust.
Woman: Eggggh! Oh my god, it's a fucking possum!
Moxxie: Oh, crumbs!
Moxxie tries to get away, but one of the partygoers catches him by the tail.
Skool: I got it!
Skool picks up Moxxie and shoves him into a barrel of beer. The group cheer about "beer possum" as they carry the barrel away. Moxxie drinks the beer inside and gets drunk.
Loona tries to say something to an upset Blitzo, who crosses his arms.
Loona: Uh... Blitzo... I'm-
Blitzo: Enjoy your break, Loonie. I'm gonna go kill something!
Loona: Ugggh...
Vortex: Damn, girl. That was savage. [places a comforting hand on her shoulder] You okay?
Loona: [Pissed] Yeah, I'm fine. He'll get over it. He always does.
Vortex: [chuckles] I'm glad you could stick up for yourself, at least. Mmm! Takes guts.
Loona: Thanks.
Millie runs behind a few stacks of beer kegs toward a wobbling barrel. She opens it and the barrel tipes over. Moxxie burps as the beer spills out onto the ground.
Millie: Moxxie!
Moxxie: [drunk] Millieeeeeeeee! Hiiii! Hey. Hey, when did you get four heads? I wanna kiss 'em. [Makes smooching noises.]
Millie picks up the drunken Moxxie. The fish monster emerges from the ocean. The humans and the succubus saw the monster. The monster crushes a relaxing human, sending blood everywhere. The humans scream and run away. Blitzo looks at the monster as he finishes choking another man. The fish monster roars.
Moxxie: [drunk] Ooooh! Fish.
The monster wraps its tongue around Moxxie, pulls him closer and closes its mouth.
Moxxie: [drunk] Hehehe... Weeeeee...
Millie spots a spring breaker with a cocktail and kills him with a knife. She lights a cloth on fire and tosses a Molotov cocktail at the fish. The fish loses balance and falls down. Millie rushes into the ocean and slices up the fish's body with her knife. She pries open the monster's mouth, seeing Moxxie punching the monster's uvula. She reaches out her hand toward Moxxie, who briefly gives her a high five. She grabs hold of him and slices the tongue, freeing both of them. Moxxie smiles, closes his eyes and spreads his arms as he flies. He lands into Blitzo's arms. A human man celebrates after avoiding getting hit from the tongue, but Blitzo kills him with his flintlock out of annoyance. Moxxie laughs hysterically.
Inside of the monster's mouth, Millie punches the tongue as the monster spits her out as Millie starts wrestling with it.
Moxxie: I love that woman~
Blitzo: Oh, she totally pegs you, doesn't she?
After 5 minutes Millie still hasn't came back.
Blitzo: Oh shit somethings wrong. Y/N! LOONA! ANYONE! DO SOMETHING!
You heard Blitzo's cries for help.
Y/n: Someone's in trouble i'll be right back.
You ran over to Blitzo and see the giant monster.
Y/n: What the hell is going on?
Blitzo: Millie went to go take care of that fish freak, she jumped into its mouth bit has'nt came back.
Y/n: I'll take care of it.
You leap into the air and lands inside the monster. You see Millie trying to cut her way out but the monster stomach is too thick.
Y/n: Hey Millie. Let me help.
You punched open the monsters stomach, tendrils start ripping apart the monster absorbing it into your flesh. You and Millie tiredly making her way back to shore.
As you reached shore you felt your skin crawl. Your body shifting between you and some sort of biomass. You feel your arms burn until a set of Black and red glowing goop takes over your arms. At the end of each arm 5 metallic blades on each finger simulating claws.
Y/n: HOLY SHIT! FUCKING SWEET!
You slashed the air a bit and did a little slashing combo before getting into a fighting stance.
Y/n: This can fuck up anyone's day.
You then morphed your body back to normal, no traces left behind of biomass.
Blitzo: Ohhhh, yeah, way to show off, Y/n
Millie: Is Mox okay?
Blitzo: Oh, yeah. He's fine.
Millie holds Moxxie in her arms as Moxxie grins with a doped expression.
Moxxie: [Drunken] Thiiiis is funny. I'm sooooo... drinky.
Millie hugs Moxxie, happily laughing.
Blitzo: Ooookay, this is too wholesome for my liking.
Verosika: Blitzo. [Pronounced as spelled, for the final time.}
Blitzo: Oh perfect. That must be the whores!
Verosika: That was handled rather... obvious... Don't you think?
Millie: I don't think this belonged to any of us.
Millie tosses the flask back to Verosika, who catches it, then drop-passes it to Milky.
Millie: Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world.
Moxxie: [Laughs] Oh, Satan! You all be so... FUUUUCKED! [Continues laughing.]
Verosika: Yeah, well... you three nasty-ass gremlins will be in shit for not being in disguises!
Moxxie: [faceplants] A human called me a possum. I am not a [faceplants again] possum!
Blitzo: Y'know, we could keep this little B-movie scene on the down low if you agree to let us use that parking space.
Verosika: ...Fine.
Blitzo: WE FUCKIN' WOOOOOOON!!! [laughs triumphantly]
Millie: Fuck YEAH!
Blitzo: IN YOUR FACE, BIIIITCH!
Verosika: [Scoffs] Come on, let's get out of here. Tex!
Vortex: Well... guess it's time to bounce, but hey, if you're ever down to party, I'll give you a ring sometime.
Y/n: Really now? I'm down to come anytime
Vortex: Yeah! My girlfriend throws a ton of crazy parties.
Loona: Nice. Can't wait for my first one.
Blitzo: Come on, Loonie Tooney! Let's go back and park our fat fuckin' car in our fat fuckin' space!
I.M.P go through the portal. Loona falls through the portal backwards. You decide to stay behind for a bit
Blitzo jumps up and mockingly flips the double bird through the portal, making Verosika growl in anger.
Blitzo: Come on Y/n, Lets get out of here
Y/n: Go on without me. I'm going to roam a bit.
Advertisement
Underworld - Level Up or Die!
A thousand year old succubus has grown tired of devouring men. With the help of a lich lord, she invents a new spell that will allow her to grow more powerful in a much less distasteful manner. Elorion is just your average high school student lazing around during summer break and thinking about bacon. After a solid gaming session, he removes his VR headset to find a monster waiting to kidnap him. He wakes to find that he’s not alone. Nineteen other students have also been taken. The last thing he expects happens next. He is given the ability to use magic and level up! There’s a catch. With his dormant talents unlocked he must grow in power to please his new master. To level up he must face the monsters of the Underworld. If he doesn’t fight he will die. But if he does fight, will he survive? Note: This book has been published and only 10% of the first few chapters are here on RoyalRoad.com. facebook.com/official.apollos.thorne apollos-thorne.com
8 177Werewolf huntress tribe
During the tutorial phase of her planet, Natasha Smith awaken with a race changing skill making her a werewolf, it also gave her an extra *tool* that she will need to use to grow her tribe and defeat her enemies.
8 226File Not Found
Year 2152, 6 years after the revolution that met a violent end. Couple of rebels have gone underground and are trying to prepare for a new attack on the tyrannical government. A disillusioned hacker accidentally finds out about a big conspiracy and has to work with the rebels to give the world another chance.
8 162In Another World with Doraemon's 4D Pocket
Cary found himself awoken in a foreign land with what he thought was a nondescript white pouch. Reaching into the white pouch, he was able to pull out an assortment of gadgets that he recognized to be from his favorite childhood show, Doraemon. With the thousands of mischievous, powerful gadgets inside the 4D pocket, Cary will take on this new world by storm! Something ridiculous I will write purely for fun alongside my main story Giantslayer As a disclaimer, I may nerf some of the most broken gadgets or even not use them at all. Doraemon was insane for a children manga (e.g. Doraemon canonically has a nuclear bomb inside his 4D pocket), some of the gadgets have the potential to end this story in one chapter. The most important factor is fun so anything that completely breaks the story might not be mentioned at all (or we will pretend they do not exist in the 4D pocket). We may find uses for those broken gadgets in the future, though. I am not particularly good at writing comedy. There will of course be funny moments (at least I hope they are funny) but everyone in this story will actually behave in a realistic(?) and serious manner. I want the serious world to contrast with some of the wacky gadgets that are available.
8 65The extra special neighbor (debanya❤️)
Our lead is falling in love with his extra special neighbor 😂
8 87Alpha Human
...
8 132