I looked up love in the yellow pages

So I would be free from it

Chapter 24 ~ Yellow Pages

Jamie Myers

He said it. The L word. The four letter word that need not to be spoken unless in extremely extreme conditions. We were way too early in our relationship to start thinking about the L word, but it seemed as though Scar didn't get the memo because he told me he loved me. He loved me.

How was I supposed to respond to that? I had never been in a relationship before, let alone, loved someone before. I loved my parents and Jillian, but they were different because they didn't have pale green eyes, shaggy brown hair, and a cute little smile. They weren't Scar.

I didn't know how he could use the word so easily, like it was no big deal. Maybe it wasn't, because he thought he loved Francesca too. Maybe this was normal. Maybe loving someone was something people did on a regular day basis. Even then, I still couldn't find myself reciprocating those feelings. I liked Scar, a lot, but love?

It was safe to say that I had been keeping myself distant from Scar because of the whole dilemma with the L word and everything. Maybe it was stupid of me, since everyone claimed to love someone after sex because sex blinds you in that way. But I still felt uncomfortable being around Scar, so I tried to stay away from him as much as I could - which was awfully hard since we shared the same house.

But tonight, I couldn't avoid him because he invited me to go to Trey's New Year's Eve party. Saying no would make me look bad and cause Scar to ask questions that I didn't want to answer, so I decided to suck it up and go with him. Maybe if I acted like he didn't say those three words to me, then we'd be okay.

I turned the house key that Scar gave to me into the lock and swung the front door open, making sure to slide the key necklace back around my neck. The house was eerily silent, which led me to believe that Mrs. Patterson took a trip down to the bar to celebrate the upcoming new year, and Jillian took Amy somewhere that Scar would never approve of. He would never understand it, but Jillian was only trying to show Amy a good time instead of having her in the house and brooding over life.

The minute I stepped into Scar's bedroom, my jaw dropped.

He was sitting on the floor with his back propped up against the edge of his bed and his eyes were glued to the TV. It would've been a normal scene, if it was under different circumstances, but the TV screen was filled with plenty of naked men and a series of moans erupted from the TV speakers.

"What are you doing?" I questioned as I inched my way into the bedroom.

Scar's attention instantly snapped to mine and his lips curled into a sloppy smile. "You're back early."

"Yeah, I didn't have to steal anything this time. I just had to fix up some of the old cars." My attention was still fixed on the scene unfolding in front of me. Why was he watching gay porn?

Scar nodded as he returned his gaze to the TV screen. "Did he keep his hands to himself?"

"Yes." I glanced down at the loose fitting jeans he was wearing, and I could see that he wasn't hard - not that I expected him to be. So, why was he watching gay porn? "Uh, Scar, what are you ... What are you watching?"

"Porn," he said simply, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, I can ... I can see that. I mean, why are you watching porn?"

"Thought it'd be interesting," he replied with another careless shrug. "How do they get like three dicks in there? Is that even possible?" He asked all of a sudden with his brows pulled into a line.

I took another quick glimpse at the TV, and I felt my jeans tightening as a result. "Turn that off."

"Why?"

"Because."

He narrowed his gaze. "Because?"

"Because I said so!" It came out as a shout, but I didn't intend it to.

Scar blinked. "Damn, someone's on their period." He scrambled for the remote and shut the TV off with one click. "Dude, you okay?"

I plopped down on the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling with my hands clasped over my mouth. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

I must've been not so convincing because before I knew it, Scar was crawling on top of me and running his tongue along the side of my neck. "So I've been thinking..." He kissed my cheek, "... How about we do a quick one before the party?" His hands began to roam along the rim of my jeans and I knew I was already getting excited by the simple gesture, but I couldn't give in so easily.

"Scar," I groaned as I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed him away. "Stop it."

He seemed to not take me seriously because he dove into the crook of my neck and traced his hands along my arms until they intertwined with mine, pinning them up above my head. "Five minutes," he mumbled in between kisses. "Just give me five minutes."

As much as my brain was screaming to allow Scar to do whatever he pleased with my body, I couldn't allow him to. Not when my mind was flooded with thoughts of Scar being way more into the relationship than I was. But it was as though my body didn't care about what I thought, because I could already feel shivers run down my spine when Scar slipped his cold hands under my shirt.

I heard the door slam open and it was soon followed by Amy's feathery voice. "Oh my gosh. I didn't know you guys were ... I'm sorry ..."

I took this as my opportunity to tear myself out of Scar's hold and sit upright on the bed, looking at Amy with grateful eyes. "Amy!" I nearly yelled at the top of my lungs. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you!"

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "You are?"

Scar was still running his hands up my thighs, and in a desperate attempt to escape him, I bolted out of my seat and stood to my full height. "Yeah, what's up? You need something?"

Her pale grey eyes shifted between Scar and me. "No, it's okay. If you guys are busy, then it can just wait. I don't want to interrupt whatever you're doing."

"Yes," Scar spat with a dry, bitter tone as he reached for my arms and attempted to pull me back onto his lap. "Fuck off, Amy. We're doing something."

Amy's eyes widened at that instant and a string of apologies fell from her tongue. I hated how Amy was so passive when it came to Scar. Whatever he says, goes, and Amy never found the need to go against that.

She turned to exit the room, and I charged after her while completely blocking out all of Scar's inquiries. She had already begun to run down the stairs, but I grabbed her wrist to keep her in place. "Amy," I said in a gentle voice. "Amy, are you okay?"

She turned away from me and slapped a hand on her face to conceal herself. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Amy," I said sternly. "Look at me."

She was hesitant for a moment or two, but eventually she brought her bright, puffy eyes to mine. The tears didn't fall yet, but I knew they were coming. "Please don't make fun of me," she begged.

I raised a brow. "Amy, I'm not going to make fun of you. I would never do that."

She narrowed her eyes into slits. "Why not? Everyone else does it!"

I titled my head to the side, suddenly becoming interested in the subject. "What do you mean?" I questioned her. "Amy, what's wrong?"

She wiped away her tears with the back of his hand and sniffled roughly. "Jillian's boyfriend called me a fat pig and said that I would never get a boyfriend because of my weight."

I could already feel my blood rising in my veins. Involuntarily, my hands balled into fists and I clenched my jaw. "That, asshole," I said through gritted teeth. "I knew there was something off about him. Where's Jill?"

She shrugged. "He took her somewhere and he dropped me home because he said I couldn't come."

Before I even realized it, I was already reaching for my phone and punching in Jillian's number. "And you're telling me that Jill didn't do anything to set him straight?" I refused to believe that my sister would allow Blake to insult Amy. They had grown a strong friendship over the course of these couple weeks and I knew Jillian was always looking out for her.

"She doesn't know," Amy spoke softly,"and please don't tell her. She really likes him."

I twisted my face in disgust. "She can't like him that much because she's only known him for a week."

Amy's eyes lit up with excitement as she motioned towards Scar's bedroom. "He's only known you for a month, and he's already in love with you."

I tried not to flinch at the sound of the L word, but I failed miserably. "How would you know that?"

She reached out and grabbed the customized key attached to my necklace and twirled it around her finger, admiring its beauty and smiling as she did so. "He got you this," she began. "It's practically asking you to marry him."

Oh, great. Now we were already talking about marriage?

She smiled a soft and almost forced smile. "I'm really glad he's with you, you know. You bring out the best in him. He's not like how he used to be, and that's a good thing."

Not only did being with Scar change him, it also changed me. Before getting to know him, I would have jumped at the thought of going to the gay club, hooking up with multiple guys and not expecting anything more than sex from them.

With Scar, I wanted more. I wanted to talk to him for hours on end, cuddle until it hurt, and kiss him like my life depended on it. All of that would've been absolutely fine if he didn't ruin it by letting the L word slip.

Amy giggled to herself, which made me snap my attention to her. "You want to know something?" When I nodded, she continued, "When you kissed me that one time at the kissing booth, it was the best moment of my life. I'll admit that I kinda developed a little crush on you, but I found out you were gay and everything..."

I pressed my lips together. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, I know," she laughed along. "I thought that, maybe, you'd be that one guy who told me I was beautiful everyday and made Scar stop saying all those mean things about me. I actually thought you were really cute, but knowing you're gay and interested in my brother was sort of a turn off."

I grabbed her hands in mine and stared into her grey eyes. "I may be gay, but I still think you're beautiful, Amy. I can tell you that everyday, if you want. If I was straight, then you know you would be my first choice. It's just that I happen to be attracted to dick, and that's something you don't have."

She thought it over for a moment. "Fair enough."

"You're gonna find someone, Amy, and he's going to love you despite your size, despite your skin color, and despite your imperfections. I can promise you that."

Her lips curled into a sweet smile and she threw her arms around my neck, enclosing me in a tight hug. "God, you're so amazing, Jamie. Why can't everyone be like you?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my face into her curly hair. "Because if that ever happened, the world would be too fabulous," I said jokingly.

After I finished giving Amy a pep talk and reassuring her that everything would be fine, I was forced to endure Scar's overly sexual emotions again. Had our relationship been under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have been bothered by his attempts to make a move on me.

My hesitation to go along with his flirty invitations must have been pretty damn obvious, because when we got into his Jeep later that night, he brought it up. "Jamie, are you okay?" He questioned me as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Did I do something?"

I wanted to laugh at him for being so damn stupid. He always thought everything that happened between us was his fault, and in this case, it was. But it wasn't like I could tell him that I was mad at him for throwing the L word around so effortlessly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't I look fine?"

His lips twitched into a small smile. "You look more than fine, but I don't know ... You just seem caught up in your thoughts lately."

Caught up in my thoughts were the accurate words to use, because I had never listened to myself think so much in my life. "I'm fine, Scar."

His worried gaze lingered on me for a moment before he decided to let it go. "Okay, well, this party is going to be epic. I can just feel it. Trey invited a bunch of hot girls from Evergreen Valley, and you know how slutty they are." He sent me a look that told me I should know how slutty Evergreen Valley girls were.

I folded my arms against my chest. "I don't see why slutty Evergreen Valley girls should concern you."

His eyes widened. "They don't! God, no. I mean they're hot and stuff, but they're not you. I was just saying.."

I laughed. "I'm kidding, Patterson."

When we finally arrived at Trey's house, it was already packed with parked cars lining the streets and a reasonable amount of people hanging around on his front lawn, conversing with each other. Loud music blasted through speakers inside of the house which would most likely result in angry neighbors. But Trey didn't care, because Trey had money. His mom was a lawyer and his dad was an executive CEO. If anyone complained, then I'm sure his parents would find a way to sue them.

Scar and I walked to the front door hand in hand. I could sense the lingering stares and curious glances being sent our way, but Scar didn't seem to mind. Normally, I wouldn't have minded either, but that was before I realized that this relationship was more than I thought it was.

The inside of Trey's house was even worse than the outside. The loud music had become almost unbearable as the beat of the song matched the loud, rapid beating of my heart. Bodies were pressed against each other, bumping and grinding and doing other things that probably wasn't recommended for a high school student to do. Red plastic cups were clutched tightly in almost everybody's hands, and it was obvious that they weren't drinking fruit punch.

What a way to end the year.

Scar leaned over to my ear. "I'm gonna get us something to drink!" He yelled so he could be heard over the loud music. "Stay here, okay?"

I didn't bother to strain my voice in a desperate attempt to fight against the music, so I just nodded. Soon enough, his body disappeared into the mass of other teenage bodies and I was left alone in the midst of drunk teenagers.

It wasn't how I imagined to spend my New Year's Eve, but it was better than staying at home and contemplating the reasons why Scar supposedly "loved" me.

It wasn't long before I felt a pair of strong hands grip my shoulders. I fully expected it to be Scar with our drinks, but when I whipped around I saw Trey standing there with a baseball cap pulled over his head and an anything-but-comforting smile. "Hey!" He shouted. "Where's Patterson?"

"He went to get us some drinks," I yelled back.

His eyebrows shot up and he nodded. He still hadn't removed his hands from my shoulders, and I didn't like this "kind" gesture at all. "I didn't think you would show," he told me.

My brows knitted together. "What do you mean?" This was probably the only real conversation I had with Trey. I never liked him in the first place and I'm pretty sure he knew that, so why was he talking to me?

Trey shrugged carelessly and adjusted his baseball cap. "Scar kept talking about how you were avoiding him lately." His lips pulled back into a smug grin. "What's the matter? Was his dick too big for you?"

Scar mentioned that him and Trey were on good terms now, but that shouldn't have been a reason for him to share our sex life with Trey. "No," I spat. "Let's just not talk about this."

Trey shrugged and waved his red cup in my face before taking a sip from it. "Whatever you say, dude. Just don't break his heart, or else this whole gay stunt would be all for nothing."

I narrowed my gaze at him and suppressed a sigh. "It's not a stunt, dick. And I might as well say the same thing for you, Mr. I-don't-like-gay-people-so-I'm-going-to-humiliate-my-best-friend."

He stared back at me with wild, dark eyes before he took another sip of his drink. "I ain't trying to start a fight with you, dude. All I'm saying is that you're really lucky to have him, so don't fuck it up."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I'm-" My words got caught in my throat when I realized what Trey had said. I gazed back at him with a skeptical look. "What did you just say?"

Trey raised a dark, bushy brow. "What?"

I studied him for a moment, my gaze narrowing by the second. It didn't succeed in making Trey intimidated, because he just stood there with a stupid blank look on his face as he waved his cup around, allowing the liquid to climb around the sides. "Whatever," I said, trying to get this conversation to come to an end.

But it was obvious Trey still had plenty more to say. "I broke up with her, you know. Francesca."

I nodded. "Good for you."

"I was so stupid for doing that to him," he muttered under his breath. It seemed as though he was talking to himself rather than me. "I don't know what made me do that. I didn't even like her."

I could already sense that Trey was diving way too deep into his feelings, and I didn't want him to talk to me about his problems. "Okay," I said, "sounds awesome. Now, if you don't mind ... I'm gonna go somewhere other than here? Okay? Okay." Without giving Trey the chance to respond, I flashed him a quick smile and squeezed my way through the crowd.

My original intent was to find Scar, but considering I'd never been in this house before, that was a pretty stupid idea. I should have stayed put, like he asked me to, but I didn't want to listen to Trey any longer. I already had to deal with Scar and his feelings, so there was no way I was going to stick around to hear Trey say things that he would regret later.

My body collided into an abnormally large and abnormally tall boy, almost making me collapse to the floor but he grabbed onto my arms to keep me steady. "Sorry 'bout that," he apologized in an abnormally deep voice.

He was a football player, but his name escaped my mind. "You're fine," I muttered and tried to push past him, but he blocked me.

"Hey, you're that kid. It's Shaun, right? You're dating Patterson."

I faked a smile. "Close. It's Jamie."

The fat boy smiled at me. "Yeah, I think Patterson was looking for you."

That raised my interest. "Oh, yeah?"

The body scratched the top of his head as he tried to recall the information. "Yeah, he told me if I saw you then I needed to tell you to meet him upstairs."

I glanced up at the banister on the top floor. "Upstairs?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "The first room on the right."

"Okay, um, thanks?" He nodded again as he finally moved out of my way. I pushed past him and headed toward the designated bedroom.

I knew nothing good would come out of being in a bedroom alone with Scar, but I also knew that Scar was a horrible drunk and I needed to stop him from doing anything stupid.

When I found the bedroom, I pushed the door open and strolled inside, taking in the sights of the made bed, the organized bookshelf, the clean floors and the refreshing smell of pine. "Patterson!" I called out as I stepped further into the room.

A figure jumped out of the adjoining bathroom, except it wasn't Scar.