Do I love you? Do I hate you?

I can't make up my mind

Chapter 11 ~ Where We Land

Scar Patterson

It was beyond simple.

Just a simple peck on the lips that lasted all but ten seconds.

So why did it make me feel like it was the end of the world? Like we were the last ones on earth. No one to interfere. Just me and Jamie.

Me and Jamie.

It sounded so right, yet so wrong.

Jamie didn't say anything in response to our brief moment. He just sat there with his eyes wide and his mouth agape, like I had done something wrong. After awhile of him just staring at me with a blank look, I started to believe that I had.

"Don't hate me," I said.

He stared at me some more, then blinked. "I don't hate you. I'm just - why did you kiss me?"

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't tell him why because I didn't even know. Certainly the alcohol in my system had something to do with it, but alcohol was known to heighten internal emotions and feelings. And all I really knew was that I really wanted to kiss Jamie right there and then. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't actually mind kissing him. Compared to our first encounter at the kissing booth, I'd say that was a huge improvement.

"Scar," he said softly once he realized I wasn't going to respond. "You're drunk. You're not thinking straight. You're going to sober up and forget this ever happened. Okay?"

Not being able to help myself, I laughed like I just heard the funniest joke in the history of funny jokes. "Isn't this what you wanted all along?"

"What?"

"You wanted to get into my pants," I recalled. "And now that I'm offering myself to you, you're gonna refuse me?"

He shook his head in objection and slapped his hands down on my shoulders, as if trying to knock some sense into me. "I'm refusing you because you're drunk and I don't want to take advantage of you."

Huffing loudly, I pulled my lips into a smile and placed a hand on his upper thigh. "I wanna try it," I said as soon as I was confident with the way I was feeling. Sure, my feelings were subject to change if and when I got sober, but as of right now, I was absolutely certain. "I wanna try being with you."

I knew I succeeded in making Jamie feel uncomfortable by the way his breath hitched in his throat and his body stiffened. But he still didn't remove my hand from his thigh. Instead, he narrowed his gaze, studying me. "You can't try being gay. You either are or you aren't. Which is it?"

He was asking me all these confusing questions that I was too intoxicated to understand. I knew that I still loved Francesca, a lot. I knew that I was still attracted to boobs and vagina and all that stuff that made girls, girls.

But then I also knew that I saw Jamie as something more than a friend. I don't think it had anything to do with his gender. He was just always there when I needed him, despite only knowing him for a few days. Even though I hated his presence at first, I learned to enjoy his company. He actually cared about me, and that was more than Francesca and Trey ever did.

"I don't know," I ended up saying. Even though I was entirely convinced I was attracted to Jamie in some way or form, that could just be the drunk side of my brain trying to make sense of how I felt. Besides, it wasn't like I knew anything about him. He made it his duty to keep every secret under lock and key.

"See," his voice cut through the tangible silence, "you're just going through a phase. It'll pass, Scar."

I looked into his clear blue eyes, oddly finding peace in the simple color of them. "Is that what your parents told you?"

His eyes widened at that very instant and he gave me a look that said I wasn't supposed to ask that. His lips pressed together in a thin, grim line and his jaw clenched tightly as he sent me a death glare. "You're such an annoying drunk," he complained.

"I'm just trying to get to know you better," I defend myself. "Because we're friends, right?"

He cupped a hand over his mouth and lazily dragged it down the rest of his face, groaning as he did so. "Friends don't kiss each other, Scar," he noted in a very controlled stern voice.

Growing irritated with his constant rejection, I inched off the sofa and shuffled over to the black gym bag on the floor. I unzipped the bag and tugged out the money box for the kissing booth. Jamie asked me what I was doing, but I just ignored him. I clicked open the box and pulled out the wad of cash, which I already knew was about six hundred.

I shoved it at him. "Here."

He pulled his brows together. "What? I don't want your money."

"Take it," I insisted. "There's no way I'm doing football any more if Trey is going to be on the team."

He let out a loud wholehearted laugh. "Scar, there's no way I'm letting you quit football. It's your dream. Hell, you even have a scholarship to play full time. I'm not letting you pass that up."

I shrugged in nonchalance. "Don't care."

Jamie sighed heavily and folded his hands into his lap. "We'll see how you feel about that when you get sober," he said with a teasing grin.

"I'll still feel the same," I assured him as I tucked the money away into my back pocket. Then I climbed on top of the sofa again and rested my head in his lap, staring up at him. "I'm kinda sleepy."

He gazed down at me with his clear blue eyes and started to play with a lock of my hair. "That's expected."

"I'm just gonna take a quick nap, okay?" I didn't wait for reassurance because I had already nuzzled my face into his toned stomach. "God, you're so warm." I felt my eyes flutter shut and soon enough, I was fast asleep.

Suddenly, it felt as though I was being taken back to the time when my dad died. Only this time, some of the pieces I couldn't remember before were coming back to me. And I felt every single second of it.

I could feel the car flipping over and over and I could also hear the sounds of trees brushing violently against the car. I had tried to scream but it just wasn't coming out of my throat, like it was lodged there by my fear.

The car hit a large tree trunk, making it come to an abrupt stop. I was still alive, barely, but I was. The car was upside down, and it took me quite a while to figure that out. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest as I waited for my dad to do something. But he never did. He just sat there, unmoving.

"Dad?" I asked him in a strangled voice. I tried to move out of my seated position but it seemed as though I was stuck. "Dad, come on. We need to get out of here."

But he didn't respond, and after a while I was beginning to think that he wouldn't.

A knock from beside me brought my attention to the window, which I didn't realize was mostly busted. A little boy about my age with short shaggy blond hair was staring back at me in horror. "Hey, you ok?"

"I can't move," I told him and then I pointed to my dad. "And he can't move either. I think he got knocked out."

The boy looked at my dad for a brief moment, then back to me. It looked like he knew something I didn't. "I'm gonna get you out." He reached through the broken glass, not caring about slicing his skin, and grabbed into my arm. "I'll pull and you push, okay?"

I nodded as I prepared myself. As soon as he started tugging on me, I tried to push myself out my seat but I felt a sharp, intense pain rip through my leg. I screamed loudly and yanked my arm out of the boy's grasp. "Stop," I protested. "It hurts."

"What hurts?" He questioned.

"My leg," I responded shortly. "I think..." I glanced down to where my leg was jammed between the passenger seat and a piece of metal that had broken away from the roof of the car, "...I think I'm bleeding."

The boy's breathing became quick and labored. "I can't leave you in here. I know it hurts but you have to bear it."

I shook my head violently. "No..."

"Come on," he insisted, ignoring me. This time, he punched some of the glass so he could fit his body through the window. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled with all his might, despite my protests. The unbearable pain ripped through my leg once more and I screamed louder than I've ever screamed before.

But it worked. The boy was able to pull me out of the window.

I sighed in relief and threw my head back on the ground. "Now get my dad."

He blinked at me as if I was speaking another language. "You're bleeding really badly."

I could feel myself falling in and out of consciousness and I couldn't piece together a full sentence. "My dad..."

The boy pulled his shirt over his head and wrapped it around my leg, tying it tightly. "My mom is a doctor. She'll know what to do. I'll be right back." He scrambled to his feet and took off in an unknown direction. Even though I wanted to plead and cry for him to stay with me, I couldn't because I was slowly drifting away into the oblivion.

When I awoke from my dream, I was wrapped tightly in Jamie's arms. So tight, like he was afraid to let me go. His eyes were closed and he was snoring lightly and he couldn't have looked any more adorable.

Wait, what?

I pulled myself out of his hold and scattered over to the other side of the sofa. "Dude, what the hell?"

His eyes slowly fluttered open and he groaned when he saw my bewildered expression. "Calm down, will you?"

"Calm down?" I questioned. "How to hell do you expect me to calm down when you're fondling me?"

Jamie gave me a blank stare before he scoffed and shook his head I'm disbelief. "Jesus," he muttered under his breath.

I stood to my feet and took a couple steps away from him. "Stop seducing me, you goddamn faggot."

In that very instant, his eyes snapped to mine. The usual weightless color turned dark and cold. "Seducing you?" He asked as he narrowed his gaze and advanced towards me. "You think I'm seducing you? You think that's what this is? I came here to comfort you because you were crying over your stupid girlfriend. You're the one who kissed me."

I laughed at his absurd accusation. "Yeah, very likely," I said, sarcasm coating my words.

He clenched his jaw and flared his nostrils in frustration. "Seriously?" It was obvious I hurt him with my words. "I'm sick and tired of you stringing me along and expecting me to be there when Francesca breaks your stupid little heart. You might have muscles and you might play football, but you know what? You're a fucking crybaby. That's what you are!"

I gaped and took a dating step closer to him. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he spat as he jabbed an accusing finger into my chest. "It's about time you deal with your own problems. If that involves you drinking until you can't remember all the stupid stuff you do, then so be it. But I'm not sticking around to see it anymore."

Growing angry, I shoved him hard. "I didn't ask you to come into my life, you bastard!"

"Neither did I!" He retaliated by shoving me so hard that I couldn't catch my balance and my head slammed against the wall behind me.

As soon as I felt the contact, I could feel myself losing consciousness and my body growing limp. Soon enough, I fell to the floor with my head killing back and forth. Jamie's eyes went wide and he rushed to my side. "Scar," he said in a panicked voice. "Scar, can you hear me? Are you okay?"

I tried to speak but the words couldn't leave my mouth.

He pressed his hand to my head and when he pulled it away, it was coated with blood. "Scar, you're bleeding really badly."

I wanted to respond, but I couldn't. The darkness was slowly clouding around me and the last thing I saw was the little boy who saved me from the car accident.

**

A/N: I'm so sorry that this is a short chapter. I didn't really intend it to be, but most of the stuff I wanted to happen needed to happen in Jamie's POV, so this is where I'll leave it. I'm pretty sure you guys can guess who the mysterious blond little boy is. I didn't really try to make it that mysterious. 

Is Scar gonna be okay? You guys won't mind if I killed him off, would you? hehe.

Anyway, I want to thank you guys so so so so so so much for reading and being awesome voters and commenters. Everytime I see that someone has adding this book to their reading list, commented on it, or voted on it, I get super duper excited and happy. And though I may not respond to all of your comments, I do read them all. And I'm more than thankful for all of your support. 

Until next time, 

Lara <3