FOUR WEEKS LATER

After that Friday on Niall's porch, Harry wrapped in my arms while he was vulnerable... Nothing changed. That Monday, it was as if we didn't have that conversation and he went right back to pretending I never existed. So, I spent the next four weeks doing the same to him and living my life as if we never did anything.

Lilly had moved back to her parents house the Sunday after Thanksgiving, although she spent the night often. I was thankful for her, she was a good distraction from the pain I felt any time I would see Harry parading around school. Today was Tuesday, December 15, we had one week of school left until winter break. I was so exhausted, I could feel the days dragging by.

This particular morning was awful, waking up with my usual sadness nausea as I call it. Except this time, I had actually thrown up. It took a turn for the worst, because me being sick made me late by ten minutes. I was basically dressing myself in the car, Lilly had to go early so my dad took me. I was flustered, stumbling into class and facing the eyes of everyone. I sat down next to Liam and pulled out my notebook, brushing my hair from my face.

"Your shirt is inside out." Liam whispered. I glanced down and noticed the stitching was visible, my tag stuck out. I cursed under my breath, tugging on my jacket to hide my humiliation. We had finished taking notes and were moving on to the reading when another wave of nausea hit me like a train, my hand shooting into the air.

"Ms Johnson—"

"May I go to the bathroom." I mumbled, I could feel it coming. She could barely get a word out before I raced out of my chair and out the door. Luckily, the bathroom was across the hall as I shoved myself inside and flung myself onto a toilet.

I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and sat on the ground for a second. I felt worlds better, but thats what happened this morning. Would I have to deal with this again? I stood up with wobbly knees and quickly turned my shirt the right way before hurrying back to class. When I carefully sat down, Liam nudged me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm not feeling well." I shrugged, turning the page in my book. Maybe I should go home, this may be real sickness and not just my sad puking. We had questionable fast food chicken last night, maybe this is the salmonella taking over.

The rest of the day went smoothly, except for the boys asking me if I was feeling alright. Liam must have spilled the beans on my morning up-chucking. Despite my empty stomach, lunch didn't sound appetizing to me. I went from shoveling food to rejecting it in a month, which made Niall go cross-eyed. Harry sat down across from me, which made me shoot up from my spot and walk to the commons to wait for lunch to be over.

"What is this I hear about you barfing first period?" Lilly asked, sitting next to me.

"I just wasn't feeling well, but I feel fine now." I sigh, crossing my arms. "Not a big deal."

"If I were you, I'd be out the door and sleeping in my bed right now." She laughed.

"I wish, I have a lot of studying to do for finals." I whined, I had started to slack when I was dealing with my feelings for Harry. I needed to get back on schedule and getting good grades again.

"You mind if I come over tonight?" She asked, opening a bag of Goldfish crackers. I took a few and nodded, grabbing my bag at the sound of the bell. We headed to class together.

It was about thirty minutes into my last class when I felt another wave of nausea hit me, my throat closing at the feeling.

We are in the middle of a test, now is not the time!

I could see the bathroom out of the window of the door, my hands shook as I filled the last bubble. I rushed to turn it in, mumbling that it was an emergency and racing out the door.

Because of my empty stomach, I dry heaved a few times before finally calming down. Winter break couldn't come soon enough.

I came back to class in time to grab my bag, the bell ringing to signal the end of the day. When I found Lilly, she had her arms crossed over her chest. "Again, Emma?"

"I don't know, I think I'm sick or something." As soon as I said that, she backed away. I carefully slid into her car, just wanting to go home.

"Don't puke in my car, theres a bag right there." She pointed, an empty bag sat at my feet. I rested against the seat and waited for the ride to be over. I climbed the stairs and crawled into bed practically on my hands and knees.

Over the next few days I would randomly get sick throughout the day. I felt fine, but then I'd have to race to the bathroom. I was starting to get worried that something wrong with me.

Until Friday afternoon, Lilly and I were getting ready to go hang out at Zayn's house when she shouted from the bathroom.

"Where do you keep your tampons?"

"They should be in the cabinet under the sink." I called back. That's when it hit me, when was the last time I had my period? I tried to remember the last time, late October, I had to beg my mom to bring supplies to the school.

Had it really been almost two months, how did I not realize this?

Lilly came out of the bathroom, dressed in her outfit with her hair and makeup done. She immediately noticed my face, I could feel the tears welling up.

"My period is late."

———

"One line is negative, two lines is positive." Lilly spoke from the other side of the stall. We had decided to stop at CVS on the way to the party, grabbed a test and headed for the bathroom. I had peed on the stick and it was now sitting on the sink with a paper towel covering the answer. "I'm sure it's done—"

"I'm not ready." I stopped her from reaching. She sighed and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. I stared at it, in one quick motion I ripped the paper towel off and saw what I didn't expect. One line. "Not pregnant."

Lilly lifted the test to the light and dropped it, her eyes widening. I froze, her eyes met mine and she shook her head. "There's a second line, Em."

I squinted at it, the faintest pink line could be seen next to the dark one. Two lines. I let out a sob, covering my face with my hands. How was I supposed to just walk out of this bathroom and go to a party? My hands slid down my face, glancing at the test before throwing it away.

"We're going to be late." I croaked, grabbing my bag and leaving. Once outside, Lilly grabbed my arm and twisted me around.

"You are not going to pretend this isn't happening, Emmalee." I could see the confusion in her eyes.

"Yes, I am! We are going to go to this party and we are going to have fun. Then, I will deal with this tomorrow!" I shouted, getting into her car. She stood there for a moment before sliding in the drivers side and taking us to the party like I had planned.

The thing I couldn't shake was that this is Harry's baby. How would I tell him about this, how would he react considering his life is complicated or whatever. Am I going to be raising this baby alone? When we arrived at the party, all I wanted to do was drink. But a small voice inside me demanded I didn't, I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I did.

I followed Lilly inside, her hand was wrapped around my wrist as we made our way to Zayn's room. The room was filled with our friends, including Harry, who I couldn't make eye contact with considering what I had just found out.

"I was beginning to think you wouldn't show!" Zayn cheered, enveloping me in a hug before moving to Lilly. I flopped down on a love sac with Liam and a shot glass was immediately handed to me. While everyone threw it back, I carefully set it down on the floor next to me.

"Boo, Emma. Take it!" Niall called, causing me to shake my head.

"No, not tonight. I've been so sick recently." I complained, handing the full shot glass to Liam, who drank it. Lilly stared at me, then glanced toward Harry; She was the only one in this room that knew.

Suddenly, a figure appeared in the door, the light hit her and nearly knocked the wind out of me. She looked almost exactly like me, the brown wavy hair and the blue eyes. I watched as she immediately found Harry and made her way to him, leaning down and giving him a peck. I had felt like all the light in the room had gotten brighter.

I stared at the floor, trying to forget what I had just seen. I felt the wave of nausea come, my anxiety sickness as I called it. I used Liam's shoulder to lift myself to my feet, I stepped over obstacles and practically ran to the bathroom. I was leaning against the wall closest to the toilet, Lilly slowly poked her head in and saw me, coming over and sitting down in front of me.

"This can't be happening." I whispered, a tear slid down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away with my sleeve. She squeezed my arm and sat there for a minute before coaxing me to my feet, wiping my tears away for me.

"Lets just get this night over with." She said, lowly. We made our way back to the room, where I sat back down next to Liam. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and I leaned against him, he was always so sweet to me.

"Let's kick this up a notch. Never Have I Ever?" Zayn suggested, Noelle clapped next to him. I raised my hand, brandishing five fingers to the group. Liam did the same, my head still on his shoulder.

"Never have I ever went streaking down our maths teachers neighborhood." Louis said loudly, Niall groaned and dropped a finger.

"Come on, that's not fair, Lou!" Niall complained, taking a shot. I worried about when I would have to put my finger down.

"Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person."

"Never have I ever stolen from someone."

"Never have I ever slept with two people in one day."

These questions were absurd and I was starting to feel safe, all five of my fingers were still in the air. Until that last question, asked by Harry.

"Never have I ever slept with more than two people in this group." He slurred. I glanced at him, his eyes were bearing into mine, "You're supposed to put a finger down, Emma."

I felt my jaw drop, my heart plummeting to the floor. I almost fell trying to get up, rushing down the stairs and out the front door. I could hear Lilly shouting curses at Harry, even some of the boys joined him. As soon as I was outside, I couldn't stop myself from crying. I couldn't catch my breath, I felt like my world was falling apart.

He thought of me like this, like I was going down the line of boys? I dropped to my knees, my breath was fogged from the cool air. I felt hands on my shoulder and I was about to fight them until I saw it was Liam. Harry was stumbling out the door, his girlfriend was stomping away from him and calling him names. Lilly pushed by him and came over to me, ushering me to her car.

"He's such an asshole, I don't understand how someone can act like that!" Lilly cried. Liam was in the backseat, he needed a ride home because he was too drunk to take himself. I felt my heart ache, realizing I couldn't have his baby.

I couldn't share a life with a monster.

———