"you're fucking kidding me, right?" you ask, spitting the words with venom dripping from them, as if he had just asked of you the worst thing he could have. and in your eyes, he had.

"not at all." came crowley's hard response, and you could already tell that he wouldn't waver on this.

"you better be, because there's no god damn way i'm accepting that." you hiss, punching the vampire in the shoulder again, you can't count how many times you've hit him now. of course, your punch would never be at its strongest while lying down, but you like to think it's the effort that really counts.

"you're ridiculous. do you want me to take you to your friends or not?" crowley asks, sounding a lot like someone who's patience is running thin.

"i can't become- there's no way i can fucking let you-" you're so frustrated at your lack of power, and your sentences come out broken, unable to put a full, coherent thought together in your mind, let alone spitting the thoughts out. "i refuse to become the thing that i've spent my life training to kill! you really expect me to accept your conditions, when my life isn't something you can fuck around with? fuck that you dumbass! it's not happening!" you yell, striking out at the vampire in a fit of aimless punches and kicks. more than trying to hurt him, you were looking to clear your head.

"if you're going to fight, you have to be the strongest you can be. i can't let you be killed because i didn't ensure your safety. this will help you." he sounds so calm, so sure of his words. it makes you even angrier. you get the part about strength, but you have morals. you swore that you would kill every vampire, but how can you make that your life's goal if you are one? "you won't lose your emotions, i promise. you'll just be stronger. you won't need human blood because you wouldn't be able to drink it anyway. there's no problem."

while crowley's points are something to consider, you know he doesn't understand your side. you've spent years training to kill them, so it feels like a betrayal to everyone who's died at their hands if you were to become one.

but you could use their own strength against them, couldn't you? is that in itself not something to consider? spiting the vampires by killing them with their own strength.

would you do it? if it was the only way to be able to join the fight again? would shinoa or yoichi or kimizuki for that matter? you know the one most likely to take the deal would be yuu. he'd do almost anything to kill vampires, and for all you know that may include becoming one. but you know he only would if it was the only way.

it's so frustrating, feeling and being so powerless. there's nothing you can do to go join the fight, and you know that your friends probably need you. and they especially will in the future.

is there anything else i can do? there isn't, is there?

you can feel the familiar, yet somehow foreign stinging of tears in your eyes, and you try to bite them back. you're not weak, but you know that there's nothing you can do against the force of your frustration right now.

"i don't want to hurt you." crowley says, his voice far less stern than moments ago, and when you open your eyes his own are much softer this time too.

"you bastard." you sigh, voice cracking through your small sob. "i fucking know that. but you are."

crowley's head tilts to the side, and he frowns. "but i just want to protect you, and you just want to protect your friends. i feel like i have everyone's best interests at heart."

you snort, tears beginning to fall. you wipe them away frantically. "fuck you. i know that you're trying to make me stronger but i hate vampires. you know that, i tell you all the time."

crowley gives you a soft smile. "but you don't have to hurt anyone. i don't understand. you would only need my blood- isn't that alright?" he sounds concerned now, and a little confused. he brushes your hair away from your face, gently holding your cheek.

"i know." you whisper, continuing to wipe away your falling tears. you sit up a bit, and this time, crowley let's you. you prop yourself up on your elbows, shaking your head. you have to join the fight. you can't leave your friends hanging like this. would it not be more of a betrayal if you didn't help them? especially when it's guaranteed that you would never hurt anybody else?

you nod slowly, hesitantly. would your friends still want you after this? what if they couldn't stand looking at you?

it's too late, isn't it? you will join the fight. and even if they don't want to look at you, you'll fight with them still. even if they refuse, you'll prove to them that you won't betray them, you'll fight harder than ever.

you trust your family. they won't turn you away, right?

"i can-?"

you punch crowley's shoulder again, your

tear-filled eyes avoiding his gaze as you nod slowly again.

crowley leans over you again, this time seeming somewhat nervous as he does. his bare hands reach out to cup your face, his thumbs gently stroking your cheeks as he nods at you slowly, reassuringly.

your tears are so close to falling again, and you finally meet crowley's gaze, who leans forward, kissing you softly, a gentle press of his lips on yours. they're surprisingly soft, much more so than you would have expected. but you hadn't expected this. it had never crossed your mind that crowley might kiss you now, and you wonder if he's doing it to make you calm down.

crowley pulls away after a moment, saying nothing to you as he studies your face carefully, as if he were nervous you might reject him now. you remain silent as well, and still, a tear finds it's way down your cheek. crowley's thumb swiftly wipes it away.

once crowley seems sure that you're not going to hit him, or tell him to get the fuck off, his lips press against yours again, though this time not as gently. this time his kiss is passionate, so much so that it nearly knocks the air right out of your lungs. this time you kiss back, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck as you forget who's air you're breathing. it's a heavy, exciting kiss. one that makes every cell in your body explode with joy, and you find yourself lost in the feeling of it.

crowley pulls away for you to catch some air, biting his lip til it draws blood, and a lot of it, before pressing forward again.

you can taste the foul, metallic liquid as it spills into your mouth, and you realize that this is how he's chosen to turn you. though you still feel like crying, your adrenaline is far too high for tears, and you find that you're not worried about your tears at all.

it doesn't take long at all for you to feel the effects of the blood you've been swallowing. it's only maybe a minute before your adrenaline, even as high as it already is, spikes further, and you can feel every nerve inside your body set on fire, burning almost as if they were attacking themselves, and god does it hurt.

now your tears are falling again, streaming down your face as you writhe in pain beneath crowley. his thumbs continue to brush against your cheeks softly, but you can't feel it any longer. all you can feel is the excruciating transformation as your body seems to tear itself apart.

nothing and everything hurts at the same time, and it's a horrible agony that won't stop, no matter how much you mentally plead for it to stop, for all of it to stop.

you can still taste crowley's blood, and you try your best to keep swallowing it as it drips onto your lips, and down into your mouth, but it's so difficult. your throat burns just like every other inch of your body and it's so agonizing that you barely register when it stops. when the pain suddenly gives way, and you can feel all of it melt away. now, your throat is just very dry.

you open your eyes slowly, crowley's piercing red eyes staring down at you, full of concern, and what you believe is pride.

"you didn't scream, which is sort of remarkable. you just cried a whole lot." he comments, moving out of your way, and pulling you to sit up, hand on your back to steady you.

"i- don't really feel any different..." you say quietly, clearing your throat when your words come out hoarse.

crowley chuckles, tucking stray hair behind your ears as you glance up at him again with half a mind to suck every last drop of blood from his body.

"oh- i feel kinda different." you whisper, placing a hand against your head to stop it from spinning so much.

"you're probably just thirsty, right?" he asks, pulling down his shirt to expose his own soft skin, offering for you to take what you need. "trust me, you won't be able to fight properly if you don't."

you don't really need to be told twice, lunging forward to tackle him back onto the mattress and bury your new fangs into the exposed skin of crowley's neck, tasting the crimson substance but somehow enjoying it this time. crowley doesn't make a sound, unlike you who used to cry. his arms reach up to wrap around your waist as you straddle him, continuing to suck from the punctures you created on the surface of his smooth, porcelain skin.

you can feel the thirst in the back of your throat subsiding, and soon you're pulling away, and licking the rest of the mess off of your lips.

you offer crowley a visual of your bloody teeth, before leaning back down to lick the remaining blood off of his puncture wounds.

crowley's hands squeeze your hips as you sit back up again, attempting to crawl off of the vampire.

you raise your eyebrows, offended. "you need to go downstairs." you remind him, poking a finger into the exposed skin of the vampires chest. "and figure out where my friends are so we can go meet them."

"right- um... or i could just-" crowley starts, but you smack a hand onto his chest, irritation adorning your features.

"we leave as soon as you're done. so get changed out of your pajama's, asshole." you grit out, shuffling off of crowley for real this time, and waiting for him to get up too.

"it's like you don't feel the soulmate connection at all." he whines, shuffling out of the room with a huff.