《Things Left Unspoken (SandersSidesAU)》Chapter Eight
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Roman roamed around the school. He had lied about needing to call Remus but he was going to. He went to a large window that overlooked a meadow. He had to reject Virgil's invitation. It was for the best, he wasn't about to let some boy change his perceptive. He had friends so he didn't rely on Virgil for friends. He was going to be gone, so this was easier than giving the poor boy heartbreak. Janus believed he was a heartbreaker to put it simply but Roman didn't do that on purpose.
He was hardly innocent but Roman still held on to the guilt from time to time. He hardly showed it because he had a reputation, and that reputation meant nothing now. He couldn't escape it, Janus was digging into his old life to find whatever he could, so just pushing Virgil away was the best option if he couldn't escape it. Maybe he should just wait until college for a fresh start. Roman was convinced that he was in the right, but still he felt guilty.
What was this feeling? Why was the prospect of losing a friend despite the friendship being based on the fact he was getting beat up. It hadn't happened last week, so Roman was wondering if Virgil had anything to do with it. But the fact that he might have told Janus about their agreement didn't comfort him.
He got his phone out and called Remus. Remus would know what was going on. He was always so much better with figuring things out. Remus picked up the phone before the first ring finished.
"RO!" He yelled. Roman held the phone away from his ear.
"Remus, why?" Roman said.
"I haven't talked to you in a while!" Remus said. It was close to 8 o'clock so Remus was at home.
"We literally talked about your math test this morning." Roman said while looking at the darkened meadow.
"But that was over text, this is a phone call."
"Good job noticing." Roman said and rolled his eyes. He kept staring at the meadow. It was pretty but he couldn't get out of his own head.
"Roman? Are you okay? Usually when you call you have some sort of direction or you just want to check up on me, but right now I am okay! I have been sleeping in your room still and miss you a fuck ton but Thanksgiving is almost here so you can come home for that!" Remus knew that something was up. Roman always directed the conversation so he started rambling in hopes that would piss Roman off enough to stop him.
"I know, Remus." He looked around to make sure he was alone and then went outside. He had his ID and his room key so he could get back into the school. "I am doing well, kind of." He said as he sat down on the gravel under the window.
"Well, let's talk about that kind of! Is it because of not having me there each morning and night?" Remus said. "I gave you that blanket and sweatshirt for a reason, you need to use it." Roman looked down at the sweatshirt he was wearing.
"I know, Re. I have been, I guess I am just upset about something I really shouldn't be." Roman said.
"And what would that be?" Remus asked. Roman got up and walked a little bit into the field just to be sure. Remus was the only person who had ever seen him vulnerable but even now this was new territory for both twins. Remus wasn't sure what he could say to help his brother. He was very much someone who helped by physical touch. Roman was the one who gave advice.
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"Someone who I may have had shot with as a friend or maybe more, I don't know, but I know I am coming back after this year so there is no reason for me to get attached. I pushed him away and I think I made his life a little worse. Not only that, some kid thinks I am trying to take his title but I am fine. I just don't know why I am so upset over something that hasn't even happened yet." Roman ranted and at the end Remus chuckled. "What? Why are you laughing?"
"Ro, you are only a few minutes older than me but have you really been that disconnected from your own feelings for that long? You don't even realize what a crush is like? Even when you have explained it to me in the past?" Remus said. Roman didn't realize that Remus had taken notice to him not showing his feelings.
"A crush? No, it's been like a month and I haven't even hung out with him outside of classes." Roman said.
"You can still have feelings despite not knowing them. Let me put it this way: would you want to fuck him?" Remus asked bluntly.
"Remus!" Roman said, he could feel his face heat up at the thought of all the...no. He wasn't going down that road.
"What? I am just trying to get you to realize that you can't shut everything out. You shut everyone out to protect yourself from heartbreak. From making me more upset. But Roman look around, life is changing. You are at a boarding school becasue we took a stupid risk. I still feel guilty. I tried to tell them it wasn't you but no matter what I said they wouldn't listen. Maybe it's time to not be so shut out to others and your feelings. Take a chance with this guy. It's okay, maybe you will like the school and want to go back next year." Remus said.
"No, we are doing our senior year together." Roman said. They were going to graduate together. That was the plan, it always had been. Maybe Remus wasn't the only one who hated change.
"Roman, we made a plan and a promise years ago. But now I think it's time we null it. You take promises very seriously and I know you do that to protect me from change, but now I am going to release you from your end. You don't have to protect me anymore. We are twins, not years apart. Be your own person Roman. Go to him and make new relationships. Don't be afraid to make new connections, I won't be mad if you go back. I hate change but I hate you being in self inflicted pain just to protect me, So it's my turn like you said." Remus said and Roman couldn't breathe.
His brother was telling him to let go, he didn't think it would happen so soon. What did he mean by that? Did he not need Roman anymore? Did he ever need him?
"I am not saying to leave me behind nor am I leaving you behind. I am saying live a little. You don't need to worry about me anymore. Oh and punch that kid for me, you don't need that." Remus said. "I know it's scary, but I have been thinking about it for a while, when you left I didn't even get out of bed until Mom came and talked to me. I told her about the promise we made and then she figured that you still lived your life that way. And so this separation is us learning to grow as two different people."
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"Remus, are you sure?" Roman asked quietly.
"I love you very much Roman and I want to see you happy. You sacrificed so much for me because I hated change. Hell, you are one of the best singers I know. You gave up an entire week away from home so I wouldn't be scared. I am not going to let you hold yourself back. Until you make some friends and maybe even talk to that boy, I don't want to hear anything about our future." Remus stopped.
Roman couldn't help but think how mature he sounded. This was his little brother, the brother he worked so hard to make happy and be his hero. He was his best friend. And if Remus wanted him to be happy, he could let himself right.
"Roman, I don't think you should rule out senior year at Westward." Remus said.
"What? Why?" Roman said.
"Because I think you will find someone who will make you happy and you will find someone new to protect. Go find that person, no matter what I will love you. And you will be my best man and I yours. You will never find someone who will be your best friend like I am. Birds of a feather?" Remus said.
"Now and forever." Roman finished the saying that they found somewhere and related to. Remus then sighed.
"Just don't be closed off to new events. I think you have the first stages of a crush. Be his friend, show him you care. He may need you to tell him directly, you are one of the most romantic people I know. Go woo him. Who knows if he might be someone you will stay with for a while. You try and protect me from upset and close your emotions off to a pretty heartbreak, but they are a part of you. And this emotionless Roman is going to cause more bad than good, it sounds like it's already broken something. Apologize and talk to him, I will repeat it: if you stay at Westward I won't be upset, but bring me back a good brother-in-law.But it's getting late and you are outside so you need to go back to your dorm. I love you." Remus said.
"I am not going to marry the guy. I love you too, bye Remus." Roman said and wiped his eyes. He didn't know what to think. He made his way back into the building slowly. He was still trying to process everything. He was stubborn and needed to think about it, Remus was right about that much. But Remus was just saying that, he didn't really know what he was saying. He was walking down a hallway near the dorms when he heard someone address him.
"That was heartwarming Roman. Such a thoughtful brother." He turned around to see Janus. He wasn't wearing makeup like he usually was so the scars on the side of his face were clear. Roman never saw him without it and it took him by surprise. "What? Scared?" Janus asked.
"No. That conversation between me and my brother was private whatever you heard is none of your business." Roman said. He knew he didn't have good control over his emotions and he needed to watch that or he would do something stupid.
"Oh calm down, Princey. I only heard him tell you that he really didn't need you anymore. I mean come on, you got sent away for doing something so stupid and then when you come here you think he's not going to grow? Or have the desire to? People are fickle things Roman. Even those who we think we know very well. Like a brother, or should I say twin brother." Janus said.
"Like I said it's none of your business! Janus, I don't know where you came from or what your past is like but the person you have heard from all the places you get your information is all rumor. Yeah, I did some shitty things. I got arrested twice. But that was all in the name of a promise I made to more than one person. To my parents without them knowing. I made that promise to keep my brother safe. Why do you think I am here? I can't fucking paint for the life of me, not with spray paint. All those witnesses who said they saw me spray the wall did so because I asked. It may be hard to believe but people like me and want to help me out." Roman said. "So before you compare our pasts or want to keep your precious reputation as the scariest person here, fucking take it. I don't care, I never did." Roman then turned and walked away.
"I am sure Virgil would love to hear that." Janus said and Roman froze.
"Don't drag him into this." Roman said. Janus smirked.
"Why? You don't want him to see who you really are? Someone who can't let go of the past? I bet right now he's making a plan with Logan to avoid you. Logan is probably telling him everything that you did. Every detail he could find on your cases or why they got dropped. Why did they get dropped? First time you were maybe what 13? That young, they had to let you off easy. Trust me I know. But Roman, you got arrested and then it made it trial. But the case was dropped fast. So why is that?" Janus asked.
"It doesn't matter why, it did let's leave it at that." Roman said. "So stay out of my life and my past and I will stay out of your way. I don't have any interest in taking your role."
"I don't think you get it. I don't like you and you could be an issue in the future. I am just making sure you understand the place you hold here. You don't have any power here, Daddy isn't coming to save you." Janus said. Roman stared at him in disbelief.
"I could care less about my place here. I don't want to be here, I am here and then I'll be gone. You don't need to worry about me. I am not going to big deal, I am already trying to erase myself from all of your lives. So act like it." Janus grabbed Roman and pinned him to a wall.
"You leaving him high and dry will not go over well and just give me another reason to fuck you up."
"Decide what you want Janus, Virgil to stop talking to me or I keep talking to Virgil and you keep why you want me to avoid him secret." Janus realized that he knew. "That's right I picked it up, so choose jealousy or protection." Roman said and it was his time to be cocky.
That didn't last long. He was getting punched in any possible place, kicked and bruised. Everything. Janus didn't seem like he was stopping anytime soon. Roman didn't let him get far as he usually did. Roman fought back for once and landed a few hits. It threw Janus off enough that he was surprised.
Roman and Janus were equally matched for each other, but Janus was smarter about where his hits landed. Janus was fighting to inflict pain and it was a strategy, and Roman was just trying to hold his own. He wasn't going to try and hurt Janus. He was able to trip Janus when he lunged and he ran off. He wasn't going to stick around.
He ended up tripping and falling while he was running away from Janus. He hissed and kept going. He ran up the stairs to the dorms, he got to a familiar floor and he went on auto pilot. He ran to the purple door that he usually went to, and knocked on the door not caring how loud he was.
He saw Virgil open the door and he looked a mess but Roman could only get one word out before he heard the door open. "Help-" Virgil snapped his head toward the hall door and saw Janus, Virgil pulled Roman inside and closed the door. They heard Janus yell down the hallway.
But the yelling sounded really weird and then Roman was hit with a ton of pain that made him pass out for the second time in Virgil's presence.
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When Patton started crying, Virgil then realized what happened. Patton got up from his bed and tackled his cousin. Virgil was still in shock and so was Logan.
"You spoke, and it was clear!" Patton sobbed into Virgil's chest.
"That he did Patton. Virgil, I am still processing the fact you are speaking however what did you mean?" Logan asked, Patton looked up at Logan.
"Is this really the time for data gathering? Virgil just spoke to you louder than he has in years and you can only think of the content of what he said?" Patton asked, Virgil stepped in.
"Patton, it's understandable that he is caught up on the easier section before processing the actual event." Virgil said softly. "But I meant what I said, what did you say to Roman? He was very short with me in history."
Logan had put his bag down and collected his papers that he was supposed to give Virgil. "I simply answered a question that he had and in return he gave me some information. Here are your notes from English." Virgil took them and he was on a roll and he wasn't going to stop. He started talking to Logan and Patton together and he was going to continue to do so.
"Like what?" Patton asked now interested and still holding on to Virgil.
"Patton, how about we let Virgil up and talk about this further when you aren't holding him down." Logan said. Patton refused to get up but when Virgil started to move Patton followed quickly.
"All I did was talk to him about his record and had a very enlightening conversation about something. Virgil, how long have you known that he was getting targeted by Janus?" Logan asked.
"Umm, since he started?" Virgil said.
"What? How?" Logan asked.
"I recognized the pattern on Roman's arm." Virgil started answering with less confidence. Logan didn't really think it was because he was lying, mainly because he was trying to keep confidence to talk to Logan. In reality, Virgil was hiding the fact Roman had been in his dorm multiple times over that last month but Logan didn't need to know that.
"That makes sense. But I still don't know where this outburst came from." Logan said and settled on his desk chair.
"Small disagreement with Roman that was all, and I just jumped to a conclusion." Virgil said and Logan looked at him. "I know! But can you blame me? I just want a good working relationship with him, we are partners in history. But it's fine, I'll figure it out." Virgil got up and went over to his door.
"Wait! Want to join us for dinner?" Patton asked.
"Sure, but I will still be using sign in public." Virgil said.
"That's fine by me. And Virge?" Virgil turned around and looked at Patton who was smiling.
"Yeah?"
"I am glad to hear your voice again." Virgil nodded and went back to his room to change for dinner. He put on some black jeans, black boots, and a Panic! At The Disco band shirt. He put on his sweatshirt and made sure his eyeshadow was still good. He looked at his hair and saw it was starting to fade. He figured he had a month or so until he had redye it completely.
Patton knocked on the door and let him know that they were going to dinner soon. Virgil was happy that he could talk to Patton and Logan. He said that he would meet them at the dining hall. He was going to tell Picani the good news.
He knocked on the office door and knew the therapist would still be there.
"Oh, Virgil. I didn't expect to see you, can I help you?" Virgil nodded. "Come in, and there is a note pad on the table."
Virgil sat down and wrote down his news and showed Picani, who smiled and was really happy.
"Well, that's fantastic. Anything for triggering the talking or?" Picani asked. "I just need some clarification."
So Virgil explained it. He was angry and just was so emotional that he pushed through the block of speaking and did it. Virgil was happy to say that he thought it might stick with speaking to Logan and Patton in private or alone.
"Well, that's amazing. Who is next? Janus?" Picani asked and Virgil shook his head. He wrote down his answer and then the bell rang. Virgil waved and Picani nodded and read the note.
No, I think you and my uncle are next. I think that I should start talking to adults so teachers are just another step and I have the ability to talk if I want to. Picani smiled and saw a note at the bottom of the paper. Please don't tell my uncle until I can talk to you, I want to surprise him.
Picani then took the note that Virgil wrote and tore it off the notepad and put it in his file. He sat down and updated the file he had on his computer for Virgil. He then opened the locked document that he had for info that only he could access. He typed up the report that Virgil had visited him.
He set a goal for Virgil, considering he did this for his caseload. Only a few knew about it and honestly, Virgil speaking to his former roommate and his cousin wasn't supposed to happen. He also made a note to call Logan in to describe the tone and articulation of Virgil's speech.
He knew it was full sentences and that was as great as he could hope for. He had a good feeling about Virgil and his speech ability. He would be talking to teachers in no time, and maybe Picani could get him to start thinking about dating.
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