On the ride home, I kept finding different routes and longers ways to get there. There were roads I have never been down, and places I have never seen before. I continued to pull over just to remind myself that the papers explaining pregnancy were still sitting on the passenger seat, and an ultrasound of my stomach sat on top.

I did what I haven't done since the day we buried an empty coffin, I visited my mom. My car pulled over on the road, in front of a hill. She sat on top, underneath a willow tree. The branches hung down, giving it a raining leaves appearance. My mom loved willows. We had one in the backyard of our house.

Elizabeth Jo Ann Bennett, a loving mother, and friend. 1978-2018.

I told dad to use her favorite passage from Pride and Prejudice on the tombstone, but he refused to. Grandma Collins used to read mom Pride and Prejudice to her every night. She even told her it was destiny when she met my dad. Only because her last name was going to Bennett. Though it wasn't spelled the same, I think my mom only married my dad so people would call her Elizabeth Bennett. I loved her so much.

She must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading. This was the quote my mom loved most. It was the only highlighted line in any of her novels, and I loved it, but I didn't have the book. After dad sold them, I haven't been able to find them.

On the quote, mom wrote a little note above the passage with something to me. Something I never got to read. She told me when I turned eighteen, I could read it, but I never got the chance. After she died, dad got rid of everything that reminded him of her. Her books were one of them.

I brought the ultrasound with me as I sat next to her tombstone. Oddly, every year, a series of purple flowers grew on her grave. A field of wildflowers, some would say weeds, grew around her. It was as if even God knew she was the most kind-hearted and loving creature he ever created.

"I am sorry I haven't come to see you," I leaned against the marble. "It has been three years, and I didn't know how to. I hope you can forgive me. There is a lot of things going on, and things that have happened. I got to see Seth for who he really is. It would have been easier if you were here -"

"That isn't why I am here, though," I admit. "I told you about Kinnick. As a matter of fact, I talked to you Kinnick for about every night since we have met. Momma, we moved in together, and we got our first house. And I am super happy. I think I found the love all of those novels talk about -"

"And I am having a baby," I chuckled. "I don't even know how. I mean I do, but you know, we don't have to discuss that part. I am just kind of upset you aren't here. Everything would be different. I think I would be a little more happy if my mom was here to talk me through pregnancy. It would be better if I had someone in the family, especially you to tell. I don't have anybody, and it is hard -"

"You would love John, though. He is a great friend, and he reminds me a lot of you. I am not sure what you would say about Kinnick because he makes me speechless. I look at him and see the world though, momma. He really has saved me. I would like to believe you have been there every step of the way, but it is kind of hard when everything has been so hard -"

"I wanted to die, and honestly, I am still sad. I guess I just want to see you. I want to stop all of this pain, but I love Kinnick," I drop my head into my knees. "I love him so much that I can't leave all of this. He makes me want to wake up in the morning, and he tries so hard to put a smile on my face every day -"

"There is going to be a mini-me or Kinnick running around here in eight months," I smiled as the tears streaked down my face. "I kept asking for a sign, and something to save me from all of the things that I can't save myself from. Then this happens, and I am not sure if this is going to be my little miracle -"

"If I have a girl, I am going to namer her Collins," I grinned. "It is your last name. Well, you know that. I don't know why I told you. What you don't know is that I am scared shitless. I don't know what I am doing, and I am so scared I am not going to be like you."

My phone ringing broke me from the wind cutting through the tree. I looked down at Kinnick's name as it flashed across my device. I hesitated before I answered the phone because I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "Oh yeah, absolutely."

"Are you sure?"

"I promise," I nodded as I stared at the picture in my hands. "Everything is okay."

"When are you going to be home?"

"I'm actually leaving now."

"Okay, I'll see when you get here. I love you, B."

"I love you, Kiki."

He snickered. "Drive safe."

I ended the phone call before I turned back to my mom. "I would like to show you the ring that he proposed to me with, but we got into a fight, and I gave it back to him. I think he is sorry - I wish he didn't have such a guilty conscious. He is a good man -"

"I promise I am going to visit more, and when the baby comes, I am going to bring him or her to see you," I sighed. "It feels really hard to walk away, though. I just don't know if I can. It is the reason I haven't been able to visit. I had to leave you once. I don't know how to do it twice."

Kinnick's name flashed over my phone again. I hesitated to answer it but I slide the button before answering. "Hey -"

"Do you know where the remote is? I've been looking all over for it."

"I think it's by the -"

My voice broke, and I couldn't keep it from him, even if I wanted to. "Bo?"

"Will you come to get me?" I whimpered.

"I'll be there in five."

"I am not at the office."

"I know," he chuckled. "I kind of figured."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I figured you weren't telling me for a specific reason."

"I am at my mom's grave."

I could hear his keys dangling, and the door to his truck shut. "Where is it? I'm on my way."

He stayed on the phone until he got there. I knew he was going to find out about the baby, and it worried me, but something about today felt right. Something about today felt like starting over. A part of me shifted after I visited my mom today. Not only did it take forever to get closure on what happened with Warren, but I denied my mom's death, even though I saw her in her car.

I avoided her grave for years, and a pang of heavy guilt has settled over me. While he talked to me on the phone, asking me if I was okay, I laid my head on the tombstone and prayed that everything would work out.

Then I heard his door shut in the distance. He was coming toward where I sat on the top of the hill. There were wilted flowers in his hand. I smiled at him as he approached.

"What is this?"

"I pulled them from the house," he sucked in a deep breath. "I didn't have time to stop for any other flowers."

"My mom loved wildflowers," I grinned, wiping my eyes. "Mom, this is Kinnick. Kinnick, this is mom."

He nodded. "I talk to her sometimes."

My head snapped to look toward him. "What?"

"Yeah," he smiled at the tombstone. "There were several nights, where I asked her if it was okay to marry you."

I threw myself into him, tightening my hold on him. "I love you."

"I love you most," he wrapped me up.

When we pulled away, his eyes dropped to my hand. "What is that?"

"What?"

He grabbed the ultrasound from my hand and my heart dropped. Aside from the wheat swishing in the distance, and the tree rustling in the wind, there was no sound. Tears were welling in his eyes when he looked up at me. I wasn't sure what was going to come from his mouth or how he was going to react, but it worried me.

"Kinnick? Will you say something?"

"Is this real?"

I nodded as my hands started to shake. "I found out this morning. I didn't go to the office, but you knew that because we just talked about it. I went to the doctor's because I wasn't feeling good. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Please don't be mad at me -"

"I am going to be a dad?"

"Yes," I drag my word out slowly.

"Of your kids?"

"Yes?" I almost asked because I was confused.

He threw his arms around me, yanking me into him. His arms were practically crushing me as he cried into my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him as he lifted me from the ground. I whispered I love you until the cries choked me.

"We are having a baby."

"Yeah," I laughed. "We are."

He looked down at my mom's grave as he rubbed my stomach. "We're having a baby, momma Bennett."

"Oh my god, I am having a baby with you," I smiled up at him as he looked down at the grave. "By the way momma Bennett, I am a huge fan of your work."