My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I approached the health and wellness center. How could a place so well-meaning look so ominous? From its grimy brick foundation to its tinted windows, all of my senses were telling me to run in the opposite direction.

Yes. Run away. I'd rather pay money at a store than go to a facility on campus. Would they ask for my ID? Would they remember my face? At least I know at a store like 7-11 they're not paying their employers nearly enough to care about their customers' names.

Would I truly rather pay money? I almost had to pull out my debit card to avoid a slight inconvenience last night. I'd take my chances on campus.

I attempted to pull the door open but was met with a loud metallic clang. I sheepishly scanned the area to see if anyone had witnessed my mistake. Once I confirmed that my dignity was still intact, I checked the building for any signs on how to open the door.

My eyes almost immediately landed on a small metal sign under the intercom that was next to the door. I cringed at my impatient stupidity.

I rang the doorbell. I could faintly hear a familiar chime inside the building. Once the door was unlocked, I let myself inside.

Carpeted floors decorated the ground beneath my feet. There were two sofas sitting across from each other by a digital fireplace. The tinted windows allowed for the privacy I needed. The building felt cozy.

An older woman sat behind a window that appeared to lead into an office. She seemed to have a constant look of boredom on her face. Past her disinterested expression, I saw my prize. A bowl of colorful assorted condoms sat proudly on a shelf behind her.

I felt the cashier from 7-11 egging me on as I boldly walked over to the receptionist. "Hi," I started quietly.

"Hi, how can I help you today?" She asked, not bothering to look up from her phone.

"C-can I have some—"

"Speak up. I can't hear you." She interjected, still refusing to make eye contact with me.

"May I please have some—"

"Oh my god. Can you speak up? I can't hear you." She finally looked up from her phone to give me an annoyed look.

"Can I have some condoms please?" I almost shouted in pure agony. My head whipped around in search of anyone who could have heard me.

She sucked her teeth as she grabbed a goodie bag and filled it to the brim with condoms and lubricant. I felt like I had won a prize from a pachinko machine. When she was done filling it, the bag was practically overflowing. Thank god I brought my backpack.

She beckoned me over to a doorway that was around the corner. I barely had time to react before the bag was pushed into my hands and the door slammed in my face.

I looked down into my pot of gold and my face flushed. She might as well have dumped the entire bucket into my bag. I couldn't even hold it shut with the handles if I wanted to.

The overflowing goodie bag was hastily shoved into my backpack. I felt like a considerable weight of shame had been added to my load. I speed-walked out of the building without so much as a fleeting glance in that woman's direction.

"Have a good day." She muttered sarcastically as I barreled through the front door, back into the cool fall air. My hands trembled with adrenaline. I needed something to calm my nerves.

I reached the dining hall and stood in line for the buffet. The chatter from other students was hard to tune out. I could barely feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I answered quickly. "Hey baby, how are you?" My mother cooed.

My mood lightened. Her familiar voice made me homesick. Although this was supposed to be my "home away from home", my socially anxious mind could barely use the bathroom if my other suite mates were in their rooms.

Things were peaceful and quiet at home. Regardless, raising my voice was custom. My space was my own. My parents could cook. Why did I leave again?

"Hey mom, I'm okay. How are you?" I began packing my plate with food and looked for a secluded seat.

"I'm great but I'd feel better if you came home more often. When are you coming to visit me?" She complained. I spotted a seat at the edge of the hall and made a beeline for it. Narrowly avoiding the other students, I successfully procured my seat.

"Not any time soon. I have midterms soon." I slumped in my seat as I thought of all the work I'd have to do. I looked up out of the window to students passing through. Most were in pairs or small groups.

"My smart girl, I'm so proud of you." My mother's words were always so comforting. Maybe I should go home soon. I would feel so much better.

"I know mom, I love you."

"I love you too, baby." I started eating while my mom started telling me about her day. That's when I saw him again. He was walking down the hall with some of his friends from that night. I couldn't help but stare.

His almond-colored skin was blemish-free. His eyes were deep-set and expressive. He laughed at something his friend said and it revealed a set of beautiful white teeth. "Are you listening?" My mom asked, slightly annoyed.

"Y-yeah I'm here." I stuttered, still captivated by his looks. I was so wrapped up in my non-PG thoughts about this man that I completely blocked out my mother.

I sneaked another glance and my eyes landed on his full lips. His smile was dazzling as he continued to joke with his friends. His dark hair was faded on the sides and coiled up to a medium-sized Afro. He was hot and I had embarrassed myself in front of him. Not like I ever had a chance anyway.

"Alright honey, you seem distracted I'll just talk to you another time." She hung up before I could protest. I tried to keep eating my food but my appetite was gone. I looked up and he was turning into the dining room. We briefly made eye contact and my heart jumped.

I shouldn't be weird.

My fingers twitched as I contemplated. The chances of him remembering me were slim. It was a couple days ago since we last interacted. I've been too embarrassed to go back to the store since.

Still, there was a chance that he remembered me at all. Who knows, maybe I could strike up a conversation if he sees me.

I blinked and focused my vision as I began to wave in the guy's direction. Until I realized he had already moved on to the buffet.

I hope no one saw that.

It was a usual occurrence. I often get wrapped up in my own internal discussion on proper social etiquette, that real social opportunities pass me by. Instead, I trap myself with painful hypotheticals, shutting myself down before I have the chance to mess it up.

I really hope no one saw that.

I turned back to my food and put on some music, to drown out the noise of the dining hall as I finished my food. I decided to exercise some self-control and avoid looking at him on my way out. There was no need to embarrass myself further.