Eight tales of love, eight stories, eight descents into madness.

The spoilt wife who leads the life of a puppet, a cocky high schooler who falls victim to her greatest fear, the suicidal German who falls in love at first sight...

This collection of short stories humorously explores the dark and ironic side of human behavior. With stories of unrequited love, vengeance, pain, prejudice and mystery, "Tales from a Jaded Writer" will gnaw the corners of your mind and challenge your ideas of love and life.

You've nailed the cover again. The way the font is presented is creative and unique, and it draws in the right audience. The photo is excellent quality, and your cover looks very professional. I can see time and effort has been put into it, even from where your name is presented on the front. Kudos to your cover designer!

Your title is self explanatory, and it also has a certain ring to it that I enjoy immensely. No changes are needed here.

Your blurb here is so much better compared to when I've reviewed your first story! I can see a lot of improvement, and I'm genuinely so excited right now. Your writing here is free of any grammar issues and spelling errors, while still expressing the content of your writing.

What I liked about your hooks for each story is that they were well planned out with thoughtful internal responses to a situation. You immediately brought me into your character's head and pointed out the scene and setting. One problem that I've seen recurring frequently with all your hooks were your tense slip-ups. If you're writing your story as though your character was recounting their past with a present voice, then it's fine. But if you're writing as though your characters are actually experiencing each new thing, (literary tense) right then and there—with a past voice, then the entire story should be in past tense. If the latter is your case, then the tense slip-ups should be corrected. A few examples are, "... knowing that it will go as quickly as it came." (p.1, Pride and Capriciousness), and "Love is shit," (p.2, Better Off Alone). I would love to know if your tense-shifts are intentional (and if so, keep in mind that tense-shifts are for direct internalization, and should only happen with and during a break in your passage). Along with that, there were a few sentences I found to be awkward and could be restructured better. Try to clean up unnecessary filler words cushioning verbs and such.,

I've seen several types of mistakes in your writing, and the most frequent one is your use of commas. Keep in mind that commas are used to separate several clauses. Think of a sentence as containing several topics. You want to separate each topic with a comma (though there are a few exceptions). You can research this on your own later, but I've spotted a lot of missing commas, and the occasional unnecessary comma. In future writing, ask yourself if the comma is needed or not.

The next mistake I've caught is your punctuation mistakes. Mainly in your dialogue, you have the wrong punctuation. If there is a dialogue tag after your dialogue "he said, she exclaimed, he murmured, etc" then it's part of the sentence. By ending the dialogue with a period, you're saying that the dialogue is a sentence by itself, when it's actually a continuation of the sentence. For example, an incorrect sentence would be: "'I hate you.' she said." Correction: "'I hate you,' she said." If there is an action tag after your dialogue such as "she gasped, he ran away, she banged her head on the wall, basically anything that the character does" then it's a sentence by itself, and not a continuation of the dialogue tag. Therefore, the dialogue should end in a period instead of a comma. For example, "'I hate you,' she turned away" is incorrect. Correction: "'I hate you.' She turned away." In summary, if there is a dialogue tag after your dialogue, you can use any punctuation except a period after your dialogue. If there is an action tag after your dialogue, you can use any punctuation except a comma after your dialogue.

Lastly, I've seen a lot of tense slip-ups. It's possible to have tense-shifts in your story, but only if it's during a passage break in which the narrator converses directly with the reader. If you added these tense-shifts to be intentional, they're sloppy and unnecessarily switched. Unless you're reflecting upon yourself on or with the reader, you shouldn't be writing in present tense; as your story is set in past tense. I've only mentioned a few of these mistakes I've caught, but there are a lot. I suggest you go through your writing carefully when editing to catch these mistakes.

I can tell that you've edited each chapter thoroughly. Color me impressed! If you don't already, I suggest keeping your writing on a google/Word document, and save it as a PDF with a (temporary) simple font such as Ariel or Times New Roman. That way, if you look at your writing with a different format and font, it'll be like reading something new, and it will be easier to catch any mistakes you've missed.

The plots for each of your stories were unique and different. I was captivated with each new plot, and I found myself getting hyped over each plot twist and ending. The only problem is that I've found a few plot holes in your writing. I'll point some out later in your writing, but just be on the look for those when you're reflecting on your writing.

I understand that these are all short stories. However, I couldn't connect with your characters. Even if you only have a paragraph to do it, you should always make sure that you have a defining principal character to hook into your readers' minds. You want your story to be memorable, and to start, you need to focus on your characters. Often, I don't get a physical description of your characters (I'm not sure if this is intentional or not) and I don't learn their names until about half-way in your story. I keep having to scroll up and search for their name because I'd forgotten it. That probably means your readers are going through the same thing, so make sure to establish these things as soon as possible.

Your use of diction in your stories is splendid! It was a nice change from stories I've read with mundane descriptions and weak vocabularies. I didn't see much sensory detail or metaphors. Try to connect feelings with tangible things. It can make your reader get all hyped up over an awesome description and make your writing more deep and memorable. Along with that, I've seen some repetition in your writing. Whether it's with your sentence structure or your diction, there's enough to catch my notice. I've only pointed a few out, but in future writing, I suggest that you replace words if they repeat at least twice in the first five paragraphs.

Most of your transitions were smooth and unnoticeable, and I had to go back to find the transitions so I could give you feedback. There were some spots where the transitions were awkward and abrupt. It's really up to you whether you think they should be smoother or if they're fine the way they are, but I believe that your transitions will improve on their own as you continue writing.

"I strode down the pleasant path that was my neighborhood, curtsying every time I passed by an elderly person." (paragraph 1). This sentence is a great start to the story. However, it's awkward. You could shorten it and write it directly, instead of using "that was." Suggestion: "I strode down the pleasant path of my neighborhood..."

I've mentioned this earlier, but you have a tense-shift in your first paragraph. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but it's a sloppy tense-shift; these should only be used during or before a passage break to converse directly with the reader.

"But the side-effects of being so smart is that you're often disliked." (p.2). Here, I suggest you refrain from using a tense-shift. Along with that, it's awkward. Try replacing "You're" with "I'm." Suggestion: "But the side-effects of being so smart was that I was often disliked." Along with that, I suggest correcting your tense slip-ups in the rest of the paragraph.

In paragraph 2, I suggest you write out the entire word "Okay," instead of "OK."

"I have never been." (p.3). Never been what? This is an indication that you're referring to the sentence prior to this, but there's no direct relation between the two. You wrote that her sister hadn't been a virgin since seventeen and that sex was a second language to her, then you wrote, "I have never been." Can you see how this can be confusing for your readers? They don't know exactly what you're talking about. Never been... a virgin? (That doesn't make sense, lol). Never been... have sex? (and that's an incorrect sentence too).

I'm only four paragraphs in your story, and I found some repetition. Here, you wrote, "I ventured into the great house that was my home...." and earlier, you wrote, "I strode down the pleasant path that was my neighborhood..." Can you see the similarity here? These two sentence structures are nearly identical. How can you rephrase and restructure these so it doesn't get repetitive?

"... where I was standing." (p.7). This is a passive voice. Rather than saying that your character was doing something, try to write it directly and say that your character did something. Suggestion: "... where I stood."

"I greeted Mom and Dad in our language and hesitated." (p.7). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "I greeted Mom and Dad in our language, and hesitated."

"She paused and I could already see the wheels turning in her head." (p.10). These are two clauses. One is that she paused, and the other is that your character could see her wheels turning in her head. Therefore, there needs to be a comma separating the two. Correction: "She paused, and I could already see the wheels turning in her head."

In paragraph 13, I suggest writing out numbers.

"No no no this could not be happening." (p.18). You need to have commas here. Correction: "No, no, no, this could not be happening."

"(I dislike people like that)" (p.18). You already expressed that your character didn't like him, so this is unnecessary here. You're already hinting that these are all bad qualities, so you can remove this part. Again, the "(except mine)" can also be removed because it's unnecessary.

"He was one of her many lovers and she talked about him non stop and had already planned their wedding in her head." (p.18). This is a run-on sentence. "Nonstop" can be one word (or "non-stop"), and this entire sentence could be separated with commas and periods.

"Both of which will become nonexistent in my life if this abominable wedding pulls through." (p.25). Here, the tense-shift should stay in past tense.

In paragraph 26, what does Chidi look like? You should have a small physical description of him (not overdone) so that your readers can be grounded with a visual of your characters.

"Anita who was sitting between my mum and I was trying hard and failing to suppress a giggle..." (p.28). Here, I suggest using an em-dash. Suggestion/Correction: "Anita—who was sitting between my mum and I—was trying hard, and failing to suppress a giggle..." Did you also notice the comma I've added?

"He asked matter-of-factly." (p.29). This is a continuation of the sentence prior, so "he" shouldn't be capitalized. Correction: "he asked matter-factly."

My pleas fell on deaf ears however." (p.35). There needs to be a comma here. Correction: "My pleas fell on deaf ears, however."

In paragraph 36, I suggest writing out numbers. Say "eighteenth of October."

"It was brutal and unrelenting as if demanding that I turn and head back home." (p.1). You're missing a comma. Correction: "It was brutal and unrelenting, as if demanding that I turn and head back home."

"It wasn't as comforting as I'd hoped it would be but at least my face didn't feel as though it was pressed against lava." (p.2). You're missing a comma here. Keep in mind that commas usually also accompany conjunctions (and, but, or, etc). Correction: "It wasn't as comforting as I'd hoped it would be, but at least my face didn't feel as though it was pressed against lava."

"Five months ago, I woke up from a coma to find that I had a husband of 3 years and he was Damien." (p.7). I suggest you write out the number "three." Along with that, you should have a comma. Correction: "Five months ago, I woke up from a coma to find that I had a husband of three years, and he was Damien."

In paragraph 10, I suggest you correct your tense slip-ups.

"The two began to engage in hushed tones and I smiled to myself." (p.16). Missing a comma here. These are two different clauses. Correction: "The two began to engage in hushed tones, and I smiled to myself."

"I wanted to throw up but I couldn't even summon the energy for that as my whole body shook uncontrollably." (p. 24). Another missing comma. Correction: "I wanted to throw up, but I couldn't even summon the energy for that as my whole body shook uncontrollably." Along with that, you're cushioning your verb with an adverb. Instead, why don't you simply replace the two with a stronger verb? An example would include "spasmed," "convulsed," and more.

In paragraph 29, I suggest you fix your tense slip-ups. This happens frequently throughout your chapters, so make sure to go through all of those and fix them.

"I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out." (p.31). Missing comma. Correction: "I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out."

"His dark eyes were like that of a stranger's and his direct gaze made me whimper." (p.32). Another missing comma. Can you find it?

That ending made my jaw drop. The twist on your story was so crazy, and I loved it! Imagine if she woke up in the hospital from a "coma." Wow, this ending blew my mind.

"I watched all this from my spot at the back, grateful there were too many people around for their embarrassing obvious infatuation to be noticed." (p.3). Since you're listing descriptive words here, there should be a comma. Correction: "I watched all this from my spot at the back, grateful there were too many people around for their embarrassing, obvious infatuation to be noticed."

In paragraph 5, I suggest you fix your tense slip-ups.

"But he was the wrong choice and she needed to understand that." (p.5). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "But he was the wrong choice, and she needed to understand that."

In paragraph 9, fix your tense slip-ups.

"'Kim is fine.' I said..." (p. 13). This is one whole sentence, so the punctuation at the end here is incorrect. Correction: "'Kim is fine,' I said..."

"I also wondered what his constant presence in school would mean for Jules but she never seemed to mind." (p.23). You have a comma missing here. Correction: "I also wondered what his constant presence in school would mean for Jules, but she never seemed to mind."

In paragraph 28, I suggest correcting your tense slip-ups.

"Jules and I got into a huge fight over something I can't recall and she told Derek what I really thought of him the first time he showed up and how I was the cause of their separation." (p.29). This is a run-on sentence, and you have several tense slip-ups. Correction/Suggestion: "Jules and I got into a huge fight over something I couldn't recall, and she told Derek what I really thought of him the first time he showed up. How I was the cause of their separation."

In paragraph 30, I suggest you write "OK" as "okay" to look more professional to your readers.

"There was love there for me but still love I could tell he no longer wanted to feel." (p.31). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "There was love there for me but, it was love I could tell he no longer wanted to feel." I also rephrased this sentence to be less confusing for your readers.

In paragraph 2, I suggest you correct your tense slip-ups.

"'Earth to Kim.' Pascal whispered in my ear." (p.3). Here, this should be one entire sentence. The period should be replaced with a comma. Correction: "'Earth to Kim,' Pascal whispered in my ear."

In paragraph 3, I suggest that you write out numbers. Along with that, I suggest you replace "on" with "at."

In paragraph 5, the period in your dialogue should be replaced with a comma since you have a dialogue tag afterwards (and it's still part of the sentence).

"He's never actually said it but I wasn't completely dense." (p.8). Missing comma. Can you find where? "Hint: Remember that commas usually accompany conjunctions).

In paragraph 8, I suggest you clean up and correct your tense slip-ups.

"'Not much to look at but definitely an upgrade from that abomination you've got there'," (p.11). Here, you're missing a comma. Along with that, I suggest moving the comma at the end to inside the dialogue.

In paragraph 12, I suggest writing out the word "OK." Along with that, correct your tense slip-ups in paragraph 13.

"Nor did he tease me for having small feet and tiny hands in the vastly annoying but charming way that Derek used to." (p.14). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "Nor did he tease me for having small feet and tiny hands in the vastly annoying, but charming way that Derek used to."

In paragraph 15, correct your tense slip ups.

In paragraph 16, correct your tense slip-ups.

In paragraph 21, I suggest you write out numbers. (Same problem in paragraph 22).

In paragraph 28, replace the comma in the dialogue with a period, and don't capitalize "he."

You have a tense slip-up in paragraph 31.

"It's been so long that sometimes I feel like we never even happened." (p.33). You're missing a comma here. Correction: "It's been so long that sometimes, I feel like we never even happened."