"They are relentless!! Cole kept on insulting Chloe but she didn't back down." Noah comments.

But his mind was far away on that day and Chloe's almost robotic responses.

"I purposefully turned down all of Holly's attempts of getting me alone but she just ignored all of them," Ed adds.

But he couldn't seem to shake off Holly's dead eyes when she kissed him.

"And I keep pissing Sofia off going as far as insulting her but she doesn't even bat an eye lid." Zion comments.

But he couldn't help his thoughts travelling back to when she downed that whole bottle of alcohol after what is supposed to be a little truth. . .

"But isn't that the ways of whores, persistence?" Even Zion couldn't believe the words from his mouth and his friends barely even heard him lost in their own thoughts.

Were they only your typical mean girls or was there more beyond those layers of makeup?

I really enjoyed your cover because it gave me a sense of the theme your story was going for; it had a mysterious aura and gave me a taste of what your story is about. One thing I would suggest is changing the font color; it's hard to distinguish your title from your story. If you play around with filters and font apps, you can make your title pop from the rest of your cover.

I love your title because while I was getting to know your readers, I found that they are pretty savage and cold, but inside they are lonely and afraid to open up. When I went back to your title, I found it to be more bittersweet, and it made me feel sad for your main characters. Your title relates to your story perfectly, and I love how it brings out the emotions inside of me.

I do like that your blurb is short and concise. One problem is that you've misused words, confused plural and singular words, and rambled through your blurb. Your sentences can be cleaned up and tightened to make more sense to your readers without using run-on sentences and rambling. I like that you showed a piece of each girl through a piece of each boy; it was really clever. But your sentences need to have proper conjunctions and commas, or it takes away some tension and build-up I was sensing in there. I'll explain more of this to you during your chapter reviews.

One thing I like about your hook is that it's very philosophical. I got a feel for your personality and what your character was thinking. You added your own emotion and personality, making your character be more relatable and understandable for your reader. However, there were a few spelling and grammatical mistakes that I caught in the hook, and I will address that in your chapter one review. Along with that, you had the tendency to ramble and confuse readers with unnecessary words and phrases.

Most of your grammar mistakes were continuously persistent/consistent, so please check your writing thoroughly to catch these mistakes. One thing I've also caught throughout your chapters is your lack of proper punctuation. Whether it is at the end of the dialogue or at the end of the paragraph, you tend to leave the sentence unfinished. I've also found myself struggling to understand your writing at times because you used run-on sentences and rambled your way through your chapters. These sentences can be cleaned up and tightened; meaning that you can take out unnecessary filler words and use strong verbs to replace adverbs. What I mean by this is that an adverb is an adjective describing a verb. You do not want an adverb in your story; you want a strong verb. So rather than saying, "Billy ran quickly to the train station," you should say "Billy sprinted to the train station." Remember that commas should only be used when listing things or separating several clauses. Many times in your writing, your sentences can be separated into several sentences. When you are introducing a new topic, you need to add a comma and conjunction or a semicolon/period.

I didn't find many typos in your story so far, but they are there. I only mentioned a few, and I recommend using ProWritingAid. This site will catch all your spelling errors, grammatical errors, and point out when to use commas in your writing. By using this, you can learn and develop a habit of understanding when commas should be used. It also suggests stronger diction to replace weaker adverbs and how to strengthen the vibrancy of your writing. I've also found that you've misused a lot of words in your story, such as "when" and "where."

What I love about your plot is that you've written it in the antagonist's perspective. Your antagonist is essentially the protagonist in this story, and you are telling a story that needs to be heard. I like how you've insinuated that there are multiple sides to a story, and you made me wonder what exactly happened to make mean girls mean girls. However, I'm not entirely sure where this plot is going. I didn't get a sense of direction. You shouldn't be too vague with your readers. Try giving them something to look forward to so they know the general idea of your story.

One thing I've really enjoyed from your characters is that they are all flawed in some way. Whether it's being vain or being unable to break out of bad habits, they are all suffering in a stuck mindset with no way to free themselves from their own minds. Make sure to have character development. In the beginning, they may be mean girls and shallow, but perhaps they'll learn a thing or two by the end of the book. One thing that I've struggled with is the depth of your characters. I've had to scroll up to the front of the chapter to see whose POV it was, which shows that I could not familiarize myself with the characters and who is who. From what I've read, Chloe, Holly, and Sofia are all struggling with similar problems. One thing I suggest is to differentiate what they are struggling with, or at least show the characters how they are struggling and what different ways they are using to cope. Don't be afraid to add in figurative language and descriptive detail to your characters. I want to see strong verbs and carefully crafted sentence structures. I want to see something that will make me feel. How can you incorporate your feelings into your characters and let them speak to your readers?

One thing that I really like is that I was able to see your voice through your writing. I could sense your style of how you write, and what was going on in your head while you were revealing your characters' stories. However, it does have room to improve. The tension and buildup of your writing voice throughout your story is often interrupted by your run-on sentences and amount of grammatical errors. If you take the time to go thoroughly through your work to catch all these mistakes and edit your story until it is polished, your writing voice will flourish. Your voice has the potential to become something beautiful, if you take the time to nurture it and let it grow. I promise that if you get into the habit of looking over your work and catching common mistakes, not only will your voice improve, but your characters and the flow of your story will all prosper. For now, I'm struggling with being able to connect with your characters and your plot, both of which can be immensely improved with time and hard work.

You wrote your story so your scenes all flowed together seamlessly, and I had no trouble moving from one situation to the next. I didn't have to think twice about what happened next, and there were hardly any awkward moments and strained tension from you as the writer. You are so close to perfecting your transitions. However, the tension and build-up from your story flow was disrupted from your grammar issues and I couldn't fully appreciate it for what it was. Keep this in your head: By working on improving your grammar, you will automatically be strengthening your voice, characters, plot, and story flow. This is how important grammar is to your readers and me, as your critic.

"My constant trail of thoughts are what kept me awake most times other times it was because I was in a midnight party and had too much fun...and tonight was the former reason...my thoughts haunted me just coz of that one secret and today was no different." (paragraph 1). You wrote this entire paragraph in one whole sentence, and it is a run-on sentence. There are a lot of places where these clauses can be separated with a comma, semicolon, or period. Along with that, you've unnecessarily used ellipsis' several times (the three dots). It took me a while to understand what you were trying to say; you can tighten this sentence to make it more understandable for your readers. Suggestion: "My constant trail of thoughts is what keeps me awake most nights. Other times it's because I'm at a midnight party and have too much fun, but tonight is the former; my thoughts haunt me just because of that one secret. And tonight is no different." Did you notice how I've separated the sentences? I also corrected tense slip-ups since the majority of your writing is set in present tense. I've tightened this sentence to be more understandable for your readers, so it doesn't confuse them.

In paragraph 2, make sure to write out numbers, or your readers will see it as unprofessional and lazy. Write "twelve" instead of "12."

"Where I obviously denied it but it didn't help that two years later my best friends and I started receiving a lot of Male attention, before you jump into conclusions, no I'm not gay." (paragraph 2). The word "where" is unnecessary here, and you might have confused it with the word "when," since you are referring to time. Along with that, you should be replacing a lot of commas with periods and semicolons to show you are introducing a new topic. Correction: "When I obviously denied it, but it didn't help that two years later, my best friends and I started receiving a lot of male attention. Before you jump into conclusions, no; I'm not gay." Do you also see that the word "male" should not be capitalized?

In paragraph three, you are explaining something to your readers. Writing a story is like writing a song. What is the best way you can display information? You can make this more interesting for your readers through dialogue or a flashback with your character instead of just explaining. Remember: Show, don't tell.

"I blamed no one for this it couldn't be helped." (paragraph 4). These are two different clauses, so there should be a comma in between them. Correction: "I blamed no one for this, it couldn't be helped."

I love the little backstory you added in paragraph 5, but is it really necessary? I understand that it's important to reveal your character's past, but it should only be done in important scenes. Maybe something happens, and your character then uses dialogue or flashbacks to explain their past. Only use backstories when it's at a crucial moment. Along with that, remember to write out numbers.

You have used ellipsis' here a lot throughout your chapter. Try to use ellipsis' sparingly; it shouldn't dominate your commas and periods. Semicolons, commas, or periods would be better options. By using ellipsis' like this, it sounds like your character is drifting off and rambling a lot which can turn away readers.

"... because I too, was like them years did that to you." (paragraph 8). You have a missing and an unnecessary comma here. Correction: "... because I too was like them; years did that to you." I used a semicolon instead of a comma (although a comma can be used here) to indicate both sentences are separate but combined and important.

In paragraph 12, write out numbers. ("one" instead of "1".)

Check paragraph 13. You have a tense-slip up. Even if you're explaining something, you should be doing it in present tense. Along with that, this is backstory. It will feel like a history lesson to your readers. How can you better portray this information? Through dialogue, maybe? Along with that, you have unnecessary commas. Try using my suggestions above and apply it for this paragraph.

"'Yes I actually have a pretty good reason'Chloe says." (paragraph 14). First of all, you are missing a space after the dialogue. Secondly, you need to have proper punctuation after the dialogue. Since there is a dialogue tag after the dialogue, the correction should be: "'Yes, I actually have a pretty good reason,' Chloe says." Did you notice the comma I've added in there too?

Check paragraph 15. You've spelled "Philippine" wrong, and you didn't capitalize it. The Philippines is a specific place, so it needs to be capitalized.

"'Well then tell us I need to get my sleep,' I groan." (paragraph 16). First of all, you are missing a comma between the two clauses. Can you find it? Along with that, this looks like filler dialogue. A filler is essentially just "filling" up the space with unnecessary dialogues, such as "isn't it a lovely morning?" and "why yes, it is indeed a beautiful day today." These words are unrelated and unnecessary to the plot. This is boring for your readers, and all it does it take up space. The sentence you've used can be removed because it serves no purpose to the plot at all.

"Then there was me, Sofia... people said I had a perfect body and I had Latina gene's in me I was usually the funny one and guys said they found me sexy." (paragraph 17). This is an info-dump. Here you are describing your character in a very boring way. Remember to show, not tell. You don't have to tell your readers that Sofia is funny, show it. And if Sofia is "sexy" try to show it too. Maybe a guy is hitting on her. And is describing that she has a perfect body really necessary to the plot? If you wanted Sofia to appear perfect, you can just say "perfect in every way" instead of individually inspecting her body parts. Along with that, this is a run-on sentence. Where can you add commas and periods?

In paragraph 18, make sure to write out the word "and" instead of using "&."

In paragraph 19, "belleview high" should be capitalized since it is a specific place.

"'OMG! wait like all of them or?'" (paragraph 23). This is an incomplete sentence. If you want to show Holly drifting off, then this is the right time to use an ellipsis. Along with that, you need to capitalize "wait" since it is the first word of the sentence.

You don't need to use more than one exclamation mark when ending a sentence. If you do two or three exclamation marks at a time, it doesn't emphasize the excitement; it only makes your characters seem unusually perky.

"A minute later Sofia finally emerges from her house in tiny shorts her face_like ours_caked with makeup." (paragraph 1). This sentence does not make sense. You don't have any commas, which makes this a run-on sentence. Correction: "A minute later, Sofia emerges from her house, her face caked with makeup—like ours." Do you see how I've removed the unnecessary clothing description? It does not contribute to the plot.

"I huff she grimaces." (paragraph 2). There needs to be proper conjunction here to separate the two clauses. Correction: "I huff and she grimaces."

Do you really need paragraph 3? It seems like a filler dialogue. If you want to describe Sofia's relationship with her grandmother, you should be taking note of the grandmother's characterization. Was her grandmother holding Sofia back because she wanted to kiss her goodbye or because she needed Sofia to put her dishes in the sink?

In paragraph five, "yea" should be "yeah." The word "yea" means to be affirmative, as though voting by saying "nay" or "yea."

"Immediately we get out of the car gazes snap to us following until we enter school being the SHC eyes were always on us... The whole hallway becomes quiet except the occasional wolf whistles and murmurs of Girls wishing they were us, it had been like this since freshman year when we managed to score the seniors of that time until now as seniors." (paragraph 10). Did you notice that this entire paragraph is one sentence? You have a tendency to write run-on sentences. Along with that, there were missing commas and capitalization errors. The ellipsis you've used is unnecessary here, and "the" that comes after the ellipsis should not be capitalized anyway because it is not a new sentence. Your writing here is all over the place and I had to reread this a few times to understand your message here. You can separate this paragraph into several sentences. Remember that with a new sentence comes a new topic, whether it is indirect or directly related to the previous sentence.

"My thoughts are interrupted when a nerd bumps into me causing the hallway to hold their breathe waiting for my reaction." (paragraph 11). Here, you've confused the word "breath" and "breathe". Along with that, the hallway is not a person, it can't hold its breath because it cannot have one. Lastly, you are missing commas. Correction: "My thoughts are interrupted when a nerd bumps into me, causing everyone in the hallway to hold their breaths; waiting for my reaction."

"Its a pity..." (paragraph 11). Correction: "It's a pity..." There needs to be an apostrophe in "It's" because you are saying "It is a pity."

In paragraph 13, remember that whenever someone new speaks, you need to start a new paragraph. So when Holly starts speaking back to the nerd, there needs to be a new paragraph starting.

"She lamely apologizes again and I'm about to say something else but Sofia interrupts," (paragraph 14). This is an incomplete sentence. If you are trying to show that Sofia is speaking, the two paragraphs should be combined together. Here, you've ended the paragraph without proper conjunction. Paragraph 14 and 15 should be joined together.

In paragraph 17, "belleview" should be capitalized because it is a certain place.

In paragraph 18, both first and last names should be capitalized. Along with that, remember to write out numbers to look more professional to your readers.