Ever heard of the Captain of the Cheer squad and the Quarterback falling in love?

My name is Madison Miller and I am head Cheerleader and most popular girl in Uni (I am NOT one of those snotty girls from books). There was one thing I didn't want to do this year... Fall in love. Why? Because my last relationship ended on bad terms, which may or may not be the cause of me hating most Football players.

His name is Walker Jackson, and he's the best Quarterback the Uni has ever seen. Oh, I can't forget the fact that he's the most popular guy in Uni. He took away my pain. Helped me see the light in the world again. He became my forever.

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It definitely gives me the right idea for what your story is about, which is good because it'll attract the right readers. You can always add some filters to the photo or dabble with the different types of fonts that appeal to you. There are also some really talented people on Wattpad who will make your covers for free. However, your cover is still perfectly fine without changing anything.

It fits into the theme of your story with the cheerleader and football thing going on. It tells me exactly what I need to know for your book, so you did a good job on that! I've only read the first five chapters, but I haven't really come across a principal reason that makes me go, that's why the author chose that title for this story. So if it isn't there already, making a connection to the story and your title to make it more relevant will make your readers have a lightbulb moment, and also makes the title more understandable.

I always recommend your blurb only being a few sentences. You want your blurb to be mysterious and compelling, not to summarize your entire story or dump background information on your main characters. So if your story is about a heartbroken girl who gets noticed by the quarterback of the football team, then that's all that's needed for your blurb. I suggest you take away a few unnecessary details—and instead sprinkle that excess information throughout the story for your readers to find. Even making your blurb as short as: "He scattered the pieces of my heart on the floor. But what I didn't know was that they would be picked up, one by one, by the person who would make me whole again." is fine. Short, simple, and compelling. I've read your writing, and I know you are definitely capable of this.

I'm not going to lie. Your hook is beautiful. It starts with only one word, but you added your own style and your own voice into Maddie's character, and turned it into a reflection of herself. By reading the hook, I learned that she was clearly going through some kind of mental struggle. It's a wonderful way to keep your readers reading, to get them to question what made her this way. It also has a personal touch that everyone can relate to, which makes it even better. It's hard to find the perfect start to your story, but you executed it perfectly.

Unfortunately, while your hook is enrapturing and beautiful, it's also grammatically incorrect. Don't worry, these are common mistakes that happen all the time, and are very easy to correct. First, let's talk tense. From what I've read of your story so far, it's mostly written in past tense. However, you tend to slip up a few times and write in present tense. This is extremely common for everyone, myself included. If you're writing Maddie's thoughts, then it can be in present tense, as long as it's italicized. However, if not, then make sure to convert it to tense.

Along with that, there has been unnecessary capitalization in your story, and also words that need to be capitalized. When you write about Maddie's parents, saying "my dad is great," is correct because you're putting the word "my" in front of "dad." However, saying "dad is great" is incorrect because "dad" becomes more than just a dad. He's the dad. You're referring to a specific dad, not just any dad, and therefore it should be capitalized. I hope that makes sense. Keep in mind that words should only be capitalized if they are a specific person or place.

I've also noticed the lack of adverbs you've used in your story. This is a good thing. An adverb is an adjective used to describe a verb (an action). Too many people say, "He ran quickly to the train station," which isn't a very strong sentence. To have a greater impact on your reader, you'd want to replace the adverb and verb with something stronger, such as, "He sprinted to the train station." You did a superb job at keeping your adverbs in check. I just wanted to point that out to you so you can keep that in your head for when you next write.

From reading your first five chapters, I can definitely see that you have paid attention to your spelling. There are hardly any errors at all. However, upon closer look, there are still a few spelling mistakes to be corrected. Instead of pointing them all out to you, I suggest using some kind of editing site, such as Grammarly or ProWritingAid. While Grammarly is good at catching the grammar and spelling errors, ProWritingAid is my go to whenever I write. Not only does it catch any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, it will also introduce new diction and styling suggestions. If you don't already, keep a copy of your story on a word document or google doc. Not only will this make it easier to spot any mistakes, but you'll still have a copy of your story if something goes wrong on Wattpad. Then, you can easily just copy and paste your story to ProWritingAid (or Grammarly, or any other site) and be notified of some changes you might want to make.

While your plot is headed strong in the right direction with a definite storyline, there are a few issues I'd like to mention. On Wattpad, there are millions of books that start out with (almost) exactly the same plot as yours. It's either an overused trope or a cliche. This is not your fault. However, I recommend putting a little twist to your story. Give something to your readers to think about. Maybe your male lead has family problems. Maybe your female lead was in some sort of freak accident years before. Something to differentiate your book from others, that will make readers choose your story. If you work on it a little more and polish it, your plot will outshine all the other cheerleader and quarterback cliches, I promise.

Let's talk about character arcs. You didn't spend a whole paragraph talking about Maddie's hair and clothes and amazing body like other writers would have done. Thank you. It's better to sprinkle the details in, like I've mentioned before. Thankfully, I didn't really have to tell you this, because you didn't dump this kind of information to me. Keep in mind for future works when writing your characters, many of your readers will turn away as soon as they see something like "Serena had the most amazing blue eyes with luscious blond hair and a slim body to die for and not to mention her style in clothing because today she's wearing a hot pink dress with..."...you get the idea. It breaks the flow of the story. I also know the urge to make your main character extremely attractive and perfect without any flaws, physically and mentally. However, if that's the case, then there's no character arc. You need to give your characters some flaws in the beginning so that they can develop and become better people throughout the story. Maybe the male lead is afraid of being alone. Maybe the female lead is unaware of the privileges that she has in life. I didn't really see any flaws from your characters, so try to ease some of them in. Readers want characters who can relate.

Along with that, remember that the real world isn't black and white. The bad guy might have a good motive to kill someone. The good guy might secretly be dealing with dark thoughts. Make your readers invest in your characters. Maybe Jaxon is an asshole, but he could be hurting inside. Little things like that will enhance your writing and your story.

After reading your five chapters, I became pretty familiarized with your voice and writing style. You don't write extremely long paragraphs. They're short and to the point. I think that's great. It doesn't cause any confusion for your readers. However, remember that you are writing a story. It's like a form of art. You want to make it beautiful in your own way. Don't be afraid to add any descriptive imagery or sensory detail. You want to suck the readers in with your writing style, to make them fall in love with your characters, and essentially, you. Because you are your characters.

So, now that the grading/feedback is over, let's turn the focus to each individual chapter.

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Again, remember to stay in past tense. You slip up several times in this chapter.

In the beginning, there was a lot of reflection going on for your readers to relate to. You pulled something straight from your heart, and it definitely made me want to read more. Good job.

Keep in mind that using all caps for a sentence can be replaced with italics and still be emphasized to your readers without looking unprofessional.

Avoid using a lot of exclamation points. It can make your writing look unprofessional and your characters unusually perky.

5. "You've eaten all the ice cream in this house!" She yelled. Despite what it looks like, this is one sentence, not two. Therefore, "she" does not need to be capitalized. It should be "You've eaten all the ice cream in this house!" she yelled. Contrary to that, if you describe an action after dialogue, then it is two separate sentences. Example: "You've eaten all the ice cream in this house!" She glared furiously at me. These are two separate sentences, so "she" is capitalized. Make sense? (This applies to your other chapters as well.)

Add a little background information after "He probably went to Jaxon's apartment to... beat him up." It took me a while to understand that Jaxon was her ex-boyfriend. You could add on with something such as, of course, Dad would be furious, especially after the way Jaxon broke up with me.

Check the second sentence of chapter two; there is a misspelling.

Don't be afraid to use the word "said." It is an invisible word, so no matter how many times you use it, your readers will skip right over it. It's also a better alternative than using descriptive words such as yelled, cried, grumbled, save for a few exceptions.

In your seventh paragraph, the word "gawked" is unnecessarily capitalized.

Introduce Maddie's friends. Keeping track of Maddie's friends was a little confusing. Provide something that will make me remember each individual friend. Maybe Zira is a confident person able to speak her mind, and Hannah is quiet, but sneaky and good at eavesdropping. These are my own examples, so you can use your own to add some personality to your background characters.

Describe Nick. Is he tall, or short? Is his hair straight or curly? As long as you don't go overboard with your description, your readers will want to know more.

Write about Maddie's surroundings. I know she's in a bar, but what is it like? Low lights and soft music? Pounding pop music and laughing couples? Paint the scenery to pull your readers in.

Maddie's encounter with Walker was a little too normal. This is a story, so anything can be dramatized. Maybe time stopped for a moment when they met eyes. Maybe Maddie had a flashback of encountering Walker earlier in the school year. Their encounter should be memorable, swoon worthy.

It was a little hard to tell between Walker and Jaxon in the beginning of this chapter. Maddie has already said Jaxon's name in her head, if not out loud, so there's no need to define Jaxon as him anymore. Either that or try to make Walker stand out from Jaxon. Talk about their differences. How is Walker better than that asshole?

Again, during the messages, you can experiment. Play around with Maddie's feelings. How did she feel when she learned of what Jaxon was doing? How did this affect her?

There are a few spelling errors, and a few times you forgot to put a space between your words. Try to go back and fix any mistakes you see.

So Maddie's upset. Try to describe more than her tears. Maybe her heart was cracking in her chest, and her fingers trembled. Her vision might have gone blurry from the tears. Make your reader cry.

The backstory with Walter is very sweet and emotional. You did a great job at portraying his sadness and how Maddie felt about him. My heart melted.

So now you've shown that her friends are fiercely loyal and protective. But it should be more than just their words. Maybe it's the look of determination in their eyes, or their protective stance. Show, don't tell.

When writing a number, it should typically be spelled out unless it's larger than ten.

The beginning of the chapter was off to a good start. The description of the wind with the windows down was very beautiful.

Again, numbers should be written out, or it can take away from the story and break the flow of your writing. "One, I am not your mom. And two, you know how long we have left."

"God, I hope the other car is having a better journey than us." This should be in past tense, or if it's Maddie's thinking, italicized.

So it was the worst thirty minutes of her life in the car. But how did Walter tease her physically and emotionally? Your readers want to know.

Again, try to refrain from using all caps. Instead, italicize to emphasize your point.

Great ending of the chapter. It makes me want to read more.

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Wow, this was really long. I genuinely had no idea I'd write this much. I hope you weren't bored while reading this! Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity to offer feedback on your story! I'm a very picky reader, but there were a lot of nice elements in your story that I did enjoy immensely! If you think this review is too harsh, please message me privately and I will take down whatever offended you. Make sure to keep on writing and finish this story, because it is worth writing.