《Essie's Critiques》Introduction
Advertisement
"Write what should not be forgotten."
—Isabel Allende
We all have that dream. To tell our stories through our characters, to express ourselves through our beloved stories. But our emotions—the thoughts that run rampant through our heads—can be messy. The human mind is complicated, and it's overwhelming to have these powerful feelings and expect them to fit on paper.
All these words might sound beautiful in your head, but it's different when you pin them down to paper. To meticulously write each and every painful thought that can rip you apart with its potency—only to be disgusted by the quality, the garbage that you've written.
But I promise you, your words aren't trash. It's hard to organize your thoughts. And sometimes, when you stare at that page too long, those thoughts will blur, and you might as well be wasting your time looking for a mistake. To stare long and hard at your work and wonder to yourself, what's wrong here?
That's where your readers come into play. Because while you might know your story as well as your own name—your readers won't. They'll be the ones to point out confusing sentences, plot holes, and grammar errors. In writing a story, it's important to know, to accept, that you aren't enough. And that's okay.
My name is Essie, and I'll be that reader for you.
Okay, so you've written your book. Or maybe you've written just the first chapter. And now you're doubting yourself. Is this really the best my story can be? The answer is, and will always be, no. There will always be room for improvement. It doesn't matter if you're the next J. K. Rowling. Perfection is subjective, which means that your work will never meet everyone's standards.
In this critique shop, I won't be applying my version of perfection to your work—because it's exactly that. Your work, not mine. So while I might praise the use of diction in your story, or the emotions you've managed to bring out in me, I will most certainly not say absurd things such as, I don't like the name of the main character.
Advertisement
I will, however, focus on your story structure/plot. I will point out any plot holes or inconsistencies in your tense. I'll tell you which paragraphs work, and which don't. I have a keen eye for punctuation, grammar, and proper capitalization. I'll take my time, and I'll explain everything that does or doesn't work for your story.
"Please." He says. "I don't want to die."
"You should consider it an honor to die by my hand." She smirked, stalking closer with a silver dagger clutched in her bloody fist.
"Please." He cried. "I have a family. I have a wife, a daughter—"
But it was too late. She stabbed him with centuries' worth of rage, hearing his silenced wails ring in her ear.
Believe it or not, but this sucks. A lot. At first glance, it might seem grammatically accurate and written by a pretty decent hand. But we readers don't want decent. There's unnecessary capitalization, and these words are flat. Emotionless. They don't make me want to turn the next page, or cry for that poor man. You want to make your readers weep. To leap with joy, or sit at the edge of their seats with nervous anticipation.
"Please," he gasped, choking on his words. Tears glistened in his bloodshot eyes, and he scrambled back desperately. She would have snarled—would have stabbed him right then and there. But his next words were small, empty. "I don't want to die."
How utterly pathetic.
"You should consider it an honor to die by my hand." She smirked, stalking closer with a gait as smooth as her honeyed words. Under the dim moonlight, a glint of silver flashed from her fist. A dagger, dripping with fresh blood. She smiled at the fear in his eyes.
"Please," he said again. Begged, even as his lips lifted in a curl of disgust. The girl only knelt down in front of him, studying the grime on his face. "I have a family. I have a wife, a daughter—"
Advertisement
But it was too late.
It happened fast, in a flash of silver and red. The only indication that she'd even moved at all was a piercing whistle of wind, slicing through the air as she aimed with a precision only the most trained assassin could pinpoint. Then the dagger sank in his chest with a dull thud, and his eyes went dull—lifeless. And still she pushed, twisted the dagger deep into his chest with centuries' worth of rage.
When it was over, when his silenced wails rang endlessly in her ear, she stood up. Wiped the blood from her coat, kicking aside the man at her feet. Then, she turned.
And walked away.
Gruesome deaths are my specialty. I love writing them. I love that rush of adrenaline I get by living vicariously through my badass characters—though killing would not be my preferred hobby in real life. And there are so many mistakes in the first example I've provided, that I fixed and rewritten. Isn't the latter so much better? Doesn't it make you feel, rather than be an event to take note of?
I could go on and on, but I'm already getting off topic here. What I've just shown you is my style of writing. Now you know my capabilities, my qualifications. And it's up to you whether you think I can handle your story.
And let me warn you, I am brutal. I'm a picky reader—which means I will tell you everything wrong with your story. If you're looking for someone to tell you how amazing your story is, leave. Leave right now. This critique shop is only for the brave and honest. So I'll tell you the positives of your story. What I enjoyed about your story.
And what I hate about it.
So are you ready to have your story—this vulnerable side to you butchered and ripped apart? To make your story something amazing—something that will not be forgotten?
Well, then. Read on.
Advertisement
Dawn of the Nexus (Kingdom building LitRPG)
Meet Peter ‘Horn’ Kowalsky – The champion! The prodigy! The winner of the ToN master league in 2032! Peter played games his whole life, finally reaching the top. In the final tournament in a worldwide RTS-RPG blockbuster, he won the Global event. His victory secured him a spot in the pre-release of a new game, Dawn of the Nexus. THE VRMMORPG-RTS masterpiece that the whole world was waiting for. Join him on his journey into a new unexplored world, a realm which the pre-release players will build up from scratch. Leading his clan of dwarven warriors and crafters, he has limited time to prepare before the wave of players will change everything. He'll need trusted champions and allies, as the danger and competition will be close by. It will be the actual test of his determination, cunning, and planning skills and a lot of sweat and virtual blood. Will he find himself in the new world? Will he again reach the top? Will it even be worth it? -- Welcome! If you're a fan of: - Base building - Clan & Army management - Battles, both small and large - Looting and crafting And if you dislike: - OP MC - The chosen one cliché - Grand quest to save the universe Then you'll find yourself at home. I hope you'll enjoy the read! Updates thrice-weekly: Mon – Wed – Fri PS. The true base-building won't start for a while. It will become the main focus of the story, but the introduction into a new world will take a while. Bits and pieces of it will appear from the beginning, but most of the gritty stuff won't come for the first twenty, thirty chapters.
8 104HavenFall (Thousand Lands)
Warning: Very Dark Fantasy and Brutal.How do you rule over HavenFall where kings and queens are like coppers exchanging hands, where a subtle gesture can make or break a decade old treaty, and where betrayals and intrigue happen at every turn? Love? Hatred? Cunning? Cruelty? Magic? No, it is none of these.There is a reason why I am going to rule HavenFall. And that is because it is me. Love. Fury. Cunning. Magic. Determination. I have them all, and all of them in excess. But most of all, I have my Omnus.Every single queen and king that dares stand in my way. Every single bastard that has fucked me over. Every beast, goblins, orcs, or humans that stand in my way. I will kill them all. Kill their grandmothers, kill their grandfathers, kill their mothers, kill their cousins, kill their sons and daughters, kill their dogs. Down to the last goat and chicken, I will kill them all.And perhaps then, there will finally be that bliss I seek so dearly.I am Prince Gladius Zane Noxus, the one who will rule HavenFall.
8 134KINGDOM RISE, CASTING CROWNS: Your Way Called Peace (ACT I)
***THANK YOU TO MY FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME EDITS AND ACT I IS COMPLETED AT THIS TIME. ACT II DOES NOT HAVE A DATE OF RELEASE YET BUT IT IS BEING WORKED ON WITH LOVE!!!*** Check out the book trailer with the original soundtrack I composed for the story HERE!!! QUOTE FROM TRAILER: "A tale that was hushed and concealed by the heavens during the final days of the seven warring states of China. Here, in plain words, resonates a love with such fleeting beauty like that of a plum blossom, and fellowship with such force in grace and perseverance like that of a heron." The novel is written in third person in the views of Ying-tai and Xiu Juan who are lovers. Both descendants of Qin, they are separated by the unfortunate events that take place during the 7 Warring States of China and they fight from opposite ends of the world to reunite. In their trials, they are tested against all that they know and the fine line that once divided mankind disintegrates as camaraderie is found amongst the known enemy. OST Track 1: Prayer *PLEASE NOTE: The illustrations in the story do not belong to me. They were artworks done by other amazing artists that inspired me to write what I wrote and to create the characters in the story. Most of the photos shown in the chapters were done by one of my favorite illustrators, Ibuki Satsuki (CHECK OUT THIS PERSON'S WORK! THEY'RE ALL AMAZING!!!) I greatly appreciate and enjoy all of their beautiful pieces of work!*
8 154Deteoh – A Glitched World’s Isekai Story
When you die you're supposed to just go to either an afterlife worthy of your exploits or get reincarnated and start all over.Or you can be like me and volunteer to play hero to save a world!I even managed to negotiate immortality as a reward, well I have to become a vampire for that but its not half bad. Glitched skill system?God devouring artefacts?Death counts in scientific notation?What do you mean I just killed the heroine?What have I gotten myself into.I get the feeling I'm playing on impossible difficulty.Also why does everyone make such a deal about how I died?Just because I don't understand the scientific principal at fault doesn't make it important, right? [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
8 114Ruler of Everything
Hi guys, this is my first novel, to be honest i dont know if i'll write this till the end or not...now i just want to try write something and thought i share my story with you all so you can enjoy my story too :)
8 153Life as a solo gamer
Authors Comment: Hello guys, I am bilingual, sorry if there is bad grammar or it just doesn't make sense or something along the lines. If there are any mistakes (which I know there will be) please tell me even if it's just a minor one. Thank you. Jake was just a normal high school student who plays games and reads manga/novels, he doesn't like to go outside that much and he's a little socially awkward. On one day Jake was just reading a novel and he mumbled ''Status''.
8 179