《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: Falling to Pieces
Advertisement
Falling to Pieces
ih9344
Short Story, social anxiety, No-Fiction?, Commentary
I really like the use of puzzle pieces and the color being black and white.
Good; sweet and simple. States the problem and how she might be able to solve the problem. I really like how you tied the dialogue and the summary into one.
Good. It really didn't hook me, but it's a good start. You describe everything and nothing is missing.
What do you mean editing! This chapter is perfect! Grammar/ punctuation, even sentence flow is good. I do feel it should be a little longer, but I understand why it's not because this is a short story.
(I needed a little more; I felt like I haven't read your full potential. So Part 1 is a freebie)
5 💙💙💙💙💙
OMG Your my first critique I've ever given a 5. Everything is perfect. Everytging is pretty much stated above. I actually might read on (if I find the time 😭) Keep Writing
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
Advertisement
- In Serial36 Chapters
The Lonely Scout
[This story is a LitRPG] Reborn into a jungle where danger lurks around every corner, Dave finds himself confused and shocked, but this world will not wait for him to get his bearings. To survive and overcome his cruel fate, Dave must fight for his life as he grows stronger. This story might interest you if you enjoy: character development, protagonists with rogue/assassin type skills, progress that feels earned rather than gifted, and solid grammar.
8 147 - In Serial40 Chapters
Forsaken Hope
Alddan Dovin is a noble that found himself fighting a bloody war against other nobles like him to free the common people from their petty games and unfair rule. He is forced into a corner and is about to get killed.But his generals have a plan. They want to teleport him into the future so he can rebuild his forces and fight again.However, something goes wrong and he is summoned as a servant by a girl in Strasnorths Academy, a school for nobles.How will he deal with this unexpected situation? How will he free himself from his status as a servant?-------Many thanks to CONfews for taking the time to PR until chapter 16 of Forsaken Hope.Many thanks to sunwalker (aka TNLEgraphics in Deviantart) for drawing Forsaken Hope cover.
8 82 - In Serial9 Chapters
Children of the Sun
Abigaël Chase, an ordinary physicist with an ordinary life on Earth got transported to another world. A world of magic and war, a world where death was never very far. She unexpectedly survived for many years thanks to a hidden power she didn't think she had. The same power that many people, gods and demons alike, wanted to annihilate no matter the cost. Hunted and cornered, Abigaël bet everything on a daring move which nearly ended up in her death. Having acquired a new body, Abigaël must do everything in her power to return to Earth. For Earth was in danger and only herself held to key to its survival. WARNING : It will contain mature content. I checked LitRPG not because there will be game-elements (pop up screen from the "system", the god or something like that) but because of the world mechanic itself (there will be level up, quest/mission, guild, etc?).
8 151 - In Serial277 Chapters
Reincarnated as a World
Eridel Domicus was the trash of the Domicus family, an extremely powerful family that had dominion over a large part of the world, having riches upon riches and ways upon ways. However, it was their greatest pride turned biggest shame to have a young master that... no. Let it not be said. But one night, the 22 year old Eridel had incomprehensibly... died.But even more unfathomable was the fact that against all logic he began to see again. And what Eridel saw... terrified him.Or at least that was supposed to be how he reacted right? Why is it that... ------------------------ The first light novel of [ The Monarch ].
8 1764 - In Serial59 Chapters
Voodootown
Voodootown by Bruce ElginUnder your bed, hidden in your walls, they come out when you sleep to defend you. They fight the battles you can't, make friends you thought you'd never have, and make your life better in ways you'll never know. But they aren't safe anymore. And without them, none of us are safe either. ***** When High School and life start to get even weirder than usual, Ash, Janey and their friends discover that not only do they have small, voodoo doll sized protectors that fight for them when they sleep, but these allies are under attack by a man with frightening powers. They watch as the mastermind turns people into mindless zombies by capturing their protectors. Soon, the humans and their guardians are working together and fighting for their lives and using every one of their own powers against a man who wants to turn them all into slaves. But will they be enough against a man with two armies and the powers of everyone that he captures?Book 1 of the Voodootown seriesWatty Award Winner!Book 1 of theVoodootown seriesWatty Winner!Reviews:"CORALINE meets FIGHT CLUB in a strange, metaphysical world where doll familiars protect our honor - when they are not controlling us outright." --Scott Sigler, New York Times best-selling novelist Scott Sigler is the author of NOCTURNAL, ANCESTOR, INFECTED and CONTAGIOUS, hardcover thrillers from Crown Publishing, and the co-founder of Dark Øverlord Media, which publishes his Galactic Football League series (THE ROOKIE, THE STARTER, THE ALL-PRO, and THE MVP)."The chapters go from a whisper to a scream with the panache of Anne Rice on acid. I could not stop gobbling these bad-ass little bon-bons... highly recommended!" -- Jay Bonansinga, New York Times bestselling co-author of THE WALKING DEAD: THE ROAD TO WOODBURYContent Warning: This story contains themes of bullying and violence.
8 399 - In Serial18 Chapters
Dangerous Love- JJK
Falling in love while running for your life....Contains explicit scenes and smut. -Y/n is more badass than you think she is-#2 in btssmut on 26 February 2022🥈#5 in #jeonjungkook on 27 Feb 22#1 in #mafiajk on 9 March 2022
8 111
Prev Chap
Next Chap
Chap List
Boy
Girl
