《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: The King and The War Dancer
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The King and The War Dancer
TONYANN
Fantasy, Erotic, Romance, Short Story
Sets what type of dancer she is. Love the change of front.
Sweet and straight to the point.
OMG the dancing I can imagine her dancing. The slow change of thinking she's performing for a crowd and then to only be dancing in front of one man.
One word.. Oh Snap...This King is one Badass
OMG
Woah
SHIP IT!!
Oh Snap..Brother
Coward move, but needed to be done
My heart!
4.5 💙💙💙💙
Amazing word choice. OMG as you can tell above, I read this whole short story. I couldn't stop reading it. I was a little bit confused about her born curse. You might need to explain that differently or it could just be me. Some words misspelled, just read through it.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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Forging his own destiny
~~DROPPED~~Story Author: Anuel Proofreaders:Flubbykin (active)Chapters Proofread: 1-7; 28-39; 42-117; 120-133; 169-178; 197 - 211, 220-earliest) Ah, the world, the multi-universe made of perfect cycles. Cycles, which the only purpose is to purify soul – release it from the burden of its memories and experience, the process, that would let the soul be reincarnated again, to experience new life. The world is being born, it is being populated by souls, the smaller and bigger, the world would die and be reshaped anew. In a cycle. A never-ending process. Since the dawn of time, since the countless cycles, the pool of soul was closed, a soul that died could be reincarnated only within a System of its Administrator. Until now. Join us in our story of a single soul which because of certain events could no longer be reincarnated in its original world – being forced to be transferred into Universe ruled another Administrator – another God in world full of Fantasy and Magic, watch him casting aside his previous restriction and try living his life to the fullest… thought someone, somewhere, may have different plans for this weird, weird soul. Ps. There are game elements here Disclaimers and warnings: - This story uses clichés. Like, lots of it. - I am not a native English speaker, so my grammar may not be best (It actually is pretty horrible). First 80 or so chapters are a true butchery for eyes and I admit it. Shouldn’t I correct them then? I should. Why am I not doing it? Who knows. Maybe one day I will. - This story is pretty much an experiment. I try different perspectives, different styles, I can make some random Deus-ex-machina if I would consider that I made mistake in the story and decide to change it. - This story is written for pure fun, if you expect some mind-blowing plots and conspiracy of top-level authors – then you will be most likely disappointed. - Easter eggs. Easters eggs everywhere. Every now and then you will be able to spot single events, characters and lines of text that belong in different stories/mangas/movies/books and such. Of course, they do not belong to me but to the owners, though I am not listing them – I am sorry, but if you need to be told from where line comes, we won’t be friends. - And finally. The story is written for you and WITH YOU. If you have any suggestions, events, characters, skills, class… ANYTHING… you wish to see, please – tell me. In best case scenario I would use them, in worse – I would just not implement them, so what do you lose? Guyz I owe my thanks for their contribution: KenChi? IamacultivatorNetlordBasicBörjeDeimos Solyom tommyjl7 Arondight
8 235Tryphant Agent's Historical Logs
[Disclaimer: This novel is no longer in continuation since I've found more joy in writing short stories. I'll continue writing about this universe and the world in it, building upon the documents of the Tryphant Agents but in another novel] What is the origin of life? What is the meaning to life? Are we the only intelligent being in this universe? Why haven't we been struct by a catastrophe??? How has the world been so peaceful for such a long time?!!! Is there a hidden force that controls our world from being destroyed?!!! How have we not noticed them!?!!! Am I just delusional??!!!! I'm definetly delusional. These are the questions that mortals often ask and frequently ignore in their life, yet answering these questions will lead a person to the Tryphant Agents. An organization who protects various civiliaztions from destruction time and time again without a single person noticing them. They are an organization that is like time, powerful yet unnoticed. This is the historical logs of the Tryphant Agents. Disclaimer: I'm writing this to fill my world with details and I'm only hoping for this to be a good story. The main core focus is to write characters with life into them, a world where it feels real, and story that is consistent. Don't expect a top tier story because this will be my experimental logs as well where I will try various writing styles. Rather I wish that you hope for a great story instead.
8 196Cloud Piercer
Shifters never mingle with humans. They reside high in the mountains venturing below only once a year for the night of the Red Moon. They invade the human villages below, take and kill who they want, but they never leave any witnesses. Not before Freya.*****18-year-old Freya Raune will do anything to find out why the shifters took her brother. And that includes searching for the deserters, an elusive rebel group determined to end the shifters' rule. But as the next Red Moon approaches and the mysterious yet charismatic Killian Li sweeps into her village, Freya is forced to be more careful. Those caught fraternizing with the deserters are murdered, and Killian's arrival is a reminder that nobody can be trusted--even those Freya is closest to.COMPLETE
5 159A Wolf, A Hybrid and A Vampire- Klaus Mikaelson
Sequel to a different kind of Wolf.Jamie, Nik and Stefan are on a road trip trying to find a pack and make some hybrids. Things don't go as expected and some new challenges, and feelings come up. Jamie see's Nik not Klaus as most do and over the course of their summer road trip they become closer than ever before. With new faces, and old friends what could possibly go wrong?---Obviously I don't own The Vampire Diaries or its characters and all rights go to the creators but I do own Jamie and the plot line so, kindly don't steal my ideas. Word count around 22,000. I know it's a little shorter than the first book but I am working on a third which will hopefully be longer.
8 195Plaguesbane
'Daisy is our only hope!'Red Plague has broken out in the kingdom of Frailing, introduced by dark sorcerer and Wise Woman hater, Morwain. The only cure is the Plaguesbane fruit that grows in a forbidden garden in the heart of enemy territory. Trainee Wise Woman and Shape-Shifter, Daisy must undertake a perilous journey to retrieve it and save her kingdom. Before it's too late.Book Two of the Annifer Trilogy but you don't have to have read the first book to understand it#19 in Fantasy 1st March 2021#1 in Action 3rd October 2020, 1st February 2021#3 in Unicorn 3rd April 2020#10 in Mystery 4th October 2020
8 147The Island Princess (Edmund Pevensie x Reader)
EDMUND X READER"Edmund, I... I like you" I confessed. Fiddling with my fingers. My eyes were looking at everything. Anything. Anything but him. "I just wanted to know how... how you feel... what you feel about... me. Us."It was silent for a few moments. I finally looked at him to find out why he was so quiet.The moment my eyes landed on his face, I was able to see his expression. He had the biggest smile and his cheeks were red. Like red red."Y/N," He said my name. That alone made me feel butterflies. He chuckled, "You really are clueless."Edmund stood up and took my hands. He stood me up gently. We were now standing in front of each other with the sunset behind us, hitting the right features. Our eyes were fixated on each other."This whole time," he said, "did you not even have one passing thought that I maybe have liked you too?"I blushed. Redder than cherries."I never got to think about it" I answered. "Why?""Because," he said as he cupped my chin gently, "I like you too."You, move into a new town in England and meet the four Pevensies. You accidentally enter an enchanting new world you've never been to.ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO DISNEY. I DONT KNOW HOW THIS WORKS BUT THE CHARACTERS AND NARNIA BELONG TO DISNEY. THE STORY BELONG TO ME.
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