《Critique And Editing Info》Critique: From NE to Cali
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From NE to Cali
MusicStoryLover05
Teen Fiction, Adventure, Life
LOVE IT. Cute and straight to the point!
Sweet and straight to the point. States the topic and conflict.
Establishes the main character and her friends are close and are in High School together. We see her character and interaction with other people.
Be careful with present and past tense. Needs a little bit of spell check.
I like how this story is going. It's what I would call a sweet and fluffy read. There is no major problem and you don't have to think. I do have one question... Did she really eat the puppy Chow??
4 💙💙💙💙
Keep writing, it's just in it's first stages. I might read on, but I have a hard time reading Complementary books.
Rate from 1-5
💙💙💙💙💙
1: Poor/Needs MAJOR editing
2:Almost there/ needs fixing/need practice
3: Good/Needs a little editing
4:Good/Needs a little editing/may recommend/may read on
5: EXCELLENT/will recommend to followers, friends/may read on
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- In Serial14 Chapters
Fort Geranium
'Mariana''Lieutenant''Admiral''Europa Airgetlam'Those are some of the names people have taken to calling me but it wasn't always like this. I used to lead a much simpler life as a florist but apparently fate didn't like that I was wasting my time. Cruelly was my life taken away from me and I found myself in another world with a different identity: Mariana Von Ulysses. Another world, another life, it's all the same to me. The only reason I ever became a florist in the first place was because it was an easy opportunity for me to live comfortably. That's really all I ever wanted, to live 'comfortably', and perhaps I didn't have any grand ambitions of my own but what's wrong with that? However this new world is hellbent on not letting me have it my way. Wave after wave of problems, from monsters to national politics, it seeks to drive me towards the center of all these inane drivel. If that wasn't bad enough, apparently humans are hated in this world, eh? I'm a human too... Fine, you want it your way world? If you push then I'll push back! I'll solve these problems the only way I know how: Flowers! Don't underestimate their poisonous attributes just because they have cute colors and girly patterns. Orcs? Elves? Humans? Fairies? Dwarves? Dragons? Titans? Celestials? Ascendeds? Gods? To stand before me means that they have forfeited their lives. I shall show them all, the deadliness of plants... The slow and agonizing torture of poison and venom, swirling within your system as you writhe in excruciating pain. It burns you from the inside with no escape. The only release from this hell would be 'death'. That is my power. In the end, the world does not seem to want to leave me alone. Thus I've come to a conclusion: the only way to make myself truly comfortable in this world is a hostile take over! So let me demonstrate their powers to you; I'll let you taste the reason why they call me the 'Flower of Malice'.
8 216 - In Serial14 Chapters
Svartur Nova
Memories are what makes a person. What happens when you have to live your life with nothing but vauge recollections and second hand information? Does it matter when you're simply trying to survive in a world that sees you as an enemy? After all; memories, friends, family, everything is replacable; even the gods.
8 90 - In Serial6 Chapters
Kingdom's And Armies
Summon into a different world. Declared as a hero to rescue the fate of the world from destruction.The hero finally defeats a violent, powerful enemy. Who dare to endanger the world. A boy who did his best to overcome any situation. To bring Safety and Peace for everyone. Now, finally returning back to give the news to a Ruler of the kingdom. Expecting a handsome reward. And to be with the girl that he deeply loves. But things turn unexpectedly and for the worse. When the ruler of the Kingdom and his friends and the girl he loves betray him. Declared as a threat to society. After the betrayal and being eliminated by the Rulers Knights. He wakes up in an unknown and a different fantasy world. And notice that he isn't a hero anymore. But a General now. That is, able to Spawn an Army and build a powerful military according to his rank. The more he levels up. The more soldiers increases. And the more he ranks up. He unlocks more soldiers from a different Era. From his own world. How would he use his new founded abilities for? For Good or for bad?
8 66 - In Serial10 Chapters
Falling Through the Cracks
After falling through a rather unexpected crack in the universe that spawned under his bed, Alex finds himself in a world filled with monsters and magic. Now instead of worrying about SATs and college applications, he only has demons, magic and rips though the very fabric of the universe to occupy his mind. Quite a bit easier in his opinion. This story has abuse, trama and brushes breifly on suicide. I`ll try to include warnings on chapters that deal heavily in any of those. I’m also a very new writer, so please let me know of any mistakes you see! Updates Mondays and Thursdays Image credit: Credit: NASA, JPL-Caltech/S. Carey (SSC/Caltech) (background) And https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Magic_Circle.png (Magic circle used)
8 83 - In Serial26 Chapters
One Who Questions
Atherion is the land where all possibilities exist. Through will alone one can conquer the heavens, Divide the Sea, Erupt the ground below there very feet. Where Strength and Ingenuity are King and all else will fail.What will Jack do when given a second chance at life in a world where conflict is existence. What will the average man sacrifice for the power of the divine?
8 180 - In Serial24 Chapters
Our Little Pikachu {Adopted- Petal_Cosplay}
What happens a when a new kid comes to school find his mates the first day and learning to fit in, then being told about a baby project later on, and we find out about Kami's sister?This is an adopted story from @Petal_Cosplay so go check out they're page. The first two chapters of this book are in fact from the original writer.
8 150
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