《The Dangers of Butt Dialing》s e v e n
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carla
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"this is carla, hello?"
"ughhh why must you call me at this time?"
"im not a morning person, if you coul— wait. im talking to the infamous butt dialer"
"that doesnt even make sense. but why'd you call me? like not an accidental call..."
"christ. i can practically feel your embarrassment radiating through the phone."
"hm. you dont have anyone else you can talk to about this? your mom? a sister? a cousin? a friend? an acquaintance? a frieni"
"IM a last resort? the victim of a butt dial becomes the last resort. ha what has this society become? but sure i'll help you"
"yes really"
"you good there? are you crying of happiness? hello?"
"uh thanks. but if you're flirting with this girl like that, i have no idea why you called me"
"ok. well that isnt a lot to go off of... hm. why dont you describe her to me?"
"stop. i cant help you plan something if you tell me how she looks. like what are some of the things she likes? like her hobbies? or tell me about her personality"
"ok sounds fun. so did you guys go rollerblading in third grade together? or...?"
"grace."
" you are seriously like the most non observant nerd i have ever talked to. no! my name is carla not grace and i was pulling your leg before, jeez."
"sure. ok based off what you told me, i'd say you should go for a romantic dinner or something. it sounds like she's into romantic gestures? im not sure im the best person to talk to about relationships..."
"well i dont really have time for extra stuff, like relationships. you try to take 4 APs and do a sport. its stressful"
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"...and i decided to help you because i felt some pity for you. you sounded so stressed and desperate. i dont know, i guess its because i try to be good person most of the time."
"i mean that when people ask for help, i try to help. when someone calls, i answer because they may need my help. when someones alone, i comfort them. i dont know. i'd like to think i have an impact on a persons life."
"uh. yea. i have stuff to do, so...bye."
"make it quick."
"have a candle lit dinner, or go to the place you first met or where you had your first date."
"yea...ok. bye"
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