I am so warm, cozy, and comfortable that I refuse to get up from my bed. I woke up twenty minutes ago and noticed that someone changed me into a long nightgown. From the fine silk and lace material, I know that Daria picked this out and dressed me.

Only she would sniff out the most expensive and luxurious item that I own that was hidden away.

Wrapping myself tighter in the thick blankets, I allow my mind to drift. The fuzziness of sleep pulling me under again.

"Up."

I crack one eye open and turn over, coming face to face with a curly headed infant.

Mateo is beside my bed, standing a little wobbly, with his arms in the air. I blink at him, confused on how he found his way into my room.

I guess I took too long because he jumps and whines a bit. "Up!"

I sit up and carefully lift him up on the bed with me. He immediately crawls in my lap and lays his head on my stomach.

I can't help but aww at his cuteness as I snuggle him. But I decide to try and teach him something.

"Mateo, say, 'Up please'." He lifts his head up some and stares at me with his big hazel eyes. I mimick his arms up movement, while repeating "Up please", wanting it to click. The cutie gives no indication that he understood any of what I just said, so I kiss his forehead and snuggle him back to me. "We'll work on it."

"Up... pease."

Shocked, I jump up on the bed and swing the giggling toddler around with me. "Good job, Mateo!" We collapse on the bed and I start tickling him as he squeals and giggles.

When we settle down, I pick him up and take him to the bathroom. Setting Mateo down on the counter, I pull out my toothbrush. I give him a spare brush to play with so he won't get bored. As I brush my teeth, Mateo copies my movements, until he gets tired of it and starts brushing his hair with it. When I'm done, I proceed with my regular morning routine.

The last thing I do is my mess of hair. I spray some product in it, flip it back and forth a bit, and let it hang down my back.

I don't feel like getting changed, especially with a toddler in the room, so I grab my robe hanging up and don it.

When I turn around, Mateo has the toothbrush tangled in his hair, and has the biggest smile on his face. Shaking my head at the cutie, I attempt to take it out, but he evades me. Instead he lifts his arms again, waiting for me to pick him up.

I look at the baby, wondering if he's going to say what I taught him. He stares at me and makes grabby hands. Unable to ignore the adorableness, I give in and pick him up.

"We'll keep working on it, bub."

I carry Mateo out of my room, and follow the smell of breakfast to the kitchen. I'm surprised to see everyone up and about, the kitchen full and busy. It kind of warms my heart to see my usually vacant kitchen so vibrant with life.

It's mostly just Daria and I, so seeing this makes me want it to be like this all the time.

"Good morning!" I get a collective good morning from the group as Josie spots us. She stops feeding Javadd, hands him to Zayn, and marches over to us. When Mateo sees his mom coming, he gets excited and reaches out for her. I struggle to hold the twisted baby, but instead of picking him up, Josie wags a finger in his face.

"There you are! What did I tell you about disappearing like that?"

Zayn doesn't bat an eyelash as he says, "Teo is only ten and a half months old, love."

Josie grumbles. "I know that Zayn, but they're smart enough to understand me!" She then sighs, and takes the eager boy out of my grasp. She sweetly kisses his cheek as the toothbrush in his hair pokes her eye.

"Ow, what the-"

"Sorry about that Jo. I tried to take it out, but I think he thinks it's an accessory. He loves it for some reason."

She shakes her head and laughs. "It's alright, El. Where did you find this rascal?"

"He was in my room, standing next to my bed, waiting to be picked up."

"Oh my God, I couldn't tell you how he got up those steps. He has a promising career as an escape artist." This time I laugh, and Josie brings Mateo to the table to eat. I make my way to the refrigerator, next to Liam and Daria who are cooking on the stove. I grab a tub of cream cheese, and spicy pickle slices out of the fridge. I set the stuff on the island and get the black sesame bagels out of the bread box.

As I assemble my bagel, I feel eyes on me but I'm too hungry to care how gross it looks. I finally get to have some real food, and I'm not going to take that for granted.

I make four bagels, and as I munch on them, I watch Liam and Daria bicker. It looks like they're making pancakes, but I can't tell what kind. Daria is mixing the batter in a large bowl while Liam cooks them. They have their own tasks, but Daria is over Liam's shoulder, probably arguing about how they should be cooked. I watch them in amusement, a feeling of nostalgia coming over me.

I shake it off, because nostalgia only leads to the sadness of what's been lost. Sadness is not what I want to feel today.

So I make up my mind to go out and do something productive. "Hey, I'm gonna go out and buy the twins their own separate baby books. Does anyone want to come with me?"

"Me! I wanna pick some things out for Adira." I grin at Daria, not surprised at all.

"Ooh, me too! We can make it into a girls day! The boys can stay here and have their own day!" Josie practically vibrates with excitement at the idea she created out of thin air.

The guys don't argue with her, which is probably wise, and it's all settled.

I finish my bagels quickly, excited to be doing something other than laying in a hospital bed. I leave the group in the kitchen and go back up to my room to get properly ready.

Today, it's pretty cold, but it's not freezing, so I don't have to wear a coat. I put on a long sleeved white fitted shirt, dark blue jeans, and a cozy light brown knit cardigan. All of these clothes are maternity, and I'm surprised that they're so stylish. Most maternity clothes I've encountered were big and basically gave you a blob shape. I'm glad that I've finally found something for me.

I pick out a pair of brown boots that go all the way up to my knees. Thankfully, they don't have a heel, so I'll be comfortable.

Once I'm dressed, I put on a few jewelry pieces. A few rings that I take out of my jewelry box reveals a certain necklace. Picking up the gold Python necklace that Harry gave to me, I stare at it blankly. I stare at it a little bit longer before putting it on, the long piece of jewelry hidden beneath my shirt. I don't know why I put it on, but having it on makes me feel better. I mean it does have a tiny knife inside of it, so that's probably why. Yeah, that's definitely it.

I don't really feel like doing heavy makeup, so I just blot on some plum colored lipstick and a touch of blush on the apples of my cheeks.

I'm all ready to go, but I know the girls probably aren't, so I get my newly bought iPad and go into the app that let's me see my daughter.

It lags a bit, but then my beautiful girl is on the screen.

I know it's irrational, but she looks bigger despite me seeing her just yesterday. I know it only seems like it since I'm not there, but that doesn't stop the tears.

"Hi baby! Good morningggg." I say in a sing song voice, trying to stay positive. My baby moves around a bit at the sound of my voice, which completely warms my heart. I talk and sing to her until I get a text from Daria that they're ready to go.

"Mommy has to go, but I promise that I will see you soon. Bye, my love." It's hard to click out of the app, but I force myself to. I take a minute to collect myself before going downstairs.

Josie and Daria stand at the door with grins on their faces that makes me think they're up to something. I ignore it because I doubt they'd do something to me while I'm pregnant.

"You look cute, ready to go?" I smile at Josie's compliment and nod.

We shout a goodbye to the boys, lock the house up and leave. I decide to drive, since I'm the one who knows where the shop is.

My car is filled with light conversation and I enjoy it. I don't know how long it's been since I've just enjoyed the simple things. We make a quick stop at Starbucks to get some hot drinks, and we keep going. I got a hot chocolate, Daria got a caramel latte, and Josie got a dulce de leche cappuccino. The car smells like Fall; another thing that makes me happy.

By the time we get to the store, we've mostly finished our drinks. We leave them in the car to finish later. Outside, a slight wind has picked up, blowing the changing leaves in the crisp air.

Today is perfect.

In the store, we branch off to our own desires. I scour the aisles until I find the perfect two baby books.

They're both velvet, but one is a dark red crushed velvet and the other is a dark soft pink color. They have a square picture slot on the front where I'll put their sonogram. The inside is even better because the font is a readable cursive, and the pages are a soft pink color. They don't have a price on them, but I'll get them no matter the cost.

It took me about fifteen minutes to find the right books and I haven't heard a peep out of Daria or Josie. Deciding to go find them, I aimlessly walk around until I spot Daria holding a wire handbasket, filled to the brim with baby things.

"Daria?"

She didn't notice me standing there and startles where she stands. Daria then turns her head a little and when she sees me, her eyes get wide.

"Don't come any closer!"

I watch as she hides the basket in front of her and hunches over it a bit.

"Why? I wanna see what kind of things you're getting."

"No, no. It's going to be a surprise, so go, don't look!" I raise a brow at her, but I listen and go to find Josie.

I find her in the hat section, fawning over the miniature headwear. I try not to laugh out loud as I hear her murmuring to herself. Jo has a handbasket and it's also filled up, but with hats. I wonder if she'll let me see them.

"Josie?"

"Ellie! Ohmygod, come here and look at these!" I can't hold in my laugh any longer as she pulls out a mini sombrero.

"Josie, what are the boys gonna need sombreros for?"

"Cinco de Mayo of course! I got your girs' sombreros as well!"

"Um, thank you?" Josie beams like she doesn't even realize that I'm confused. "You're welcome! Look at all the other ones!" She then proceeds to show me every single hat that she got. Josie also got four of each hat, which made me laugh even more.

I stay with her as she shops for more things, and I even pick up some more cute clothes and necessities. My babies are going to have more than enough things. They might grow out of it before they can even wear half of the things that they have. If that's the case, I'll save everything for the next baby.

My thoughts screech to a halt.

Next baby? What the hell am I thinking about? Sighing, I try to forget about it. I have to focus on the babies that I have now. Plus I doubt I'll have more in the future.

When I'm not lost in my thoughts anymore, I notice that Josie and I are at the register with an old woman. Jo is chatting the woman up while she rings us up. I see no sign of Daria, she's probably still shopping. I really have to warn that girl not to blow her money. I know she loves us and she has an eye for design and fashion, but I don't want her to spend it all on us. I'd be happy to give her Harry's card, then she could spend whatever she wants. Daria needs to save her own money for college and whatever else she needs. I know that's what Roxy wanted for her.

We pay for our things, go out to the car, and put the bags in the backseat. Daria's still not out yet, so we sip our leftover drinks and talk.

"So how are you and Zayn doing? Truthfully."

Josie smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "We've been doing good, our love has blossomed since we had the boys. Our family is amazing, but lately Zayn has been a bit closed off. He's taking the news about Harry and the others pretty hard, and he's so angry all the time. He tries not to show it to me and especially not to the boys, but I can tell. He has a right to be angry, hell I'm angry, but I wish he'd talk to me more about it, y'know?" Jo stops talking and suddenly looks up at me with remorseful eyes. "I'm sorry Ellie, I shouldn't be talking to you about this when you have it much worse."

I take her hands and shake my head. "Don't you dare say that. I've realized that we're all affected by this, not just me. I'm happy that you're talking to me about this. I want you to talk to me about this. I promise you that it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Okay?"

"Okay." I lean over the gear shift and hug Josie the best that I can. When we pull away, I try to verbally comfort her. "Zayn probably just doesn't want you to see the full extent of his anger. If he really buckles down and talks about it with you, his anger might come out on you. I know he doesn't want that to happen. Don't look at it as him keeping things from you, look at it as him trying to protect you. At least that's what I think."

It's not just what I think, it's what I feel myself. If I allow myself to really talk or think about what has happened, I will absolutely lose my mind and probably kill everyone involved.

But. I can't do that. I completely lost it that one night, and that can't ever happen again. So I'm just taking it one day at a time and doing the practices Niko taught me.

Josie nods and thinks about my words. "Well, that makes sense, El. Thank you for helping me feel better." She grins and hugs me this time.

When we pull apart, behind Josie, I see Daria standing outside holding a giant bag with a curious expression on her face.

"Oh, Dar is here, let me go help her-"

"No way missy! I'll go help her, you warm up the car." Before I can even get a word in edgewise, Josie hops out the car and slams the door.

Sighing, I start the car and turn the heat on. I hear Jo and Daria in the trunk, groaning and struggling with Daria's bags. What the hell did she get? I want to peek, but I promised not to look, so I keep sipping my drink.

Twenty minutes later, Josie and Daria drag themselves back into the car while I try to bite back a laugh. They look absolutely exhausted and the day just began.

"So, where to now girls?" Daria groans and doesn't respond, but Josie programs an address into my gps.

I raise a questioning eyebrow at her, but she just shrugs.

I wonder where this will take us to?

▪︎▪︎▪︎

What in the world?

I stare at the sidewalk strip filled with expensive designer stores. Daria has reanimated herself and Josie is once again bouncing up and down in excitement. I'm the only one who seems to be in a state of confusion.

"What are we doing here?"

Daria pats my head like she's correcting a child. "We're going shopping of course! Jo and I thought that you deserved a new wardrobe as a congratulatory gift! Are you excited?"

I look between the two of them and I can't burst their ecstatic bubble. In honesty, I have more than enough clothes that are practically brand new.

But I guess more wouldn't hurt.

"Alright, let's go!!"

We pile out of the car and into the first store. Chanel. Before we begin, I make it very clear that no one is to spend their own money. The girls start to protest until I pull out Harry's black card. They look at each other, then shrug which makes me grin from ear to ear.

And so we begin our spree. As we go store to store, I'm being very picky with what I want. I think it's because I'm thinking about how each outfit will look on my pregnant body, and not a lot look good. By the time we get to the last store, I only have three bags. I was able to find two outfits and some comfortable flat shoes for my poor feet. My haul definitely pales in comparison to Jo and Daria's bags.

The last store we go into only sells designer dresses, ballgowns I'd say. I wave to the lady working there and sit down on the glass bench. I don't see the need to purchase anything, maybe the girls will want something. I can rest my slightly swollen feet while they shop.

"What are you doing?" I look up and Josie is towering over me with a frown on her face.

"I'm resting?"

She pulls on my arm, making me groan in annoyance. "C'mon you have to try on some dresses!" I'm still struggling against her, not wanting to lose this mini fight. "Nooo. Why? I don't need one."

"Because-"

"If you try on some dresses, we'll go out and get that pumpkin funnel cake you are always talking about." I stop struggling and look around Josie to see Daria. Ever since I had it at the carnival Daria and I went to, I haven't stopped talking about that funnel cake. I skeptically eye her, looking for any signs of bluffing. "Where are we gonna get them from?"

"I know a place. Promise."

I study her a little more before finally giving in and letting Josie pull me up from the bench. "Fine, but I'm only trying on three, tops!" As they drag me into the dress abyss, I glance back at the employee to see her barley containing her laughter.

When we're in the middle of the huge racks, Josie suggests that we split up and pick one dress each. They seem more invested in finding me a dress than I am.

Nonetheless, I start looking through my options. After a while of looking, I find something that catches my eye.

"Excuse me?" I call out to the attendant that's helping someone else. When he's done with them, he comes over to me with a cheery smile on his face. "Good afternoon ma'am. My name is Randy, how may I assist you today?" Randy is a short, skinny man. He has a heart shaped face with a pointed chin, and sports square glasses.

"This dress is beautiful, could you take it down for me? I'd like to try it on."

His face brightens in excitement. "Absolutely! I'll be right back." The short man scurries over to a curtain and disappears behind it. He resurfaces only 5 minutes later with a step ladder and now he has a measuring tape around his neck.