By the time the rest come back to my room, I have cleaned up the blood, dismantled and put away the gun, and I have regained my composure. I have pushed deep thoughts about Harry to the corner of my mind.

I do notice that Ava did not come back with the others, which doesn't surprise me in the least. Her and Louis are attached at the hip and he probably thought I would do something to her to get back at him.

... I can't say that he was wrong, but I also don't think I'd hurt an innocent person for my own personal gain.

Josie asks me what happened, and I can tell that everyone else is just as curious. Not beating around the bush, I tell them that Niall, Louis, and Alverich knew that Harry was alive. I decide against giving out any more details than that.

Josie goes into a curse filled rant, which Zayn and Daria shield the boys' ears from. When she's done, Josie apologizes, but it sounds like she's apologizing for the entire fucked up situation.

"It's not your fault." Which it isn't. It's Harry's.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed and done with the situation, I request to hold Javadd. Daria hands him over more quickly than she did before with Mateo. The baby clings to me and lays on my chest, snuggling into me. He may be 10 months old, but he's not as chunky as Mateo. It also makes me happy that he is able to lay on me fully without disturbing my growing stomach.

"Jo, can I talk with you outside?" I look at Zayn's neutral expression as he stares at Josie, and I know that something is up. Zayn doesn't show when he's angry, but if you know him well enough you can tell.

I know he's extremely upset about Harry, and it suddenly hits me that I'm not the only one affected by this. Just like when I thought he was dead, I wasn't the only one who was mourning. And now, I'm not the only one feeling betrayed.

A bit of that simmering rage seeps away at the realization and I'm left feeling a sliver of remorse. Remorse for not considering how others are feeling about this.

Because now not only was I betrayed by Louis, Niall, and Alverich. Hell, they all at some point have lived in Zayn and Josie's house. I can definitely relate to them on that.

As I think about this, I glance over at Daria and I can practically read her mind. Once Zayn and Josie leave the room, I scoot over and pat the space beside me.

"Come and sit with me, Dar." She looks a little reluctant and nervously looks down at the baby she's holding (Mateo). After a small bit of convincing, she sits next to me with Mateo on her lap.

Once she's all settled, I nudge her a bit. "It's okay to tell me how you feel, you know. Don't think about me being in the hospital or anything. Tell me your unfiltered feelings about this entire situation. I know that you have your journal, but it's also healthy to say some things out loud."

Daria sighs, and it sounds so tired and sad. She absentmindedly starts playing with Mateo as she begins to speak. "This whole thing sucks. Like, ever since you told us about Harry, all I can think is: is Roxy alive? Could... could it be possible that she's alive as well? I know it sounds stupid, but I can't help but hope. If she faked her death, I'll be royally pissed but at least she'll be alive, ya know? Also it sucks that you had your baby early and that you were alone during all of this. I just feel overwhelmed."

My heart breaks as I listen to Daria's words and I know that she has a right to hope and feel these things.

Could Roxy be alive?

Could any of them be alive?

The thought makes my entire body break out in goosebumps. This whole thing has messed me up, I'm afraid that I can't comfort Daria in the way that she needs. So I just do what I think feels right.

"Thank you for telling me." Then I carefully hug her without disturbing a resting Javadd.

Will these questions remain unanswered?

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Buzz

Buzz

Buzz

My head lazily rolls to the side as I look at my buzzing phone, sitting on the sink. Ignoring it, I submerge myself deeper into the water, wanting to wash away my sins.

But that will never be possible.

I sink even deeper, submerging my head under the warm water. My mind replays what happened between Ellie and I. Yes, it was terrible and it broke me to see her in such a state, but...

But... I briefly got to hold her in my arms. She was looking at me with so much anger, but I couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked.

My senseless thoughts screech to a halt as I can hear my phone again. I guess it's for the best. Thinking about it, about her isn't going to help me anyways.

I raise up out of the bathtub, ignoring the sting of my raw wounds. I take the pain in stride because I know I deserve it. Then I wrap a towel around my waist and finally answer the buzzing phone.

"What."

"Harry, it's Niall." I detect worry in Louis' tone, but I'm sure nothing serious happened.

"What happened to him?"

"Shit man, Ellie shot him in the chest. We were at the hospital, but we couldn't fucking stay there."

"Where are you now?"

"In my car, but shit, I don't know what to do. Alverich is working on him, but that's hard to do in a damn car."

Sighing, I leave the bathroom and start to dress in my room. "Alright. Bring him to mine, okay?"

Louis hesitates for a minute. "But will us coming over get in the way of... ya know."

"No, I'm free today. Just come over." I hang up without giving him a chance to respond. If he's smart, he'll listen to me.

As I continue to dry off, I can't help the small laugh that bubbles past my lips.

Of course Ellie shot Niall. Damn...that's my girl. Still strong as ever despite what's happening to her. Despite what I've done to her.

I just hope, that when it's time, she'll be able to forgive me.

︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

🎵 Rise and Shineeee🎵

Due to Darias schemes with my phone, I wake to the ridiculous sound of Kylie Jenner singing. Emitting a tired groan, I lean over on the hospital bed and reach for my phone. I hastily turn off the annoying alarm and put my phone back down.

These past couple of weeks, Halloween has uneventfully passed and it's finally November. Halloween was uneventful for me, but Josie and Zayn took the twins trick or treating. I'm not sure where exactly they went, but the family pictures they took were super cute. Daria went to a Halloween party with her friends. I was fine with her going because I knew she'd be safe with Simone and Winona. Liam arrived at the hospital with a giant bag of candy, and dressed in a superman costume. He went to the Pediatric wing of the hospital and passed out the entire bag. It was incredibly sweet and some of the kids were even dressed up in their own costumes.

As I lay there, the sun begins to shine through the window, surrounding the room in a warm glow. I revel in this calm, because I don't know how long it will last.

Today, I am getting discharged from the hospital.

My doctors are satisfied with how well Ayla is developing and that she's not going to try to come out any time soon.

They just advised me to take it easy and to come back immediately if anything happens.

Devastated is not even close to how I feel about having to leave Adira behind. I know it's for her own benefit, but it still hurts. I'll definitely be here everyday, visiting her.

I lay in the silence for a few more minutes until I feel ready to get up and start getting ready.

Yesterday, Samira unhooked me from all of the monitors and my IV, so now I'm free to move about as I please. This also meant that I was finally able to bathe by myself, which was extremely liberating.

After using the bathroom, I brush my teeth, brush my hair, and get dressed. Not bothered with looking cute, I just put on a black graphic tshirt with black maternity skinny jeans and black timberland boots. I make sure to grab my neon pink puffy coat, as it's getting much colder nowadays.

When I'm all finished, I pack up the rest of my things and carefully place Adira's signed birth certificate in a safe place, until I get back home.

A knock sounds through the room just as I'm about finished.

"Come in."

Liam walks in with a half smile on his face and a beautiful bouquet of daisies in his hand. "Hey El, these are for you."

He hands the flowers to me and I smile gratefully at my friend.

"Thank you, Li. What are these for?"

Liam playfully rolls his eyes.

"They're Congratulations flowers. Ya know, for being healthy and discharged."

"Ah, I see. Thanks again, Li."

Liam smiles fully now, and begins to pick up my bags. He says he'll take them to the car while I wait for someone to come in with the discharge papers.

As I wait, I think of the past week. I believe I've come far in my emotions because rage is no longer simmering in my bones. There are moments when it comes back full force, but with Niko's ( various techniques, I'm able to calm down.

I also did a few things that I never thought I would do this week.

For example, I let Chuck, Charlie, and Ricci come visit me. This happened about a week ago and I'm glad I let them. I laugh a bit to myself as I remember how awkward it was, at first.

- Flashback -

"Are you sure about this?"

I look at Liam warily as he paces back and forth.

"I'm sure Li. Chuck and Charlie are my siblings. Plus they haven't seen me in a while, so I don't think they know everything that happened."

Liam stops pacing and faces me. "I'm not worried about them. It's your fAtHeR I'm concerned about." I roll my eyes, but don't say anything because he's right.

Liam had no clue about my estranged family until yesterday when I remembered that I never told him. Obviously I left out the mafia part, but from what I've said about my father, Liam already thinks that he's shady.

Again, he's never met the man but he made sure to tell me he doesn't trust Ricci.

"Look, they're not even going to stay for long, okay? It'll be fine."

Liam opens his mouth to probably rebut that statement, but a knock at the door interrupts him.

"Come in!"

With a small huff, Liam sits down as the door opens.

Two buff men in black attire walk through the door first. I don't say anything as they search the room with their eyes. Liam watches them with warily, but also doesn't say anything.

When they're done with the "inspection", they take a stance on each side of the door. Ricci walks in first with Chuck and Charlie in tow behind him.

"My piccola how are you doing?"

I give him a half smile, feeling awkward that our interaction is on full display. "I'm doing better. Hopefully I'll be out of here soon." As I'm talking, my eyes trail to Chuck and Charlie, who take seats next to Liam. They haven't so much as looked at me since they walked in, but I feel like that has to do with Ricci's presence.

"I hope so too, piccola." He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a slim jewelry box. "I got this for your bambina piccola, although I do admit that Caroline helped me pick this out."

I know enough basic Italian to know that he knows that I had one of my girls. A part of me wants to argue with him for prying into my business. The rage flickers at the back of my mind, but I mentally clamp it down. It would do no good to start something with Ricci that I can't finish. Instead, I hold back my sigh of contempt and put on a full smile.

"Thank you." Taking the box from him, he looks down at me expectantly. I guess I have no other choice but to open it now.

I open it carefully and can't help my shocked facial expression.

"It's beautiful! Thank you so much, you really didn't have to do this." Ricci laughs and waves his hand. "It is no problem, piccola. Nothing is too good for my granddaughter. Speaking of, are we allowed to see her?"

My nerves seize up at his question, but I keep a neutral-happy expression on my face. "Unfortunately she is not big or strong enough yet for visitors, but hopefully soon she will be."

Small, so small that I almost didn't catch it, one of Ricci's eyes twitch. That is not the answer he wanted to hear but I don't care. I still don't trust him and I'll be damned if I let him around my vulnerable baby.

There's an awkward pause before Ricci puts his award winning smile back on. "That's okay piccola, maybe another time.

He stays for another 15 minutes, us making small awkward conversation, but then he gets a call and has to leave. Charlie says he's going to stay and Chuck agrees. As he leaves, he takes his bodyguards with him.

The room is quiet for 10 solid minutes and then Chuck jumps up, startling the room, and throws her arms around me.

I laugh as she squeezes me. When she pulls away, her eyes have unshed tears in them. "I can't believe you had the baby! Tell me, is she really okay? I can't believe I'm an aunt! Charlie is an uncle!"

When you're around Chuck, your mood can't help but to lift. She is a ray of sunshine and I'm happy to have finally met her. Now that both her and Charlie are in my life, I couldn't imagine it without them.

"Yes, she's getting better by the day. She still fragile, but she's strong." Chuck beams at the news and I spot Charlie slip something out of his pocket.

He approaches the hospital bed cautiously and shyly holds out a long rectangular box.

"Chuck and I got this for you, El. Congratulations on being a mom and all that. I'm glad that you and the baby are okay."

I take the box with a big genuine smile on my face. When I open it, tears well up in my eyes.

"It's gorgeous you guys, thank you so much!" I take it out of its packaging and immediately put it on. I grin up at everyone in the room. "So? How does it look on me?"

"Perfect."

"Pretty."

"Beautiful!"

As I say my thanks again, I suddenly start to feel guilty for keeping the truth from my siblings. I still don't think I should tell them about Harry and the gang, so I'm going to leave that out of my explanation.

"Look, I have to tell you guys something." From the tone of my voice, Chuck and Charlie's moods shift to serious.

I place a hand on my belly to calm myself down. My little Ayla kicks against my hand which brings me comfort.

"Okay, so... I wasn't pregnant with one baby. I was pregnant with twins." I pause for a minute to assess their reactions but they just look confused. So I keep talking, hoping that they dont get mad at me. "I had Adira too early, but they were able to keep Ayla inside so she can finish growing. I didn't want to keep this from you guys, but no offense, I didn't trust you when I first met you. Like, I'm sure you guys didn't trust me at first either. But obviously, I trust you now. So, yeah. Um, can we keep this from Ricci? I trust you guys, but not him. Not fully, at least as of right now."

They take a minute to process what I've said, then Charlie speaks up.

"You really have another baby in there?" He points at my large stomach, and I have to suppress my laugh. Instead of answering, I take his hand and place it where Ayla is moving around.

"You tell me."

Charlie's eyes widen once he feels her and he looks like a little child. "Woah, there is another one in there. Chuck, c'mere you gotta feel this."

Charlie moves his hand away and Chuck carefully places her hand in his place. Chuck giggles and rubs the spot gently. Once Ayla is still, Chuck steps back a bit.

"I'm happy that you trust us enough now to tell us this, Ellie. I also think that their names are adorable! It's understandable that you don't really trust Terrence, so your secret is safe with us. Right Charlie?" Charlie nods and gives me a thumbs up.

"Thank you guys so much. So, I also kind of lied earlier. Adira is able to have visitors, so... would you like to see her?"

-End of Flashback-

▪︎▪︎▪︎

To say that they were excited was an understatement. They spent the rest of the day with us, and they got to know Liam. Everyone all got along with each other, much to my relief.

My siblings both did very well with Adira, and I saw a side of Charlie that I haven't seen before. He was very gentle and sweet with my baby. It made me grow even more fond of my older brother.

I'm still smiling because of that memory when Niko suddenly rushes into my room.