I wake up on the couch, feeling nauseous. Sitting up slowly, I take in my surroundings. I'm stretched out on the couch with a blanket thrown over me. The food and candy I put out for Liam and I has been cleaned up.

"Liam?"

I wait for him to respond, but nothing comes.

Moving ever so slowly, I go to stand. As soon as I do dizziness hits me, and vomit crawls up my throat.

I run to the kitchen and throw up, just barley making it to the sink.

When I'm done, I get a cup of water and rinse my mouth out. I stand there for another couple of minutes until I'm sure I'm not going to throw up again.

"Liam?" I shout this time, wondering if he's upstairs. I still get no answer, so I go up to the room he was supposed to sleep in.

A white sheet of paper is taped to the guestroom door and I can recognize Liam's chicken scratch handwriting from down the hall.

I snatch it off the door and read it.

Sorry I had to leave like this, El. My flight was early af and I didn't want to wake you up. I've taken the liberty to research a few obgyn's in your area, and I found some pretty good ones. Pick one. Please. I love you and I will be back very soon.

- Liam

On the back of the lined paper are three doctor's offices and their phone numbers. Liam put a star by one, which probably means he thinks it's the best.

I don't know what to feel.

On one hand, Liam knows I wouldn't have done this myself and I'm grateful that he did. On the other hand, I'm terrified out of my mind and I don't know if I'm ready to face facts.

If you don't do this, you are depriving your baby of his or hers health and wellbeing. Is that the kind of person you are?

For once, my thoughts actually make sense. Sighing, I walk back downstairs and grab my phone. I dial the number that has the poorly drawn star next to it.

"Dr. Watson's office, this is Kelly, how may I help you today?

I freeze for a minute, words dying in my throat.

"Hello?"

"Y-yes. I'm a new patient and I'd like to make an appointment t-to confirm pregnancy and get an ultrasound please."

"Alrighty, name and date of birth?"

"Ellisandra W- Styles, date of birth is May 3, 1997." I almost slipped and said my maiden name, but something in won't let me change it back to Waters.

She asks me a couple more questions, mainly about insurance, before we get to scheduling.

"Okay, Dr. Watson has an opening next week at 10 am. Is that okay?"

"Yes that's fine."

"Also, just to let you know, there's no guarantee that you'll have an ultrasound at this appointment. It depends on how far along you are. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine."

"Alright then, we'll see you next week! Have a good day."

"You too."

Hanging up, I sit down on the couch in slight shock. Next week, everything will become reality.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Hey you, what's up?"

"I'm.. I'm nervous Liam."

"What? Why are you nervous?"

"Well, I'm sitting in my car, outside of the doctor's office and I'm just really fucking nervous! I don't know what to expect."

"I see. Well, expect that you get to see your baby and that you will recieve guidance. You can do it El, there's no need to be nervous."

I sigh and rest my head against the seat. "I guess your right."

Liam scoffs, "I'm always right! You should listen to me more."

That gets a laugh out of me, and I feel a bit better. "Yeah sure."

"Listen, it'll be great, okay? Call me when it's over."

"Okay, love you Li."

"Love you too, El."

After we hang up, I immediately get my purse and get out of the car before I lose my nerve. I walk into the hospital like building, and take the elevator to the second floor.

I spot Dr. Watson's name on a door, in gold lettering, at the end of the hall. This is it.

Opening the door, I avoid looking at the waiting room and walk over to the front desk.

A pretty woman with blonde hair sits at the desk in scrubs. When she sees me, she gives me a small smile. "Hello, how may I help you today?"

"My name is Ellisandra Styles and I have an appointment at 10 o'clock."

"Okay Mrs. Styles, please sign in and have a seat. Someone will call you back in a little while."

"Okay, thank you."

I sign in quickly and turn to face the waiting room. The walls are pale yellow with posters of the different stages of pregnancy displayed throughout. The room is pretty big with a lot of plush chairs. There's only a few people here this morning, which makes me feel a little more relaxed. Very pregnant looking women, and women who don't even look pregnant are spread throughout the room. I sit beside the magazine shelf and pick up a random parenting one.

I'm looking at the magazine, but I'm not seeing it. My mind is running a mile a minute and my body is ready to sprint out the door.

Just as I'm about to make a run for it, somebody plops themselves in the chair next to me.

"Nervous?"

I look up to see a girl who looks a little bit older than me. She also has a small baby bump. Her long hair is brown with blonde highlights at the tips, and her bright green eyes stare at me curiously.

Those eyes brings a familiar dull pain to me, but I can't do this everytime I see someone with green eyes. So I shake it off.

I put the parenting magazine down and give her a sheepish smile. "Is it that obvious?"

She smiles widely. "A little, but only because I looked the same way when I was pregnant with my first."

"Oh, did you have a boy or a girl?"

She puts a hand on her growing stomach. "My first is a girl, Poppy. This one in here is a boy. I'm Anna, by the way."

I smile easily at her friendly manner. "Congratulations on your kids. I'm Ellie."

Anna continues to rub her belly, but focuses on me. "What about you? I'm guessing from your nerves that this is your first?"

I look down at my slight pudge. "Yes, this is my first. It's harder because my husband isn't here. H-he travels a lot for business." I surprise myself by telling a stranger a truth and a lie.

Anna nods solemnly, her big eyes expressing sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that, Ellie. My husband used to be like that until we had Poppy. It'll get better, trust me."

It'll get better.

The words mean more to me than she can ever know.

We continue our conversation, mainly talking about our cravings until a nurse emerges from the back room. She stands there with a clipboard and checks something off.

"Anna? We're ready for you sweetie."

She smiles at me as she gets up. "Well, it was nice to meet you Ellie."

"Nice to meet you too Anna. Thank you for calming me down."

She winks and follows the nurse to the back. As soon as she's gone, my phone vibrates.

AuntieDar: Hey El, could you send me a selfie?

MamaBear: Um, okay. But why?

It takes a few minutes for Daria to respond.

AuntieDar: my friend Simone has never seen you before and for some dumb reason, I didn't have any pics of you! Psh. So send me one

MamaBear: okay fine, no need to be so demanding

AuntieDar: 🥰💖

Rolling my eyes, I open my camera and look around to make sure no one is looking at me. What can I say? Taking selfies in public is weird to me.

I take it quickly and look at it a bit before sending it to Daria. I can honestly say that I look good. I actually put effort into my appearance, and put on makeup and jewelry. I even put on the Python necklace that he gave me. The chain is long enough that it's hidden between my breasts.

Daria responds back with a bunch of emojis and a long thank you.

I sit for another 20 minutes in the waiting room. I watch women in different stages of their pregnancy, come and go.

Just as I start feeling anxious again, a different nurse opens the door. "Ellie? Come on back dear."

Standing up, I clutch my purse tighter and walk through the door.

"I'm Nurse Millie, please follow me, hon." I follow her to an area where she checks my height and weight. After recording that, she leads me to a room and tells me that she'll be back to take my blood. Thankfully, needles don't freak me out, so I'm not worried.

Soon, Nurse Millie comes back with different types of needles and three tubes. "Which arm do you usually get stuck in?"

"Well, I was in the hospital last year after being shot, and they put the IV in my right arm." She doesn't look surprised at all at my mention of being shot. She just nods, and prepares my arm.

I'm not scared of needles, but when my blood starts flowing into the tubes, I suddenly feel nauseous and have to look away.

I'm still fighting the urge to throw up when the nurse says, "Alright dear, that's it. Dr. Watson will be in with you shortly with your results."

I mutter a quiet thank you and then I'm alone.

I twiddle my thumbs in pure silence for about 20 minutes before there's a knock at the door. A middle aged lady with waist length white and silver hair walks in. Due to her lab coat, clipboard, and stethoscope, I know she's the doctor.

She holds out her hand for me to shake. "Good morning Ellie, how are you? I'm Dr. Watson." I take her hand and give it a firm shake.

"I'm good. I'm just a little nervous." As I'm answering, Dr. Watson takes a seat at the mini desk and looks over the clipboard. She then looks at me with a warm smile. "It's normal to be nervous my dear. So, according to your blood results, you are indeed pregnant. Have you been taking any medication? Are you on any medication?"

I grab my purse and take out two pill bottles. "Well, I've been taking this over the counter prenatal vitamins for 2 weeks." I hand it to her. "This is my heart medication that I've been taking everyday since I was 17. It's a rare condition that no one really understands, but the medicine seems to keep my heart in check." I hand her that bottle as well. Dr. Watson studies the bottle and writes down notes vigorously on her clipboard.

When she's done, she hands the bottles back to me and I put them back in my purse.

"Do you remember the date of your last period, Ellie?"

I don't even entertain the question. "No because my periods have always been irregular to nonexistent." She nods and jots something else down. Then she claps her hands together, making me jump a little.

"Are you ready to see your baby?"

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Construction started today and I have never been more excited. I'm back at Josie's house for the moment, but I will be stopping by to make sure that everything is running smoothly.

Looking at my phone, I'm anxious for El to call me back. I am ecstatic that she went along with finally going to the doctor. I'm happy that she's moving in the right direction, but I worry about her 24/7. I haven't told anyone about her near suicide attempt because I know that she wouldn't want me to. Yeah, that sounds lame but I will watch out for her.

"Zayn! Where the cluck is Javaad?!"

I laugh to myself when I hear Josie scream from across the house. Currently, I'm in the living room, watching a random crime show.

"I don't know! Didn't you just have him?!" Zayn's voice shouts from a completely different area of the house, making the situation more amusing.

"I did but that child is a speed demon! I turned my back for one second and he crawled away! Find him!"

After that it's silent, and I go back to watching tv.

I'm actually pretty into the plot when I feel a something on my ankle. My first instinct is to kick, but I look down instead. A cute, curly headed baby is trying to balance himself by using my leg.

Javadd.

Laughing, I scoop him up and tickle his chubby tummy. The baby squeals in delight and squirms in my arms.

After playing with him for a bit, I remember that Jo and Zayn are looking for this cutie. I turn away from the baby and shout, "Guys? I found the speed demon!"

Josie is there in seconds, a look of relief on her tired face.

"Aw, thank you Liam. I hope he wasn't too much trouble."

I shake my head and bounce the smiley baby. "You know I love them, Jo. He was absolutely fine."

After Ellie and Daria left, we all became closer to each other. I guess the shared trauma brought us together. It's strange because I lost my parents, but my friends are beginning to turn into my family.

I love them to death, but now that we're not in immediate danger, I need to go back to my own apartment. I can only imagine the state that it's in.

The baby in my arms twists his body and reaches for his mother. I hand him over easily, and he snuggles into Josie instantly. Looking at them, my mind envisions Ellie standing in front of me, holding her own baby. I blink and the image fades away.

Josie is looking at me with a touch of concern. "You okay, Li?"

I don't hesitate to give her a reassuring smile. "I'm good Jo. Thanks."

She nods, and says she's going to put Javadd down for his nap.

When I'm alone again, I stretch out my limbs and get ready to go to the construction site. A small noise stops my movements.

The back door, which is visible from the living room, opens slowly. Louis and Niall come in quietly as they discuss something between them. It looks serious due to their body language.

I make the mistake of dropping the remote on the floor, and both if their heads snap up.

We make eye contact, and something feels off. We stare at each other for a minute before they turn and go up the back stairs.

I'm left confused and a bit worried.

What the hell is going on?

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Seeing my baby was...

Euphoric.

As soon as I saw the little bean in my belly, practically everything melted away. My fears, my doubts, and my struggles gone.

As Dr. Watson took pictures of the sonogram, she told me that I was eight weeks along. Eight weeks! Two months, this bean has been growing inside of me.

Two months ago, I was happy and in love with my fiancee. I remembered exactly how and when my little Bean was conceived. The memory was bittersweet but the sweet weighed out the bitter because my little Bean was made from love. I will never look at that in a bitter way.

Hell, it's a miracle that I even got pregnant. I explained to Dr. Watson how I was told I'd never had children and she said that although damaged, my uterus could perfectly house this baby. With proper precautions of course.

She labeled my pregnancy as high risk until I hit 13 weeks. I have to take it easy, and not put myself under any stress or I risk miscarrying. Dr. Watson told me to keep taking my heart medication as usual, but she prescribed me better prenatal medication.

Now I'm sitting here, absorbing the information, waiting for her to come back with the ultrasound pictures.

A rush of emotion flows through me as I remember the past couple of weeks. Tears drip down my cheeks and my hand rests on my pudgy tummy.

"I'm so sorry, little bean. Mommy's so sorry for even thinking about not having you. I will do better, and I will be someone who you'll be proud to call mommy. I- I love you." In that moment I choke on my sobs as I fully realize that the last piece of Harry is inside of me.

The last piece that I have left, and I almost destroyed it. Guilt and shame overwhelm me and I openly sob.

Getting down from the table, I rush over to the counter and snatch some tissues.

I have to calm down. I can't keep getting worked up like this, or the last piece of Harry and I's love will be gone forever.

I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears before the Doctor comes back. I take a few breaths and try to steady myself.

I go sit back down on the table, and pull out makeup wipes from my purse. After I wipe away the ruined makeup, I throw the dirty wipes away and wait.

Five minutes later, Dr. Watson is back with the pictures in her hands. Before she hands them to me, she stops and studies my face.

"Ellie, are you okay?"

I nod vigorously, not wanting her to worry. "Yes, I'm okay."

She sits down and continues to study me, her eyes holding sympathy. "Do you have anyone to go through this with you? I know you said that your husband is on a six month business trip, but it's crucial that you have someone for help and support."

"I have a lot of people to support me, but they don't live in the country. But, my bestfriend is willing to travel back and forth, so I might ask him to come to the next appointment."

Dr. Watson's grim face is replaced with a grin. "I'm glad to hear that Ellie. Now, I want to see you again in two weeks. If you have an emergency, go to the hospital and call me, okay?"

"Okay, yes."

She smiles again and hands me the four ultrasound pictures.

"Congratulations dear, see you soon." After she leaves, I leave the room, not wanting to linger while others are waiting.

I make an appointment for the week after next and I leave. I had hoped to see Anna, but she probably already left.