Sighing, I take another sip of my hot green tea as I sit at the island in the kitchen. I just finished taking Daria to school and I feel completely wiped out. I am always exhausted in the mornings now, and it takes me forever to get up. We always barely make it to the school on time.

It's been in my mind for a while, but now I need to actually follow through with my plan, since it's not about me anymore.

Now that my pregnancy is labeled high risk, I have to pay more attention to my body and what it's telling me. Right now, it's telling me that I need more damn sleep.

I smile to myself though, because my plan will make everyone happy.

My phone rings, a normal ringtone, cutting off my thoughts. "Hello?"

"Hey El, you called? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" I laugh at Liam's worried tone. Ever since I sent him a sonogram, he's been calling me like crazy. Literally every hour on the hour. But I don't mind though because it helps with my loneliness during the day. I wanted to tell everyone about the baby, especially Josie, but I want to wait until it's completely safe. Until I'm sure that I won't lose my baby. I try to stay positive, but I know that if I did miscarry, I would not survive.

"Yeah, we're both fine Liam. I just needed your help with something."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Do you remember that show on MTV where those bratty teenage girls would get extravagant parties and presents for turning sixteen?"

"Oh, you mean My Super Sweet 16? Hell yeah! Remember we would watch it and judge the fuck out of those girls?"

"Ha! Yes! Those were good times."

"So, what about that show did you need help with?"

"Well, I know it's super last minute but..."

As I explain my plan to him, it sounds simple, but getting it done in time will be the hard part.

"So, what do you say?"

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"Alright class, that's it for the day! Don't forget to turn in your written reports on our last experiment, due tomorrow! Have a good day!" The bell rings right after Mrs. Lune finishes talking. I gather my stuff, and quickly leave the room, ready to go home.

Over the weeks, I've become comfortable in this school. The time schedule adjustment is kind of hard to get used to. School started in January, then they had a break in May and then the break was over in mid June. That's when I came. They had an orientation for new students, and students who were still kind of new to the school. We don't get summer break, instead we go to school through the summer and get a big break at the end of August. Then we come back for the next school year in mid September. It's all kind of confusing, but I'm just trying to go with the flow.

Though I'm not popular, I'm not a loner. Everyone is pretty friendly and I haven't encountered any type of malicious behavior. I'm so glad that none of those stupid highschool cliches exist in this school. The amount of diversity and general politeness is amazing. Nothing like my old school. Winona and Simone are my closest friends, although my AP Biology partner, Zander, is becoming a fast friend of mine.

"Daria, wait up!"

I pause in the hallway as a familiar voice calls my name. Turning around, I see Zander running to catch up to me. He wasn't in class just now, so I wonder where he's coming from? Usually, I would ask but I don't know him well enough yet.

Instead I smile at the boy as he pushes his glasses up. "Hey, Zander, what's up?"

"W-well, I was wondering if I could walk you to your sister's car?" He doesn't sound like he has ill intentions, so I happily agree.

Normally I would walk with Winnie and Simone, but Winnie went to visit her boyfriend and Simone is feeling a little sick, so she stayed in her dorm all day.

As Zander and I walk down the long, emptying hallway, we make small talk and I get to know him a little better.

When we walk out the door, I'm laughing at something Zander says but he suddenly halts in his steps and his jaw slackens.

"Zander, what's-?" I turn to see what he's looking at and my jaw drops as well.

Standing in front of the school is Ellie and Liam. They are holding a big ass sign with pictures of me and blue balloons on it. The huge banner says, 'Happy Birthday Daria'!

Students stand around looking at the scene unfold with mild curiosity. Some even have their phones out, recording the situation.

As soon as I'm spotted by Ellie and Liam, they shout at the top of their lungs. "" Then they move the huge banner, making me gasp at what's behind it.

"Oh my God!"

My dream car.

The 2020 Audi A5 Convertible.

Completely forgetting about Zander, I run screaming over to the car. I can't help but to run around it and check out its beauty from all sides.

When I'm done, I turn and launch myself into Ellie's arms. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!"

I hear laughter behind me and I remember that Liam is there. Letting go of Ellie, I turn around and launch myself at Liam. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!" I pull Ellie into the hug and we're all laughing and jumping. Okay I'm mainly jumping, but still.

We we finally calm down I'm shocked to find tears in my eyes.

I look at Ellie and Liam with tears spilling down my cheeks. "How did you guys know this is my favorite car?"

Ellie smiles at me endearingly. "Well, I heard you telling Roxy about it."

"A-and you remembered?" Hearing my sister's name makes me realize that that's why I'm crying. She told me that she was going to buy me my dream car and teach me how to drive better than my "grandma driving" as she put it.

But she can't because she's dead. Everyone is dead, even my horrible mother. Roxy didn't think I knew, but I found the suicide letter that she sent from prison.

That was almost a year ago.

I cry harder as I realize that all of my biological family has left me alone.

Suddenly, Ellie wraps me into another hug, only this time it's for comfort. I know that I'm not truly alone, but the tears won't stop.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

I hug Daria close to me, allowing her time to think about her sister. At the funeral, Daria didn't cry. I never saw her cry after it either. I always wondered when she would break, but I'm glad because she needs to let out these emotions.

Liam quietly shoos away the lingering kids, but one of them comes up to Daria and me. He's tall and lanky with thick black glasses, and his demeanor seems sweet.

He shyly tucks a piece of paper into Daria's hand. "Happy belated, Ria (REE-UH)." The nickname surprises me, as I've never heard anyone call her that before. The teenager nods at me and walks away.

Daria begins to sob, and all I can do is rub her back and just hold her.

Liam comes back over and whispers in my ear. "C'mon, let's take her home. I'll drive the Audi, and you drive your car, okay?" I nod in response.

After Liam gets in the car, I gently pull Daria away. She looks at me with her big watery brown eyes, and she looks like a broken little girl who's seen too much. I would hug her forever if I could.

"We're gonna go home, okay?"

She just nods.

We slowly get in the car and I start the drive home. Halfway there, I look over and realize that she's fallen asleep. I call Liam on the car phone and he picks up immediately.

"Hey, how is she?"

"She's sleeping now. Liam I feel so bad, I shouldn't have done this. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories."

"El, stop it. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault okay? Grief comes and goes and it never really goes away."

All I can do is agree with him, but frustration lays in my heart. We're all going through the stages of grief, and I just wish that it was over. But Liam is right, you can't ever really get over the death of someone you loved.

"Alright Liam, I'll see you there." Ending the call, I put on some music at low volume so Daria doesn't wake up.

When we get to the house, Liam is already there, waiting on us. He takes Daria out of the car while I go ahead and unlock the door.

"Where's her room?"

"Upstairs, the first door on the right."

After he leaves, I make my way into the kitchen to start dinner. I know that Daria won't sleep through the night unless she's eaten and I don't feel like ordering takeout.

I pull out the ingredients for creamy shrimp carbonara. I get the pasta going first before I begin to devein the shrimp. As I'm just finishing up that and I start the sauce, Liam comes in. He stands by the counter and watches me with a soft look on his face.

I think nothing of it and continue making the meal.

"Need any help?" He's finally peeled himself from the counter and walks over to the cutting board that has strips of bacon on it. "Yeah, chop those up, finely please. I'm almost done."

Almost an hour later, the food is ready and I dish out three bowls. I give us all extra helpings.

I'm starving, but I'm debating whether or not I should wake Daria up to eat. Liam sees me hesitating and shoos me towards the table. "Start eating, I'll go get Daria." Normally, I would argue, but my throat feels like its eating itself. That's how hungry I am. So I just sit down while Liam goes upstairs.

As soon as the flavors hit my tastebuds, I can't help but to moan at how delicious this is. I devour half my plate, then I get up to get a drink.

As I'm searching the refrigerator for a beverage, arms suddenly wrap around me, making me jump.

"I'm sorry Ellie. I'm sorry I ruined everything." When I realize it's Daria, I turn around and hug her properly. "You didn't ruin anything, D. I promise."

"I miss Roxy. I-I miss her so much, Ellie. Sometimes everything hurts so bad that I just push it to the back of my mind. That's not healthy, is it?"

I laugh softly, but there's no humor in it. "No, it's not. But I'm not judging you, no one is. We're all just doing the best we can."

She sighs. "I wish the healing part was over."

"Me too."

We stand there for a while before we pull away. I grab a pitcher of lemonade I made yesterday and set it in the middle of the table.

We continue to eat in silence, but it's not uncomfortable. Just being around people who you love that are still alive is comforting.

We all share trauma and the loss of someone we love. I just hope that one day, we will overcome the hurt.