"...what you are afraid of doing

is the very thing that will set you free..."

K

It's Friday.

After a long week, weekend vibes should be uplifting my mood especially because I am going to Miami. Okay, I'm not certa if I'll go to Miami. I haven't even packed. I can't risk Jason seeing anything in a suitcase. On normal days, I can't leave the house without having him checking what is in my handbag. I think he fears the day I'll leave him. I have categorized what I need in the closet so that it easy to put it all in a bag.

He came home a while ago and locked himself in the spare room upstairs. I'm trying to cook dinner but I'm stuck in a phase of worry. I'm biting my nails just to deal with my anxiety. It's 5:35pm. Nick said he's picking me up at 6pm. He is never late. What will I say when he shows up at my doorstep and Jason opens the door? I'm not allowed to open door when someone knocks because he doesn't trust me. If he's home, I have a duty to inform him that someone is at the door.

"No! No! No!" I turned the stove off and dropped the smoking pan on the floor after it burned my hand. I looked behind me in a panic wondering if he has heard it. The whole kitchen is full of smoke! I got lost in my mind just for a second and this happened! Okay,not a second. The salmon is eae on one side and seriously burnt on the other.

"Keira?" He's coming down the steps. "What's going on down there?"

I rushed to open the window willing the smoke to get out by waving a kitchen towel towards the open window. The neighbor is staring at me. He must think I have gone mad.

When I turned out of compulsion from his dark presence, our eyes met. His dropped to the pan on the tikes floor. They then moved up to me. "What is this?"

"I uh... there was... I'm sorry."

I'm always saying sorry. I say it so much it may as well be my middle name.

He picked up the hot skillet using the handle. He turned it upside down for the salmon to end up on the floor. He grabbed a handful of my hair. He forced my head down, cheek first and trapped my squirming legs in between his. "Are you the one who buys the food in this house?"

"Jason no! No Please!" The hot skillet is just above my cheek. I can feel the heat already.

"Answer me!"

"No! I don't buy the food! You do! You do!" I sped spoke in a mess of tears and panic. He is capable of pressing the hot skillet on my face. Is there anything impossible to him? "Jason. Please. Jason please. I'm sorry."

He dropped the skillet in the sink. I gave it a moment for him to move away from me. I remained i. That awkward position, cheek still down. When I heard his footsteps move away, I stood up suddenly. I turned the faucet on to cool the skillet before he comes back and carries out his threat. The neighbor is watering her vegetables. She no doubt heard that. The houses are only eight feet apart. She's staring at me. I closed the window with my trembling hands and drew the curtain.

Embarrassment is what I feel. Deep shame for allowing this to persist. It's not that the neighbors don't know. They do know and I see the way they look at me. They whisper when I pass them. They whisper my shame. Only Lorraine has ever publicly intervened when Jason was assaulting me in public. She beat Jason up and she called the police. But when they came, I couldn't say anything. Jason told them it was a misunderstanding and I agreed with him even when I was rocking a black eye.

Getting punched in the face is the least of my problems. There have been worse moments when I thought I would doe in this house.

I heard his footsteps again. I turned promptly.

"Clean this kitchen up! You can't do anything right, can you? You can't do what you born to do and we have been trying for months!" Tears stung my eyes as my heart jumped into my throat.

I'm faulty. There's something wrong with me. "I'm s-sorry."

"Now you can't even cook right? What's your purpose if not to be shameful? Next time you burn my food, I'll burn your hand."

I folded them into fists and hid them behind my back.

"Yes sir. I'm s-sorry."

"I'm going to on a trip. You will be alone in this house and I expect that situation to stay the same. You will not have any friends over. You will not have a man or men over. You will not leave this house, until I get back. Is that clear?"

"Yes it's clear."

He pressed a kiss on my lips. "Don't you want to kiss me back?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kisses him like I meant it. It's hard to mean anything when the person is this abusive. He has no tenderness in him.

"Have a safe trip."

I am not allowed to ask where he is going, what he's going to do there or how long he will be gone. It could be a day or as long as he wishes. The uncertainty is what troubles me. What if I leave with Nick and he comes back? He will kill me.

He left and I only felt like I'm breathing after he closed the door. I am covered my face and gave myself the one minute weep period where I cried bitterly without restraint. After that, I pulled myself together and I began cleaning the kitchen. All I hwv to show are mashed potatoes and peas.I can't even get a meal right.

It's nearly 6pm. Just a few more minutes.

Lorraine wants to meet him. I told her I'll call her when he arrives. I have only a few minutes before he gets here. I just have the take a shower and pack.

The door bell.

It's exactly 6pm.

I don't want him to stand on the porch. The neighbors will see and one of them will tell Jason. I opened the door quickly. "Mr Bale!" I wrapped my hand around his wrist and yanked him in swiftly. I locked the door, all the locks just to be sure Jason won't come in suddenly.

The scheming is driving me crazy.

"Should I be alarmed that you turned all the locks?"

"No." I smiled awkwardly. He smiled back,but fleetingly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes! Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you don't you look okay. We're you crying?"

"I'll be back in a minute or two or five. Sit anywhere. Okay." I hurried up the stairs and straight into the shower. I don't have time today think about this evening. But I can repeatedly hear him asking me if I'm okay. I dint think anyone but Lorraine asks me that.

I threw on a simple pair of denims and an oversized sweater. I don't want to look too nice. It may give him a wrong impression. I was beginning to pack up everything when he knocked on the open door.

There's another man in bedroom. My throat grew dry. He's looking around the small space. "This is uneventful." He noted.

"I'm not much of a decorator." I sighed.

"Hopefully the functionality of this room is also uneventful." He spoke softly. "Why are you packing at this moment?"

"Jason would have freaked out of he saw me packing."

"He doesn't know you're coming to Miami?"

"No." I zipped the bag. I can't let him see how worried I am. I want to be competent. We need the money that will come from this investment. "I'm ready."

As he took the bag from my hand, his fingers lightly brushed over my skin causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. Our eyes met for a slit second. His gaze is powerful. He's engaging me to look at him.

When he walked out first, I was freed from it.

What am I doing?

It doesn't matter. I'll pay for it later. I just hope it's worth it. I locked up and met him outside where his SUV is parked. "Let's go."

"I want you to meet someone."

"Now? We are already running late."

"She's my best friend. She really wants to meet you." I insisted. "I promise it won't take long."

"Fine. I'll wait in the car."

I crossed the street heading for Lorraine's house. It looks dark. I hope she's home. I knocked the door and rang the bell. "Lorraine? Are you home? I'm leaving!"

No response. Maybe she's not home. Too bad.

I made my way back to Nick.

"Where is she?"

"She must not be home. It's okay. Next time." I smiled at him.

"I'm looking forward to this Kei." He squeezed my hand.

He eased the car away leaving this sad neighborhood behind. I really hope Miami pays off.

Lorraine's POV

It's nearly 6pm. She said she's leaving at 6pm.

Terrance and I are walking around outside... I'm walking, he's using me like a walking chair.

I want to see this Mr N. My best friend is gullible. Maybe it's a strong word but she's super nice and people take advantage of her. I would like her to get out of her abusive marriage. If Mr N is the way out, so be it. But first, I must meet him. I want to know who he is and what his playing at.

Jason left a few minutes ago. I showed him my middle finger so that he knows exactly how I feel about him. I wish I could do someone about it. But that person is in my past life. I'm trying to be someone else.

A black SUV pulled up shortly after Jason. I saw a man in a knee length dark coat come out of the car.

"Do you want to go nose around?" I asked Terrance. "I'll take your smoke as approval. Come."

I crossed the street, trying to get a better look. But when I was getting closer, Kei opened the door and pulled him inside.

I crouched under the living room window. He is standing in the living room, looking around. I can't believe this! Of all the men in New York! Nickolas Balotelli? What the hell?

I moved away from the window, running all the way back to my house. I closed the door and turned off the lights. She can't know I'm home. I can't be introduced to this man because we know each other. We really know each other.

But he's married!

He's not single!

The exit strategy has to be a single guy who wants a serious relationship! Did Kei consult the notes?

A series of knocks sounded on my door. "Lorraine? Are you home? I'm leaving!"

Terrance and I kept quiet and we didn't move until she left.

What has Kei gotten herself into?