The night is so unusual, it's so odd. I'm not used to Jax being here, so when we're showering together after dinner, it feels odd. Kind of like it used to, and not a bad type of odd, just an unfamiliar kind of odd.

He's washing his hair while I'm behind him and his prominent shoulders are in the fog. I'm almost drooling as I look at all his tattoos, I haven't really seen them in forever. I reach up and rub the one one his shoulder blade, it's the one he got for me and the kids. It's "His girls" with Kurt and Lance, it has my name in the center of a tree with the branches being all of our kids evenly dispersed along his shoulder blade.

I move to the big eagle on his shoulder, and then the tribal patterns on his bicep with a barbed wire around his arm. He's got so many, and I've asked him about the meaning of them but he's gotten even more since then.

"Wanna see my new one?" He whispers looking over his shoulder feeling my fingers move across his shoulder blades.

"Yep" I whisper as he turns. He moves my hands to his chest and then to the sides of his waist as he lifts his right arm. He shows me the side of his body and it's on the side of his rib cage. But what stops me is what it is.

I didn't even notice it, and I feel so bad that I didn't. But in my defense his whole body is covered in tattoos now, and I didn't even realize this one.

It's-, it's my face. "Oh my god Jax when did you get this?" I ask lifting his armpit and looking at my face with my typical curled hair, I'm slightly smiling with the black and white color and it's so immaculate. It's not like a regular sketch it's an in-depth portrait of me that looks so good. It's not the typical cheap tattoo art, it's like all his tattoos, super detailed and in black and white only.

"A few years back." He tells me as I rub it under his arm. "Wanna look under the other one?" He asks as I nod. He lifts his other arm and shows me his other rib cage and my heart melts. It's all of our children's faces, the picture they took for the portraits I put on the wall. I made them lay on a blanket, and Maddie was in the middle with the two boys beside her. They looked so adorable in the picture, and I knew in that moment I was getting a portrait made of my favorite picture of them not fighting or playing.

"I love theses." I whisper rubbing my fingers over his tattoos as I smile. "I'm glad." He tells me as he looks down at me. He pulls me to him as he rubs my back.

"You ever thought about it?" He asks. "Tattoos?" I ask him as he nods. "I can't have it visible with my job but yeah, I've thought about it. Maybe my rib cage or back." I tell him as he smiles.

"Or somewhere else?" He asks as I stare at him blankly not knowing what he means. "I say when this works for the second time, and we're ready to really be married again, living together everything, we get tattoos together." He tells me as I smile.

"What kind?" I ask. "Well I already have you on me, so maybe just like something we both think fits us." He tells me as I smile.

"I'll think about it. When I figure it out I'll let you know. How about that?" I ask as he nods. "Good, now turn and let me wash your back." He tells me as I laugh.

"You know that won't happen Jax!" I scold as he smiles and lifts me on his waist. "It's the thought that counts babe." He tells me back before pushing me into the tile wall and taking me in the shower.

I love this.

____

We're laying down in bed together tonight and it's amazing. We're just watching television together, I'm laying in his arms, they're wrapped around my body, holding me in place and I'm laying on his naked chest. We're kind of back to us, I'm in his tee, and he's in boxers, that's it. We're not watching cartoons for once, we're watching a romantic comedy. It's so quiet in this house without the kids running around and I hate it. I thought I would enjoy it but normally Maddie would be in here watching Disney with me.

"So how much did my mom say before I heard?" I randomly ask while watching the commercials as he rubs my shoulder in his palm.

"She told me I didn't deserve you, which I don't, and she judged me for having tattoos. She was upset about this." He tells me as I sigh.

"She told me she wishes I was with Jacob. Did you hear that part?" I ask as he sighs back. "Yeah I did." He tells me rubbing my shoulder.

"Why do you think she'd say that? Knowing that I married you, that I love you." I ask him as I sigh as the commercial changes to another one with cleaning products.

"Maybe she's mad that you're not with that kind of stereotype. You know a doctor with a big white house and a Range Rover, a golden doodle and five kids kind of thing. Instead you got plain old Jax with tattoos and a big loud black truck, a sports car he doesn't drive, owns a gym, and could buy you anything in the world you wanted. Along with a big tan house with a pool and patio, and three awesome kids. Seems like you really lost you know?" He asks as I laugh. I didn't lose, I won.

"She has no idea you used to fight and made millions. I don't understand why she's a bitch, I love my mom but I don't know why she hates you." I tell him.

"I think it's because you got pregnant so quick. And then you ended up in the hospital because of me, I didn't really have a lot going for me." He tells me as I sigh. I flip around on his chest as lean onto my elbow as my hair fans around me.

"Well I got pregnant out of nowhere, we were safe and she had to know that I wouldn't have not been. I love Maddie but she was way too fast. And what happened with the whole kidnapping thing it wasn't your fault, it was because of how good at your job you were, other people couldn't handle that. She doesn't know about your fighting so she'll never understand why that happened to me." I tell him as he nods.

"So tell her." He whispers as I stare into his eyes. "I'm serious, just tell her. She hates me anyway, what's it matter now? She'll know why there's over a million dollars invested with the kids then." He tells me rubbing my back.

"I might. Maybe when she brings the kids back. I miss them so much more than I thought I would. Not hearing the little feet is odd because they aren't with you." I tell him as he laughs.

"Yeah I can't hear them in the townhouse. The walls are too insulated and I hate that." He tells me as I rub his chest.

"Can I ask you something and you be completely honest?" I ask as he nods. "Be honest with me, if I didn't give you another chance, would you still be here?" I ask as he nods immediately.

"Yes. I love my kids, and I love you. I'd take being there for you and them anyway I could." He tells me as I smile.

"Good answer." I mutter out as he smiles.

"When do you want to move back in?" I ask as his face brightens. He smiles before leaning to me and kissing the life out of my lips.

"I would tomorrow and you know that. But we said we'd do it right this time, so not for a few months." He tells me as I nod.

"I like this new Jax." I whisper as he laughs softly, that laugh that sends chills down my spine, the same laugh that I've missed all these years.

"I have a question now." He asks as I nod. "Why give me a chance? Not that I deserve it but hey? Why not be with someone else?" He asks rubbing my back.

"Honestly and truthfully, I love you Jax. I can't help the way I feel and I've always loved you. Don't take that as I'll love you enough for you to leave me again because that is not what I'm saying at all, but I love you enough to know that you're the person that I need to spend my life with, and that you're the dad to my kids and I love you for being such a good dad. You make me happy when you're not pissing me off." I tell him as he laughs and then nods.

"Good. I love you Ry." He tells me as I smile. "My turn. Why do you love me Jax?" I ask as he laughs.

"Let's see, why do I love Rylee Jane Rutledge?" He asks himself as I pinch his nipple making him laugh. "I love you because you're selfless, and you'd do anything for anyone. You're beautiful and you don't know it, you're so hot men stare, and I know you don't realize it but you're gorgeous. That holds nothing to the fact that you're smarter than your own good though, and I love your mind. I love how you question things without taking what people say for the truth. You're an awesome mom, and our kids are so damn lucky to have you, just as I am. I love you because you're just Rylee, you don't try to be anyone else, and you make me so damn happy. Do you remember the night after we got married? You told me you were pregnant and I was so happy, but that's not when it hit me. It hit me when you went to sleep on my shoulder and I was just holding you naked, and I knew I won right then. Then I fucked it up but Ry, I've never stopped loving you." He tells me rubbing my back.

"I used to watch you with the kids. When you'd drop them off before leaving or if I dropped them off, even though we never spoke, I watched you with them. You still loved them when you hated me, and I respect you so much for that." He tells me as I smile.

"Thank you." I whisper as he kisses my forehead softly.

"And you make a pretty great dad too." I add as he nods. "Maybe to the boys but not Maddie, I don't how to handle her growing up. She doesn't want piggy back rides anymore and she's starting to like makeup Rylee. Makeup, and fingernail polish and oh my god." He whispers as I laugh. He's right, she's growing up.

"She'll be fine. Puberty is going to kick my ass with her though. My mom had to explain it all to me and I know in a few years I'm going to be ripping my hair out." I tell him as he laughs.

"I'll take care of the boys, teach them how to jerk off and contain it all." He spits out as I reach back and slap his arm.

"JAX! Hell no! You don't even do that!" I squeal as he laughs harder than before. "Well I don't want them being as stupid as I was and mess around the wrong way." He tells me as I nod in agreement.

"How long until they can date?" I ask randomly. We're actually being parents together right now, and I love it.

"Boys I'm thinking 16, Maddie on the other hand..." he trails off when I pinch his nipple, hard. Making him squirm and making me fall closer to his face and neck.

"Sixteen. That's only fair, if not then all of them are waiting until 18." I tell him as he sighs.

"Fine sixteen." He caves as I nod. "Good." I tell him as he smiles down at me. That instant my phone beeps from the table and it's a message from my mom with the kids on the beach looking at the moon. They look so cute in the moonlight.

"Look" I tell Jax opening it up to see our children. "We made some cute kids didn't we?" He asks as I nod and zoom into their little faces. They're our world and they're so adorable, even when they're bad I still love them with my whole heart.

"We sure did." I whisper cuddling into his chest as I sit my phone aside. I hug his body closer to me before he kisses my head and I'm passed out asleep on his chest, with the best dreams I've had in years, all of them involving him and our kids.

It's almost perfect, us being together again, until the next day it's not.