How to read body language, that is, that part of non-verbal communication that accompanies, strengthens and often changes the meaning of a message transmitted verbally?

Stay with us, you will learn to interpret every minimal gesture of the body and facial mimic thanks to this complete analysis of 70 signals.

In fact, this part of communication is very important in human relationships, both those that take place in the workplace and those that take place in private life.

In particular, it assumes a relevant part in the relationship between man and woman, in that the language of the female body is different from the language of the male body.

To better carry out the interpretation of body language, help can come from proxemics, a discipline that precisely studies distances within proximity relationships.

This chapter is intended to be nothing more than a practical guide to reading body language, signs of attraction and, more generally, to non-verbal language: if you are nodding your head and sitting with your body leaning forward, it is very likely that you are interested in the topic, so read on.

1. How to understand body language.

The first thing to say, when it comes to non-verbal communication, is that it is very difficult to decipher because body language is not an exact science. However, there are some signs that, in a fairly certain way, can be associated with a specific meaning.

For convenience, scholars usually group body language signals into groups and subgroups that refer to the parts of the body to which they belong; we too, in our practical guide to body languages, will resort to this type of subdivision. The parts of the body that we will analyze are the following: eyes, mouth, head, arms, hands, handshakes, legs and feet, personal space.

If you are moving your head quickly you are probably quite impatient to know howto read body language and so.... here we go.

1.1. Eyes.

The eyes have a huge importance in our body language: just think that the human being is capable of making eye contact with another human being even 30/40 meters away.

There is also a close relationship between the eyes and the brain: looking to the right is typical of someone who is in a creative phase, while looking to the left usually has to do with memory. Here is a possible reading of some signals that we send to others (or that others send to us) through the eyes:

➢ Looking to the right indicates creating, manufacturing with the imagination (also in the sense of lying); if below it can mean that the person is drawing from his inner sensations or that he has feelings;

➢ Looking left means using memory, remembering, recovering facts; if upwards, they indicate security and certainty;

➢ Direct eye contact when speaking indicates honesty, but it can also be flaunted by liars who know they are lying; while listening it indicates interest,attention, sometimes physical attraction;

➢ Eyes widening is also a signal of sexual interest;

➢ Rubbing your eyes or an eye indicates amazement, disbelief,disturbance, in some cases boredom or need to sleep;

➢ Rolling one's eyes can mean resignation and / or frustration;

➢ Dilating the pupils may in some cases indicate excitement or desire;

➢ Blinking can indicate excitement or agitation; if the eyes are fixed this can indicate concentration or, when turned towards someone, hostility;

➢ Raising the eyebrows (or just one eyebrow) corresponds to a friendly greeting when the action is short-lived (flash eyebrow); if the eyebrows remain raised longer this indicates surprise, fear, perplexity;

➢ Winking indicates complicity.

1.2. Mouth

The mouth is associated with many body languages cues, whether or not there is verbal communication. Smiling is undoubtedly one of the first signs of openness to others,but there are many types of smile, some of which may also indicate refusal.

Let's find out the meaning of various signals associated with this part of our body:

➢ Smiling only with the mouth indicates a false, not sincere smile;

➢ Smiling through gritted teeth means rejection, dislike or distrust;

➢ Smiling asymmetrically, with only one part of the face, indicates sarcasm or contrast;

➢ Protruding the lower lip indicates that you are irritated or moved(about to cry);

➢ Laughing with your mouth open indicates, accompanying the laughter with body movements, that we feel comfortable;

➢ Biting one's lips indicates nervousness or tension (in some cases,however, nibbling one's lips can also be a sexual invitation);

➢ Teeth grinding indicates worry, anxiety, fear;

➢ Chewing a pen or pencil has a self-reassuring function like sucking your thumb and in some cases smoking a cigarette;

➢ Putting the tongue in the center of the mouth indicates refusal, it is in fact the gesture we make when we put something we don't like in our mouth;

➢ Covering your mouth with one or two hands is an unconscious gesture of self-regulation that indicates shock, amazement, sometimes embarrassment, as it is as if we wanted to block words so as not to express something wrong;

Nail biting is the result of a situation of stress, anxiety and frustration, for some it represents a form of aggression towards oneself.

1.3. Head

The head tends to determine the general direction of the body, but it is also a very vulnerable part as it contains the brain. Since it rests on a very flexible structure (the neck)the head can move in practically all directions and all these movements are associated with the meanings of body language:

➢ Nodding your head means that you agree with our interlocutor, but if you do it too slowly it could actually be a sign of falsehood, too fast of impatience;

➢ Raising the head upwards indicates pride, arrogance but in some cases also courage, vigilance;

➢ Tilting the head to one side indicates submission, the exposure of the neck is a sign of confidence;

➢ Leaning your head forward communicates interest, positivity, if instead downwards it can indicate reproach or disapproval;

➢ Shaking your head, especially if vigorously, indicates disagreement;

➢ Bowing your head on your chest indicates shame, abandonment,defeat.

1.4. Arms

The arms are fairly reliable indicators of a person's mood: clenching the arms for example indicates defense, while opening the arms, keeping the palms open forward,communicates safety and openness.

We see other signs that you can communicate through the body language associated with the arms, also in combination with other parts of the body:

➢ Crossing arms and legs is a sign of defense, if the fists are also closed of hostility;

➢ Girding one arm with the other, a typical gesture of women, indicates nervousness or self-protection;

➢ Bringing your arms behind your back with folded hands, typical of men, indicates strength, authority, self-confidence;

➢ Resting an arm on the table with an object on the opposite side can indicate nervousness, as well as scratching an arm or shoulder with the opposite hand;

➢ Holding the arm in front of the body, especially if with the hand close to the genitals, indicates defense, self-protection (it is typical of women who hold the shoulder bag on the front as if they want to create an additional barrier).

1.5. Language of hands

The body language that involves the hands is really wide, also because they tend to interact with many other parts of the body; moreover, the manual gestures only partially respond to a voluntary action, most of the time they are involuntary movements, such as touching one's nose.

Examples of conscious signals are making the okay with the thumb up or greeting;sometimes we also use our hands voluntarily to communicate, for example, the size of an object. Here are the possible interpretations of some signals with the hands:

➢ Raising the open palm upwards is a sign of submission, honesty and peace given that "you have no weapon in your hand";

➢ Raising the hands in front of the face with the fingers open is a defensive position, sometimes offensive as well as bringing the hands or fists downwards;

➢ Put your hand on the heart indicates sincerity, willingness to be believed;

➢ Pointing the finger at a person is a signal of threat, aggression; if the finger is pointed upwards, it is typical of a person who wants to add emphasis to what he is saying;

➢ Moving the index from one side to the other communicates refusal;

➢ Resting the tips of the fingers of one hand on those of the other hand forming a triangle is typical of someone who is reflecting or explaining something complex; moving your fingertips on each other as if imitating a spider on a mirror increases concentration and reflection;

➢ Moving the palms of the hands facing downwards and downwards corresponds to the urge to keep calm (a gesture often used by teachers to keep a class at bay);

➢ Rubbing your hands together indicates a positive expectation,savoring a win or a pleasant result in advance;

➢ Touching or scratching your nose with your hands while speaking indicates that you are lying or exaggerating the content of information.

➢ Covering your ears with your hands is a gesture of refusal, instead pulling the earlobe can indicate indecision;

➢ Caressing your chin with your hands, a rare gesture in women but frequent in men, indicates that you are thinking about something; if the hand supports the chin it means that we are pondering what to do about something, but if the action is prolonged it can also indicate tiredness, boredom;

➢ Scratching the neck usually indicates doubt, disbelief;

➢ Squeezing the wrist with one hand can indicate anxiety, worry,especially if the wrist is rotated inside the hand several times.

➢ Putting your hands in your pockets indicates disinterest, boredom,refusal to take action.

1.6. Handshakes

The firmness of a handshake once reserved only for men, but now also extended to women, is not a reliable indicator of firmness of character but many believe it is. However,the handshake is able to say many things about us and our relationship with others:

➢ Handshake with palm down indicates dominance, willingness to takeover;

➢ Handshake with the palm upwards communicates openness,hospitality;

➢ Two-handed handshake in some cases indicates honesty, reliability,affection, in others paternalism or attempt to control the person in front of you(even when the second encircles the opposite arm);

➢ Vigorous handshake indicates enthusiasm, attempt to transfer energy to others;

➢ Weak handshake is not necessarily related to a submissive character,it often depends on other factors such as mood, gender membership, age,profession (musicians or surgeons may have delicate handshakes because the hands they are their work tool therefore to be treated with caution);

➢ Firm handshake also in this case avoid associating with a strong character, it could instead be an attempt to mask one's weakness or wrong intentions such as the will to hide or do harm.

1.7. Legs and feet

Legs and feet can provide good clues to feelings and moods, as long as you can decipher the signs.

However, always keep in mind that the position of the legs also affects gender(males usually tend to keep the legs more open than women), education and age (the elderly both for joint problems and for education tend to keep narrower legs when seated only):

➢ Crossed legs when seated indicate prudence, confidentiality (in some cases if you also show disinterest), those open availability, openness;

➢ Parallel legs with knees well closed when seated are typical female attitude indicating good manners or fear;

➢ Pointing the knees towards someone with crossed legs indicates interest in that person;

➢ Closing the cross legs keeping the legs independent is a secure posture that denotes an open, unconventional character; if, on the other hand, the legs are surrounded by the arms, the position indicates self-protection;

➢ Legs open when seated (especially in males) indicate arrogance, self confidence, in some cases generalized sexual interest (the knees not only pointed towards a single subject but towards a wider audience);

➢ Legs entwined while seated (in the female) may indicate sexual interest as the inner part of the thigh is exposed or insecurity, seeking protection(especially if with the hands placed on the inside);

➢ Clenching your knees with your hands while sitting with your legs parallel indicates a defensive attitude, or that you are uncomfortable.

1.8. Personal space in body language

The study of personal space, that is, of the distance that people take from each other,is called proxemics. Proxemics is one of the most important aspects of body language and its interpretation.

In general, personal space is defined as the amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves and others; this amount of space or distance obviously depends on many factors related to education, culture, situation and type of relationship.

In Western culture there are 5 areas of personal space:

➢ Small intimate space (distance 0-15 cm), it is the space reserved for lovers, those who do not have an intimate relationship are unlikely to exceed 6 cm from each other;

➢ Intimate space (distance 15-45 cm) typical of those who have intimate relationships but also of close friends, or by those who play sports together with other people (in some cases such as on public transport or in very crowded places you can reach these levels of distance with unknown people, but without the space becoming intimate);

➢ Personal space (45-120 cm) is that reserved for family and close friends;

➢ Social space (1.2-3.6 m) concerns the sphere of our social and professional relationships, where there is interaction but no physical contact between people except in some cases handshakes, pats on the shoulders;

➢ Public space (over 3.6 m) is the minimum distance we take from others when we don't want to interact (when someone violates this space this creates confusion and discomfort if an interaction is not established immediately).

2. Body language in intimate relationships.

How can you tell if a man is interested in a woman or vice versa? Again, proxemics may help.In fact, when two people of the opposite sex are flirting, their body language changes to send precise signals to the partner: it is what we commonly call courtship.Here therefore, through the interpretation of the language of the female body and of the male body language it is possible to understand whether there is a mutual interest or not.

The most common female signs of interest in a male are:

➢ Make eye contact and then look away (especially if repeated several times);

➢ Widen your eyes;

➢ Blinking;

➢ Dilate the pupil (also indicates excitement);

➢ Lower your head slightly to one side showing your neck;

➢ Smiling repeatedly;

➢ Moisten or part lips;

➢ Curl your lips as if to kiss or pout;

➢ Straighten or touch your hair;

➢ Show the inner wrist or forearm (erogenous zones such as the neck);

➢ Straighten posture (especially the chest);

➢ Touching the thighs or other sexually attractive part of the body;

➢ Lean forward towards the person of interest;

➢ Point the foot or knee towards the partner;

➢ Move your foot left and right (or out and in the shoe);

➢ Synchronize gestures and positions with your partner as in the mirror (mirroring).

The male interest in a woman (or in general towards all women as the male is by nature less selective) manifests itself through these signals of non-verbal communication giving life to this type of male language in courtship:

➢ Take an upright position with your chest out and your belly in;

➢ Spread the legs (standing or sitting) to increase the size;

➢ Put your thumbs in the belt loops with your fingers facing the genital area (cowboy position);

➢ Speak out loud or make other gestures like wiggling your head or pounding your chest to get attention;

➢ Inspect the room with your eyes (looking for prey or to measure opponents);

➢ Adjust clothes (e.g. tie, collar or cuffs).

➢ Both in the case of the female body language and the male body language, of course, always be very careful not to draw hasty conclusions on the basis of a single signal: it is always better to rely on a set of coherent signals to avoid getting dazzled and blunder!

Your body says at least as much as your mouth.

Clear and effective communication is essential during a presentation, whether it is a room full of managers, a conference auditorium or a class full of students. The information we convey verbally is vital, but how we present it can make a difference in what will remain in the memory of our audience. To awaken the attention in our audience and help our listeners to remember what we have told them, an indispensable tool will help us: body language or non-verbal communication.

Let's see how!

Australian researchers, considered to be among the world's leading language experts, Allan and Barbara Pease, have defined that 83% of communication is nonverbal. We therefore cannot think of doing without it if we want to communicate successfully. Ideally also looking for the union of non-verbal communication with the appropriate persuasion strategies.

To better understand how verbal and non-verbal communication can affect the audience, it is useful to see the results of a research carried out in 4 different American universities. The research involved 80 students divided into 4 classes, one per university.In each of these classes 4 different teachers were sent as "special guests" to present the same topic.

Two of the teachers presented the topic with effective non-verbal communication,while the other two used poor non-verbal communication.

Non-verbal communication includes several elements to consider, below you will find the most important ones and how they were put into practice by the various instructors and the result obtained with the students.

1. Eye contact. The effective non-verbal teacher tried to establish eye contact with each student throughout the presentation; the teacher with poor non-verbal language has always kept his gaze fixed on the Power Point slides he was projecting, looking only sporadically at the students.

2. Change in tone of voice. The effective non-verbal teacher varied her tone of voice during the presentation trying to emphasize the highlights; the teacher with poor non-verbal language maintained a medium and calm tone of voice throughout the presentation.

3. Location in the room. The effective non-verbal teacher used a pointer for Power Point slides, moving up and down the room; the teacher with poor non-verbal language remained standing behind the desk using the mouse to navigate the Power Point.