Content warning: There is some discussion of emotional abuse in this chapter.

The title of this chapter is from Gregor the Overlander, by Suzanne Collins.

Noah had already told MC a little about his family and background. She knew that his mom had gotten pregnant young, and that his dad had stuck around for about a year. He left her alone with Noah, and they hadn't seen him since. The only thing Noah had of his dad's was an abandoned, but extensive record collection. He had spent a lot of time as a kid, listening to each one, imagining what his father must have been like. His mother didn't like to talk about him much. Each vinyl was like an invisible string on a tin can telephone, connecting them. He ached to hear something from his dad come down that line.

MC also knew that Noah's mom had married another man, Raymond, and had two more kids, Simon and Anna. Noah was about 7 years old when Simon was born, so before that, he spent a lot of time alone, and learned to enjoy it.

"Will you tell me a little more about your family?" she asked on the car ride over.

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

"What was your stepdad like?"

Noah winced. "He..." he began, thinking for a moment, "He was an unpredictable man. Not very stable."

Ray had been a drinker with a volatile personality. He oscillated wildly between amiable and cruel. While he wasn't physically abusive, his rage could be terrifying and erratic. The charismatic, witty side of his personality would often be followed in quick succession by his darker side. As a result, Noah was often wary of overly charming and smooth types.

"How so?" MC asked.

"He drank a lot, and would disappear for weeks at a time. Although, I liked when he was gone. He set everyone on edge."

When Ray was around, he would waver unpredictably between pleasant, loving attention and sudden irrational anger. Noah's response to this was to turn inward, never giving away which emotional state he was in, lest he be taken by surprise and rejected or chastised. He strove to be as even-keeled and as unlike Ray as possible.

Noah took it upon himself to be the stable one in the family. He saw his mother working so hard, and she was the most important person in the world to him. He yearned for his mother's approval, for her to feel that he was someone she could rely on, someone who made her life easier. He helped raise his siblings. He cooked their food, changed their diapers, read them books. He braided Anna's hair. He drove Simon to swim practice. He saw how it hurt his mother and siblings when Ray would be gone for long stretches of time, and so he made it his work to create as happy a home as he could. The silver lining of Ray's absence was the return of the calm, predictable atmosphere. The buzzing tension that Ray created would disperse.

"For example," Noah felt the story coming out of him unconsciously, "once Ray asked me to make him a toastie. My mum was working, and I was watching Simon and Anna. I was about 10, so they weren't much bigger than babies. I got distracted and I burnt the toastie. Ray had been in a good mood, kidding around. But when he saw that toastie, he just lost it. He screamed at me." Noah still remembered the way Ray's eyes had darkened when he saw the blackened bread. No trace of the man who had just been there. He remembered the cold terror that had flooded his small body.

"Oh God, Noah, the toastie..."

"What?"

"Hope got so mad at you about the toastie. You were just cutting it up, like you always did for Simon and Anna, right? And Hope went off on you. I knew it was an overreaction at the time, but I didn't realize...that must have reminded you..."

Noah hadn't made the connection until that moment. He recalled how the fight caused him to break out in a cold sweat. "Wow I guess you're right. Hope was always getting mad at me for little things like that."

He had grown up always focusing on how the people around him were feeling. Would his mom be sad? Would his stepdad be angry? How were his brother and sister handling it? With Hope, he had fallen into that pattern with ease, finding ways to soothe her anger, apologizing for things that were out of his control or just aspects of his personality. Noah remembered how Hope had been so upset that he was enjoying the baby challenge. A small stone of shame plopped in his stomach when he thought about how quickly he had discarded the baby in an effort to make her feel better. It reminded him of countless times at home when he had set aside his own feelings in an effort to keep everyone calm.

One of the things he appreciated most about MC was her constant consideration of him. He wasn't used to being the one who was looked after. Recently she had surprised him with an audio book version of one of his favorite books, Gregor the Overlander, so he could listen to it on his drives to and from her place. He reminisced on all the other times she had come through for him, big and small: helped him before the Love Island contest, stuck up for him when Hope found out that his ex was named Priya, surprised him with a bag of Monster Munch, asked about his day.

"I really hate when people yell now." Noah said, a little uncomfortably. MC recalled a time during the Truth or Dare challenge, when Noah asked Hope to keep her voice down. At the time, MC had been a little turned off, thinking it was rude, that Noah cared more about making a scene than Hope's feelings. She realized now it was more about mitigating the anxiety provoked by a loved one yelling. Her heart broke thinking how he had reached for Hope's hand afterward and she had rejected him.

"Why did she stay with him?"

"Well, she was still pretty young, and I think she worried that she wouldn't be able to find someone else, especially once she had two more kids. Anyway, she kicked him out for good when I was 14. I felt bad for my mum, but things were pretty good after that. Or at least steady. Here we are!" Noah pulled the car into a small driveway. He leaned toward MC and gave her a kiss before getting out of the car.

His mother was pretty. Same full lips and clay colored skin as Noah. She had thick dark brown hair. Her eyes were darker than Noah's. She greeted MC warmly with a smile and a hug. "Please call me Karen. It's nice to finally meet you in person! Of course, I've watched you on the show, and Noah talks about you all time, so I feel like I know a little bit about you already."

MC blushed nervously, but before she could respond, Anna strutted confidently in the room. "Yeah, he does. It's like, okay Noah, we get it! MC is wonderful. You love her. Now can we please talk about something else?" she said with a twinkle in her eye.

"You must be Anna," MC smiled at her. "I've heard so much about you!"

Anna opened her mouth to respond, her face bright in anticipation of whatever she was about to say, but Karen cut her off. "Before you start, Anna, I need your help in the kitchen."

"I'd love to help!" MC offered.

"Oh that's so nice. That would be great, but let's get you settled in first. You haven't even met Simon yet. He's in the sitting room. Now, Anna, come with me."

They walked away and Noah looked warmly at MC. He was so proud to be bringing her to meet his family. Proud that she was his girlfriend. He leaned in for another quick kiss before taking her hand and leading her into the next room.

Simon was lying across the couch, reading a book. "What are you reading?" Noah said, getting his attention.

"Hey bro!" He kicked his long legs off the couch and faced them, avoiding MC's eyes. "You alright?" Noah sat down on a loveseat and MC joined him.

"Yeah, we're great. This is MC."

"Hi, I'm Simon," he said making eye contact for a moment, and looking shyly away.

"It's so nice to meet you!"

His lips curled into a small smile.

"So what's the book?" Noah asked again.

Simon turned over the book, as though he were just noticing it. "Oh, it's called The Poisonwood Bible."

"Oh that's one of my favorites! I mean, it's been awhile since I've read it, but it's a classic." MC beamed.

"Yeah...I'm reading it for a class." He said, trailing off. Simon had learned the same strategic introversion as Noah as a young child. He seemed to be even less of a talker than Noah.

"Well, we're going to go see how things are going in the kitchen," Noah said, breaking the silence. As they walked out of earshot of Simon, Noah whispered to MC, "I forgot to tell you. I think Simon has a bit of a crush on you." He winked at her.

In the kitchen, Anna was in the middle of telling a lively story. "So you're watching and you're just like, why in the world does Tim know all these factoids about Spain?"

Noah goes to stand next to Karen, who is transferring food to plates and serving bowls. "Need any help?"

"And you're like, okay whatever! I guess it's just this weird quirk. Maybe he studied Spanish history or something."

"Oh hello, love, could you take this over to the table?" Karen handed him a dish. Noah took it from her but as he turned toward the table, MC put her hands out, offering to take it from him. He gave her the plate, and turned back to Karen to grab another one. MC carried her dish over to the table, where Anna was sitting, still talking.

"So then you find out" she continues, barely able to contain her laughter, "that Tim was a naked tour guide!" She breaks into a hysterics. "And that's why he knew all that stuff! And so Jen—" She stops suddenly, frowning. "No one is even listening to me!"

MC smiles warmly at her, "I'm listening to you!"

Anna breaks into an appreciative grin. "You probably know this story already! Have you ever gotten to meet Tim?"

They chatted enthusiastically for a while. Noah laughed to himself. He knew those two were going to hit it off.

They had a nice meal together, with easy conversation, mostly between the women. They teased Noah a bit, and told MC cute stories about him as a child ("He used to dance to the Footloose soundtrack in his room!"). As Simon and Anna talked about themselves, MC could see how proud Noah was of them. He'd been partly responsible for the people they had become. Simon was a star swimmer. Anna was an excellent student. They were both kind, happy people.

After the meal, MC offered to help with the dishes. Karen sent the others away while they emptied plates into the trash and began washing up.

MC felt a knot of anxiety, realizing that Karen was looking at her appraisingly. MC risked a look in her direction and gave her a friendly smile. "Thank you so much for dinner. I've been so excited to meet you all. Noah is such a wonderful person, and I've been dying to meet the woman responsible for that."

"Oh you're charming, aren't you?" she laughed. "We've been excited about meeting you, too. Noah seems quite serious about you." Karen let the words hang in the air.

"I suppose, we are getting quite serious. I care about him so much. I feel really lucky to have him back in my life."

"Yes...about that. I know you were friends on the show, but you both were in quite serious relationships at the time. How long have you and Bobby been broken up?"

MC was taken aback by the question. She's not playing around. She tried to appear unfazed, and answered calmly, "It's been about five months now."

Karen considered this for a moment. "I don't mean to pry into your personal business, but it's a little different in your and Noah's case, isn't it? Since your past relationships were aired on television. I will be honest with you, MC. I think Hope is an impressive woman. I have a lot of respect for her career, and how she worked to get what she has in life. She's very strong. But I didn't much care for how she treated Noah. If I had been able to give him advice then, I would have told him to go after you."

MC's heart lifted at these words. She smiled at Karen gratefully. "I can't tell you what that means to me."

Karen, however, continued to look doubtful. "You and Bobby seemed like a good couple, though. He's quite different from Noah."

"Yes, he is." She replied, holding a gentle gaze. "I can understand why you'd be concerned."

Karen looked a little surprised at this response. MC felt like this should be the moment that she proved herself to Noah's mother. Pulled something really amazing and heartfelt out of the bag, to show how much she cared about Noah. But she didn't know this woman well enough to know what those magic words would be, or if she was even the type of woman who could be won over in one conversation. So instead she replied, "I love Noah. I'm really hoping I can make him happy. And I'm happy to...you know, if you ever want to talk...about me, or my past, or Noah..."

Miraculously, her lack of polish seemed to soften Karen. On the show, MC had always seemed exceedingly confident, talkative, and comfortable in her skin. This bumbling, earnest, and thoughtful girl in front of her had more in common with Noah than she had realized. Surprising them both, Karen pulled MC into a hug. "I'm glad you're here."

Noah walked into the room at that exact moment. "Ah, my two girls!" He came over and wrapped his arms around them both, making them laugh.

"What's all this, then?" Anna entered the room. "Well I feel left out!"

Noah held out an arm to her, "Come on in, then!" then after a second, "OI! SIMON! Get in here!"

Anna quipped, "Don't even try it. He'll never go for it."

MC felt happy, and loved, and a little silly, wrapped in this family's arms. Mostly she felt lucky.

Simon walked into the room, looking aghast at the group hug. "You guys are going to scare MC off. You're literally smothering her."

They broke apart and MC gushed at Noah's expression. So soft and unguarded. It was really something seeing him with his family. She felt a secret delight at the idea that she might officially be a part of this family one day. The foolish optimist in her recklessly catapulted her thoughts into a future of swollen bellies, impossibly tiny toes, quiet moments in the night watching Noah rock their baby to sleep. Reel it in, MC, she scolded herself. It's been like 6 weeks.

But seeing the warm look Noah was giving her, she decided to tuck the thought into a secret, protected part of her heart for now, where she kept all her favorite dreams.