Cherie:

We drive the rest of the way back to Roger's house silently. After just having poured our hearts out to each other through our sobbing embrace, I feel exhausted. The mental drain is beyond me and I don't know if I'm ready to face Rose.

As we pull onto the side of the house and Roger turns the car off, my heart starts to go into overdrive, palpitating harshly against my rib cage.

"Now...just to warn you... Rose hasn't been doing so well. Uh, I don't know if you remember, but her cancer took a lot out of her. She's... she's going through testing again to see if it's... if it's back...," Rogers eyes gleam a shimmer of heart aching sadness, as he explains the condition of my best friend. I can't believe he has the strength to deal with my dilemma when the two of them are dealing with so much!

Of course, I remember about her cancer. It's been a huge source of pain to know that I couldn't be here for her. Every day was spent wondering if she was still alive. I could never get over that... if she had passed while I was locked away. Thank god, that's not the case!

I nod my head in understanding. My lips are too trembly to speak right now. I have to somehow muster up the courage to talk and as we walk up to the front door- I just can't believe I'm here right now. And I hope I don't regret this...

"Rosie?!," Roger shouts up the stairway as soon as we walk into the house. "Rose, love- could you come down here?,"

The next sound we hear is some one dry heaving- the sound is coming from the bathroom down the hallway. My heart scrunches up at the noise. My poor Rosie!

"Uhm...how about you wait in the living room, Cher? I...I think I need to talk with her first- I'll be right back!," He shouts over his shoulder while he walks towards the bathroom door. I hear him knock before entering, and he closes the door before I can hear anything else.

I walk into the living room- everything still looks the same. The black velvet couches have not moved from their positions, the curtains have changed though. I try to busy my mind with observations. There's a medical machine next to the couch that I sit on. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it looks like a monitor. God, I hope she's not doing that badly...

The two of them don't come out right away. It feels like I'm waiting an eternity. The free time that my mind has to wander, makes me feel guilty. And for all the wrong reasons, I know they're wrong. I just can't help it.

Will Jimmy know that I've left so soon? Did he see Roger? Is he going to put a hit out on my family?

I'm too scared to move. I sit frozen in the state of my distracting thoughts. Maybe I should just leave?Grab a cab, go back to the club...make up some excuse. I can say I was in the bathroom- that I was feeling sick! What if he finds me? What will he do then?

He told me never to leave. He said there would be severe consequences. Damnit! I can't believe I left! What was I thinking?! I'm endangering everyone that I love!

Oh my god, what about my aunt! What about Monserrat...he'll think she has something to do with it! I have to call her- I have to tell her I've left. I should just go back. Yes. That's the only thing to do- I can't be this selfish.

I edge my way up from the couch. I'm looking straight ahead, but vision is distorted. I feel in a daze, a trance of trauma. I know this isn't me. This isn't my own way of thinking! But... from every threat Jimmy has made against my babies...my friends...and my Freddie....

I have to go back.

Slowly making my way towards the front door, I can't even get the thing open. The loud breathtaking gasp from behind me stops me in my tracks, makes my hand freeze on the door knob.

"Cherie!!! Oh my God!! It's a miracle! Cherie! Cherie!," I'm turned around by force, my body doesn't know how to react.

The both of us plop down to the floor in our smothering embrace. Roses arms tighten around my shoulders, her hands squeeze the back of my head closer to hers. I mime her tears as we stare into each other eyes, forehead to forehead and sob freely.

"I-I missed you so much! I can't believe- oh, my god! Oh my-,"

"I'm so sorry, Rosie! I'm sorry!," I interrupt her, choking out my apology between heavy breathing. "I wasn't here for you! I'm sorryyyy," My whining cries and her snotty sobs- who cares! I thought I'd never get the chance to see her again! To hold her and talk with her!

"N-Noo, no sweetheart. Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about!," she begins to wipe my tears with the sleeve of her robe. Always motherin me- even now!

"I'll get her-," Roger walks away, with tears in his eyes and goes up the stairs when we hear Emmy calling out for someone. We must've woken her up.

The two of us stand to our feet, still wiping each other's faces dry. I don't want to frighten Emmy with the image of the two of us crying. I'm sure Rose is thinking the same as we try to straighten ourselves out. Her hand never stops clutching my arm- like she's scared I'm going to disappear at any moment.

"Mummy!," Emmy reaches her hands out for Rose to take her from Rogers arms. It makes me sad that Rose sadly refuses. "Mummy can't carry you right now, love. You know that..," Roger replies.

I'm sure Rose is just much too weak to withstand the weight of even little Emmy. "Hi, sweetie..," I start with a small smile. I reach out to grab her, but she shrinks away, placing her head onto Rogers shoulder.

"She probably just doesn't remember you, Cherie...I'm sure she'll warm up soon," Rose explains, watching the reaction.

"I'll let you two settle in and put Em back to bed myself," Roger leans over to Rose, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. He then stands there staring right at me, his eyes very telling of his emotions. He's still in disbelief. He leans to me in one swift motion and places a peck on my cheek before heading back upstairs.

If Emmy doesn't remember me, I can only imagine how my little twins will feel- and Lily....well, she surely doesn't know who I am at all...

"Cherie?," Rose's questioning tone brings me from my thoughts, as she's now walked a little ways down the hall.

"Mmm?," I respond, still shaking my worrisome thoughts away.

"I said, I set up the guest room for you- come in, let's get you settled.," She gives a half smile and sticks her hand out for me. I follow her down the hallway into the guest room.

"Here...," She hands me a change of clothes to be more comfortable. I feel so embarrassed to be dressed like this. "If you want to take a shower and go to bed already, it's okay- I'm sure you're so tired..," Her eyes shine with a gleam as she runs her fingers along my face. I can tell she's having mixed feelings right now- me, looking all beaten up like this and her knowing exactly who's to blame.

"I-I just...I can't believe you're he-re," She exhales with a shakey breath, pulling me into another hug. I squeeze her back just as tightly, but careful to make sure that I'm not hurting her in any way. She gives me another quick squeeze before letting go to wipe a couple of stray tears from her face.

"Should we....tell him tonight?," Roger asks, now walking into the room with us.

My eyes go wide, knowing exactly what he means. "M-Maybe not tonight...uh, I...," I can't even get the words out, my throat feels like it's closing, my windpipe crushing under the pressure. "I'm not ready- what..what will I say?," My mind is racing a million scenarios per minute. How will he react? Isn't he happy now? Do I really want to think that? What will the twins think? They'll be so scared!

"Well, actually Cherie...we should tell him as soon as possible. He needs to know that you're alive and safe and..here," Rose speaks up, cutting me off from the internal turmoil.

"Yeah, Cherie- he has to know. We've gotta tell him. I can't keep this from him anymore! It's too big a secret! He'll kill me if he finds out before anyone explains and I can't -,"

"Okay- Yes. No- wait. I...," I take a deep breath to calm myself- Rogers freaking out already as it is. Truthfully, I know this has all got to be hitting them harder than it is me- I've known all this time about the way they've hurt from thinking I was dead and gone forever- I can't even imagine how Freddie will react to seeing me....

"Can you bring him to me...p-please??," I let my desperation crumble out of me- I want to see him. I need to feel him, hold him, touch him.

———————————————-/////

Freddie:

I stroll into my bedroom with a false confident sway of my hips. I stop in front of Jim who seems lost in his own thoughts. Maybe he's just as nervous as I am?

"Okay..they're all sound asleep," I smack my lips on the last syllable and give him a teasing wink before shutting off the lights. I'm in a rather playful mood...that is...until I see the glowing light that's left in the bedroom from the two oil lamps I keep on either bedside table top.

No. Not now. I can't think about her. It's just my mind wondering..

"D-Did you turn these o-on?," I stutter at him, trying to clear my head from her memories at the same time. Urgently trying to persuade myself to press those thoughts aside. They can't hurt me- not right now.

"I did...is there something wrong?," Jim looks to me, worry etched across his face. I can't disappoint him another night, we've come so far.

"N-no darling...," I rub my face, desperate to dry the watery rims of my eyes. "Everything..perfect," I breathe tranquilly, with a small smile creeping on my lips.

I need to have a minute. A break- Yes, I need to think. No- I shouldn't think. I shouldn't be wrapped in my head.

"Would you like something to drink?," the question spills from my mouth before I have time to process what I've asked. I just need to wash away the nerves, that's all. That's all this is- I'm just nervous! A strong drink will be a quick fix for that.

As soon as Jim agrees, I shuffle out of the room and go downstairs to the kitchen. My questions pile into my head as I busy my hands with making a couple of stuff drinks- a glass of whisky for Jim and a vodka hold the tonic for me. I take a fast shot down the gullet before continuing to fill my glass to the brink.

What can I possibly do to get her out of my mind. How many drinks is it going to take to numb that aching feeling in my heart. I can't have her. She's gone! I know this! I'm with Jim now!!

And Jim is great. He's wonderful and beautifully handsome. He's strong and determined. He's loving and adorning. Tender and sweet and comforting. When he kisses me he's always so passionate. He sinks his whole self into every kiss, I can feel the passion so strongly it feels almost aggressive. And, look- today was only the first day. Step one, if you will. The kids will come around to him. All of them. Some day soon, they'll be able to see just how happy he can make us.

Yes, that's it. I'm just fretting over for nothing. I mean, nothing a few more gulps of vodka won't warm up to. I want to feel this shape of love with him- I want him to make love to me. I want to tenderly make love to him as badly as I need my next breath. He's everything that I want and all that I need right now...and maybe for a long time to come- hell, maybe forever. If that even exists anymore.

I walk back toward the stairs when I hear someone pounding on the front door. Who the hell would that be? It's nearly midnight- what could anyone possible be doing here at this hour. I walk over quickly, unlocking the door to find-

"Freddie hurry!! Come quick!!?" A frantic Roger flings into my chest as I hold my arms out to balance myself, spilling liquor down onto the marble floor.

—

The truth is- I do feel awfully horrible about leaving Jim the way I just did, but there's a tiny....little...hardly even there, part of me that is glad roger showed up when he did.

Even though, now I've got all new worries to sweat about. What was wrong with Rose? Well, I don't know- I couldn't tell you! Because, every time I try to press the issues by asking Roger questions, he completely ignores me. And I know he's doing it on purpose.

"Are you going to answer me any time soon, Blondie?! You're making me really nervous here-,"

He turns to me when he finally puts the car in park and shuts it off. "Okay, Fred- look. Rose has been going back in for testing and-,"

"Testing!? Testing for what?! I thought she was fine- you said- both of you said that everything had cleared up-," I interrupt him, flying into a rant on a rampage, but he quickly explains his reasoning as we head to the front steps.

"We didn't want to stress anyone until we find out for certain, but- that is a possibility. We already knew that from the last time- you were there when the doctor explained..,"

I nod my head at him, suddenly feeling really terrible for going off on him the way I just had. "I'm sorry, Rog- I just got scared..," I admit whole heartedly.

"Let's just go inside, alright?," He flashes me that toothy grin that always makes his cheekbones as pinched as mine.

We walk in to see Rose in the entryway. Her face is flushed to a bright pink color, her eyes red with tears falling down her cheeks. Her whole entire appearance looks shattered and disturbed. Instinctively, I rush over to her side.

"Rosie dear, are you okay?," I grab ahold of her, one arm around her waist, the other grabbing her hand for added support. "What's the matter, darling? Do we need to go to hospital? Roger- start the car-,"

"No...no, Freddie...I'm fine, really...," She responds, sniffling her nose and walking out of my arms.

She goes to Rogers side and I notice that his face has turned into a grave look of puzzled fear. "I thought you said she was extremely ill?," My eyes flicker between the two of them, as they stare back at me I can tell they're hiding more. "She doesn't...look sick....,"

"Just.. listen, Fred. I...I need you to relax," Roger holds his palms up, surrendering. I can feel my features drawing confusion into my expression.

"I am relaxed, Roger, but what in the hell is this about then!? I was just about to-,"

"Just breathe, Freddie. I need you to be calm before I tell you, please.," Seeing the concerned serious look in his eyes, I nod my head with a clenched jaw. What the hells gotten into him?!

"This way- and..please...just breathe okay...,"

I follow him as he leads the way down the main hall, stopping in front of the closed guest room door.

"I don't understand why you're being so secretive Roger, for fucks sa-,"

I close my mouth as soon as she appears in the doorway. Her tiny, thin frame leaning against the side of the now open door, staring up at me with tears streaming down her face. Those warm brown eyes, I-

"," I holler, backing away from her, from all of them.

"Do you have NO sympathy at all, Danielle!? She was your sister- FOR FUCKS SAKE, Roger!!," I keep walking backwards, trying desperately to breathe the stiff air through my nose, "Rose- you can't believe her!! Why would you do this!? It's not her! SHES NOT!!,"

"Papi...it's me...," She comes to walk towards me, but not before I am able to flee away from her grasp. I do so much as to separate her from me, by way of the entry table between us now. Her face that was already sullen and drenched with sorrow, now falls even more pitiful.

"You're...you're not her!," i begin to involuntarily shake my head back and forth. Repetitiously, viciously shaking my head, feeling my world being torn apart; feeling my breath being pulled away from me. "...you heard my wife call me that- you evil bitch! Get the fuck away from me-,"

You know that moment in life that will forever hold a significant turning point. The moment that you recall in every silent second of your waking hours. The moment that comes true if the wish that's been held up, locked up inside yourself, In the shadows of your deepest thoughts- that moment that you never thought would come true, but did...

She runs toward me, but for the moment I'm not afraid. She's so beautiful, almost like I'm staring at the real thing. Sure, her face is more than a bit bruised and beaten, her figure less and her eyes so cold- but she does look exactly like her...

In the milliseconds it takes for my thoughts to travel around my head, she's directly in front of me, my back to the front door.

Her eyes search mine and for reasons unknown my heart becomes aflame with a burning desire that yearns for her touch. I remember her gone and cold and tinting the palest color of blue. I remember her caked in unnatural makeup, lying in an open casket for everyone to say goodbye. I remember speaking everything too late, wailing and screaming and scrambling to try and make every last moment with her lifeless form last before her image was torn away from me forever-

"Here's looking at you, kid...,"

She speaks the words and I can't breathe.

The room is spinning.

My heads too dizzy. My vision blindly clouded.

The room is spinning.

And now I can't get up.

🤣🙃