I snuck in. I didn't think anyone would notice, really. I knew the party that everyone was planning for him was to celebrate his birthday and since it's a costume party I figured.....ehhh, I could get away with it...

Anyways, I stood behind the scenes in my full wigged Marie Antoinette costume. I take it all in as I peer through the room, always making sure of who is around me. They don't know I'm gone right? Yeah...She doesn't have a clue either.

I stand in the shadows of the dimly lit hallway, watching the strobe lights illuminate my surroundings. I make sure to always move along with a crowd of wildly flamboyant costumes of witches and drag queen alike. Everyone seems to have a head start on the drinking, bottles of liquor in their hands as they swing to and fro' just dancing along to the rhythm of Super Freak that booms through the stereo system.

"Right, but don't you think it's a bit soon? It's his first birthday without her and he's brought him to meet all of us,"

A familiar voice catches my ear as I stroll into the kitchen. A few seconds pass for my brain to place the voice to its owner and in the next instant I see Anita dressed in an all black, beaded flappers costume. She's speaking to Ronnie who is dressed as a geisha, her long silk kimono is black with white swans decorating the front- I almost don't recognize her features through her brilliant makeup, but her voice seals my suspicions.

"I think he looks very happy and with the way we've all seen Fred suffering- he deserves that. Jim seems nice enough...," She shrugs her shoulders, sipping from her red cup as Anita slowly nods her head in agreement.

I stay hidden behind the group of people who are using the kitchen table to play a drinking game. Losing sight of Anita and Ronnie as they leave the kitchen, I lay low and look on as I see that the party goers are using drugs as wagers for their card game. Little baggies of white powder, a variety colorful pills and some other thin sheets that I don't recognize are spread out in the middle of the table.

Jim? Who's Jim? My Jim? I mean- wait, what?!

Everything as far as my plan to keep from being spotted is going accordingly. I roam through the hallways, spinning in circles to get through the crowd of dancing people who must be high as kites from the way they cackle about and sing loudly off key to the music. Despite telling myself how bad an idea this may be, I still try to find him in every room.

Settling into the front sitting room where the source of the music is coming from, the surround sound speakers make it deafening in here. It's by far the best option of rooms to sit in- it's dark and the flashing strobe lights shine bright, but the beams shoot out of the room rather than into it.

I sit beside a passed out drunk and a talkative drag queen, on the couch as I sip from my cup. I don't plan on getting the least bit tipsy tonight- in fact, I should be leaving soon.

"Come on, Freddie!! Show us what you got!"

If it weren't for this heavy wig, the pounds of makeup and my lace mask covering my face, he could have recognized me for how close he stands.

"Oh, Sharon, darling? Had a bit too much too soon, did you?," He throws his head back laughing maniacally, as his hand slaps the back of the passed out patron to my left.

I didn't even recognize the drunk as Elton! And- Oh my god- he's even more beautiful than my memories- he's so close to touch!

"I think I better go h-," Elton tries to stand to his feet and instinctively I try to scooch further away. "Gotta go home, F-Freddie," The two of them begin to walk away. As Freddie helps guide him across the room, I can hear him teasing his friend. "Oooh now Big Daddy- time for beddy by! Hahaha! You can't hang these days, old man?!," His cackling laughter makes me giggle and I quickly regret the slip and cover my mouth with my hand, trying to stifle the easily recognizable sound. Just as they reach the doorway, Freddie's head snaps up and his body turns around towards me.

He stands erect- straight as an arrow. His face seems to have fallen from the charismatic joking streak that was just playing on his features. He stares at me, his head titling confusingly to the side. I try to keep my eyes from growing wide behind the thin lace fabric of my disguise. I swear he's looking right at me.

The steady beat of a Bee Gees record plays in the background as he strides over to the couch. He's dressed to kill in his harlequin leotard, his full tuff of chest hair is exposed and gleaming with sweat and in place of an actual shirt is the costume jacket that I made for him for an old Halloween party.

My eyes hungrily wash over every part of his body as he approaches, ignoring the taps on his shoulders or the pulls on his arms for partyers that beg for his attention. His glazed eyes have a lost, sleepy look to them as I stare back at him. I push myself off the couch and try to walk away to hide or leave, but his hand catches my wrist and I freeze unable to resist the electric feel of his touch.

He releases me immediately, clasping his hands together as if my skin has burned him. I don't dare to turn completely around and I'm unsure of my route of escape, when his whisper vibrates into my ear.

"Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday, Marie?! Don't be rude now, darling!,"

I can smell the amount of liquor he's had from the air of his breath so close to me. I turn to see him smirking, his eyes shining like a hypnosis device, the crinkles spread around them as he takes in my full costume and his smile grows. My lips part to speak, I want so badly to tell him that I'm here, that I'm alive and that he doesn't have to be so tragically disheveled and heartbroken anymore! But, I can't.

It's now that I watch the flame of fire die out from his glowing brown orbs and what replaces them is a stone cold crazy look. His face has fallen to a bewildered stare, like he's witnessing a haunting ghost of torment. His jaw slacks open, his lips quiver and his voice trembles as his choking whisper sends a dagger through my heart- ".........Ch-Cherie?,"

"Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday, dear Freddie!!

Happy biiiiiiirthday toooooo you!!!"

As the group of people engulf him into hugs and gather around the towering lit up cake that's wheeled in front of him, I make my escape. I slither through the reckless crowd of lush drunks and try to make it to the front door.

"Blow the candles, mate! We haven't got all day! You'll burn the house down!," I turn at the sound of Deacys voice projecting so loudly, I see now that he's standing right behind me.

I hold my breath and look from the back of his curly head and up into the eyes that bore holes into my skull. He snaps out of his daze, shaking his head and masking his face with a smile. The man standing next to him, about a few inches taller in stature, holds Freddie steady with a hand on his bare chest and an arm snaked around his waist as Freddie bends over clumsily to blow out all of the candles.

So, that'll be Jim, then?

———————————————————

"Are you absolutely sure that it's a costume party?," I ask unsure of my appearance as I look at myself in the hallway mirror.

So, the truth is I had completely forgotten about my birthday and Jim was so sweet to hold no grudge about my meltdown last night. He left after I had settled, but came by this morning with a little cake and the most adorable little gift!

"Mmm, I think Romeo likes it," He points to my feet where my birthday kitten has curled himself right on the toe of my shoe.

"Well- if he approves, then what about you?," I look to Jim, who is staring at me in the mirror. I like to think the black and white diamonds of my spandex pants accentuate my tight ass for a good sight of merchandise.

"I think you're beautiful," He compliments me with a kiss on the cheek, his mustache tickles and his big hands squeeze at my shoulders, as his eyes meet mine in the mirrors reflection.

"I think you need a shirt or vest, don't you?," I stare down at my bare chest, my suspenders being the only fabric. "What about that jacket- the one that's hanging in your wardrobe? I'll go and get it for you!"

He prances away, humming a tune from his throat. How does he know what's in my wardrobe closet? I don't want to kill the mood, we have the plans for dinner at the Deacons soon and I'd like to have a good birthday if that's possible.

I turn to meet him in my bedroom- I still don't like him to be in here, but maybe tonight that'll change. I'm still surprised at the fact that everyone is secretly trying to throw me a birthday party, or maybe it wasn't a secret- either way, I'm the one who forgot my own birthday! It's nice to know that people care...

"Here you are- What's this for anyhow?," Jim comes out of the closet holding the black jacket with golden shoulder tassels. He helps me shrug it on and I have to admit it really does tie the whole ensemble together quite nicely.

"Never mind that, dear. I look fantastic!," I turn my head towards him and peck his lips. His hands grab onto my waist, pressing our hips together as he deepens the kiss with a swirl of tongue this time.

I feel the spins of dizziness fog my brain and my legs move us backwards until I feel the mattress of my bed behind me. He pushes us into the bed, never breaking his lips away, until I move my hand to his shoulder and pull out of the kiss.

"My children are here- we can't do this here," I'm fearful that I've angered him as he rolls his eyes and scrambled off of me.

I fix the seams of my outfit and stay sitting in the bed, feeling like a prude child. "I-I don't mean never, I just...it's still needs time and-,"

"How much time!?," I cower away from him, bringing my knees closer to me. His outright exhaustion of my teasing is clear on his face.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to fight in your birthday, but...but I think I've been pretty patient, love.. I want you...I need you, Freddie..."

The husk to his voice is filled with pure desire- a desire I, too, feel inside of me. I bite my lip against the urges that my erection can't hide. "I-I want that, too, darling.," Taking a deep inhale, I push off the bed and glide over to him, slinging my arms around his neck, staring into his beautiful eyes. "I promise...if you stick around, we'll end the night just right," I speak into his ear, brushing my lips against his ear lobe and kissing the spot just below it.

I can feel his body shiver and for a moment his arms let go of me. Pulling my head back, I smile at him slightly confused. "Freddie- I don't want to pressure you...only if you're ready.."

"Oh, I'm ready for love," I chuckle lightly at the way his face lights up when I wink at him. My smirk lifting my cheek as his face changes before my eyes.

"D-did you...I mean, I love you, too, Freddie. Of course I do!," He crashes his lips against mine before I even have a second to think!

Love! Love?!

Who said anything about- oh...right... I guess I kind of did.

I grin through my nervous giggle as we pull apart again. Jim is absolutely radiant in the light of love. How can I take it back now? I mean, I think I could love him- possible, one day, some day...but right now?

The sound of Richie and Charlie calling out for me saves me from having to explain myself. I'll get to it, but not just yet. Or maybe I don't have to. Maybe it's okay for him to love me and me to wait for my love to grow...

——————————————————

"How could he leave you to come all by yourself?! That's ridiculous! Rose, you don't deserve that-,"

"It's okay, Freddie. It's fine. I want him to find somebody else. If I die from this horrible disease, I don't want him to be so lonely and miserable and-,"

"And just like me....,"

I finish her sentence without meaning to, but I could see it in her eyes. She's watched me tear myself inside out over the heartache of losing my wife- of course, she doesn't want that for Roger. Not when she is still completely in love with him. But still! What's his problem?! I would never cheat on my dying wife! I'm going to kill him.

"It doesn't make any sense, Rose. Why? Why now? You're getting better, all your tests have said so- your doctors have been watching for everything and you're looking better each time I see you!,"

The two of us talk through the mini cocktail hour that the adults are having while dinner is being prepared. We sit on a small couch together, with me in between Rose and Jim. He's been extremely quiet tonight, but I think the poor dear just has some jitters about meeting all of my friends.

"Excuse me, Freddie. I've got to make a call, I'll be just outside," I nod my head at him and watch as he walks out of the room and turns for the front door.

"He seems too quiet to be your type," Rose giggles into my ear before I turn around to face her again.

I can feel myself heat up with a blush. I still find it rather odd to be talking with her like this. "Yes, well...he's a sweetheart and um...he's told me he loves me today..."

Roses smile doesn't match her eyes. It's a weak crack, but I can tell it's not due to her condition- there's something deeper to it. "That's wonderful, Freddie!," She talks in a hushed tone as she reaches for my hand. Her eyes roam around the room, looking as if she's scanning for eavesdroppers. "Do you love him, too?"

Her eyes burn into mine as she whispers the question with the same trying smile on her lips. I can tell she wants to hear me say no.

"I don't think so...," He squeeze on my hand relaxes. I can see her eyes turn down to their usual tired, serene gleam. "Well- at least, not yet anyway."

She nods her head slowly, looking away from my gaze. "I'm sorry. I know you've only just met him tonight. I've shared too much.."

I sometimes forget that Rose will always have a much stronger devotion of friendship to Cherie over me. Even though our relationship has really grown and we've bonded stronger than ever before- I have to remember that some things are meant for only me. I just hate to live a double life.

"N-no, Freddie. It's...beautiful. Truly! Everyone wants you to be happy, don't be timid about it. If you love him, let it show," She pats my hand before pulling hers away from me. "We'll talk more during dinner- I think I'm gonna go and lie down a while."

———————————————-

"Here's to our dear Freddie! We hope you like our surprise for the night, once we get adult time," Brian winks at me as he raises his glass of champagne for the dinner toast.

My smile widens at his comment- a midnight rave has been planned and I can't think of a more wonderful idea. Jim's hand rubs my knee from underneath the table, to keep our affections from being seen. It's not that all the adults don't know that he's my current beau, but I'm still not comfortable displaying affection in front of the children. He understands that much.

"Happy birthday, Papi! I love you!," Charlie whispers into my ear as I lift her in my arms and spin her around into a tightening bear hug.

"Thank you my little bean, be a good girl for your grandparents, okay?,"

Mum and Dad have come to collect the children for a sleepover at their house tonight. Dad gives me a birthday hug quickly wanting to leave the already filling house as the guests arrive for tonight's celebration. He takes Charlie and Richie our to the car with him as Mum waits for Lily.

"I don't have a diaper bag packed- I didn't know it'd be an all night-,"

"That's fine, my boy. You have a happy birthday- I've got enough of Lily's things at home...,"

Her voice trails off as Jim comes to my side, he holds a sleeping Lily in his arms and Mum stares up at him almost knowingly. An uncomfortable silence passes until Jim finally moves closer and places Lily in my arms. "I'll carry her to the car f-for you," I say with a nervous stutter and walk out the front door being sure to motion for Mum to walk ahead of me.

We stop just short of the car and Mum takes Lily from my arms. "So...that's him, then? The man that Kash says has been spending a lot of time with you...," Her rushed words and hushed tone ignite the guilt of shame within me.

Leave it up to my sister to open her big mouth- she's such a gossip queen. That's the last time I tell her anything!

"Mmmm, yes. That's, uh, t-that's my friend, Jim...," I wait to be scolded, to be given a dirty look or a slap on my shoulder, but her face softens as she stares up at me.

"That's nice, Farrokh. If he makes you happy, then I'm glad..," One side of his lip lifts up into a half smile as she slowly nods her head in approval.

I feel my heart soar with a weightless delight at the confirmation of Mum's acceptance, as they drive off into the night. All I care about is other people's views and other people's levels of comfort- it's high time I start to think of my own heart and if Jim's the answer to my healing my scars or at least making them more bearable, then I've got to give love a chance again.

The party's completely packed the house with guests in lavish costumes, all with a black and white theme. I'm thankful that I listened to Jim to wear this outfit- even though this jacket has its own significance, I'm thankful that I have it with me tonight. A piece of her- she's here no matter what.

A couple of little pills are gifted to me. I swallow them and wash them down with the vodka tonic in my glass. I dance through the crowd of friends and acquaintances, famous and not, ice accumulated quite a varied group over the years. As the swirling in my head makes the strobe lights cause blurring vision- I can't tell if I'm already drunk or if the drugs are taking me down a bad trip. I try to keep my distance from Jim- paranoia consuming my mind now that we're around so many people.

"I'm leaving, Freddie! Have a good night and happy birthday!," Rose does her best to yell over the music as she grabs my arm and leans up to my ear.

I wrap my arms around her, bringing her into a grateful hug, "Thank you so much, dear. And don't worry about Roger- I'll have to have a talk with him once I get ahold of, uh- once I see him," She pulls away with a chuckle and a roll of her eyes. I walk her to the front door and watch as her driver helps her down the steps and into the car.

I can't believe Roger is cheating on her! And tonight he's actually gone and abandoned her knowing full well that they were planning on staying long either way- what a husband! What a friend! He's the one who tried to say I need to liven up and be the old me again, yet he's not even bothering to make an appearance. Maybe he doesn't care about anything anymore- I guess, everyone has a different way of waiting for death. But, Rose is fine...unless....unless there's something she's not telling me.