"God damnit! I said take it off the set list!! It's not happening!,"

Freddie storms out of the control room of the recording studio. I've no idea whether I should follow him, or give him space. Just as I get out of my seat to go to him, John presses me back down by my shoulder.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," he smirks at me and walks away with a scoff. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Freddie's friends have not really taken a liking to me- yet.

I nod my head in silence, sitting back and listening to the three men whisper amongst themselves. I have every idea of what they speak, they know less than I do.

"Come on- we're leaving.," Freddie grabs my wrist and pulls me out of my chair. I'm surprised he has the ability to do so, he's such a stick of a man.

"You can't just fucking leave! Were so far behind! We lost a lot of our staying power and-,"

"Here. Take these. Go wait in the car," Freddie hands me his car keys and twiddles his fingers in the air in front of my face. "Chop, chop, darling- it's best if you leave before me,"

I don't even question him, I scoop little Lily from the playpen and leave the room to begin the zig zagging journey out of the damn place. He's got some nerve talking to me like that! I don't care who he is or what we're supposed to be doing, I'm not putting up with an asshole.

I cradle the precious girl in my arms, she's gotten so big since the first time I met her, mostly due to the growth steroids, because it obviously hasn't been that long. Either way, just looking at her and watching her smile at me for no apparent reason at all, calms me down. I guess I have to understand that her mother meant a great deal to Freddie and sometimes he still has his outbursts. If anything it's only making things harder to catch feelings for the guy, but it is what it is. For now, anyway.

——————————————-

Freddie:

"The songs a cemented hit- a crowd pleaser, Fred. We've got to have it on the-,"

"Well, find yourself another singer, then! But I will jot sign the song over to you for whoever you choose-,"

"Oh, stop being so fucking ridiculous!," Brian responds, cutting me off from my attempt to leave the band. Again.

"We'll just have to come up with something else to fill the slot...for the time being...," Deacy puts a stop to our bickering, collects his things and heads out the door without another word.

"I've got to get going, too...See you all tomorrow, then?,"

Roger and Brian nod their heads, before getting up to get ready to leave the studio. It's been a hellish routine for them having to deal with my mood swings, I know it. I know I've got a lot thank them for- I know I have to stop and put my part.

"Just...come alone tomorrow, yeah?," Roger speaks up once we've all walked to the elevator.

"And why the fuck should I? You're telling me I can't bring my daughter to-,"

"You know I don't mean Lily..," He rolls his eyes before stepping ahead of me into the lift.

"Yeah, Fred- it's weird. And, a bit soon...don't you think?," Brian. The nerve of him. Ha!

"You were the ones that made me pull myself together, remember that? You're the ones that took me out for long nights and parties to try to get me to live. Well, I'm fucking living now, aren't I?,"

The elevator doors chime open and the three of us stop right outside the doors.

"Rose wants to come to studio tomorrow....and anyway, you know the hassle..and I don't think her seeing more than she needs to, will be good for her. She can't be stressed and upset, Freddie, you know that," Rogers big blue eyes glisten as he tries to explain his reasoning to me.

"Of course. I understand that. It'll just be Lily and I, then. Sound good?," I pat his back with a heavy hand and ring his shoulder as a supportive gesture. I've been going through it, all the while Roger has been having his own crisis with Rose's surgeries and chemotherapy treatments- I owe it to my wife to be there for her sister.

I walk down the parking garage to get to my car. I know I've still got the air of annoyance as I sit in the drivers seat and peel out of there. The ride is quiet and me being alone in my thoughts in the silence, is never a good thing. Once, we're back at Garden Lodge, I kiss his cheek lightly before getting out of my seat. I have to remember to be nice.

I take Lily out of her car seat and carry her into the house. She's asleep with her head on my shoulder- she's been really tired out from coming to the studio with me all day. You would think that she'd be a disturbance, but with all of us being family, she's the light of our imaginative drives. At least, she is for me.

"Papi! You're home!!," I press my finger to my lips, signaling for Richie to lower his voice. He looks around at his sleeping little sisters face and smiles with a nod. His wild curls bouncing around with his movements as he begins to skip behind me.

Charlie runs up and smashes her face against the side of my hip as she hugs me. "I missed you all day long!," she whines with a dramatic pout.

"I missed you, too, Princess. And you're brother, as well....I'm going to put sissy to bed," I whisper back to her. "Thank you, Ceci," I smile at the woman who has been a blessing to my family. She's helped with the children in so many ways, I don't think she realizes the important role she plays.

Walking up the stairs, I listen as Richie speaks again in the same excited voice.

"Jimmy!," I cringe at the name. Of course, that'd be his name!

"Jimmy- look! I lost my tooth today!" Richie squeals with joy and I can hear the booming, deep chuckle from Jim as I tuck Lily into my bed.

Coming out of my bedroom, I head back down the stairs, to see everyone seated in the living room.

"That's nothing! I lost two before him! Right, Ceci?," Charlie's competitive sass seems to grow with each new day. She's got a thing for being the first and the best.

It's been a long day, and once the kids are tucked into bed- I settle down in the living room with Jim who has been waiting patiently. I haven't really known the guy too long, but he is a great help to me at times. My feelings for him are simple- he's here to meet my needs. I just haven't told him that, but it's not like we're serious. At least, not to me.

"Drink, love?," He offers me a beer, I take it from his hand, feeling kind of put off with him digging around in my kitchen. But- that's what I like about him. He's very comfortable with me and the fact that he had no idea who I was when we first met just sealed the deal.

I turn on the television as we have a little night cap. He spreads his legs across the couch, parting them and patting the space in between for me to settle into. I put my beer down to nestle myself against his chest. His big strong arms wrap around me and I feel secure and safe. That's all I really want, this is what I need.

"I'm exhausted and it's getting pretty late...," I comment when I see that his own yawns have beckoned mine.

"Can I spend the night toni-,"

"No. I've told you already.," I regret the crisp cut of my reply and begin to rub the course hairs of his arms to assure him that I meant no harm.

"The kids really like me- and I've really grown to love them. I'm just being honest, but it makes me think that maybe we should make this whole thing..you know, official..," he plays with the tip of my ear as he speaks in his baritone voice. The huskiness of his tone, curls around my heart.

"Oooh, I don't know. I think they like you, too. A lot. But, why ruin a nice thing with a label?," I feel his chest straighten up, he becomes tense and drops his arms to his sides.

"What the hell does that mean?," Great. Now he's angry. I can't stand this mans temper- isn't it enough that I'm only seeing him right now?

I turn my body to face him, grabbing his hand in mine I begin to glide my fingers over his hand as speak with a sweet tone. "Come now, darling- I just meant I don't want to spoil anything. We don't need the pressure. And, besides- I told you I didn't want a relationship. We're friends. Is that not enough for you?,"

He removes his hand from mine and swings his legs out from around me. Getting to his feet, he puts his hands on both sides of his hips, glaring down at me.

"No, Freddie. That's not enough. Not anymore! I've done a lot to be with you. I've missed so much work at my job, I've moved closer to you, I've even done my best to bond with your fucking children! And-,"

"Fuck off!," I step in front of him now. Clenching my jaw to try and swallow the demonic growl that wants to escape me. "Get the fuck out of my house, now!,"

I stare down at him with the seven rings of hell fire lighting up my eyes. He knows better than to cross me; at most he should know not to speak of my children in such a disrespectful fucking manner! His face falls, looking completely confused and hurt at the same time from me cutting him off the way that I do. It's my custom- I'm like a light switch, easily flicked on and off, but I don't care.

He grabs his jacket and walks out the front door in a huff- not even a bother to apologize. This is "our thing" me and him- we fight because he crosses the line and doesn't know his place, but I can't stay mad at him and I don't know why that is. I don't really need him! Fuck Jim.

With that, I finish my warm beer and head upstairs. Lily is still asleep in my bed, so I creep around trying to be quiet as to not wake her up. I take a quick shower, always feeling like I can hear the children crying or calling to me- it makes me worry that there's no one else for them to call on.

I get dressed into my pair of new, all black silk pajamas and comb my short cropped hair in the mirror. It's been a year now...since she's been... gone, but the pain hurts less and less each day. That fact is something that hurts in a whole other way.

"I love you, my Angel...," I mumble the words under my breath, squeezing my eyes shut against the ache that still rips at every piece of my heart that tries to mend itself.

I crawl into bed, next to our sweet Lily, pulling her closely so that her back is pressed against my chest. She just turned a year old - and she surely had no clue on what she's been missing, but I guess it's better that way. The twins...they miss her so much. They talk about her constantly and sometimes I still find them crying while sneaking away with the photo album.

m

I brush Lily's thin brown hair away from her face and kiss her cheek. With a heavy sigh, I close my eyelids and drift off to have a ball once again.