《Mercy | Relief》Chapter twenty-four
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TRAVIS
Dear Jeanie,
I don't write letters. Ever. You know that.
But... here I am.
I'll never send this to you. I don't know how you'll react. You'll probably just tear it up, and burn it.
I just want to get some things off my chest.
And I figure this is the best way to do it.
I've read your letter. Just a few hours ago. I was scared when I read the part where you thought about moving on, and now I believe you actually might.
I know you wrote that letter before you thought I didn't love you. So I sort of know you won't want me back into your life now.
I want to apologize. I wasn't a very good husband. Or a friend I guess. I did push you even though I shouldn't have.
But longing does something to you. I missed you. Too much. And I couldn't allow myself to stay away for so long. So it's my fault you thought I don't love you.
But I do. I do.
I love you so much.
I'm here in Michigan. Where my father grew up. I figured it is the only place I could pick up a life for myself.
I'll miss you, Jeanie. A lot.
I have so much more to say, but then I'd write forever, so I'll just end, I guess.
I'm sorry. For everything.
I wish you knew how much.
Yours,
Travis.
I feel my hand shake. I stop myself. Jeanie could be here any second.
And I can't let her find out.
I wrinkle up the letter and stuff it in my back pocket. I press it flat, then walk into the living room, where I see my beautiful wife on the couch, snuggled up in a blanket, eyes closed.
I suppose she wouldn't be here anytime soon.
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A smile spreads across my lips. And I felt myself start to ache at what I am about to do.
I'm sorry, baby.
I'm sorry.
She won't understand. She will be hurt.
And I will be the one to do that to her.
I cup her cheeks. I bend down to kiss her lips, and I feel her kissing me back.
"That's quite a wake-up call," She murmurs, hands on my face. I look down at her, seeing her smile, and wonder how on earth could I possibly do this.
She reaches up to kiss me again, but I don't let her but walk around the side of the couch to her. I lay next to her as she wraps her arms around my neck as I wrap myself around her waist, burying my face in her hair, her in the crook of my neck.
She kisses my neck, and I don't think I have the strength to move.
You're not making this easy, Jeanie.
"Where have you been?" She asks.
I suck in a breath, knowing that I couldn't possibly tell her I had been just walking around after I had received the letter to contemplate what I have to do. About everything.
"I went to get groceries, then realized the store is closed," I say into her hair.
"What time is it?" She asks, pulling herself out, to glance up at the clock.
"Ten."
"Man, I conked out," She looks at me, "you okay? You look tired," She states, reaching up to brush my hair out of my face.
I don't answer, but press my lips to hers.
She responds how I knew she would. Kissing back in the passionate way of hers.
Except this time I break it off. I have to keep my head. I have to remember I am about to hurt her so horribly.
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"I forgot to tell you that Jared invited me to go out to watch the game tonight," I say. "I have to go soon."
"This late?"
I nod. I cringe inwardly. Jared asked me right after I got the letter, and I never responded. Hopefully, he'll just think I want to surprise him. It should be going on still.
"Okay. I better let you go," She says, releasing me from her grasp.
I stand, Jeanie following me as I grab my wallet and keys. She wraps her arms around me just before I go. I hold onto her tight.
"I love you," She whispers, kissing my cheek.
How good it feels to hear her say those words. The ones I long to hear from her lips.
"I love you. You know that right?"
She pulls away, "Yeah, I know. Why?"
I stare into her eyes, trying to figure out if she knows what I am really doing. But I only see her innocence.
I whisper, "I just wanted you to know."
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