Katniss's POV

Red and white. Its all I see. I squeeze yet again, forcing my nails into my palm. Small lines of blood have started to trickle down my arm. My knuckles and fingers are completely white from squeezing my hands so hard.

Think Katniss think.

I try. Again and again I try. However no matter how hard I try, my memories dont make an appearance.

I want my memories for Prim. If I cant make new ones with her, I want to be able to remember the beautiful ones we already had.

I dunk my hands into the sink, letting the warm water calm my shaking hands and wash away the blood. Slowly I release them, stretching out my aching knuckles. I look up into the mirror. Blood shot eyes stare back at me. The more I stare at my impossibly tangled hair and hollow cheeks, the more I find it harder to believe that anyone could ever love this crazy animal.

Prim loved this crazy animal. So did mom. And dad. But now, there's no one left.

Suddenly, the bathroom seams more like a closet, and the air turns to heavy liquid that makes it impossible to breathe. I dash downstairs and burst through the front door.

A stray cat looks rather startled, but other then that, the streets are completely empty. I collapse onto my knees, the cold, rocky pavement digging into my legs. I hungrily gulp in the fresh air, filling my starving lungs.

I dont know how long I sit there. Maybe minutes, maybe hours, maybe days. All I know is that when I stand up and calmly walk back inside, a piece of me is left out there.

My hunger finally won the war with depression. I stare at the toast as it browns in the toaster, because I have nothing better to do. Eventually the little bell gives a ring signaling my toast is done. Even the bell has more purpose in this life then me.

I grab my toast and search the kitchen for something to spread on it. When nothing is satisfying, I gobble my toast down dry.

My stomach rejects it at first, but then angrily keeps it, which only makes it feel like theres a bigger hole in my stomach.

I decide to ignore it and make my way to the little living room.

I cuddle into the little blue sofa and grab the stack of books from the table. I begin to flip through them, wondering if I use to enjoy reading, or if these books were Prims. A shoot of pain goes through me and I decide they were most likley Prims.

When I flop the book onto the couch I find that the book under it isn't a book at all.

It's a Picture album.

Its black with a big gold heart on the cover.

With a shaky hand I flip open the first page. A huge smile falls onto my face and tears glisten in my eyes. I stare at pictures of Prim and I when we were only little. Dad has his arms wrapped around us and mom is kissing dads cheek. Meanwhile, Prim is cracking up while I make a funny face. I run my calloused finger over each of their faces. I wish that I could go back to that day. Its unbelievably relieving to see something I recognize after all this time.

The next two pages are pictures of prim and I when we were young, pictures of mom and dad, and theres one picture that I cant take my eyes off.

Its dad and I. Im standing there, probably only 11, with a bow in my hands. Hes standing beside me, with that look on his face that he would get when he was focused.

My stance is terrible, and I probably couldn't hit a wall, but I remember this day so well. It's the first time he took me out.

Happiness is slowly replaced with sadness, causing me to flip the page once again.

Pages and pages of memories from when I was little brighten my mood.

I dont stop smiling until I turn the 6th page.

Im surprised to see a page full of pictures of that boy and I.

We're smiling. We're dancing. We're at the beach. We're walking in a garden.

I look happy.

Suddenly I feel a need to keep looking. Pages and pages full of photos of Peeta and I. Annie and I. Finn and Johanna.

My mind eats up all the beautiful photos.

When I turn the next page, I see a photo. However, its different from the rest. This one isn't a random picture. Its a memory. I remember this day. Peeta and I were snowed in at my house.

Suddenly, everything comes flooding back. Peeta. Mom. Dad. Everything.

Its like watching a movie.

The photo album falls out of my lap. Im too stunned to move.

"Peeta..".

With one quick motion im out the front door and sprinting as fast as my legs will carry me.

I dont stop.

The bell startles me out my my day dream. I walk out to see a smiling customer. I realize that I probably look like a zombie, so I plaster an amazingly fake smile on my face.

"Hello, welcome to Malarks Bakery! What can I do for you today?" I force my voice to sound happy.

"Just a dozen of your chocolate cookies please". She politely responds.

I quickly package them and send her on her way.

I sit back down, picking up an icing bag and mindlessly draw another sunshine on a sugar cookie.

The Bakery is dead quite.

That's why im so startled when someone bursts through the door.

I jump out of my chair and make eye contact with her.

Her hairs a mess. Her eyes are red. Her cheeks are stained with tears.

Katniss.

She barley gives me any time to react before running into my arms.

"Peeta" she sobs over and over

"Katniss, whats going on?".

"I remember", she whispers so quietly, I almost missed it.

"Remember? Remember what?" I ask, too scared to believe it.

"You. Me. Everything". Her sobs stain my shirt. I dont mind.

Happiness flows from my heart, making every inch of my body feel like its on fire.

I force her to look up at me, and as soon as we make eye contact I smash my lips onto hers. I can tell she feels the same ache that I have for her.

God I missed her so much.

Shes obviously too tired to stand on her own, her body practically melting into mine. After a couple minutes of laying there on the floor I scoop her up in my arms, and I take her upstairs. I lay her down on my bed before crawling in beside her.

She turns to look at me, fresh tears pouring out of her eyes.

"Peeta....", she whispers.

"Shhh, I know" I say.

I scoop her into my arms and place kisses all over her.

Her sobs make her shoulders shake.

After about 15 minutes, I turn to look over at her. I expect her to be asleep, and am shocked when shes just laying there, staring at the ceiling.

"You know what the worst part was?" She suddenly asked.

Im afraid to say anything. I just want to hear her beautiful voice. I want to suck up all her words, using them to fill the huge hole in my heart.

"I had to go through it all over again. But this time I was alone, and my loss was three times worse".

She turns to me, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Please dont ever leave me. I dont think I could handle it", her tears spill over,

"Katniss, I could never leave you. You're not alone. Ill always be here" I run my fingers through her hair and wipe away her tears.

We lay there. Silence surrounding us like a blanket. The girl who thought she lost everything and the boy who thought he lost his everything.

And somehow, I know, maybe months from now, Maybe years, we would be okay.

5 weeks later

"She was too young. Too innocent. Too much left to live for". My hollow voice, with help from a microphone, flows through the small crowd of people.

I lock eyes with Peeta. He keeps me grounded and mouthes me the next words to my speech.

"She had such an optimist attitude. Thats one of the things I loved about her. Even when it would rain for weeks straight she would be excited for the sun.

"If you asked me why god took her at such a young age, I would tell you this. When you pick a flower, you pick the most beautiful one. God does that with people too".

I close my eyes, willing back the tears.

"You will forever be in my heart Primrose Everdeen. Thank you".

With that I walk off the stage, barley making it into Peetas arms before the tears stream down my cheeks.

When I emerge from Peetas arms im surround by loved ones. Peeta, Annie, Jo, Finnick. They all pull my into a group hug.

"Thank you guys" I whisper. I see Rue and her mom sitting together, her mom holding her as Rue sobs into her arms. I walk over there and as soon as she sees me Rue runs into my arms.

"Oh Katniss. .." she sobs. "I miss her so much".

"Dont worry, you're not alone" I whisper to her, remembering Peetas words when I needed them.

This is not how I imagined myself at age 18. Surround by sadness at my sister's funeral.

When I look up, I see someone I was not expecting. A fiery rage bubbles in me.

"Ill be right back" I whisper to Rue before marching across the field to her.

"What are you doing here" I hiss, disgust threaded into my voice.

"Katniss's I-"

"No. I dont even want to hear it. You do not get to show up here like you care! Like you actually loved her or me! You do not get to ruin this day too!" I yell at my mother, my voice becoming shaky.

"Katniss of course I loved Prim, please dont accuse me of such things.".

Her voice is too calm. Shes talking to me like im a little kid again. Shes just here to look good.

Im about to yell at her for all this bull, but a strong, reassuring hand is placed on my shoulder.

"Shes not worth it" I hear Peeta whisper is my ear.

I take a calm breath, stare my mother in the eye, and say "Leave", with a hope of never seeing her again.