Roman had never felt so empty in all his life. There was no way to explain the constant tiredness of his eyes, the weariness simply from crying. The skin around his now dull brown eyes felt crusty, as if it had given up on looking healthy. He was sure there were dark black circles under them from the lack of sleep he'd been getting.

The usually regal young man looked as though he'd given up on his appearance. He had, being unable to remember the last time he'd showered, or truly brushed his hair. It seemed strange to him, the concept of fussing over his hair now foreign to him.

It was raining outside. There was a constant sound of the raindrops hitting the roof of his lonely house and the world around it. Roman was sat on his sofa, a smile nowhere to be found as he stared at the ground. His gaze slowly raised to the window, peering out at the thunderstorm outside as memories flowed.

He used to love thunderstorms... he thought. His eyes didn't water though; he'd seemed to have cried all tears he had out. He'd pull me over to this very couch, beg me for hot chocolate and a movie marathon... and I couldn't ever say no even if I wanted to...

It had been two weeks since Virgil's successful suicide attempt. It hurt like the day it had happened. There were so many things about it that pained Roman, from missing and mourning him, to questioning why he'd done it, to paranoia over what he had done wrong to prevent it from happening. What could he have done? Was there anything? He'd thought he'd been the best boyfriend he could be, patient and understanding when he had moments of anxiety or days of depression. He'd tried so desperately to make him feel as loved as he should have felt.

"But I failed..." Roman whispered as a reminder to himself as he looked toward the empty spot on the couch next to him, a spot that should be taken by a sleeping Virgil curled into his side.

He hung his head as he stood from the couch, moving the the breakfast bar. There was one-too-many bar stools, making him flinch as he sat down. Thunder rumbled outside as he picked up a small purple candle, lavender scented, Virgil's favorite. There was an already opened pack of matches next to it, which he reached for next. His body was on autopilot as he lit the match and the wick soon after. He shook out the match's flame, tossing it into the trash bin near by before settling to watch the fire slowly melt the purple wax.

Roman remembered the suicide note, how his late boyfriend had questioned why anyone would care if one less person was on the planet. He had quoted Linkin Park, asking who cared if 'one more light went out'.

"I cared if your light went out, Virgil," he murmured, not taking his eyes off the flame. "Your light was beautiful. It was dim most of the time, the kind of light you'd use late at night to give a room a gentle glow, but sometimes you'd light up like the northern lights, like how you talked about conspiracies, or a band you loved... The world is just a little bit darker without you."

He didn't know why he was bothering to say all this, seeing as he was too late. He should've said all this before he'd...

The tear that dripped down his cheek surprised him, having gotten used to wanting to cry and having no tears come. He watched as the single drop fell onto the counter silently. He knew that eventually that drop would disappear, evaporating into the air if he didn't wipe it up. He knew that the candle in front of him would eventually burn down to nothing if he continued to let it burn. He knew that Virgil was gone and never coming back no matter how many candles he lit for him. He knew that wherever he was now, he wouldn't want Roman to ruin himself with grief.

"I promise I'll get myself back together... for you, Virgil," he murmured as he watched the flame. "I will, but I need a little longer to... to mourn, I guess is what you'd call this..."

There was, of course, no response, so Roman continued. "I know you'd want me to move on, to find love again," he said, voice hollow. "But... I don't want to... I don't want anyone else, Virgil... You were the only one I ever wanted... I was planning to propose to you. I had the ring hidden away in my nightstand, but I waited too long. You would've loved that ring... I had picked it just for you, making the band black with a purple diamond in the center. I still have it... Maybe I'll have it turned into a necklace to keep with me at all times... or get a cremation diamond, that would make me feel better, like I always had you with me..."

His voice trailed off, not knowing what else to say. A sad and pained smile spread across his lips. "I love you so much Virgil," he whispered, a couple more tears dripping down his cheeks as he hugged himself tighter. He watched the small flame dancing on the wick. "I promise I won't let your light go out forever."