《Dear Insanity》xI'd Rather Make Mistakes Than Nothing At Allx
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Oh my god, has anyone been to Storyland, in Glen? If you haven't, NEVER GO. IT WILL RUIN YOU. There's this plastic clown that you can take pictures with and it makes all the little kids cry. Keep in mind, this is a place for five year olds...
So, you guys, I have no confession this chapter! Instead... there's a question. What does this song, I'd Rather Make Mistakes Than Nothing At All, by Mayday Parade, have to do with the chapter?
Not like I even have enough readers to ask this, but, y'know, there's always hope..
xxx.
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In the five days i've been here, I've come to realize only one thing was for sure: Lillian was a total hippie, which was the entirety of why she was here. After being caught at none other than a bonfire with a bunch of stoners, her mother shoved her into this place for a month to straighten herself out. Which, she told me, would probably never happen.
"That guy," she started, "Jodie. We've been together since twenty ten. He got me into all this. My parents hate him." She let out a dry chuckle, laying back on my bed. We were staring up at the ceiling fan, which went in distracting circles. Both in our nightclothes, which consisted of a lame, white, spaghetti strapped gown, we spoke of our pasts to one another.
For some reason, I trusted her, and I didn't know why. More than I did with Gabriel, or even Kira. I felt horrible for telling her and not Gabriel, but he seemed like a total stranger at times. We grew so distant- The ass didn't even come to see me- but Lillian was right here, and I needed to talk.
"I don't know, Lex," she continued with a smile, my hand laced in her left one, "He's just, awesome. I can't help the feeling, y'know?" I nodded. "Although we were both stoned when we met, I knew that he was who I wanted. It wasn't his looks, but the way he talks. . . It's like being in some kind of dream. He just has that gift, of talking." She giggled. "That doesn't make any sense, does it?"
I nodded, feeling tears prick my eyes. "I know what you mean," I said softly, thinking of Chris and how he and Jodie shared the same 'gift' she spoke of.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She rested her head on my shoulder, looking up through her lashes.
I gave her a weak smile. "Nothing. My brother just had the same gift."
"Had?" She bit the inside of her cheek, leaning up to place a kiss on my cheek. "I'm sorry, babes. . ."
I shook my head. "It's okay," I mumbled, averting my eyes from her brown ones and staring back at the fan. How it spinned countless amounts of times and still managed to captivate me, i'm not sure, but I was glad for the distraction.
"Lights out!" A voice screeched in the doorway. I didn't bother to look, reaching a lazy arm out and flicking the switch off. She closed and locked the door behind us, but it wasn't before long that Lillian was getting out of bed.
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"Where are you going?" I whispered, sitting up.
She grinned. "I'm going to find Jodie," she told me quietly. "C'mon, you want in?"
I gazed at her in a way that said, 'You're-an-idiot' and stood. "The door's locked, you can't get out. . ."
She rolled her brown eyes. "You don't get it? It's all a mental thing here. We're all nutcases and don't stop once to think, 'hey, what if that door isn't locked?' We all just believe it. Now here's the thing-" She twisted the knob, and the door swung open to reveal a dark hallway. "- They don't actually lock the doors."
I laughed quietly, following behind her. She put a finger to her lips, motioning for me to be quiet, and took my hand in hers. I let her, although I probably wouldn't have with anybody else, and wandered down the dark corridor until we got to a gated area.
She let go of my grip only briefly, to unlock the gate with a key she dug from her bra. I had to stifle my giggle at the shiny thing just protruding from her nightgown, and watched as she pulled it back silently. We slipped through the crack, me accidentally stumbling on the rail and getting caught mid-fall by a pair of strong arms.
"You okay?"
I nodded, looking into a pair of green eyes. "Thanks, Jodie," I said, watching as a smirk grew on his features and I shrugged him off.
"Let's go," he pecked Lillian on the lips, adjusting the glasses on her face and locking their hands together. She reached over and took my left, and we walked quietly like three of the monkeys in a barrel game to another room. It looked like reception, but I wasn't sure.
"Where are we going?" I asked, my voice a hushed hiss that could be easily mistaken for the humming of a refridgerator. An extremely strange, 18 year old refridgerator with a insane phobia of thunder and automatic toilets.
Lillian and Jodie answered at the same time. "The river," they said in unison.
I let out a gasp, which seemed comical at the time. "But. . . That would require leaving. . ."
She grinned wickedly. "Yep."
I gave in - I was going to be in enough trouble already. We snuck to the front doors, where she pressed a few side buttons. The door opened with a soft hiss, as if opening a can of soda. "What the hell did you do?"
She giggled, this time louder. "Jodie's uncle's cousin knows hacks. We were taught the code."
I nodded, as if that was the most normal thing possible, and casually walked out the door with them. We must've looked like ghosts, if anyone saw us. The white fabric of our nightgowns lit the darkness, Jodie's white tee shirt blaring as bright as us. Nobody was out, however, making it easy for us to sneak by.
"We can't get out," Lillian explained quietly, sitting down behind a bush. "The gates are guarded. But there's a creek in the woods Jodie and I found that you'll love." He nodded in agreement, sending me a white-toothed smile.
The two stoners led me into the woods, darting through branches and bushes. I let go of their hands to run behind them, being quick but silent. The moon was high over the trees, filling me with a sense of adrenaline I didn't know I had in me.
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We broke through the thicket, where I saw a beautiful creek. It was surrounded by rocks and small trees, water lilies floating on the surface. Lanterns were scattered on the branches, easy enough so Jodie could reach up and light them with the lighter he hid in his shorts. Soon, everything was dimly glowing from the fire inside the glass, flickering in the reflection the slowly moving water created.
"Woah," Was all I could manage. Lillian grabbed me, and with some abnormal strength, picked me up over her shoulder.
"Lillian!" I hissed, keeping my voice quiet. But I was laughing, glad for the first freedom I'd had in days. She giggled, jumping into the creek. I thought for sure she was going to land on a rock, but instead of the shallow water I saw when we first came in here, I submurged under the dark waters and held my breath.
"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She was cracking up when I resurfaced.
I tackled her under, tickling her. She let out gasps, trying to stop laughing, but it was impossible. Her glasses washed up on a rock, leaving her brown eyes exposed and wide with tears. I knew they were from laughing, though, and stopped to swim after Jodie.
He tried to shrug me off as I jumped on his back, but ended up wading through the creek with me hanging off him. "Damn, Alexxa," He grunted, grinning. I tugged on his brown hair like the rat in that movie I used to love so much and laid my chin on his head.
"Faster," I whined, high off the night and being with people I had grown to like. These would be the ones I could keep forever, like Kira. Gabriel, though. . . "Guys," I let out a sigh, floating on my back. The nightgown pooled around me, hitching up at my thighs and swirling in the moving water.
Lillian sat on a rock, leaning against Jodie and lighting a joint. "What's wrong?" She asked quietly, taking the first hit and passing it to Jodie. I sat by them, taking one when it was my turn.
"It's just. . . " I breathed in the air, the smell soothing me slightly and making me calm down a bit. "Gabriel hasn't come to see me."
She cooed sympathetically, wrapping her arm around my shoulder at the same time Jodie pulled me into his lap. Stuck in a hug between the hippies, I rested my head on his chest and played with the fabric of his tee shirt. If this was Gabriel, I'd never had even let him put me in his lap. But for some reason, this felt natural.
These were my friends, crazy or not.
"He'll come around," she assured, "He's probably feeling guilty."
I shook my head. "I told him not to be. . . He was trying to help."
She smiled. Jodie leaned down, breath hot from the hit he took, and pecked my cheek. "It's okay," he said. "I'd do the same thing if it was Lillian."
Lillian gave him a hair ruffle in sign of thanks. "But," he continued, tone soft, "That doesn't excuse him for not coming to see you." I was dripping wet, and kind of cold, but all that was behind me. The conflict running through my head at not being able to see him, when I had grown so used to him being around, upset me.
He became my rock, although I refused to break down for him. He wanted to know my secrets, and I guess that's why I didn't let him hold me like Jodie and Lillian did I. I liked him because he didn't know me. I liked him because he held onto these false pieces that I was just a little messed up, that I could be I easily fixed.
He was so wrong. I liked pretending to be okay for him, like I was the unbreakable and confident girl I'd always wished I was. That every time I spoke around him, I didn't fear he would get up and leave me stranded. That whenever we touched, he wouldn't get disgusted and walk away. But he didn't, and that's why I stuck by him.
"I think that he should come by," Lillian spoke up. "It would be nice of him, and I get a chance to sock him in the nuts."
I giggled, completely baked by now. "I'll help," I mumbled, closing my eyes.
We sat in silence, staring up at the stars. Jodie tossed the joint in the water after a while, laying down in the shallow part of the water. We joined him, me in the middle of them, and soon enough, dawn was breaking through the trees.
"We should get back," Lillian murmured eventually. I nodded in agreement, forcing myself to stand with Jodie helping me up. We rang out our night clothes, and snuck back into the building. They gave one another a parting kiss, Jodie pecking my cheek and side hugging me before wandering off down the other way.
Lillian took my cool, damp hand in hers, leading me up the stairs and into our ward. The slit was still cracked open from earlier, allowing us in easily. Our footprints had dried coming up the concrete stairs, making it seem as if we never even left.
I climbed into my own bed, saying a hushed goodnight. She smiled at me, her eyes tinted red and skin flushed. "Hang in there," She whispered, turning around and falling into sleep.
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Not much Gabriel in that chapter ;(
He hasn't visited her in five days! Douche! But we all cant help loving the bad boy, so even if he kills off Luna your twisted minds will find a way to make him do it out of love.
So Lillian and Jodie are based off Ricky and Rayanne from My So Called Life (Go watch it on youtube if you havent seen it already!) I knowww, Jodie is a bit touchy, but he does it out of best-friend-compassion. It's obvious they care for her, and she for them.
Picture on the side is of Lillian:3
Dont worry, Gabriel will come in soon <3
xxx.
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