"R-"

"Alexxa, who's there?" Gabriel appears over my shoulder, peeking out. "Ah, food!" He exclaims, rubbing his hands together before taking it from Chase. His face regains some of it's color, and he hands it over gratefully.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else." He apologizes. I smile tightly, handing him the twenty dollars we owe, and close the door behind me before allowing my own face to pale. "You okay?" He asks, rice already stuffed into his mouth. I nod, swallowing hard and sitting on the couch.

Gabriel sends me strange glances as I eat my lomaine straight from the box, wooden chopsticks in hand. He looks in wonder that a girl like me could care less what's in my food, more concerned of the taste and wether or not it has meat in it. A laugh escapes his lips as I hand him a single noodle at his request, not willing to share the first good food i've had in years. "How do you use those?" He asks, gesturing to my chopsticks with his metal fork.

I shrug, crinkling my nose as another piece of shrimp gets into my mouth. Putting it onto the paper napkin on the table, Luna sighs. "I thought I ordered the vegan lomaine.." She mutters, sighing. "Oh, well. There's always next time." She sits indian style on the floor, focused on the television as The Walking Dead plays on it in black and white. I'm pretty into it, too, but the whole colorless thing gets to me. I mean, how can I tell the difference between a stain and blood now?

"Do you have clothes for tommorow?" She asks me as we watch. I nod, waving my hand in a so-so gesture. I can find something last minute, like I always used to. "You better not get in with that group of kids again, alright?" She questions sternly. "Try and make good friends in your last year." I roll my eyes. They were good friends- Just a bit different.

"Ah, so you're a senior, too." Gabriel drawls, smirking. "Guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other, then." Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, Luna grins.

"Stick with her, Gabriel."

"I was planning on it." He takes a piece of my lomaine, which I slap his hand for with my chopstick. Cringing dramatically, he eats it. "Totally worth it."

Luna stands, throwing her bucket into our makeshift trashcan. "Don't go to bed too late, okay?" She tells us. "Gabriel, you take the couch." He nods.

"Aye, Captain." She rolls her hazel eyes, pecking me on the cheek.

"I'll wake you in the morning. Night, sweetie." Smiling at her, she leaves us alone. I like your face, he signs. Let's watch a movie. I laugh silently, which basically is made up of a smile and some air blowing out of my nose.

I like movies. I sign, waiting for him to repeat it. "I like movies." He says slowly, waiting my approval. I nod, nudging him to stand with me and kneel over at the movies. His eyes widen at all the dvd's, skimming through the titles.

Hoarder. He says, pulling out Saw. "Want to watch this one?" He asks. I shake my head, swallowing hard. Want to play a game? It's too much like the suicides. It'll scare me shitless, maybe even bring back my hallucinations. I don't need to experience any more of those, that's for sure. "Aw, if you're scared, you can cuddle with me."

I roll my eyes. Suck it up. You're eighteen. It's just a movie.

As I settle on the couch next to him, I realize how wrong I was.

*

Burying my face in his shirt, I contain the little scream in my mouth as one of Jigsaw's victims cuts off their hand to escape his trap.

My mother, slicing off my father's hand for him as he cries out loudly, my brother hiding in the next room.

"Hey, it's okay." Gabriel mutters soothingly, running a hand through my shower-damp hair. "It's just a movie."

Shaking my head rapidly, I allow myself to peek up. The victim is now attempting to use their teeth to cut off the other.

My brother, cutting his own chelsea smile.

Abruptly, I stand, tears in my eyes. He looks concerned, trying to pull me down next to him. I refuse, tugging his hand off mine and running down the hall to Luna's room. She's making me sleep on her floor tonight, in the sleeping bag. It's more comfortable than the couch, but i'd much rather have that. She snores lightly, and I close the door, locking it behind me and curling up under the thermal bag. Tears run down my cheeks at a rapid rate, threatening to turn into loud, full-blown sobs. I can't let that happen, though. Making noise would only trigger pity out of others.

Pity is a sad feeling.

After a while, I give up. These urges are horrible. I want to kill myself, just as they had done to themselves. To cut myself piece by piece, until i'm one big mess that nobody can fix. So i'm permanently broken, physically as well as emotionally.

At least the emotional half is over with.

Standing, I pull on my combats, throwing a black button up over my white tank up. Buttoning the first five buttons, I take three flowers from the vase, holding them tightly in my hands. The thorns dig into my hands, cutting them, but I could hardly care less right now. Slipping out of her bedroom, I walk past the empty bathroom and out the back door.

It's silent as I run, needing to be there as soon as possible. They need me, so bad. My parents, my brother.. they're so close. I need them so bad. It's as if my heart beats only for them, the only reason why i'm alive. Tears blur my vision, and I feel like my senses are gone. I can only see the road ahead, my ears blocked and fingers numb. I can't smell, the crisp air not bothering me in the least.

The cemetery is up ahead. I'm out of breath, now, but I can't give up just yet. Not when they're so close to me, yet so far away. Darting up the hills, I follow my gut and take a left. Their graves are over to the right of the left side, only a few feet away. I swallow hard, immediately collapsing on the ground in front of the marble headstones with racking sobs erupting from my throat.

The white roses in my hands are stained with the blood running out of my cuts. I cry harder, putting each rose on each tombstone and getting on my knees. I want to say something to them, to let them know I miss them. No words come out, however, and I end up just letting all the tears i've held in for the past two years rush out.

Tracing my fingers over my mother's grave, I try not to break down more then I already have. Alexxa Luna Harrison Matthews. It reads. Devoted mother, sister, aunt, and friend. Luna had enscribed that, right after their death. I have no doubt about that. 1974-2011.

I move on, tears still streaming down my face. Marion Marshall Matthews. Loved by everybody. A pure soul. Sighing shakily, I run my fingers down the death date. 1971-2011.

Chris is last. I sob harder, feeling my ribs shake. Oh, no. Not my brother, the one boy I really loved. He was my role model, my older sibling, my everything. Christofer Henry Matthews. Master storyteller and an Angel sent from Heaven. 1990-2011. I curl up in the grass over his grave, the cool rock becoming my bed. My forehead presses against the tombstone as hot, salty tears run down my face, wetting the grass.

"Alexxa!" Unfortunately, this isn't a fairy tale. Chris doesn't magically appear before me, in all his bloody, deformed glory as my tears stain his burial plot, offering me a hug and an apology for leaving.

Instead, Gabriel does. "Oh, God. Are you okay?" He looks at my bloody hand, the one that stained the roses. I nod faintly, sniffling and backing away into Chris's headstone even farther. Gabriel's hands wrap around me, pulling me to him. I cry harder, then, knowing these arms holding me will never be Chris's, or my father's. My mother will never hold me again, nor help me through drama.

They're gone. All gone.

"Shh. Alexxa.." His voice is soothing, soft in my ear. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry." He looks over at the other graves, where my bloody roses are placed. I sniffle at his calming words, tears drying up gradually. "It's going to be alright." He whispers. Standing, he doesn't let go, pulling me to my feet with him. I let go of him, letting him lead me back home.

*

"Gabriel, have you seen- Oh." Opening my sand-encrusted eyes, I look up groggily at my mom's best friend, about to bite her head off for waking me so early in the morning. Gabriel stirs from under me, blue eyes fluttering open.

"Hey, Luna." He mutters, sitting up and pulling me with him. I let him keep his arms over me, not wanting to be out of his embrace but needing to at the same time. My hands, still crusted with dried blood, were never cleaned, due to the fact that I had fallen asleep about halfway home. He had to carry me, because I refused to wake up.

I smile faintly, prying his hands out from around me and standing. She narrows her eyes a bit at me, clearly not accepting that we slept on the same couch, but I honestly don't care. He's the only one that's gotten me to sleep in two days, and if he's the only thing that'll do it, so be it. Trudging into her room, I open up my bureau, pulling out a pair of ripped denim skinnies and a purple Bring Me The Horizon tank top. It's hot this morning, and I don't want to be sweaty.

After washing my hands, I try to make my face less puffy and dry from crying. Covering it up with makeup is easy, thank God, or i'd never walk into school looking like that. My combats are wet from the rain last night, but I slide them on anyways, pouring a cup of coffee into a black mug and setting myself down in front of the woodstove with ten minutes to spare.

"C'mon, sweetie. We have to get Gabriel's car." I stand, meeting eyes with him briefly before following her outside. It's so nice out this morning, even the sun doesn't bother me like it usually does. I take my duffel bag, loaded with notebooks and colored pencils, putting it next to me in the back seat and letting Gabriel take shotgun.

We head off in silence, saying nothing about where I ended up sleeping. When we pull over at his apartment, she turns to him. "You're welcome back anytime." She says casually and warmly, but I can see the mischevious twinkle in her eyes.

"Thanks, Luna." He pecks her cheek and she blushes like a schoolgirl, having to turn her head to face me to avoid giggling.

"I'll pick you up at the front gates, okay? Try not to beat anyone up." She warns. I roll my eyes, sighing inwardly. That was one time. I want to tell her, but settle for a nod instead. Climbing out of the car, I balance on the balls of my feet, waiting for him to unlock his black chevy. It takes him a minute, but when he does, I have to jump up to get inside. His tires are so large they reach my thighs, balancing the already tall truck on top.

"Are you okay?" He asks, as soon as we pull out of his driveway and onto the street. I nod, curling my hands into fists so he doesn't see the deep cuts from the thorns. "I don't want to leave you like this.." He mutters, pulling into the large school grounds. I shake my head, waving at him to go on without me. I'll be fine, I think, wishing I could talk to him but not ready to lose him.

"You know what, Alexxa?" A smile comes to his face. "You're hanging out with me today." I shake my head, not wanting to get into his group of friends. They'd just hate me, and reject me like the other popular kids in my old school. I slide out, grabbing my duffel bag and waiting for him. He takes my wrist lightly, pulling us down through the campus. I look around, admiring the picturesque atmosphere.

As if in a movie, there were clots of kids spead out over the field, some sitting, some standing. A couple sits on one of the many benches, whispering things to one another. When we walk by, the boy raises a hand in greeting towards Gabriel, who smiles and nods his way. We walk about the grounds, almost everyone saying hello. "Lets get our schedules and see what we have." He says, and opens the door so we can get inside of a large, main building.

The receptionist looks up, smiling brightly. "Ah, Mr. Hawthorne." She greets, shuffling through a stack of papers. "How was your summer?"

"Stellar." He leads us to the front, standing a bit too close to me. I shrug his hand out of my grip, crossing my arms over my chest and cupping my elbows.

"And who are you?" The lady asks, a sweet tone to her voice. I smile, nudging Gabriel for help. He gives me a teasing nudge back, smirking.

"Alexxa Ward." He tells her for me. I watch as she flicks her fingers through the papers to the very end, pulling out a sheet of paper and handing it to me.

"Your home room is Mr. Samson." She smiles, patting my hand lightly. "That's just up the stairs from here. I'm sure Gabriel can show you around, right?" Looking towards him with piercing brown eyes, he rolls his and grins.

"I've been planning on it." He says again, only this time to her than Luna. I sigh, looking over my classes.

"Nice meeting you, Alexxa." I give her one last, tight lipped smile, letting Gabriel hold my elbow and lead me out of the office. We walk in silence, looking around and pushing through the crowd.

"Mr.Samson is next to mine," He tells me happily while we walk. "And I have every class 'cept for maths with you."

I bite my lip, rolling my eyes and hiding my excitement. Better to look annoyed than to be happy, or it'll lead me to actually caring about him. I can't risk that, seeing as when I did care for someone, they died. He opens a door, walking inside and to the teacher. He's middle aged, with green eyes and caramel-colored hair. His glasses-clad eyes narrow as he sees him, obviously not taking a liking to Gabriel. "Mr. Hawthorne," He says, voice somewhat threatening. "You aren't in this home room."

"Nope," He pops the p casually, tightening his grip on me slightly. "But Alexxa is." Sighing, Mr.Samson looks at my face quickly before glancing at his attendance sheet.

"Miss Ward?" I nod, moving a bit closer to Gabriel at his icy stare. "You may sit." He says finally, after looking at me a bit longer. I move to the middle, where the only empty table sits. Gabriel stands over me, a good two and a half feet taller when I sit down.

"I'm only across the hall, alright? If.." He trails off, meeting eyes with someone and smiling. I look over to see a group of girls, all giggling and staring at him as if he's edible. "If someone bothers you or you need to leave, find me. I'll come and get you for first class."

Before I even get a second to let his words run through my mind, he presses his lips to my forehead. My eyes widen, and I scoot away from him as he does the same, blushing wildly. "See you." He mutters, turning abruptly and walking out.

-----

Awwh. He kissed her

The song is Take Me Home by Young The Giant

xoxo.