Steamroller, Phoebe Bridgers

___________________________

She was radiant.

Even from across the library table, where she sat laughing quietly at something Theodore had said, her warmth and light reached him. All he could do was watch, utterly in awe of her.

At least he could to see it, be close enough to absorb that sunshine that emanated from her even in the cold winter months.

She didn't realize what a gift she had granted him with that offer of friendship. He was certain that if she had cut him out entirely, he would have been broken beyond repair. He supposed that she had been nicer to him than he had to her when the circumstances were reversed.

Plus, she had spared him the humiliation of ever mentioning that drunken letter he'd written her. For that alone, he would be eternally grateful.

Ron wasn't a huge fan of Theodore, but when he'd mentioned it to Harry the other night over a couple of pints, Harry had pointed out that Theodore probably rubbed Ron the wrong was simply because he was with Cassie – nothing more.

Ron supposed Harry was right: he was jealous. Just when he had sorted things out and realized his feelings for Cassiah after so long, it was too late to fix things. The timing really seemed like a cruel twist of fate.

Harry had even drunkenly suggested that Ron start shagging Hermione "for the distraction and to make Cassie jealous," but Ron didn't entertain the idea for a second. As much as he tried to act unaffected around the other guys, deep down he didn't know when or if he'd ever be ready to have sex with someone besides Cassiah.

He stole another glance at her from behind his book and couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth just at the sight of her.

Sex with Cassiah had just been so comfortable. Not for a second did he ever feel like she was judging him or expecting something from him. It had been exciting and probably his favorite thing, don't get him wrong, but it had been as natural and second-nature as holding her hand or dancing in the common room. He couldn't imagine finding that with someone else... especially not with random girls or Hermione, who was always judging him.

He was in love with her.

He'd become comfortable with being reacquainted with both the fact and feeling of being in love with Cassiah over the past few weeks. Being in love with her had once felt as obvious to him as blue skies and green grass, but he'd spent the last six months convincing himself that he no longer was. But Merlin, did he love this girl. He'd known it from their first date that she was the one for him, and that feeling hadn't faded the slightest despite any circumstances. She was his person.

And he'd fucked it up.

He felt his smile fade and that dark, stormy feeling in his chest rise. It was all his fault.

Ron knew how hard it was for Cassiah to open her heart up to him, how scared she had been, and he'd broken down those walls over months and months, forcing her to trust him. And then she'd trusted him with every bone in her body to never leave her or to hurt her, trusted him to stand by her side through everything as they built their future together. He had smashed that trust on a whim, a fleeting feeling of discontent that had returned the second the rush of the breakup faded.

Now, it seemed, his punishment was to watch from across the table as she gave herself to someone else.

Merlin, was she having sex with Teddy? If she is, is it as good as it was with him? Better? No, that's not his business and it's not the point at all. Bloody hell, he hated the idea of her in bed with someone else.

He was resigned to being friends with Cassiah and he knew he deserved the pain of watching her and Theodore after the mistake he'd made in breaking up with her and then making her feel like shit by using her for sex. But he would never give up that tiny inkling of hope, that silly optimism that he couldn't quite shake, that someday...

"Ron?"

Her sweet voice knocked him into of his thoughts and he startled, dropping his book into his lap. He grunted and caved in on himself when the edge of it hit him directly in the groin.

"What'd you say?" he squeaked, wincing a bit.

Theodore snorted at Ron's high-pitch but Cassiah looked at him, concerned, although a slight smile tugged at her lips. It was okay for Cassiah to laugh at him, but Theodore?

Not a chance. He glared at the skinny boy across the table, thinking of the nine hundred different ways he could pummel his scrawny arse into the Earth. It would be child's play – he had about twenty five pounds on the guy.

"I was saying," Cassiah said, shooting a warning glance at Theodore that Ron even caught. At least Cassie was aware that Ron was at his wits end. "Teddy and I are going to the Owlery to see if we've got any mail. Do you wanna come?"

"Umm..." he started to reply, considering.

But then Ron caught Theodore's gaze from across the table, both of them refusing to break eye contact in a sort of power balance. He felt his jaw clench even tighter until finally, Theodore nervously shifted his glance back to Cassiah, laughing uneasily.

That's what I thought. Pussy.

He'd won. But even so, all things considered, he probably shouldn't insist on joining them. The last thing he needed was to seem like crazy, territorial, and jealous in front of Cassie. Even if he was all those things...

"I'm all set," he decided after considering. "I'm gonna try to get in a work out before dinner. Big match tomorrow night and all." He pointedly looked at Theodore and raised his eyebrows, albeit a bit arrogantly. "But will you check and see if I've got anything while you're up there?"

"Of course," Cassiah said immediately, picking up on the tension and wanting to diffuse it right away. Ron didn't miss the way her expression shifted slightly when he'd refused her offer, however. It was almost like she was disappointed.

Ron watched as the couple gathered their things and headed out of the library. Cassiah had just gotten out of earshot when Theodore leaned against the table, looking down at Ron. He immediately bared his teeth in response, hating the power imbalance.

"Have fun at the gym," Theodore said nonchalantly. "Although I have to say I never would've guessed you were the workout type," he sneered, raising an eyebrow as he poked a long, thin finger in Ron's stomach.

Ron felt his entire body go white-hot with rage, barely able to contain it. He wanted to punch Theodore right in his bloody face with ever fiber of his being. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, energy buzzing through him.

But he didn't punch him.

For Cassie, he wouldn't.

He would be the man that he should've been for her when they were together. The man she had deserved.

Ron released his tight fists and let out his breath through his mouth before looking up at Theodore and pursing his lips into a closed-mouth smile.

"You don't really look like Cassiah's type to me, mate. She usually likes a guy with a little meat on his bones. But hey – here you are."

He smiled at Theodore again, sickeningly polite, before gathering up his books and leaving the other boy completely flustered.

____

Cassiah thought about Ron the entire way up to the Owlery – about how he and Theodore had silently fought for dominance across the table and how Ron (unsurprisingly, because he was stubborn to a fault) had won.

But also, to her own embarrassment, about the image of Ron all sweat working out at the gym. Bloody hell, she could just imagine the way he'd grunt when he lifted weights or the way he'd use the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, showing a glimpse of that stomach...

What was she doing? Theodore was right next to her.

Merlin, if only it were as easy to turn off her physical attraction to Ron as it was her emotions.

Guilt washed over her as they entered the little tower. Teddy was her – partner? she wasn't sure what to call him – now, not Ron. She should be thinking about him, especially when he'd been nothing but sweet to her and Ron had been... well... not.

She looked up at Teddy through big hazel eyes, wrapping a hand slowly around his waist.

"Teddy..." she murmured in a low voice, gently shoving the door to the Owlery closed. "Was there anyone coming up here behind us?"

Teddy furrowed his brow, glancing over his shoulder. "Uh... no?" he answered.

Cassiah smiled deviously, dropping to her knees in front of him.

"Charm the door," she commanded, running her hands from his ankles up to his hips under his robes.

"Cassiah, are you bloody serious?" he responded, gently pushing her hands off of him.

"I'm dead serious," she replied, but he just stared down at her, wrinkling his nose.

"You're insane. We can't do that here. We'll get caught," Teddy justified.

Cassiah flushed bright red, embarrassed, and rose to her feet. She let her hair fall in front of her face as they left the Owlery so that he couldn't see how humiliated and disappointed she was.

She supposed that Teddy was right. Someone could theoretically have followed them up the pathway and dispelled the charms at the door. She just wanted to do something for Teddy, because he'd been so nice to her... and partly because she felt guilty about her thoughts towards Ron earlier.

But also... Ron would've let her do it.

And then he would've given her something in return. Something that would make her scream so loud that all the birds would have startled and flown out of the building.

She and Teddy continued their walk back to the castle in silence for a good half of the way there, listening to the way their boots crunched against the gravel.

She felt so guilty. He truly had no idea about her unfaithful thoughts.

"I just want to make you feel good," she said into the quiet. "That's an important part of a relationship, you know?"

"Trust me," Teddy shot her a heated glance that made her heart skip, "I know it is. That's what started this whole thing between us, was that sexual connection."

Cassiah felt a weird feeling in her chest, but she suppressed it. "Yeah," she softly gave her agreement. She didn't know what he said bothered her when it was 100% factual.

"In fact, when we get back, I think I'll have my room to myself for awhile," he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

The thought didn't excite her the way it should. She supposed she just wasn't comfortable with him yet in that way, since their relationship was so new. The excitement would set in, in due time, she told herself.

"Sounds great," she said, forcing herself to smile brightly back at him. "But hey, I have to go give Ron his letter first, so why don't I meet you there–"

"He can wait," Theodore interrupted, stopping dead in his tracks.

Cassiah halted, too, confused. "It's from his family, Teddy. I-It could be something important," she reasoned, "It will really only take a few minutes."

"Then I'll come, too."

"No!" Cassiah barked. She wasn't sure why she was being so defensive. Teddy had been so cool about her inviting Ron to hang out with them as a couple.

Teddy recoiled at the sound of her yell, reaching out to grab her hand. Cassiah pulled away, always hating physical touch as a love language when she was upset like that.

"Okay, I won't come," Teddy conceded, "I'm sorry if I seem ridiculous. I just feel a bit uneasy about you being alone with him, given your history."

Cassiah felt the knot in her chest loosen at his confession. That felt reasonable enough to her. She and Ron had a very public, serious relationship after all.

"I really won't be long," she promised, now grabbing his hand voluntarily and giving it a squeeze. "Then I'll make it up to you. In your room. Alone," she winked.

____

Ron stepped out of the shower, shaking the excess water out of his red hair. It stuck to his face. Merlin, he needed a haircut.

He pushed it out of way so that he could see before drying off and then securing a towel around his waist. His freckled biceps and pectorals were tinted just the slightest bit pink from the searing hot water he'd used to try to calm his aching muscles.

When he stepped back into the dorm room he and the other seventh years shared, he was greeted by the pleasant smell of smoke.

"Weasley," Dean called from across the room, holding a joint elegantly between his fingers as smoke curled into the air, "You want?"

Yes. That was exactly what he needed after a long day of dealing with Theodore.

"Do I ever," Ron grinned slightly, crossing the room to take it out of Dean's hand. He plopped down on the side of his own bed, still in his towel, and took a deep drag.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Ron, can you get it?" Seamus called out. When Ron glanced over, he saw that Seamus and Dean were both preoccupied in a deep conversation with Neville about his relationship with Luna.

Ron chuckled to himself and rose to his feet, adjusting his towel around his hips and heading over to the door, joint still in hand.

He swung it open casually and was met with the last face he was expecting to see.

"Cassie?" he stuttered, doing a double-take.

He heard one of the guys – Seamus, undoubtedly –

wolf whistle at him in his towel from across the room. He was suddenly made re-aware of the fact that he was standing here in front of Cassiah in nothing but a towel.

Sure, it was nothing she hadn't seen before but still...

"I'm sorry if this is a bad time," Cassiah finally spoke, dropping her eyes over his bare chest for a split second to long. Ron flushed.

"No, no. Of course not," Ron rushed to explain. She ran her gaze over him again. He wondered if he could somehow sense that he'd just wanked to her in the shower.

The image came crashing back into his mind: Cassiah on her knees in the shower in front of him, his hand fisting in her wet hair–

He felt the fabric of the towel tighten around his waist and he fumbled to subtly adjust the fabric.

Cassiah glanced at the still-lit joint in his other hand, raising her eyebrows. "Do you always answer the door like this?"

Ron laughed, thankful for her lightening the mood.

"Only about half of the time. The other half I'm completely starkers."

They both laughed at that, although he thought Cassie might've blushed a little bit.

In fact, she didn't seem entirely herself. She looked like something was weighing on her.

"You want a hit?" he asked, offering her the joint, "No offense but you really look like you need it."

To his surprise, she nodded eagerly, snatching it out of his hand. He had entirely expected her to politely decline. She must be really stressed.

"Thanks," Cassiah responded before bringing the joint to her lips and sucking on it, taking a pretty decent sized hit.

He watched as she held the smoke in her lungs and then released it slowly, the smoke trailing up towards his face.

He felt himself get a little hard at the visual. Bloody fuck, he'd just dealt with that not fifteen minutes ago. Why did he set himself up for this by offering?

Cassiah took another hit and then passed it back to Ron, sighing and joking, "Thanks. You know what? I do feel better. Maybe you're onto something here with the whole stoner thing."

Ron chuckled at her in response, and then took the joint back. "As much as I'd love to let you kill this, you're thanking the wrong person. This was originally from Seamus and I'm thinking he's gonna want it back."

A voice sounded from the back of the room, "If it was you Weasley, I'd need that back. But for Cassiah, tell her it's all hers."

Ron raised his eyebrows at her, offering her the join again, but she shook her head.

"No, I don't think Teddy would appreciate it if I came home high as a kite. We had plans later," she explained. Ron frowned at that. He didn't like Teddy having any sort of control over Cassiah's life.

"In fact, I'm already late," she mumbled. "I-I brought you a letter." She thrust an envelope out towards him.

"Oh! It's from my Mum," he said after studying the envelope, "Thanks, Cassie."

He leaned against the door frame, taking another hit even though he knew he'd hear it from Seamus later. He was always so stingey with his weed.

___

There was nothing hotter than Ron Weasley, shirtless, with a few water droplets running down his broad shoulders, smoking in the doorway. Truly.

She was afraid to glance down at all because she had for a split second and she'd been able to see the outline of his impressive bulge in the towel.

Bloody hell, she had to get out of there, to get back Teddy, who was in his bedroom, waiting on her. Teddy, who had never hurt her and who knew he wanted to be there for her.

Cassiah cleared her throat. "I should really go," she declared, but when she turned to leave, Ron grabbed her hand and called out,

"Wait!"

She glanced down to where he was holding onto her before his eyes widened, mortified, and he dropped it.

"I actually have another favor to ask of you," he confessed.

"Let's hear it then," Cassiah responded, wanting to hurry things alone so she could remove herself from the tension.

"Just... The Potions exam on Monday. Can you come over before the game tomorrow and help me study?" He looked so small and embarrassed.

Cassiah flushed at the memory of the last time they'd "studied" for Potions together. When she looked at Ron's face, it was obvious that he was having similar thoughts.

She knew she shouldn't. Teddy had asked her for one thing and one thing only, and that was for her not to be alone with Ron. How could she break that one promise?

"I'm sorry, Ron, but I don't know–"