Tearing a large amount of paper and throwing it in the air out of frustration, I took notice of how messy and untidy the room was.

I unconsciously tore my study room apart. The cushions were ripped. Stuffing from pillows were on the floor. Papers were everywhere, as well as the chairs and pillows. The curtains have fallen out of their place and were now draped on the untidy couch. Books were thrown all over the place.

The room was a disaster. All because I can't stop thinking about the girl I had accidentally encountered a couple of times.

Willow.

The girl who has been stuck inside my head. No matter what I do, she's always lingering in my mind. Even when I try to distract myself, it always comes back to her.

Maybe it was foolish of me. Foolish of how I was so betrayed by love that I resented it. Foolish of how I try so hard — so hard to stay away from her — to give her every reason to hate me. Every reason to stay away from me. Yet she always finds a way back to my heart.

Willow. Willow. Willow.

Every time I say or do something that I felt that had hurt her feelings, I couldn't help but feel guilty. In pain. Sad. Things I have never felt. Things I've never even thought about feeling.

I've always thought that love was a weakness. Something that I didn't need nor want. I've always tried to stay clear of love ever since I've gotten my heart broken.

I am a coward.

A coward for being scared. A coward for resenting love, all because I got hurt once. My mother used to always tell me how love was everything.

"One day, you'll fall in love, and realize that nothing else matters, except that one person who has your heart. You'll want nothing more than to hold them in your arms, and never let them go. They'll constantly be on your mind. Even thinking about them will make your day better. Don't give up on love. It's a beautiful thing. Cherish it. Embrace it. Never run."

My mother and father were in love. My father had a weakness, and that was my mother. Whenever he had a bad day, or was angry, one look at my mother, and his facial expressions would soften. He adored her. He looked at her with love.

Deep down, I have always wanted what my parents had. Though, I'd never admit it to anyone. I did want to experience love. Did being the key word. Ever since the girl who I thought I was in love with, left me, I thought everything my mother said was bullshit. Love didn't exist.

I thought that until Willow.

Willow. Willow. Willow.

This girl would not get out of my head. Her kindness and innocence had drawn me to her. It seemed as though that even when I was rude to her or treated her badly, she was always kind. She had every reason to hate me — every reason to stay away from me.

Staying away from me was what she did not do. She always found a way back to me. A way to be kind. I had never seen her be angry or rude towards anyone else. Everything about her is just so... pure. I've been trying so hard to stay away from her. There's an attraction, a pull maybe, that just draws me to her. I can try to deny it all I want, but I know that I feel the sparks. I know that deep down, I feel all giddy and happy whenever I see her smiling or laughing. Hearing her voice gives me peace.

Willow. Willow. Willow.

Everything about her is just perfect. I was longing to hear her voice. Even touch her, or have her in my arms.

Shit. I've even tried drinking to stop thinking about her. That didn't even seem to work. When I drunk, she was all I could think about. It was worse than being sober. Being sober, I could easily distract myself from her with boxing, I could try to bury her in the back of my mind. Being drunk was like I had no power. I couldn't control my thoughts. They were flooded with her. It didn't matter how much alcohol I consumed. She was always there.

Willow. Willow. Willow.

You know, even Romeo told me that I've been grumpy lately. I haven't seen her in a week, yet I've been as moody as ever. Snapping at everyone. Everyone avoided me as if I was a ticking bomb.

You're such a hypocrite. You wanted to stay away from her. Now you want to see her?

That's when I realized. I wanted, no I needed to see Willow. I needed to see the girl who plagued my thoughts. Who distracted me from my everyday tasks. Who made my heart swell and ache for more.

I have never felt this way about anyone before. This is all new to me. One thing I do know, however, is I will never stop trying to win her heart. It doesn't matter that I'm tainted and bad, whilst she's all good and pure, her heart and mine are both the same. I ached for her. I needed her badly.

I wasn't going to stop until she's mine. Until her heart ached the way mine did for hers. I was determined to gain her trust. Win her heart.

Only question was how? How was I going to see her? How was I going to apologize? How was I going to explain myself?

After today, I had come to the conclusion that there was an undeniable attraction between us. Whatever I try to do to avoid her, it was as if God was pulling me towards her. As much as I wanted to go in the other direction, I knew there was something that was bringing me to her.

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